WE STILL RUN THIS PLACE: PURDUE TE ARRESTED FOR DUI

by Orson on May 31, 2007 9:13 AM EDT

The ghost of Garret Bushong still inhabits Purdue. If you'll recall, Bushong inhabited the prestigious third-string TE spot at Purdue when he was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated. Bushong boldly defended himself in deathless prose in the student paper (The Exponent, a title so boldly nerdy you have to tip hat) in a letter that featured this quote:

We run this place and if anyone begs to differ, I’ll say what my good buddy Brandon Kirsch once said. "You know where to find me, locker number three, so come and say what you need to say to my face."

Why thank you, Lattimer! A.J. Jacobs of The Know It All fame once joked about identifying a "trend of two" as a desperation move in creating a new story for Esquire. We'll go ahead and call a trend of two for reserve tight ends at Purdue, as Jerry Wasikowski was arrested on May 22nd for DUI in West Lafayette at 5 in the morning.

Again: next time, just sleep on the nearest couch or floor. You may want to spend the night in your own bed, sure, but chances are you'll just end up flopping into bed anyway smelling like the inside of a Guangzhou taxi cab. You'll accomplish several things this way: preventing a DUI, opening the gate for potential late-night random sex, and ensuring that you'll transfer the reek of your clothes into a stranger's couch and not your own sheets, which you'll have to wash, sir/ma'am.

Ugly, put sometimes essential: just stay on the nearest couch, no matter how rank.

Two points for generic DUI to Purdue, who still runs this place.

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That picture just brought me back a whole three days …to the jersey shore on memorial day weekend …a place where passing out on a stranger’s couch almost ENSURES random sex.

by Dave K. on May 31, 2007 9:27 AM EDT reply actions

That’s one loyal cat.

by HFS on May 31, 2007 9:36 AM EDT reply actions

As a former writer for the Exponent, I would just like to point out that despite its nerd-tastic name, the paper’s staff draws from the same crowd of quasi-intellectuals as EVERY OTHER college paper. Now I will retire to the nerdery with my fellow nerds and our calculators.

by Big Red on May 31, 2007 9:44 AM EDT reply actions

I went to the SASwiki site, and this puts Purdue within a point of the Top Ten.

http://sportsargumentwiki.com/index.php?title=Fulmer_Cup

The Conference that Can’t Count Represent! We rule this place!

by Sean on May 31, 2007 10:01 AM EDT reply actions

Big Red-

I worked for the Independent Florida Alligator while I was at UF, and I completely concur with your assessment.

by The Conscience of a Nation on May 31, 2007 10:06 AM EDT reply actions

The starting quarterback owns this place. You, sir, are no starting quarterback.

by Digital Headbutt on May 31, 2007 10:15 AM EDT reply actions

I also worked for a student paper (undergrad) and as people here say, it was dominated by nerds (moi being the exception), with the writers leaning quite left, I might add, sports dept not included.

by Harvey Wireman on May 31, 2007 11:04 AM EDT reply actions

- “moi being the expection”? moi? You sure about that?

by Oops Pow Surprise on May 31, 2007 11:11 AM EDT reply actions

Ah, TCOAN! I knew we had a kinship beyond the ether! A year at the IndFlAlligator changes one for life, and helps one learn what they do not want to do with their career. And one could minimize the nerd-quotient by hanging out with the adv staff…

by sb on May 31, 2007 11:16 AM EDT reply actions

Ah…the ole “just go to sleep and you cant get aressted” worked BRILLIANTLY for me a couple weeks ago after too many Long Islands out on the town in DC. Rode the subway back (almost got off too early following the advice of ne’er do wells saying that it was my stop. — and the only reason I did get off in the right spot was because it was the end of the line) Then I slept in the parkincg lot in my car until I ame too around 6am. I don’t recall getting in my car or falling asleep, but it worked out sweet for me.

by Brian on May 31, 2007 11:22 AM EDT reply actions

(to picture above)

Mom??

by Whitey on May 31, 2007 11:55 AM EDT reply actions

At The Gamecock, we did not have the nerds you speak of. We had 24-hour party people. You don’t know hell until you wake up with the biggest hangover EVER and type out the recap of the last game on your girlfriend’s computer at 10 a.m. on a Sunday.

It was that sort of trial-by-fire that made me the successful hack I am today.

And, Orson, I told you those pictures were for you only. I don’t need me and my kitty plastered all over the Internet.

by Newspaper Hack on May 31, 2007 12:52 PM EDT reply actions

Ah, West Lafayette.

Still so much drinking. Still so damned boring.

Perhaps there’s a correlation?

by Papa Lou BSU on May 31, 2007 2:06 PM EDT reply actions

That last paragraph is good advice. Cleaning magic-marker penises off of your face is way better than posting bail and awaiting trial. TRUST ME.

by Jon hates Russian spammers and UofA on May 31, 2007 2:18 PM EDT reply actions

For Fulmer Cup bookkeeping purposes, USC’s Josh Pinkard was revealed to have a 0.08 percent BAC. Thats right at the legal limit, so I think it just stays at 2 points.

by Andy on May 31, 2007 2:22 PM EDT reply actions