EDSBS LIVE! BIG 12 EDITION

Where’s Deadspin’s “nightmare fuel” tag when we need it?

1. Big 12 Winner: Colorado. I really just want an excuse to type the following: “IT’S DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL!!! GO PLAY INTRAMURALS BROTHER!!!”

2. Only way thats happening is if said team is undefeated. So I’ll have to say no. The team with the best chance in my opinion (Texas) is still too young at QB.

3. $500k = 2.5 years in Nebraska for this guy.

4. Definitely the Cyclones. I like it rough.

1) I have to concur withe the Oklahoma State pick.
2) Only if it’s UT or Oklahoma. I don’t think anyone but those two can expect to go undefeated this year. If OK State or Nebraska win the B12, they’ll do it with 1 or 2 losses, which will keep them out of the MNC game.
3) Couldn’t do it permanently, but I think 500 grand would get me there for 5-8 years.
4) Considering double-entendres in the nicknames, you can’t argue with the Longhorns. However, I’d bag a bear just to make it call me Steven. Baylor, you’re On Notice.

My eyes! Ze goggles, zey do nothink!!!

1. Texas A&M. Whoo hoo option variant offense!

2. The Big 12 is still in the BCS? An oversight I’m sure…

3. The state of Nebraska is dead to me until they bring back the option. If they do, then I’ll live there for $500,000 + season tickets until they get rid of the option again (or until I hear “Take Me, Country Roads” just once and I bolt for the mountains).

4. Wildcats. May not be as good as a woman that’s half bear and half cat, but I’ll take it. Bonus points since they stole my elementary schools mascot and colors.

if you’re talking sexiest mascot (with gay undertones), then the “Long horns” take that title – by a mile!

$500,000 equals at least 5 years for me. I say double what I make and Im anywhere, I dont care if its cleaning the shit from Sterger’s bunghole, as Reggie Bush’s parents know, everyman has his price.

#5—Which half of the woman would be the bear half? This has troubled me since childhood.

1. Who emerges atop the Big 12 scrum this year?
Rhett-less Oklahoma. DeMarco Murray will make people forget about oft-injured Adrian Peterson.

2. Now take it a step further. Does the winner of the Big 12 play for the BCS Title game this year?
No. Every team will have a loss.

3. If I paid you $500,000 would you permanently move to Nebraska? If not, what’s the threshhold? $1,000,000? $10m? For how long would you move to Nebraska for $500,000?
I would move to Nebraska for at least a year for half a mil. Can’t think of a compelling reason to stay there, though.

4. Because our show is so dependent on juvenile humor, the obligatory sex question: What’s the sexiest mascot in the Big 12?
Longhorns…duh.

The Deadliest Catch should not be entertaining, but it is.

1. Oklahoma, with Texas a very close second.
2. Not a chance. Either of the two teams mentioned in #1 could lose a game, and then they’ll be out.
3. Sadly, I root for CU some, and it’d have to be at least $5 million to get me to move to the land of the Huskers permanently.
4. Longhorns.

Wow, two years ago my company offered a $20K bonus to move to omaha for two years… funny enough I am still in ATL.

1. Who emerges – Im calling Nebraska (straight gut feeling)

2. No. I dont think any will be 12-0, and if there is an 11-1 SEC team, they get it.

3. I would move to Nebraska for $500,000 permanently if I was also permanently able to have relations with young Nebraska Coeds. If its still regular circumstances, I’d move to Nebraska for $500,000 for up to 6 years, if I get the $500,000 up front.

4. Sexiest Mascot? I’ll be lame and say a Cowboy is sexiest.

1. Nebraska- everyone else homers their teams. (LOL @ Okie St)
2. Don’t think you’ll see a Big 12 team in the Champs
3.You can barely get cellular reception in 99% of Nebraska, so good luck on that wireless access… I would take the 500k
4. Let’s see… pistol pete’s head is the size of Charlie Weis, a chuckwagon, a bison (not buffalo), a steer, the masturbating baylor bear…. I’m sticking with Herbie Husker

(HOMER ALERT)

1. Nebraska – I feel dirty saying it, but my faith is in Sam Keller. I must agree with Herb, Nebraska needs to bring back the option. Another reason for me saying this is that I want to see Nebraska vs. Oklahoma in the Big 12 Championship game to remind me of things before the Big 12. Dammit, I want Texas vs. Arkansas and Nebraska vs. Oklahoma on a yearly basis again! There should be law that allows us to see games between Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, LSU, and Nebraska on a regular basis. Man Law!

