RYAN PERRILOUX, RIVERBOAT GAMBLER.
Yes, the site blew up for a few hours this morning. We’re moving on and drying our tears as we speak.
Ryan Perrilloux, perhaps seeking a deeply satisfying evening of faro-playing, bourbon-chugging, and flirting with ladies of ill repute in hoop dresses and bustiers, attempted to board a riverboat casino in Baton Rouge, Louisiana this past Saturday.
The shocking part? He was actually carded and arrested, presumably after watching eight-year olds with buckets full of nickels and daquiris in hand walking freely past the guards at the casino doors. This would not be a big deal if Perriloux hadn’t already been associated with a a counterfeiting ring that used casinos to exchange faux cash using casino tokens. It was also not be a big deal if he’d attempted to use his own ID, which he didn’t, instead opting to use his brother’s ID–the attempt that got him ultimately arrested.
Ryan Perrilloux: looks almost like his older brother. Key point: almost.
Empirically, it’s small change. The Fulmer Cup awards LSU a point for this. Anecdotally, though, this has got to be heartening for Matt Flynn, LSU qb. His only real serious competition for the starting role just evaporated thanks to an indefinite suspension by Les Miles. And even when he comes back, Perrilloux’s continued loitering at casinos shows he may be suffering from the most dangerous injury of all: the dreaded sprained cerebrum.
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1
VolNavy says:
It creates great confidence in a fan base when your quarterback has lines shaved into his eyebrows. And does LSU have a monopoly on fat qbs.
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:42 am
2
Doug the future Mr. Theuriau says:
Perrilloux is what some of us like to call “a real piece of work.” Between the riverboat arrest, the ongoing federal investigation, and the “I’m better than JaMarcus Russell” comments, he’s showing all the signs of being the next Ryan Leaf, if Leaf had gone ahead and gotten his meltdown over with in college as opposed to the NFL.
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:45 am
3
GamecockTony says:
I don’t know about anyone else, but the biggest shock of the story to me was that with the name Ryan Perrilloux, the guy is African-American.
He is the Bizarro NC State QB Marcus Stone (white as notebook paper).
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:45 am
4
Brian says:
Soooooooo…Colin Cowherd strikes again eh? Don’t believe whatever your hosting company told you. He strikes when no one suspects it, like a lazy Weds in the summer.
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:49 am
5
PSUrob says:
Would love to see what his brother looks like. I’m guessing he either screwed up the birthday when quizzed, or his brother is a whiter than Mike Tirico.
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:51 am
6
Travis Swenson says:
#3…what, you don’t think the French-Canadians who settled parts of South Louisiana owned slaves?
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:51 am
7
Erik says:
As far as 5-star QBs go, Stafford is soo more big-boned than Perrilloux.
Plus, Stafford’s shenanigans are cheeky and fun, while Perrilloux’s shenanigans are cruel and tragic.
You be the Judge.
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:54 am
8
Erik says:
I’ll see your Marcus Stone and raise you a Jevan Snead.
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:55 am
9
Oops Pow Surprise says:
#8 – How about Cordell Walker?
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:00 pm
10
jebushchrist says:
I’ll see your everything and go all in with The Pillsbury Throwboy.
That guy is not slim.
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:01 pm
11
Aerobab says:
Brian in #4, you beat me to the Schrutebag remark! Well played!
On a side note, it’s a shame that involvement in a counterfeiting scheme can only get you “mini-bling” in the ear. Either he’s doing a great job on the cover-up, or he’s being played like a washboard.
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:06 pm
12
Rome says:
Are we sure that Perrilloux hasn’t eaten Matt Flynn? And what the hell is the deal with LSU using D tackles as QB’s?
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:09 pm
13
The Novacaine Mutiny says:
“Rerun” Perrilloux raised a lot of lined eyebrows when he bet hard eights 4x in a row.
CORNDOGS MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:11 pm
14
Oops Pow Surprise says:
Aerobab – It’s a trick of perspective; the earring is actually a six-carat diamond. It just looks small next to a head the size of an Escalade.
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:13 pm
15
Vairish84 says:
When you are in the running for the championship, every point matters. This is no different than the great tackle made on special teams.
Ryan is showing his leadership. It is only ashame he couldn’t get any of his teammates to come with him. I am surprised by the lack of fake ids on the LSU team.
First the Fulmer Cup, then who knows. I would not want to see an eating contest between Fulmer and Ryan.
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:17 pm
16
Geaux Irish says:
Re: #4 & #11:
Personally, I think the site went down because everyone was getting into their offices and wanted to see who would be greeting them to EDSBS by saying “Happy Mustache Wednesdays Motherf**ker!”
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:24 pm
17
KT says:
5 bucks sez he is an Angola All-American by age 30….any takers?
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:50 pm
18
Katy says:
So, do his weirdly shaven eyebrows count as double mustaches on Mustache Wednesday?
