FULMER CUP ACCOUNTING: CRIMINAL MISCHIEF EDITION.
The Cup enjoys another slow week. How slow? We’re counting drunken trashings of dorm mirrors, for Jeebus’ sake.
Notes, updates, and apologies follow.
Notes, Updates, and Outright Apologies.
Though it’s not D-1, we should mention the outstanding accomplishments of the Montana State Grizzlies Bobcats, who in addition to being one of our favorite teams to earn pennants on in NCAA 2007 have just earned a raised eyebrow by firing their coach, Mike Kramer. (”No, honey. Throwing 85 yard bombs on easy to Dallas Baker does not get old. Ever.”) Kramer led them to three Big Sky Conference titles and went 8-5 last year, accomplishments seemingly incongruous with a firing.
Incongruous…until you begin tallying up his players’ off-the-field entrepreneurial activities, that is. The straw breaking the Kramer’s back:
Former wide receiver Rick Gatewood was arrested this week on drug charges and is accused of using his athletic scholarship money to traffic cocaine from California in the Bozeman area. His brother also faces drug charges.
Gatewood is the sixth former Montana State athlete arrested or charged with crimes involving drugs or murder in the past year.
Holy Dennis Ericksonness! We bought beer with some of our Florida Academic Scholarship cash, but not being a business major we never imagined making that kind of a profit off it. The arrest is the final nail in the metaphorical coffin for Kramer, who somehow missed that numerous Montana State players were involved in drug-related activities, and that was after the arrest of two former Montana State athletes for murder in a drug-related case.
Cocaine reference=obligatory Dr. Rockso posting. They say it’s gonna snow!!!
Ole Miss channels the Georgia Bulldogs and earns a suspended license charge, the putt-putt of Fulmer Cup charges to the long drives put forth by Illinois, Penn State, and Florida this year. Two citations for cornerback Cassius Vaughn, one point total for Ole Miss due to piddly traffic misbehavior.
Cincinnati scores points not from any salacious sex tape footage involving football players (:-(), but for defensive tackle Adam Hoppel’s assault on a mirror in a dorm bathroom. If he doesn’t earn the nickname ‘Parakeet’ after this, we’ll be sorely disappointed in the imagination of opposing players and jibing teammates.
Walk-on Iowa Hawkeye Tyler Gerstandt stumbles off the wagon this week after picking up an underage possession charge in Iowa City. Again: does anyone truly know how hard it is to be ticketed for being drunk in a college town? We were drunk in every possible permutation of public drunkenness. In fact, we distinctly remember riding an ostrich while wearing a suit of armor down University Avenue, drunk as Andy Dick and attempting to re-enact the video game Joust. And no one said “boo” to us. (A few instances of “Die, fag!” yes. Tickets? No.)
What you just read never happened. But it could have, and thus our question: what towns are hardest to be punk in drublic in without getting a ticket?
Consider this your user question for the day. Adieu.
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1
NoleinTexas says:
But, those were the German echange students…they were actually just saying the fag.
May 21st, 2007 at 10:18 am
2
Herb says:
According to my own, unscientific research, it’s pretty tough to get ticketed for drunk in public at Auburn on gameday. You can, say, spell out FU AU in empty beer cans next to a main road, jump in the pond across said road naked, wander around in the middle of the road drinking in broad daylight, and spend half the night wandering around town in a big ass circle drunk and lost without getting arrested/ticketed.
May 21st, 2007 at 10:21 am
3
Jon hates Russian spammers and UofA says:
I’m lost- Montana is the Griz, while Montana State is the Bobcats. Who shot who in the what now?
May 21st, 2007 at 10:24 am
4
sandman227 says:
Toughest place to recieve a PI citation? I would think Tulane would be near the top just due to location alone…
May 21st, 2007 at 10:25 am
5
Rome says:
Off topic but little Scotty Stapp landed himself a domestic violence and assault charge. Yahoo has it on the front page.
May 21st, 2007 at 10:27 am
6
Jon hates Russian spammers and UofA says:
Drunk in public is pretty difficult in Tempe. We enacted Joust with broomsticks but used razor scooters instead of bicycles. Also, a friend of mine urinated in the median of Mill Avenue without anyone batting an eye. It was roughly midnight on Halloween, so it’s not like the streets of our bar strip were empty.
