FULMER CUPDATE: CARS...SO SHINY...

by Orson on Jun 11, 2007 9:58 AM EDT

Texas Longhorns reserve safety Robert Joseph (name: Ricky Bobby Category, strength rating 6 on Cuddles Swindle Name Scale) had the kind of fun normally reserved for merry alcoholics by stealing cars from the parking garage of the Omni Hotel in Austin, Texas this weekend. Or perhaps we should say he half-stole cars:

According to the report, an off-duty APD officer working a security detail got a report of someone banging on cars in the parking garage. Upon investigation, the officer found Joseph sitting in a car that did not belong to him. Joseph initially told the cop that the car belonged to a friend of his...
A little later, the officer heard the sounds of another car alarm..and found Joseph sitting in a different vehicle. Joseph then told the cop that he was breaking into cars to get away from someone who attacked him on 6th street at a club.

Sometimes, you just have to break into a car: Robert Joseph, Texas Longhorns reserve.

Ah, the safety of a Toyota Nissan Altima--it can survive nuclear blasts, much less the assault of a drunken clubgoer on your person. (We blame Vegas for the error!--ed.) Joseph has already enjoyed the thrill of half-stealing cars, but he will be assigned full Fulmer Cup points for himself and his team, the Texas Longhorns: three points per charge of a burglary of a vehicle totalling a sum of six points for Texas.

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I think the cop just wanted his parking space.

by Suss on Jun 11, 2007 10:03 AM EDT reply actions

Well, never had to steal a car to hide out, although my friends amassed 3 public intoxes and witnessed 2 Real World Austin fights while we were there.

There’s way too much fun, and too many girls, on 6th street to justify getting in a fight over anything

by Hook'em Tide on Jun 11, 2007 10:09 AM EDT reply actions

Toyota Altima?

by PeteJayhawk on Jun 11, 2007 10:11 AM EDT reply actions

the kind of fun normally reserved for merry alcoholics

So Albert Finney is still on the lam?

by Oops Pow Surprise on Jun 11, 2007 10:16 AM EDT reply actions

Reserve safety = see ya, scholarship pulled.

Starting safety = APD officer fired for stalking.

by Heath on Jun 11, 2007 10:19 AM EDT reply actions

I was just commenting after the whole Melton fiasco that Texas had been, thankfully, off the Fulmer Cup radar this summer.

Damn it, I jinxed us!

by txhny on Jun 11, 2007 10:19 AM EDT reply actions

Hard to believe. Any sniff of a fight on 6th and the APD comes out like locusts. And it’s always like, “Hey, that guy just pushed that other guy sort of kind of hard. Let’s go brain them both with blackjacks.”

by RedDevilEA on Jun 11, 2007 10:25 AM EDT reply actions

He’s charged with two Class A misdemeanors – worth three points each? I don’t know what “Class A” means.

by SMQ on Jun 11, 2007 10:32 AM EDT reply actions

While we are on the BIG12 subject, let us not forget about Nebraskas WR Maurice Purify collecting his 2nd DUI/DWI in 5 months. Oh baby lets rack up those points.

by BobTyDavieham on Jun 11, 2007 10:44 AM EDT reply actions

What about being arrested for the 2nd time in 5 weeks?

by Jmuthaf'nT on Jun 11, 2007 10:47 AM EDT reply actions

A cab may have been a safer car to hide in, and it would probably take you further away from the person trying to attack you. Of course this did not occur because there was no attacker.

UT players just need to remember the immortal words of our most beloved Alumni…

“Be careful who you lay down with.” – Ricky Williams

by The Stos on Jun 11, 2007 10:51 AM EDT reply actions

within a whistle’s sound of that location at probably around the same time on that same night, i was making out with a pregnant chick at a pizza stand.

hadn’t really been out on 6th since i graduated and kind of lost control.

by Joey Jojo Jr. Shabadoo on Jun 11, 2007 10:55 AM EDT reply actions

Also, UGA would like to collect some more alcohol related points… backup QB and (likely) starting TE… 6am open container, at least you can say that they are going all out

by Jonathan on Jun 11, 2007 10:56 AM EDT reply actions

damn, booked at six, arrested at 3.. oh well just dumb then

by Jonathan on Jun 11, 2007 11:00 AM EDT reply actions

Aaaahh. Right you are Jmutha. Wow. That is even better. Any bonus points awarded for that.

by BobTyDavieham on Jun 11, 2007 11:00 AM EDT reply actions

— You know we need more details than that. Was she hot? Married? Which trimester? If she’d let you round third and cross home plate, wouldn’t that technically be a threesome?

by Oops Pow Surprise on Jun 11, 2007 11:31 AM EDT reply actions

Joey jojo etc. at #12, why stop at making out, it’s not like you could have knocked her up?

by DC Trojan on Jun 11, 2007 11:32 AM EDT reply actions

That isn’t Purify’s second DUI/DWI in 5 weeks, it’s his first.

The other offense was assault, trespassing, failure to comply with police officers, etc.

Don’t sell him short! ;)

by Rob on Jun 11, 2007 11:35 AM EDT reply actions

APD gets awfully touchy on 6th Street. I’ve seen them run up and clothesline a guy who wasn’t moving fast enough for the crowd control cop on horseback. And they keep, what, two or three paddy wagons down there?

by Orangeblood on Jun 11, 2007 11:36 AM EDT reply actions

- Why, that’s the dumbest name I ever heard!

by tOSU_radar on Jun 11, 2007 11:51 AM EDT reply actions

Here in the Ttown, the football players just call Sheriff Sexton and let him know what party not to go to. seriously.
It is only when they get in cars that they can get in trouble.

by Kecalf Bailey on Jun 11, 2007 11:57 AM EDT reply actions

DC Trojan, you are a cad. A funny one, too.

by PJ from NU in SF on Jun 11, 2007 2:02 PM EDT reply actions

I second OPS’s post and concur with his assumption regarding the number of people that would be participating if your efforts were wholly successful.

That said, were there no non-pregnant women available? I guess not at that pizza stand…

by sb on Jun 11, 2007 4:05 PM EDT reply actions

Aren’t we losing sight of the bigger point: why in the hell was Robert Joseph hiding, the flight-or-fight choice of chemistry majors, not wannabe badass DBs?

Hasn’t he ever heard of the litmus test for all ethical decions: what would Reggie Nelson do?

by allaha on Jun 11, 2007 6:22 PM EDT reply actions