2. No, the winner of the Big 12 will either lose to USC or Texas. And sadly Texas just does not have OOC schedule to play in the National championship game.

3. Just give me a job at the UNL library and a lifetime season subscription to the Chicago Symphony Orchestra and I will be able to manage. With football, good music, and great literature I would be happy.

4. Tigers!

1. Big XII champion? Missouri, motherfuckers! You know it, I know it, and the American people know it!

2. Does the winner of the Big XII play in the BCS title game? Eh, probably not.

3. How much would it take to get me to move permanently to Nebraska? Eh, Omaha’s not that bad. I’d probably do it for $2.5M. How long would I live in Nebraska for 500 large? Let’s say two years.

4. Sexiest mascot, I can’t believe nobody’s said the Cornhuskers yet. Shuck me, baby. Shuck it long, and shuck it good.

Re: #8

Holly, that would be the half that likes honey.

1) U.S.C. – because ESPN loves them just that much. U.S.C. will also win the Big Tennish, The Big East and will finish in a tie with LSU for the SEC West (LSU and Georgia will play a preliminary game to determine who will then play U.S.C. for the league championship, though this will be somewhat academic since the Trojans will already have been placed in the MNC game by acclamation before Halloween.).

2) Yes, if number one, above, hold true.

3) 500K gets you March 25th through August 25th. To paraphrase that great American philosopher, Lewis Grizzard, I ain’t gonna be caught in no foreign conferences during football season. Beyond that, it’s just too bloody cold until at least the end of March.

4) Sexiest mascot? Are the U.S.C. Song Girls considered mascots? If not, it’s probably a twelve way tie.

Answer Time Dept:

1) Nebraska! (Coach is from NFL’ s Raiders, one of my favorites)

2) No BS – BCS title game for winner of this conference because it is relatively too weak. Plus, Neb will lose to USC this year, at minimum.

3) $2mm Tax Free, if permanent move means 6 months plus a day having to be there each year. If it is all year with just two weeks off the corn fields, then heck NO! (Full disclosure: Have never been to that little State, but I might go to see Nebraska lose to the USC Trojans later this year in Lincoln or wherever Nebraska plays footbaww.)

4) Sexiest Mascot?: Like the current Presidential race candidates, either Tax and Spend Democrats, or Tax and Spend Republicans: —> How about: “NONE OF THE ABOVE”.

1. Texas— their QB saved a dude from drowning!!!

2. No, 10-3 teams aren’t traditionally invited to MNC game (13 games includes Big 12 Champeenship game)

3. Is there anywhere else to sleep in Nebraska besides an open pasture? No way would I live there for any amount of money. I mean, did you see those guys dislocate Quezzie Green’s hip on that kickoff return in the 1996 Fiesta Bowl debacle?

4. Buffs

Isn’t the Tech masked rider sometimes a chick? Give her an automatic weapon, and you’ve got yourself sexiest mascot.

PW—we were close enough to hear it happen. Sickening.

1) Texas Tech. Arrrrrr…

2) No, Texas Tech will finish 11-1 finally getting over the hump against TX but honking one to the aggies. stone.

3) For 10mm, I’d move permanently…then invest it all in Bershire Hathaway, retire by 30, and live the good life as a “benefactor” to one of the bleache blonde sororities.

4) I still have my “Husk This, Bitch” t-shirt from ND-Neb 2K1. Corn Chick, you cut me really deep pulling out a Charlie weis fat joke in Big XII Preview (although ND is obviously irrelevant).

Therefore my lovin’ goes to the CU buffaloes, in honor of the wekend mornings of my college career and the nimble escapes associated with them.

1. 18 – Bamaleg Foghorn Leghorn: Hate to break the news to you, but EVERYBODY that is involved in college football broadcasting, prognostications, betting, blah, blah, blah, loves the USC TROJANS right now. It is not just ESPN. USC has had good times and bad times, let ’em boys ride this current hot streak out…AND….