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:57 pm
19
Kemp says:
Goes well with his quote from when he signed
“LSU is the perfect school for me. I can come in and play next year. JaMarcus struggled last year, and Matt Flynn is definitely not a better quarterback than me. It’s just a perfect opportunity.”
May 23rd, 2007 at 1:00 pm
20
Southern Papa says:
I don’t think he’ll be an Angola All-American. More likely residing at Rt. 4, Leavenworth. He’ll maybe be one of the old guys in the next remake of “The Longest Yard”, starring as Paul Crewe the love child of JaMarcus Russell and one of the Olsen twins.
For the threadjack – cool stuff on LSU readin’ PETA the message that yes, dammit, we are going to have a Mike VI.
May 23rd, 2007 at 1:10 pm
21
yoyofutbawl says:
didn’t he say he was going to win the heisman as a FR?
poor mack brown, all he got left with was colt mc coy.
and da coachO got Jevsneed & da chikunwaffa!!!
May 23rd, 2007 at 1:43 pm
22
General Chow says:
yeah, methinks you mean to say strained hypothalamus…controls the good stuff like fightin, addictions, drankin and sex …so yeah…
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:08 pm
23
Aerobab says:
#22, the “strained cerebrum” is just the general way on this site to say “dumbshit didn’t use his head”, as initially used HERE.
Technically, I believe you’re right (wrt the function of the hypothalamus), but nothing on this fantastic site is based on technicality or fact…unless Orson rules such.
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:27 pm
24
KT says:
Good Point, Papa…..
He does have more of a federal offense bent to him….
forget that state stuff….
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:29 pm
25
Lawya1 says:
Considering the tight ship that Les Miles runs down there, who thinks that an “indefinite suspension” is going to turn into 3 practices on the bench and no seconds on pancake night?
May 23rd, 2007 at 3:14 pm
26
jeneria says:
No, Lawya1, it means three practices on the bench as Flynn’s bitch, another two where he runs wind sprints (and only wind sprints) AND it means no second servings of pudding, no fried seafood, and that he MUST eat three servings of vegetables (the boring kind, not the cool okra kind) every day for a month. Plus no second helpings of pancakes on pancake night–you were right about that. . .
May 23rd, 2007 at 4:06 pm
27
JJ says:
Miles kicked 3 guys off his team a few weeks ago Lawya1. You must have one of those Caribbean JDs.
May 23rd, 2007 at 4:07 pm
28
LSUJoshua says:
As much as an LSU follower I thought I was, I had no idea, from that picture, that Rohan Davey had come back to LSU as QB coach/dietician. I’m excited for the future.
May 23rd, 2007 at 5:28 pm
29
Nate says:
The story’s about a QB, but the picture’s an offensive lineman–did I miss something??
May 23rd, 2007 at 6:18 pm
30
Alex says:
Why is my Rerun getting arrested for using a fake ID to get on a riverboat? All my man was trying to do was head over to the sports book and put a few hundred down on lil’ ron mexico in the pitbull fights. Give the fat kid a break.
May 23rd, 2007 at 7:04 pm
31
NewAZTiger says:
He’s just a 3 minute skit off of Coming To America to total hair greatness.
SOULGLO, BITCHES!!!!
May 23rd, 2007 at 7:46 pm
32
John In Huntsville says:
We are licking our chops in Tuscavegas.
May 23rd, 2007 at 9:18 pm
33
C. Portis says:
I don’t know if he did or didn’t use a fake ID to try to gamble, but it’s his ID, or at least his brother gave it to him. Let the man do what he wants. Why is it even a crime for a minor to gamble?
May 24th, 2007 at 8:59 am
34
Tidefan23 says:
Damn you Nick Papagiorgio…damn you.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:28 am
35
One And Done says:
Re to #6
The vast majority didn’t. Louisiana at one time (ca. 1830s) had the largest free black population in the entire country including some that themselves owned slaves. In fact at one point in Louisiana’ shistory free blacks outnumbered free white. Shocking, I know. But you can easily google black slaveowners in America & come back with all sorts of stories that blow holes in the myths that the education system in this country has told us.
Initially, Cajuns were in many instances no better off than the slaves in Louisiana, they just got to go home to their own shanty shack at night rather than stay in the master’s slave quarters.
Plus, there was a lot of inter-breeding amongst Cajuns & blacks over the years which is how & why you can get blacks with Cajun last names.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:49 am
36
Matt says:
So, fraud and possibly conspiracy to commit fraud are only worth one point? Good to see the Florida math works so well for you.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:20 am
37
blay says:
Nah dun be saw desaponnted bout da Fuhma scuh.
Dis pregnunt tiga kitty gonna giv us los o Fuhma points iee he keep on da team.
May 24th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
38
Gene Stallings says:
Don’t forget Freddie Kitchens for the fat QB list.
May 25th, 2007 at 8:49 pm
39
Lars says:
Fat Qbs… Kentucky’s Lorenzen took the entire bakery…literally
October 29th, 2007 at 2:41 pm