…nowish, actually. We’ll be up in the mountains of North Georgia this weekend, starting early tomorrow and doing absofuckinglutely nothing for five days that doesn’t involve Zubrowka Vodka, the liquor that ensures we never, ever forget Poland.
Tomorrow we’ll auto post LOLQBS and Texas Gal’s guide to making love to a Texas Longhorns fan–bring your spurs!–and Friday’s Cheesecake will also be, like your mother on New Year’s, pre-loaded. Other than that, there will be no manic in-day posting until Tuesday, as we are going to be sitting in a hot tub and re-reading Holidays in Hell and I Lived to Tell It All: The George Jones Story. Did you know kidnappers once tried to overdose George Jones by “forcing spoonfuls of cocaine” up his nose? Did you know that you can’t overdose George Jones? You do now.
We’ll attempt to overdose on lethargy over the next five days or so. Suspecting that it can’t be done, but we’ll try. And no, we’re not taking a bike. Those things will fucking kill you dead.
Part two of our “How To Make Love To A ______” series: Holly from Ladies Dot Dot Dot brings the beta on how to properly make love to a Tennessee fan. Two words: “doe urine.”
Hey there, Tennessee Volunteer. In the gleam of the table lantern at the neighborhood Cracker Barrel, I can see that special look in your good eye. I’ve been holdin’ out longer’n Davy Crockett at the Alamo, but I just can’t fight this feelin’ anymore. Tell the waitress to keep the change, high roller, and let’s hit that dusty road. Time for us to get on home and get on down to some four-wheelin’ of an entirely different sort.
The camera adds 250 pounds: Phil Fulmer in real life will sex your mind off.
I’ll even sit in the middle seat on the way home so you can sling one arm around my shoulders. Is that a Slim Jim in your pocket or are you just…oh. A Slim Jim! Awww, baby, you didn’t have to buy me dessert. (more…)
Yes, the site blew up for a few hours this morning. We’re moving on and drying our tears as we speak.
Ryan Perrilloux, perhaps seeking a deeply satisfying evening of faro-playing, bourbon-chugging, and flirting with ladies of ill repute in hoop dresses and bustiers, attempted to board a riverboat casino in Baton Rouge, Louisiana this past Saturday.
The shocking part? He was actually carded and arrested, presumably after watching eight-year olds with buckets full of nickels and daquiris in hand walking freely past the guards at the casino doors. This would not be a big deal if Perriloux hadn’t already been associated with a a counterfeiting ring that used casinos to exchange faux cash using casino tokens. It was also not be a big deal if he’d attempted to use his own ID, which he didn’t, instead opting to use his brother’s ID–the attempt that got him ultimately arrested.
Ryan Perrilloux: looks almost like his older brother. Key point: almost.
Empirically, it’s small change. The Fulmer Cup awards LSU a point for this. Anecdotally, though, this has got to be heartening for Matt Flynn, LSU qb. His only real serious competition for the starting role just evaporated thanks to an indefinite suspension by Les Miles. And even when he comes back, Perrilloux’s continued loitering at casinos shows he may be suffering from the most dangerous injury of all: the dreaded sprained cerebrum.
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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