…. just worry about beating Auburn for once….. and stop them from whippin’ your ‘Bama ’boys’ ….and stop that streak at SIX (6) consecutive games….peace eagle, or whatever they say…

1. TAMU. McGee, Goodson and the J-Train will form a strong option based offensive attack. That September showdown against UM in the Orange Bowl will be a good test of exactly how strong they are this year. Though, having a friend that’s an A&M fan might be influencing this choice. Also, don’t ever ask an A&M fan about that Cal game. It’s the equivalent of Florida versus Ne..b..r…ah, you know what I’m trying to type.

2. I don’t think so. I have a feeling that half the BCS title game will be made up from the SEC, and the other half is wide open, though a number of other schools have easier schedules than those in the Big 12.

3. $500,000 for a permanent move? Maybe $500,000 per day. For $500k I would waste 3 months of my life in Nebraska. Throw in a new car and I might give you four.

4. Cyclones. Invokes images of a “spinner” that’s getting worked out.

AHA! Orson, I think I’ve figured out your true identity. I thought to myself “who would have heard that hit?” and came to the inescapable conclusion:

You’re former Gator standout Eugene “Dazzlin’” McCaslin!

WTF is up with those collies? Is that supposed to be homoerotic/plushy/beasiality porn?

PW—Or a former member of the Pride of the Sunshine…

Who am I kidding? People in Japan heard that hit.

1. Fortuneately, I always keep my feathers numbered for just such an emergency…. Point taken re: our friends from auburn. I have a warm and fuzzy feeling that pendulum is about to swing.

Talking about the 95 Fiesta Bowl brings a good question to mind (maybe a future EDSBS-live question):

What is the most painful game you ever personally attended?

For me, it had to be the 34-7 asskicking we received in the 1999 SEC Championship game. Bama fans were brutal after that game, relentlessly heckling those of us in the orange and blue. Just had to hang my head and take it like a man.

The option will never work against SEC defenses. Just ask Tommy Frazier…….

Perhaps we will witness some karmic justice in the form of Tim Tebow running roughshod over Nebraska in a BCS game that results in Callahan being fired and replaced by Paul Johnson?

4. Because there aren’t any Minutemen in the conference, I’m gonna have to go with the Sooners.

1. Who wins the Big12 or who emerges? Nebraska’s got to be the odds-on favorite, considering they have the easiest road to it. Who emerges? Moat State could be a significantly less sexy version of West Virginia — which is a truly terrifying thought.

2. Does the winner of the Big12 play for the title? I can’t say so. UT’s non-conference is so soft (S. Arky, TCU, Rice, UCF) I can’t see them getting in over USC or an SEC school, and OU doesn’t have a QB and doesn’t play a much better schedule (N. Texas, Miami, Utah St., Tulsa.) A one-loss NU might make it, considering their non-conference includes USC, Wake Forest, and Nevada — all conference champs last year. I didn’t mention Missouri and Texas A&M, as Pinkel and Franchione remain coaching at those schools.

3. If I paid you $500,000 would you permanently move to Nebraska? If not, what’s the threshhold? $1,000,000? $10m?

Dude, I live here. Voluntarily and everything. Nordic women, good beer, virtually no traffic, all four seasons, cheap-ass golf, and a low cost-of-living all add up over time. I’ve lived other places — I honest to God prefer it here.

Trust me, plenty of Redneck Nation enjoys an abbreviated fortnight in Nebraska every June, judging by the number of GEAUX TIGERS signs and Bammer flags.

4. Because our show is so dependent on juvenile humor, the obligatory sex question: What’s the sexiest mascot in the Big 12?

Nebraska’s got the classic Herbie for the chubby-chasers, the buff new Herbie for the cowboy-chasers, and Li’l Red for the inflatable crowd. Everybody wins.

1. Who emerges atop the Big 12 scrum this year?
Nebraska. Bill Calahan is going to out-crazy houston nutt with sam keller @ co, as long as purify can be purified.

2. Now take it a step further. Does the winner of the Big 12 play for the BCS Title game this year?
Nobody outside of the SEC or USC will compete for the championship. The talent just isn’t there. It will be a travesty if the winner of the SEC does not get to the championship game, and an undefeated USC team trumps an undefeated Big East team.

