TIM BRANDO'S BALLS CUT LIKE KNIVES

by Orson on May 17, 2007 2:28 PM EDT

Tim Brando must play golf with the new Titleist Mutilator:

Former Auburn quarterback Stan White had his Regions Charity Classic pro-am round cut short this morning when he was struck in the head by an errant tee-shot on the sixth hole.

According to eyewitnesses, White was autographing a football about 50 yards from the tee-box when CBS Sports announcer Tim Brando's shot hit right behind one of White's ears.

We spent a lot of time at the golf course as a kid, and in between clearly illustrating to our very disappointed father that we could not be successful at even the most genteel of sports, we were hit with every possible variation of golf shot. We never had to get stitches for any of them. Stan White received "three or four stitches" for the cut resulting from Brando's errant shot, which means Tim Brando is clearly hopped up on cut-rate Mexican steroids.

Brando, when not making EXTREMELY enthusiastic appearances at the pregame and halftime breaks of CBS college football broadcasts, also evidently takes driving lessons from Charles Barkley.

Combined with this golf swing, the fact that he just got interviewed by the New Republic, and that he spent a lot of his free time throwing people through bar windows after they "picked fights with him," we've just set one of our goals in life as having dinner with Charles Barkley. (And judging from the shot above, dessert will be part of the package.)

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Comments

At least it’s not a “below the waist” injury

by sandman227 on May 17, 2007 2:49 PM EDT reply actions

It was not Brando. Brando is a patsy. It was Gene Stallings from behind the wooden fence on the grassy knoll.

“Back and to the left, back and to the left.”

by Weezy Jefferson Airplane on May 17, 2007 2:59 PM EDT reply actions

THIS IS A WASHED UP ATHLETE CHARITY GOLF TOURNAMENT!!! YOU’RE GOING TO STAND IN THE LINE OF FIRE AND THEN CALL IT QUITS WHEN YOU GET TAGGED!!!

Go play Putt Putt, Brother.

by Weezy Jefferson Airplane on May 17, 2007 3:24 PM EDT reply actions

hahahaha,

An Aubie qb. . . made my day!

by Hook'em Tide on May 17, 2007 4:34 PM EDT reply actions

That’s the worst GD swing I ever saw from a person with above average kinesthetic awareness. My mom could swing the club better than Ole’ C-Bark there. Hes just pushing the ball out there with his heft.

by Brian on May 17, 2007 5:01 PM EDT reply actions

Jeez, that hitch in Chuck’s swing makes me cringe every time I see it.

It’s like he’s having a mini stroke on every shot.

by Beatnik on May 17, 2007 5:22 PM EDT reply actions

When I was at the ‘04 SEC basketball tourney, me and the other hacks went to the bathroom. Among them was Brando. Brando went in and pissed next to me, all the while carrying on some loud coversation with a dude I didn’t recognize.

That’s all I got. It was weird, though. I felt like saying, “Hey, Tim. I’m going No. 1 over here. Quiet down for a second.”

by Newspaper Hack on May 17, 2007 7:53 PM EDT reply actions

You shoulda man, that woulda been priceless. Im sure guys like him get so much bootlicking they’d love it if someone told ’em to STFU.

by Brian on May 17, 2007 8:46 PM EDT reply actions

O.-
Check out Onion Sports. Chris Berman.

by Kakistocrat on May 17, 2007 10:32 PM EDT reply actions

Chuck eats around town a lot. My friend is a manager at Pricci. Barkley was the only group left in the restaurant when a female bartender’s friends came in to celebrate someone’s birthday. Sir Charles overheard and invited everyone to go drink at Beluga on his tab.

He also used to eat lunch at The Lodge all the time. Sadly, the Lodge is now closed. Where are Gator fans going to watch games now?

by nixforsix on May 18, 2007 8:53 AM EDT reply actions

While Stan White is a good person for the most part, compounded by the fact he was hit in the head by a golf ball, presumebly from a driver, which could be critical, I still say fuck auburn.

by King Harvest on May 18, 2007 9:10 AM EDT reply actions

A couple of things, #10 when you Barkley was the only group, is that a direct reference to his size and that he was one man putting away enough for 3-4, or was that meant to say “Barkley’s” group, meaning he was one of 3-4, of course, it is also possible he accidentally ate one of the group during the main course

Secondly, here is a story of the Ole Ball Coach apparently molesting Tuberville in a head-to-head match during the saem tournament, http://www.al.com/sports/birminghamnews/index.ssf?/base/sports/117947663841900.xml&coll=2

by Mark on May 18, 2007 9:29 AM EDT reply actions

#11, based on CB’s awesome driving technique, I’d be willing to bet that the ball velocity out of the box was only about 30 mph. Couldn’t have done THAT much damage to White. I think your “Fuck Auburn” statement is fair game.

by Aerobab on May 18, 2007 10:10 AM EDT reply actions

Sir Charles has a golf swing that makes Jim Furyk look like Fred Couples. Somewhere, Harvey Penick weeps.

by Murphy on May 18, 2007 10:15 AM EDT reply actions

Hey #13, Stan was hit by Tim Brando, not Barkley. Reading is fundamental.

by karlhungus12 on May 18, 2007 10:22 AM EDT reply actions

Aerobab @ #13
I did hear on the radio that White received stitches from the Brando-ish shrapnel however, before he was encouraged to get medical attention he did want to carry on as if he were playing on the very cusp of Pat Dye’s retirement.

by King Harvest on May 18, 2007 10:23 AM EDT reply actions