G’head, make all the Dennis Erickson jokes you want.
May 21st, 2007 at 10:29 am
7
Orson Swindle says:
Corrected, Jon.
May 21st, 2007 at 10:30 am
8
Mike Honcho says:
It is pretty tough to get arrested for Punk in Drublic in Savannah. I once urinated on the side of a historical house once owned by the Ass. Secretary of the Confederate Navy and people went about their business. Savannah is New Orleans lite.
May 21st, 2007 at 10:50 am
9
irishoutsider says:
You cant show that video on MTV, because you can see his junk through his jumpsuit.
May 21st, 2007 at 11:00 am
10
bhors says:
It used to be hard to get Drunk in Public at tOSU until that Bitch Karen Holbrook took over. I remember walking down the middle of the Lane Avenue (the main road) drunk, carrying a 12pack of Natty Ice. Two police pulled me over, cuffed me (i was 18), but then a party across the street started chanting let him go, let him go, and they said just go home, and they let me go.
May 21st, 2007 at 11:05 am
11
adam says:
i actually told a Greenville PO that i was *almost* 21 freshman year. i had to pour it out, which hurt almost as much as being arrested would have.
May 21st, 2007 at 11:14 am
12
CapstoneAlum says:
I found that T-Town was fairly lax on their D in P handouts..I passed out walking home from the bars in the cemetary behind Bryant-Denny Stadium (not the proudest moment of my life), and an officer helped me me find my wallet the next morning..
May 21st, 2007 at 11:18 am
13
TX_FL says:
Austin is not the most lenient… I would say that I knew more people there that were arrested for minor in possession or PI than not. In fact, my frosh yr. the cops would patrol the student ghetto that is W. campus w/ their spotlights looking for drunk kids walking home.
Gainesville on the other hand… Let’s just say that the inmates run that asylum.
May 21st, 2007 at 11:27 am
14
Sid says:
Think Jim Delany is smiling somewhere today, as teams from his conference hold 3 of the 4 top rankings and are dominating the evil SEC? BIG TEN RULZ!!!!
May 21st, 2007 at 11:36 am
15
ctgarric says:
bhors: I want to know how you got “pulled over” while walking.
Charleston is actually pretty easy to get a ticket in. Even though there are 5 colleges in a 5 sq mile peninsula. Too much tourism. Having said that, I do have a friend who was woken up in the bushes at the Harris Teeter at six in the morning by two cops and was just sent home (that was several years ago, they’re not as nice now). But I also have a friend that was ticketed for open container for standing on the sidewalk in front of a bar with glass of beer in hand.
May 21st, 2007 at 11:37 am
16
12-inch Idongivafuck Sandwich says:
In my tenure in Gainesville, the only tickets I saw written were 1 fake ID (kid was shitfaced, stumbled out of a bar with a beer, and walked right past the cop, and when stopped and asked for ID, proceeded to give the cop his fake ID), and probably 3 pissing in public (because peeing on University Ave is a bit more obvious than going on the church/delt house/bushes)…but no drunk in public…
God I can’t wait to go back next year!
May 21st, 2007 at 11:43 am
17
jeneria says:
It’s the Montana State Bobcats who were dealing the cocaine and causing the trouble. The Federal Court where they arraigned was in Missoula, which is why some media outlets were assuming it was the University of Montana Grizzlies that were wheeling and dealing.
My mom went to MSU when Erickson was a Bobcat and during her years there, there was a mysterious murder of an English teaching assistant involving some of the football players but no one was ever charged and the case remains unsolved. She knew some of the football players and years later, in Whitefish, MT, she ran into some of them and asked them about the incident and all they told her was “We swore to not talk about it.” Now, I’m sure most of this is just mythos generated to make MSU sound super cool (which it is, I earned my Master’s there after finishing my BA at UM), but it does lend to the satanic aura that surrounds Erickson, does it not?
Murders and mayhem follow the man and even after almost four decades (’71 was his last year as an assistant coach at MSU) his taint is still felt by his alma mater.
May 21st, 2007 at 11:48 am
18
andro says:
austin can be a problem — the TABC takes themselves a bit too seriously…
I went to school in new york city – and its damn near impossible. actually got caught twice underage, with open containers in public, and pretty impaired… and both times the police let me go without a citation and let me have my beverages back as long as i kept them put away and “stopped acting stupid.”
but i think tulane takes #1. practically no laws with a police force that has bigger problems.
