ON THE ROAD
We’re traveling back from Vegas as only we and the rest of the great, unwashed American masses can–in coach, bitches.
So we didn’t earn our own Caesar’s tracksuit with our “high rolling” (read: massive, reckless gambling losses.) But we did accomplish the following in two days of activity here in the silicone heart of America:
–Put forty very frightening and inaccurate holes in a burglar who looked a lot like Paul Rudd with a SAW at The Gun Shop.
–Watched with simultaneous arousal and fear as TCOAN–who has never picked up a gun in her life–put forty shots off a Beretta submachine gun into the face of her target. We married Valerie Plame and didn’t even know it. Must ask about this new “job…” (She is from Florida, thus should have a genetic talent for killing things dead.)
–Am still “up” as of this a.m., thanks to successfuly blackjack session at the glorious, filthy Casino Royale. The oxygen tank was free!
–Got remarried. (To the same woman, you cad.)
–Watched as Irishoutsider had a very, very bad finale to a disastrous weekend of wagering.
We’ll be somewhere over you today, noting up the Phil Steele Preview and praying for the much-delayed invention of the flying car. Back in force tomorrow.
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#29- Agree 100% on the Ellis Island. Nice little local casino, cheap tables, good pizza by the slice, damn good chow, locally brewed beer while playing, and only $1 otherwise. A small casino so the drink gals make the rounds often. They also make their own root beer, which rocks.
The babyback rib dinner is outstanding, and the pit boss will often comp dinner.
Comment by drogue — June 12, 2007 @ 12:37 pm
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Much appreciated, good sirs! A thousand cocktails to you all!
Comment by Orangeblood — June 12, 2007 @ 10:06 am
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First: Barbary Coast is no more. It is now called Bill’s Gamblin’ Hall & Saloon
Boyd’s made a trade with Harrah’s; they gave them the Barbary Coast land rights in exchange for a piece of land adjoining where the Stardust used to be (Boyd’s is building Echelon Place there, and the adjoining land will allow any expansions they want).
Second: If you’re going to In-N-Out, take a cab or drive a rental there.
Third: I second the advice to go to Ellis Island Casino & Microbrewery; the $4.95 steak dinner is the best deal in Vegas.
I was there over Memorial Day weekend, and we saw a hooker get thrown out of the casino, screaming the whole way. It was hilarious.
My best advice to the Vegas novice is this:
Know what your bankroll is. Have a win goal and a loss limit.
If you win 50-75% of your buy-in, cash out and leave.
If you lose 50% of your buy-in, cash out and leave.
This way you always leave the table with money, and you still have money available to bet with later.
I’d take whatever your bankroll is and divide it by how many days you’re staying there, and limit yourself to that.
Under NO circumstances are you to reach into your pocket for more money after you’ve lost part of your bankroll at a table. That’s how they get you.
Stick with your win goal and loss limit and you’ll be fine.
If you want to go on the cheap, stay at Casino Royale. It’s selling point is its location near everything else on the North end of the Strip, and they know that.
Other hotels I’d recommend if money is not a concern:
Caesar’s is the best service on the Strip, imo.
Flamingo is owned by the same company, so they train their people there before they send them to Caesar’s, so they have outstanding service, too.
Venetian is very nice, as is Paris.
I wouldn’t stay at the Wynn, just b/c I don’t see how it is worth $400 a night.
More advice:
Wherever you play, get the players club card for that casino or company. It will earn you comps for later on, and will get you special treatment from the staff, depending on your level of play.
Flamingo also has the best boards on any craps table in Vegas; Harrah’s has the worst.
I always win at craps at Flamingo.
If you want $5 tables, go to the South end of the Strip, and play at the Excalibur (best sports book on the Strip).
orangeblood,
Wherever you’re staying, go to the sportsbook and make a prop bet on texas winning the national championship. I believe they’re 15-1 right now, so an $11 bet would win you a nice $161 back.
Comment by Beergut — June 12, 2007 @ 2:40 am
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I had a buddy in college pass out headfirst on a slot machine at the Slots O Fun. They drove him in a golf cart back to our hotel room. Gotta love that place.
I recommend going to the rooftop bar at the Rio(?). There probably will be a ridiculously long line but we were with some girl volleyball players that got us straight to the front of the line. Pretty cool bar to check out the Strip from the roof.
Comment by Broom — June 12, 2007 @ 1:26 am
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If your looking for a great bar you can just walk into, theres a dueling piano bar in Harrah’s that is alot of fun. Small, and the drinks are only slightly outrageously overpriced. Just beware extremely drunk and rich 57-year-olds who are willing to drop $500 for the piano players to play all three Roy Orbinson songs they know over and over and over again.
Comment by GainesvilleRamblings — June 11, 2007 @ 8:29 pm