FULMER CUP SCOREBOARD: GOT THAT WEED IF YA NEED.

by Orson on Jun 12, 2007 1:24 PM EDT

The big board is in need of some updates. Follow along below.

First, old business. A weekend of Vegas debauchery delayed this score, but Bobby Maurice Purify polished up an already impressive resume of offseason naughty (two counts of assault, failure to comply, resisting arrest and trespassing five weeks earlier) with an arrest on suspicion of drunk driving at 12:25 am last Friday. Purify, already Nebraska's leading scorer for 2007 without putting on a single pad, racks up another two points pending further details on the incident. Coach Bill Callahan has indefinitely suspended him and offered no further comment other than that he remains smarter than you can ever hope to be, you fucking redneck.

UGA's Fulmer Cup points never come from a dark, malevolent quarter of human nature.

Judging from their charges, Athens is a town of students driving uninsured vehicles without licenses, occasionally falling asleep drunk on bar bathroom toilets, and maybe--if it's not too hot--getting in the odd bar fight or two. (It's scarily accurate, right?)

The pattern continues this year as good ol' boys never meaning no harm do their thing, as Blake Barnes and Tripp Chandler not only score the highest ever whiteness rating achieved in two simple names, but rack up four points worth of drunk 'n sloppy in Athens.

Barnes, the third-string quarterback, was arrested on charges of an open-container violation and furnishing alcohol to minors.

Chandler, the starting tight end, was arrested on charges of underage possession of alcohol and open container.

Would that we could say the same about Florida's offenses, which bring up the rear in this recap. Brandon James, waterbug running back and kick returner whose best work last season was nullified by blocking and holding penalites, was arrested on marijuana possession charges this weekend along with basketball bit player Brandon Powell.

James charges are a bit misleading, but serious nonetheless. From the police report:

According to the arrest report, GPD acted on a source tip that had the source going to an address of 1402 Northwest 39th Drive to allegedly sell the two defendants certified cannibus taken from an evidence vault at GPD. The informant allegedly sold approximately .6 grams of cannibus to the defendants in exchange for $20. The sale was recorded on video and audio.

So it's not as dreadfully serious as we thought initially--HOLY HELL UF PLAYERS CAUGHT IN SORDID DRUG/EXOTIC ANIMAL RING!!!--but rather a pretty banal weed purchase possession charge. Nevertheless, James faces possible felony charges for having the dumb luck and dumb lack of sense for purchasing a relatively petty amount of weed that just happened to come from the Gainesville Police Department.

This gets him three points plus the obligatory bonus point for being a dumbass wearing the jersey of this blog's alma mater. (Really, we're not trying to win it--we have enough trophies at the moment. ) To say Florida doesn't have some kind of discipline problem would be lying. For Christ's sake, it's starting to affect the environment, dammit.

Ht: Brent.

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Comments

What about nebraska and pitt?

by Tomek on Jun 12, 2007 1:29 PM EDT reply actions

Hurr i meant wvu and pitt

by Tomek on Jun 12, 2007 1:30 PM EDT reply actions

I believe you mean Maurice Purify. Bobby played for CU. Can’t keep ’em straight without a program.

by Crabapple Buck on Jun 12, 2007 1:32 PM EDT reply actions

Tomek—their points are still below the board (less than Nebraska at 10/70) there.

But thanks for your vigilance.

by Orson Swindle on Jun 12, 2007 1:34 PM EDT reply actions

Really, if Harry Caray could type, he’d be us. Corrected.

by Orson Swindle on Jun 12, 2007 1:35 PM EDT reply actions

I think that very well sums up Athens, though the driving is silly, you could get anywhere in Athens for around $4 by cab when I was last there, and that was 2004…

by Jonathan on Jun 12, 2007 1:36 PM EDT reply actions

It pisses me off that they can’t just go to their next door neighbor and pipe-off some weed…why call the frickin’ authorities for delivery of that certified sh!t…if they’d walked they wouldn’t be ridin’ now.

Sucks…Urban’s gonna sh No, he’s gonna kill ‘em! NO! He’s gonna sh!t, then he’s gonna kill ’em!

by sb on Jun 12, 2007 1:37 PM EDT reply actions

I’m living proof of what happens when you’re all hands and no field awareness.

by Tomek on Jun 12, 2007 1:42 PM EDT reply actions

Maurice Purify is a giant asshole.

by 'BoroHusker on Jun 12, 2007 1:44 PM EDT reply actions

the spirit of lawrence phillips lives in lincoln! GO BIG RED!

by rudy on Jun 12, 2007 1:45 PM EDT reply actions

Boy, next thing you know you won’t be able to look down on Ohio State and Mo Clarrett. It sure has proved to be true that Urban Crier is a non disciplining coach. Who all has gotten kicked off the team for their trouble?

by Richard Cranium on Jun 12, 2007 1:45 PM EDT reply actions

sb, per his track record to date, I wouldn’t worry too much

by Jonathan on Jun 12, 2007 1:47 PM EDT reply actions

0.6 grams? Is that a typo? That’s less than a tenth of a quarter. I find more than that stuck to the bottom of my lighter.

by RedDevilEA on Jun 12, 2007 1:48 PM EDT reply actions

This is still a crock that the name of this is “The Fulmer Cup”. Miami and others set the standard for bad behavior and it’s named after Tennessee? How did that happen? We’re such a disgrace that we check in at………….number 31. Dumbasses.

by Eric Stratton on Jun 12, 2007 1:51 PM EDT reply actions

We just got the jail house pics up

Has Avery Atkins June 10th arrest been added to the total? He almost had a gator trifecta with the gun and weed. If we only knew if he was wearing jorts…

http://www.news-journalonline.com/NewsJournalOnline/Sports/Headlines/sptFBC01061007.htm

by jai Eugene on Jun 12, 2007 2:01 PM EDT reply actions

Its not the quantity that is the problem, its that he bought it and was caught. Possession of less than x amount is a misdemeanor, purchase or sale is always a felony.

