We’re traveling back from Vegas as only we and the rest of the great, unwashed American masses can–in coach, bitches.
So we didn’t earn our own Caesar’s tracksuit with our “high rolling” (read: massive, reckless gambling losses.) But we did accomplish the following in two days of activity here in the silicone heart of America:
–Put forty very frightening and inaccurate holes in a burglar who looked a lot like Paul Rudd with a SAW at The Gun Shop.
–Watched with simultaneous arousal and fear as TCOAN–who has never picked up a gun in her life–put forty shots off a Beretta submachine gun into the face of her target. We married Valerie Plame and didn’t even know it. Must ask about this new “job…” (She is from Florida, thus should have a genetic talent for killing things dead.)
–Am still “up” as of this a.m., thanks to successfuly blackjack session at the glorious, filthy Casino Royale. The oxygen tank was free!
–Got remarried. (To the same woman, you cad.)
–Watched as Irishoutsider had a very, very bad finale to a disastrous weekend of wagering.
We’ll be somewhere over you today, noting up the Phil Steele Preview and praying for the much-delayed invention of the flying car. Back in force tomorrow.
Texas Longhorns reserve safety Robert Joseph (name: Ricky Bobby Category, strength rating 6 on Cuddles Swindle Name Scale) had the kind of fun normally reserved for merry alcoholics by stealing cars from the parking garage of the Omni Hotel in Austin, Texas this weekend. Or perhaps we should say he half-stole cars:
According to the report, an off-duty APD officer working a security detail got a report of someone banging on cars in the parking garage. Upon investigation, the officer found Joseph sitting in a car that did not belong to him. Joseph initially told the cop that the car belonged to a friend of his…
A little later, the officer heard the sounds of another car alarm..and found Joseph sitting in a different vehicle. Joseph then told the cop that he was breaking into cars to get away from someone who attacked him on 6th street at a club.
Sometimes, you just have to break into a car: Robert Joseph, Texas Longhorns reserve.
Ah, the safety of a Toyota Nissan Altima–it can survive nuclear blasts, much less the assault of a drunken clubgoer on your person. (We blame Vegas for the error!–ed.) Joseph has already enjoyed the thrill of half-stealing cars, but he will be assigned full Fulmer Cup points for himself and his team, the Texas Longhorns: three points per charge of a burglary of a vehicle totalling a sum of six points for Texas.
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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