THE PEOPLE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD: DEFENSIVE COORDINATORS, PART ONE
by Orson on May 14, 2007 8:41 AM EDT
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PrintThis was a rough year for defensive coordinators, so we have to break down our review into two parts. Yes, we're going to talk about Corwin Brown, ND fans. Just not yet.
Nick Saban/Kevin Steele, Alabama. Saban? Nick Saban?
AIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHH!!!!
Well, we can only do the best with the time we're given. And that time will be approximately 2.3 seconds per play for opposing quarterbacks, give or take a few nanoseconds. Nick Saban earned dual degrees in sleep deprivation and defense under Bill Belichick, so expect a base 3-4ish defense with multiple looks, linebackers doubling as rush ends, rush ends dropping into coverages, blitzing safeties dropping from the Goodyear Blimp over the stadium...anything and everything short of the "Gritz Blitz," really.
The switch to a 3-4 became sadly necessary when Lord Sauron--er, Saban cast a fiery eye on his defensive line and realized he had no defensive tackles.
(Gracias, Senor Shula!) Starting nose guard Keith Brian Motley came over from the offense, never a great sign even if Motley was named most improved player at the conclusion of spring practice. Nevertheless, Saban's defenses rarely give up more than 20 in a game--ever.
Kevin Steele's the nominal defensive coordinator, and that's not a bad thing. It's a pleasant luxury to be able to hire a head coach as your defensive coordinator, as Steele was formally at Baylor from 1999-2002 and was informally at Florida State from 2003-2006. Saban's first and foremost a defensive coach, and will hold generous sway over the defensive game plan. Steele will likely keep a particularly close look on linebackers, a position he coached at Nebraska in the 1990s and FSU in the 2000s, a time of great doom and sadness for offenses throughout the conferences. Think of him as Saruman to Saban's Sauron.
Steve Brown, Kentucky.
Kentucky defensive coordinator Mike Archer left over the offseason to take the job at NC State with new coach Tom O'Brien. The move left Kentucky in the lurch, since replacing a man who led the Kentucky defense to 118th out of 119 in the nation is no easy task. We'd use the word "funereal" to describe Kentucky's defense if not for their 8-5 record last year and stunning (no exaggeration there) 28-20 victory over Clemson in the Music City Bowl.
With Archer gone, the Arenaball approach should subside somewhat. They'll still be bad to mediocre, but mediocre would mean superb given their performance last year, summarized in a single, agonizing sentence:
The Wildcats defense allowed 14 touchdowns on plays from 20 yards or further and 11 from 30 yards or more.
Go deep--no one's back there, man. Kentucky did play better defense as the year went on, and Brown's a youngish internal hire with ambition to burn and a good record of coaching secondaries in the pros, leading us to think Kentucky will focus on getting turnovers via interceptions and gambling a bit since that's precisely what the Rams teams Brown helped coach in the NFL did. This only works if your offense throws out points in gouts, which Kentucky can do with Andre Woodson, Rafael Little, and an undervalued receiving corps on the O squad.
He also has a mustache, which is nice.
Scott Shafer, Stanford.
JIM HARBAUGH FEARS NO MAN!!! He'll fight you right now if you want, Shirley Skirtflower. You'll be picking up your teeth off the ground, son, because if there's one thing you should think of when you think of Stanford, it's pure, distilled tough, son. And most definitely not grade inflation, Nobel-prize winning economists, a deranged mascot, or Tiger Woods.
A. Michael Spence would like you to know that he will kick your ass with his Nobel-winning foot. Don't mess with Stanford or his impressive understanding of dynamic information flows and markets, bitch.
Anyway, Harbaugh has a new defensive coordinator. He bows to no man, either, though he might consider bowing to the queen if she agrees to arm wrestle him first: Steve Shafer, former DC at Western Michigan. Shafer specializes in revitalizing runty upstart defenses, having built thorny schemes at mighty mites NIU and Western Michigan. Like Kentucky's Brown, he's another youngish hire with a thing for coaching the secondary; unlike Brown, he's got scads more experience and has reconstructed moribund defenses from scratch that go on to frustrate serious offenses.
Jim Harbaugh thinks Steve Shafer is a hell of a hire. And if you don't, you're in for another dose of Harbaugh Fist Massage, delivered one stunning punch at a time. Don't bother to tip him when he's done--your pain is enough of a gratuity, chump.
Craig Bray, Arizona State.
Status: Retread. When you think defensive excellence, would you select someone associated primarily with Dennis Erickson and John L. Smith. Of course you would. We may have jumped the gun on this hypothetical, leaving out one small detail: you have a brain tumor while making this decision.
Bray is firmly ensconced in Dennis Erickson's buddy network--they're on each other's Google chat, BFF'ing it up with emoticons and shit--and thank God for that. Bray's coming off a lugubrious year at Minnesota, including the bowl game China Syndrome meltdown against Texas Tech where his Minnesota secondary helpfully waved through onrushing Texas Tech receivers as the Red Raiders overcame a four touchdown deficit to beat Minnesota 44-41 in the 2006 Insight Bowl.
Lest you forget, someone's set the whole thing to music--really shitty music. Even that can't spoil the beauty of Mike Leach's offense going supernova and destroying entire galaxies.
You have to love a highlight video that starts when your team is down 28-0. To be fair, Leach's teams just do that every now and then, and Minnesota's malaise wasn't just on defense. Bray's got some nice resume points: coached the Colorado Buffaloes defenses to back-to-back Big 12 North championships under Gary Barnett, was on the Oregon State defensive staff that helped annihilate another return to greatness for Notre Dame in 2001 in the 41-9 Fiesta Bowl.