3. If I paid you $500,000 would you permanently move to Nebraska? If not, what’s the threshhold? $1,000,000? $10m? For how long would you move to Nebraska for $500,000?
Stop….just stop. Nebraska is like Mississipi without the ocean and the hot chicks. Maybe if you give me a lifetime supply of tag body spray and send can get ma swindle to move there with me.

4. Because our show is so dependent on juvenile humor, the obligatory sex question: What’s the sexiest mascot in the Big 12?
Hmmm….
Cornhusker sounds suspiciously like a handjob
Buffalo is akin to hoggin
I’m gonna have to go with “Wildcat” as in, Lindsay Lohan with a pitchers mound of coke and pocketful of ecstacy is a wildcat.

1. Unfortunately…Nebraska.

2. Not likely. The best record in the Big 12 will probably come with two losses.

3. Sorry, $500K won’t cut it. We’re talking more Florida head coach-type money here.

4. K-State Wildcats

1) Who cares?

2) Nope. It’s going to be some permutation involving the SEC, the Big 2, and USC.

3) I think I could be tempted to trade a rent-controlled flat in SF for the bright lights of Omaha (and the lifetime scorn of the Pride of Louisville) with an even million on the table. Cash, unmarked, non-consecutive bills, please. For the half-mill, I’d go 182 days.

4) Ralphie, no doubt about it. Someday, I’d like to see Ralphie take on Judge during the Dr Pepper Game, but that may have to wait until Michael Vick is the NCAA commish.

I’ll save my answer to PW (#31) for the day when it’s a real EDSBS-L! question. Bamaleg, I suspect that those plans (#18) are already in motion.

1) Nebraska will come out of the north and face the Texas/Oklahoma winner.

2) No F’ing way.

3) For one year, just to party with Sam Keller again.

4) Colorado mascot Ralphie is actually a female Buffalo since the males buffs are too large to control when they run them before the games. In a group of 12, the only chick is the hottest chick.

Pirates > Ninjas…

And I have seen every Deadliest Catch… that shit is like crack…

God. EDSBS is the last place on the internets i’d ever expect to find furry art. this is the worst day of my life.

I cannot even imagine the awesomeness of USC playing Oklahoma again for the MNC. That 2005 Orange Bowl was turned out even better than I could have dreamed, just like the 2006 Rose Bowl turned out even worse than my nightmares.

Considering the condition of the Big 12 this year, if OU can get past Texas, they MIGHT have a chance to make it to the BCS title game.

FYI, I’m not sure how losing by a TD, and on top of that, Clayton nearly catching the game tying pass in the end zone is “crapping out”. Just sayin.

Sincerely,
Sooner Nation

1. Texas and Oklahoma still look like the class of the league to me. I’ll take Texas to win.

2. No way. Though the conference could get a huge jolt if Nebraska knocks off USC and could get a definite boost if the game is close.

3. Probably 10 million. I’d do a year for 500K as long as I could come back to my current job/life. I actually did move to Columbus for 3 years for a few tens of thousands and free tuition, but that was a different stage in my life.

4. Ralphie the buffalo

1. i’ll be boring and say texas.

2. nope. no big 12 team.

3. for $500,000, i’d do a couple years in, umm, i can’t think of the name of a large town there. whatever the biggest city is.

4. cowboys. raiders if they look like johnny depp.

I thought it was customary for the loser of the Big 12 championship to play in the BCS title game.

1. Sooners all the way. Running game + Stout D + shit quarterbacks= Big 12 champs.
2. Not a chance, the natty championship will be the SEC winner vs. USC.
3. Tough question. For half a mil I would live in downtown Omaha for a year and drink heavily and bang corn fed chicks. On second thought, fuck it, Im in for a buck fifty (150k).
4. Why cant the cougars play in Big-12? Cougars are damn sexy. I have to agree with #35 and go wildcats though.

+1 to Flop.