May 21st, 2007 at 12:03 pm
19
CFB Authority says:
PUBLICK is the correct way to type that offense.
Drunk in PUBLICK
May 21st, 2007 at 12:37 pm
20
Out of Conference says:
It used to be almost impossible in Columbia to get a public drunk charge, back when you could carry an open container from bar to bar, but then Nancy Thurmond lost in a game of frogger. Police are still pretty much OK for the most part (including for those with the initials, SG), but no more open containers.
May 21st, 2007 at 12:40 pm
21
drogue says:
I’m hoping that after finals the FC will crank back up.
…..what the hell am I thinking? Finals? Football players?
Disregard
May 21st, 2007 at 12:41 pm
22
BDoc says:
I’ve heard that Marvin Lewis has scouts in Montana right now. And yes, bombs to “The Touchdown Maker” are nice, especially when you compliment them with plays to catch your opponent sleepin’ on Hollywood P’s speed.
Though, it’s not a “college town”, Key West always seemed to embrace public drunkenness.
May 21st, 2007 at 1:01 pm
23
Oops Pow Surprise says:
The Iowa City cops are pretty lenient. Carrying a stolen trash can down the busiest street at 2 AM, however, pretty much forces them to take you to the drunk tank. Allegedly.
May 21st, 2007 at 1:06 pm
24
Tony Ritz says:
What gives? A golf metaphor, after the decree of hatred for golf? You’ve changed EDSBS, it used to be about the music.
May 21st, 2007 at 1:13 pm
25
Doug says:
I’m just glad someone other than the Georgia Bulldogs is channeling the Georgia Bulldogs at this point. w00t.
May 21st, 2007 at 1:18 pm
26
kleph says:
Mirror in the bathroom
Recompense
For all my crimes
of self defense.
May 21st, 2007 at 1:22 pm
27
Katy says:
Tony Ritz, I was JUST thinking that. Next, Orson will be wearing plaid pants and telling older women, “Hey – I bet you were somethin’ before electricity.”
Auburn gamedays = impossible to get a DiP. Great – now I’ve just jinxed myself into calling home from jail after the Kansas St. Fighting Fax Machine Repairmen game.
May 21st, 2007 at 2:28 pm
28
Orson Swindle says:
Do we contradict ourselves? Do we use the plural first person too frequently? Very well then on both counts.
May 21st, 2007 at 2:38 pm
29
Tatum says:
Orson, You need to ask Paul if he somehow had Mudcat Elmore’s car delivered to Oxford. By the way, during my college tenure I found it very easy to get an underage possession case in Athens. You don’t even have to be intoxicated. They’re still handing those things out like nobody’s business on game day. Game day for God’s sake! I blame our douchebag president, Mikey Adams.
May 21st, 2007 at 3:10 pm
30
PeteJayhawk says:
Getting a Drunk in public citations is nigh impossible at UW-LaCrosse. For BCS schools, K-State makes it tough, as public drunkenness is expected in Aggieville.
Easiest? Normal, IL, home of Illinois State. I have seen the cops stop someone walking quietly down the street in front of the dorms and give them a breathalyzer. Ridiculous. They have also been known to break up a house party and then give the leaving attendees MIPs and Drunk in Publics like crazy.
May 21st, 2007 at 3:40 pm
31
El Caballo de Sangre says:
bhors @ #10 is right; it used to be nigh impossible to get busted for drunkenness in Columbus. It’s a long time since then, so I don’t mind admitting that in Oxford, OH (Miami U.) from ‘87-’91, I racked up one each of: fake ID, public drunkenness, public urination, drunk & disorderly ,and disturbing the peace. So that’s my vote for the easiest.
May 21st, 2007 at 4:41 pm
32
El Caballo de Sangre says:
Just for the record, I didn’t read PeteJayhawk’s comment before I wrote mine, so I didn’t plagiarize those two words.
May 21st, 2007 at 4:43 pm
33
PAGator says:
Back when I was in college, I had two fraternity brothers get arrested for public intox for riding their bikes to Taco Bell. At 2:30am… in February… during a snow storm… while wearing t-shirts and flip flops… We only found out they got arrested when we couldn’t find them at 3:00pm the next afternoon.
