TIM BRANDO’S BALLS CUT LIKE KNIVES
Tim Brando must play golf with the new Titleist Mutilator:
Former Auburn quarterback Stan White had his Regions Charity Classic pro-am round cut short this morning when he was struck in the head by an errant tee-shot on the sixth hole.
According to eyewitnesses, White was autographing a football about 50 yards from the tee-box when CBS Sports announcer Tim Brando’s shot hit right behind one of White’s ears.
We spent a lot of time at the golf course as a kid, and in between clearly illustrating to our very disappointed father that we could not be successful at even the most genteel of sports, we were hit with every possible variation of golf shot. We never had to get stitches for any of them. Stan White received “three or four stitches” for the cut resulting from Brando’s errant shot, which means Tim Brando is clearly hopped up on cut-rate Mexican steroids.
Brando, when not making EXTREMELY enthusiastic appearances at the pregame and halftime breaks of CBS college football broadcasts, also evidently takes driving lessons from Charles Barkley.
Combined with this golf swing, the fact that he just got interviewed by the New Republic, and that he spent a lot of his free time throwing people through bar windows after they “picked fights with him,” we’ve just set one of our goals in life as having dinner with Charles Barkley. (And judging from the shot above, dessert will be part of the package.)












20
I saw him get hit. He looked more confused than a Buckeye coach in a championship game.
Comment by BamaCPA — May 18, 2007 @ 11:52 am
19
The prognosis is that the golf ball incapacitated the small area of White’s brain called the carpedulum.
White will no longer be able to bitch about the officiating every two minutes as he provides color during Auburn’s radio broadcast.
Comment by John in Hsv — May 18, 2007 @ 11:42 am
18
Well fuck me in the ass and call me Judy. I’m a retard, and thanks for pointing that out.
I’ll be the guy over in the corner beating my own ass…
Comment by Aerobab — May 18, 2007 @ 9:49 am
17
Shouldn’t retirement be written like this, “retirement.”
Pat Dye retired from Auburn about like Danny Ford retired from Clemson and Galen Hall retired from Florida.
Comment by Coop — May 18, 2007 @ 9:33 am
16
Aerobab @ #13
I did hear on the radio that White received stitches from the Brando-ish shrapnel however, before he was encouraged to get medical attention he did want to carry on as if he were playing on the very cusp of Pat Dye’s retirement.
Comment by King Harvest — May 18, 2007 @ 9:23 am
15
Hey #13, Stan was hit by Tim Brando, not Barkley. Reading is fundamental.
Comment by karlhungus12 — May 18, 2007 @ 9:22 am
14
Sir Charles has a golf swing that makes Jim Furyk look like Fred Couples. Somewhere, Harvey Penick weeps.
Comment by Murphy — May 18, 2007 @ 9:15 am
13
#11, based on CB’s awesome driving technique, I’d be willing to bet that the ball velocity out of the box was only about 30 mph. Couldn’t have done THAT much damage to White. I think your “Fuck Auburn” statement is fair game.
Comment by Aerobab — May 18, 2007 @ 9:10 am
12
A couple of things, #10 when you Barkley was the only group, is that a direct reference to his size and that he was one man putting away enough for 3-4, or was that meant to say “Barkley’s” group, meaning he was one of 3-4, of course, it is also possible he accidentally ate one of the group during the main course
Secondly, here is a story of the Ole Ball Coach apparently molesting Tuberville in a head-to-head match during the saem tournament, http://www.al.com/sports/birminghamnews/index.ssf?/base/sports/117947663841900.xml&coll=2
Comment by Mark — May 18, 2007 @ 8:29 am
11
While Stan White is a good person for the most part, compounded by the fact he was hit in the head by a golf ball, presumebly from a driver, which could be critical, I still say fuck auburn.
Comment by King Harvest — May 18, 2007 @ 8:10 am