FULMER CUP ACCOUNTING: CRIMINAL MISCHIEF EDITION.

The Cup enjoys another slow week. How slow? We're counting drunken trashings of dorm mirrors, for Jeebus' sake.

Notes, updates, and apologies follow.

Notes, Updates, and Outright Apologies.

Though it's not D-1, we should mention the outstanding accomplishments of the Montana State Grizzlies Bobcats, who in addition to being one of our favorite teams to earn pennants on in NCAA 2007 have just earned a raised eyebrow by firing their coach, Mike Kramer. ("No, honey. Throwing 85 yard bombs on easy to Dallas Baker does not get old. Ever.")

Kramer led them to three Big Sky Conference titles and went 8-5 last year, accomplishments seemingly incongruous with a firing.

Incongruous...until you begin tallying up his players' off-the-field entrepreneurial activities, that is. The straw breaking the Kramer's back:

Former wide receiver Rick Gatewood was arrested this week on drug charges and is accused of using his athletic scholarship money to traffic cocaine from California in the Bozeman area. His brother also faces drug charges.

Gatewood is the sixth former Montana State athlete arrested or charged with crimes involving drugs or murder in the past year.

Holy Dennis Ericksonness! We bought beer with some of our Florida Academic Scholarship cash, but not being a business major we never imagined making that kind of a profit off it. The arrest is the final nail in the metaphorical coffin for Kramer, who somehow missed that numerous Montana State players were involved in drug-related activities, and that was after the arrest of two former Montana State athletes for murder in a drug-related case.

Cocaine reference=obligatory Dr. Rockso posting. They say it's gonna snow!!!

Ole Miss channels the Georgia Bulldogs and earns a suspended license charge, the putt-putt of Fulmer Cup charges to the long drives put forth by Illinois, Penn State, and Florida this year. Two citations for cornerback Cassius Vaughn, one point total for Ole Miss due to piddly traffic misbehavior.

Cincinnati scores points not from any salacious sex tape footage involving football players (:-(), but for defensive tackle Adam Hoppel's assault on a mirror in a dorm bathroom. If he doesn't earn the nickname 'Parakeet' after this, we'll be sorely disappointed in the imagination of opposing players and jibing teammates.

Walk-on Iowa Hawkeye Tyler Gerstandt stumbles off the wagon this week after picking up an underage possession charge in Iowa City. Again: does anyone truly know how hard it is to be ticketed for being drunk in a college town? We were drunk in every possible permutation of public drunkenness. In fact, we distinctly remember riding an ostrich while wearing a suit of armor down University Avenue, drunk as Andy Dick and attempting to re-enact the video game Joust. And no one said "boo" to us. (A few instances of "Die, fag!" yes. Tickets? No.)

What you just read never happened. But it could have, and thus our question: what towns are hardest to be punk in drublic in without getting a ticket?

Consider this your user question for the day. Adieu.

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