Great show guys. The more board callers the better… Great job Oops, TKK, Holly, Kanu

1. Who emerges atop the Big 12 scrum this year?

 Oklahoma State, Missouri, and Texas A&M all have the requisite offenses to win and win big, but defensive questions about.
 The people saying Nebraska have obviously never watched Nebraska play, and are going off of past history when the Big 12 North actually used to be good.
 Nebraska is SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. Just watch their blowout loss to Big 12 South also-ran Okie State last season.
 I’ll be contrarian and go with Missouri.
 A&M returns everyone, but Fran is coaching them. texas has no linebackers or secondary or OL depth. Oklahoma has no QB. Yup, that settles it, Missouri is the team to beat.

 2. Now take it a step further. Does the winner of the Big 12 play for the BCS Title game this year?

 Nah. MNC game is USC vs. West Virgnia this year.
 “Take Me Home, Country Roads” vs. Snoop Dogg.

 3. If I paid you $500,000 would you permanently move to Nebraska? If not, what’s the threshhold? $1,000,000? $10m? For how long would you move to Nebraska for $500,000?

 Sorry, but no amount of money could get me to live there. I saw “Children of the Corn” early on in life, and I remember it too vividly to want to live in that state.

 4. Because our show is so dependent on juvenile humor, the obligatory sex question: What’s the sexiest mascot in the Big 12?

 I’ll be a homer and say the Aggies. If you ever seen our dance team, you’ll know why.
 texas would have a better shot if not having any discernible boobage wasn’t a criteria for their cheerleaders.
  Tech has the ditzy cheerleader hotties whoc ouldn’t get into A&M or texas, but after having fun with them during college, you actually want someone with a brain after you graduate.

Bad enough you have collies fucking, but gay collies? Goddamn, man. Something a person can’t unsee.

#49: They are supposed to be Aggies, after all.

1. Texas, provided McCoy stays healthy. I just don’t think that Sam Keller can get through a season without some kind of grandiose failure.

2. If Texas, they’re going to be fighting their OOC schedule to get into the BCS game. Otherwise, who knows.

3. Permanently? Doesn’t sound all that appealing to be honest, although I am sure they are lovely people. I’m guessing it’s a tad more conservative than DC also.

4. No across the board. It’s not that I’m opposed to the young ladies in the fetish video, but I know my limits.

1) Nebraska, Oklahoma, or Texas. Pick one.

2) It’ll have to be a very convincing conference championship. Florida can get away with shit like going 11-1 because they don’t have to get those 11 wins against the likes of Baylor, Iowa State, and Colorado.

3) If you get some pasture right outside a smallish town, there’s a decent chance you’ll have wireless service from the local telco/computer company. Just get yourself a decent trailer to mount the dish on. About the half a mil… hell, I already live here, so I guess I’d take the half a mil to stay.

4) I have no idea how to safely answer this one.

Better late than never:
1) Skers
2) Sure, why not
3) I’ve lived in Nebraska for 22 of my 34 years on this earth and nobody’s given me a damn thing yet. My address is 6224 Tom Osborne Way. Tommie Frazier moved here from Florida in 1992 and he’s been here ever since. In fact, he just ran through my front yard…breaking numerous Gator arm tackles as he went by.
4) Terrence Nunn’s girlfriend was last October’s playmate of the month. She goes to UNL…does that count?

1.) Nebraska…for no other reason than that’s what my dick tells me.

2.) No chance in hell. There’s yet to be a team get in that’s had 3 marks in the “L” column.

3.) I grew up on the great plains and have NO desire to ever return. However, if you must pay me, for a clean $1M/month I’d live in that shithole of a state for a maximum of a year. Then it’s back to the southeast.

4.) I guess Cowboys, except for that Brokeback, gay shit.

1. Texas…they played awful in their last two losses but still only lost by 3 and 5 pts, respectively. I don’t think OU has a consistent QB, and Missouri will find some way to screw it up. As for my Red Raiders, I don’t trust Graham Harrell as a leader yet, and our defensive coordinator is a moron. We’ll go 8-4.
 
2. Doesn’t matter what UT’s non-conf schedule looks like. If they go 13-0, they have a 75% chance of being in the MNC game. Somebody else will lose.

3. Considering the popularity of Latin Cheesecake Friday, I figured more of you would go with Tech’s Masked Rider, (who greatly resembles Zorro) especially since it’s a girl 60% of the time.

4. I think 500k would put me in Omaha for 4-5 years quite nicely. Was pleasantly surprised by the quality of Nebraska coeds on my visit two years ago.