Jonathan, don’t I need to exhibit some semblance of concern? I mean, I’m tryin’ to live that top 1% of 1% deal…‘course that inspiration didn’t strike until half a decade out of college…

by sb on Jun 12, 2007 2:01 PM EDT reply actions

Is that third string QB from the Georgia the same one caught canoodling with Stafford at Talladega?

Also, James got ripped off for that sticky. That’s what you get going to the box store parking lot on 39th to score.

by AtomicDog on Jun 12, 2007 2:45 PM EDT reply actions

We are the boys… In Gainesville city jail!

This is what you expect from a national championship program – Initial problems overcome through effort (multiple little offenses = 17 points), creativity (Stealing the boot) and talent (fighting two people at once)!

by Sean on Jun 12, 2007 2:53 PM EDT reply actions

Avery Atkins has been off the team for over a year, so he no longer counts against the bottom line.

by Stranko Montana on Jun 12, 2007 3:20 PM EDT reply actions

They were spooning, dammit! I thought it was Joe Cox, pardon the pun.

Someone in Gainesville needs to inform Mr. James that dialing 911 on his Razor does not speed dial his weed delivery guy. Or maybe it does.

by SunDawg on Jun 12, 2007 3:25 PM EDT reply actions

Thank you Stranko, we don’t need the help from the former Gators, especially those intent on crashing social norms with such a dramatic flair…

by sb on Jun 12, 2007 4:02 PM EDT reply actions

It’s Fuckin’ Hillbilly, not redneck ;-)

by Boomer Sooner on Jun 12, 2007 4:15 PM EDT reply actions

Avery had a gun and some weed. he did beat the hell of his girlfriend and he want to be a gator again.

Give them the points

by Jai Eugene on Jun 12, 2007 4:27 PM EDT reply actions

In response to 14 it is a combination of factors:
1) We are Florida fans, which means the pot shot was going to have be taken against a rival.
2) We attended in the 1990s which means Tennessee and FSU were the main rivals.
3) Serendipity, Tennessee had a nice string of off field problems as we were getting this blog off the ground.

by Stranko Montana on Jun 12, 2007 4:46 PM EDT reply actions

Jai, “wantin’” and “bein’” are two separate things…your namesake “wanted” to be a Gator…he ain’t “be” a Gator…see how far apart they are*? So…NO POINTS for Atkins for only wanting to re-be a Gator, naturally to the extent that I control the distribution of said points.

*keep in mind that my illustration may not be based on reality, although there was some mention of a potential signing day surprise.

by sb on Jun 12, 2007 4:50 PM EDT reply actions

Atkins was released in June ’06—last Fulmer Cup season, and therefore ineligible. He did pick up the points for smacking his girlfriend around, but was booted off the team afterward.

by Orson Swindle on Jun 12, 2007 4:50 PM EDT reply actions

Stranko, why do you provide a cogent, reasonable reply to one who obviously has missed the humor inherent in this entire blog? Especially one who concludes his post with such an extremely witty and insightful expletive?

Arrivederci, dudes… it’s martini time!

by sb on Jun 12, 2007 4:59 PM EDT reply actions

Sb- he might sh!t, he might kill him, but then he is going to play him. Conveniently, Tennessee doesn’t come up until Game three- so I am guessing that you will see a two game suspension for James.

by Meg on Jun 12, 2007 5:33 PM EDT reply actions

Eric Stratton-

Sometimes, grown-ups make decisions about things kids can’t understand. You’ll understand someday, I promise.

In the meantime, take this tissue, sweetie. You can blow your nose with it, and next time you go potty, your mommy can use it to help you wipe your bottom.

by The Conscience of a Nation on Jun 12, 2007 5:39 PM EDT reply actions

Thus spaketh, TCOAN. Consider yourself lucky to have only been rebuffed, Eric Stratton!

by socalirish on Jun 12, 2007 6:29 PM EDT reply actions

TCOAN has spoken, and the matter is put to rest.

Wasn’t Eric Stratton the “rush chairman…Damn glad to meet you” in Animal House? Not that anyone in Tennessee that would be upset by the Fulmer Cup had seen Animal House. And wasn’t Stratton, long after the Animal House days a gynecologist…well I knew Eric Stratton, and you, sir, are no Eric Stratton…er, maybe you are, but not the right one, anyway…

by sb on Jun 12, 2007 7:34 PM EDT reply actions

Orson, I was thrilled to think you were making a reference to soul singers James and Bobby Purify because their biggest hit, “I’m Your Puppet” sounds like the kind of thing one would find at EDSBS. Then I realized you were probably talking about the former Colorado running back and I was crushed. I need to get out more.

by Harris on Jun 12, 2007 9:57 PM EDT reply actions

The time between the end of final exams and the beginning of the second session of summer school has always been ‘pot season’, b/c I believe they don’t do random testing during that time period.

Plenty of time for your athlete-students to get into prankish hijinks.

by Beergut on Jun 12, 2007 10:05 PM EDT reply actions