May 21st, 2007 at 6:26 pm
34
Nashville Dawg says:
#22:
Bdoc,
Things must have changed in Key West. I was there on spring break in ‘92 and got in to a bar with my fake ID (as my friend in the line next to me got his taken up, no less) and we’re in there for maybe 5 mins, just long enough to get my first beer when two cops come walking through the damn bar, and as luck would have it, straight up to me and ask to see my ID. Again, this is inside the damn bar. I present my fake ID once again, thinking I might be able to pull it off. Long story short, they marched my ass out the front door and down the middle of the main street and into a makeshift booking station. I spent all the next day in an orange jumpsuit picking up trash all over the island. That’s pretty tough in my opinion.
May 21st, 2007 at 7:45 pm
35
Beergut says:
It is easy to get DiP in College Station, TX, but you can avoid it as long as you know where to go once the bars close.
CSPD has 7 cars; 6 of them are patrolling Northgate (bar district) at night. That means you only have to avoid the one missing one out there on your way home, and you’re okay.
You’re better of dealing with the University Police Department than CSPD.
My brother and I were walking from Northgate back onto campus one Friday night, headed to Midnight Yell Practice, when we were stopped by two UPD officers. Bro was carrying two bottles of beer, one in each hand. They informed he was in possession of an open container, which is not allowed on campus (they ignore this for tailgating on gameday). He replied that he didn’t know, and asked if he could finish them. They said ok, so he did, and tossed the bottles into a trash barrel.
Meanwhile, I was already sloshed, so I just stood there and mumbled incoherently about the team we were playing the next day. The cops didn’t do anything, just told us to be careful, and went on their way. They were nice.
May 22nd, 2007 at 2:47 am
36
Cincy says:
Re: #30 Breaking up parties and then waiting in the bushes with a fresh pad of tickets was standard practice in Norman, OK.
However, there was one instance where they must have suspended the PI laws. After getting good and drunk at Chili’s (I know… who gets drunk at Chili’s right?) a friend of mine spotted the giant red chili that sits outside so many resturants. He immediatly siezed the opportunity to be drunk in public by mounting the chili, flinging one hand in the air, and riding the chili mechanical bull-style. ….. then the cops drove by. Nothing ever came of it though.
May 22nd, 2007 at 8:14 am
37
Maine-iak says:
Re # 29
Tatum, the only problem I ever had in Athens was with the University itself rather than the cops. Had to go through the judicial process one semester for having a minor in my room with alcohol present, but the “charges” got dropped.
And the best place to go at the time for underage drinking was Uptown Lounge, which at the time, ironically enough, was right across the street (literally) from the police department. I guess they figured the cops were out and about town elsewhere.
We’d use the same Finnish passport to get literally 10 girls into the bar in a span of 20 minutes.
May 22nd, 2007 at 8:43 am
38
cm202 says:
Two college towns that seem prety tolerant to me: Morgantown and Newport News.
2003 or 2004. WVU upsets #3 VT at home. Probably 100 state troopers on the field, protecting the goal posts (before they started fighting the crowd that rushed it and throwing tear gas at anything that moved) Drunk student walks into the end zone, unzips, takes a leak right there, while the troopers watched from about 50 feet away. Kind of a shame we replaced that turf this month.
Also, while drunk at CNU in Virginia, I was arested for trespassing (not public drunkeness tho), my buds drove to the police station, also drunk after 6 hours at a party, and attempted to bail me out. Didn’t get me, but were allowed to drive away rather than being incarcerated themselves.
May 23rd, 2007 at 10:31 pm
39
Hawkeye Troublemaker says:
i have to disagree with how hard it is to get a ticket in Iowa City. More recently the Iowa City police force will send 95% of the cops working to patrol Downtown during bar time on Friday and Saturday to issue underage drinking tickets as well as public intox tickets. If the players at Montana wanted to deal driugs, they should do so away from downtown Iowa City on a Friday or Saturday night and they would get away with it!
May 26th, 2007 at 10:42 pm
40
BuckeyeRocket says:
Since your bored, I thought I’d share this:
http://www.hawkcentral.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070416/HAWKS0104/704160329/1058/HAWKS0104
Does Iowa get some more points, or do the points transfer with Bain to Akron?
May 28th, 2007 at 3:49 am