Then again, his Colorado defense could have lost by a hundred to Texas, who mercifully stopped at 70 in the Big 12 title game. He's a bit of an old boy hire, but not an atrocious one considering the possibilities. He won't reap the windfall you might expect him to as an incoming defensive coach at Arizona State--ASU ranked 51st in the nation in total defense and stood squarely in the middle of the Pac-10 in terms of defensive quality. Holding serve will likely do little to help ASU's chances in year one.
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Orson,
It’s Brian Motley at Nose Tackle for UA.
Experiencing the East Atlanta Beer festival hangover as well , huh?
by ness on May 14, 2007 9:30 AM EDT reply actions
Unfortunate Grad assistant: What does the Great Eye command?
Steele: We have work to do…. I want this defense armed and ready to march in 2 days!
Unfortunate Grad assistant: Two days? We can’t do it, we don’t have the means!
Steele: Work the fires, damn the river, shake down the boosters. The patrons of Dreamland lie at our doorstep.
Unfortunate Grad assistant: Yesss!
by Sean on May 14, 2007 9:40 AM EDT reply actions
Noted and corrected, Ness. And no, it’s not beer, but perhaps watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding out of the corner of our eye last night while editing some pieces.
by Orson Swindle on May 14, 2007 9:43 AM EDT reply actions
I recall going to the Tuscaloosa News website during spring training and watching a short snippet of a practice. I’m not sure whether I should be dismayed or elated, but Steele sounded just like Jerry Reed’s character from “The Waterboy”.
Sample dialogue from the video:
Steele (standing directly behind unfortunate linebacker going through individual drills) “Now, I’m gonna put my feet right behind yours…so, if you stutter step backwards again, you’re gonna step on my feet. And, son, you don’t wanna step on my feet…believe me”
by sandman227 on May 14, 2007 9:52 AM EDT reply actions
After watching that highlight video, it is clear that stadium security should have forcibly removed Bray from the field around the 3rd Quarter. Then maybe Minnesota may of had a chance. Rush 3, drop 8 all game, kudos to you Craig Bray.
by Mike Honcho on May 14, 2007 9:54 AM EDT reply actions
Bray wasn’t our DC last year. He was just a position coach brought in by Grinnin Glen to help out David Lockwood, and perhaps try this newfangled “recruiting” thing that Mason & Co. had yet to figure out after a decade.
by Brewster Crew on May 14, 2007 10:14 AM EDT reply actions
No, he was your secondary coach—not made completely clear in the article. That actually makes things worse, doesn’t it?
by Orson Swindle on May 14, 2007 10:29 AM EDT reply actions
So if Saban is Sauron, who does that make Tuberville? Gandalf?
by rusty on May 14, 2007 10:29 AM EDT reply actions
That cosmic eye looks more like a solar goatse, which is appropriate for Saban I suppose.
by DC Trojan on May 14, 2007 10:38 AM EDT reply actions
Coming! These guys die like flies every offseason. There’s a slew of them out there.
by Orson Swindle on May 14, 2007 10:54 AM EDT reply actions
No, it would make Fulmer Gandalf… and that’s the definition of cognitive dissonance
by PeterPumpkinhead on May 14, 2007 10:55 AM EDT reply actions
That was my first experience with EABF this year Ness, and I have to say any festival that involves purely a field, and never ending amounts of beer with no other trim, is a wonderful idea…
by Jonathan on May 14, 2007 11:16 AM EDT reply actions
- - No, Saban as Sauron makes Tuberville Morgoth, the latter the older version of evil incarnate.
Example: “A Balrog of Morgoth” becomes “Kenny Irons of Tuberville/Auburn”
by Sean on May 14, 2007 11:35 AM EDT reply actions
So if you throw one of Bama’s fake rings into Bear’s Crack of Doom, does that mean that Saban gets toppled – or just leaves for yet another coaching job?
by Out of Conference on May 14, 2007 12:05 PM EDT reply actions
- - It may be worth a try, but which fake ring should go in?
by Sean on May 14, 2007 12:23 PM EDT reply actions
That eyeball picture? That was identified as Stu Scott’s lazy discolored eye
by Jai Eugene on May 14, 2007 12:30 PM EDT reply actions
“Nevertheless, Saban’s defenses rarely give up more than 20 in a game–ever.”
— Holy selective memory, Batman! LSU gave up 20+ points 26 times in Saban’s 5 years there. Perhaps “rarely gave up more than 20 in a game – in 2003” would be more accurate. And yes, I do realize it was just a joke anyway…
by Adam on May 14, 2007 12:37 PM EDT reply actions
I’m guessing Mike Shula would be like Gollum in this little story?
by crabs on May 14, 2007 12:40 PM EDT reply actions
It’s worth mentioning Orson that Spurrier hung more than 30 (including about 50) twice on Saban’s LSU teams. He’s a great coach but his defenses weren’t any good at LSU until he had great players. Don’t assume Bama will scare anybody for a while.
by Billy on May 14, 2007 1:00 PM EDT reply actions
Agreed, Billy. Like Sauron, he’s got to rebuild the body before he gets his evil plan on track.
by Orson Swindle on May 14, 2007 2:19 PM EDT reply actions
jonathan,
yes i agree..Anything that has an attendee list ranging from the college girls dressed like it was steeplechase, the east Atlanta regulars who only need a drop of sunscreen for the part of their torso that Isn’t covered in tats, the remanants of Ozzfest ‘97, and the soul band backed by the bluegrass band’s string section…that is for me..mix in the lightning and the two girls fighting over the inflatable beer toy in the mud, and i am in heaven!
by ness on May 14, 2007 2:28 PM EDT reply actions
I’m surprised the Orcs from T-town haven’t been on to remind you meer Hobbits that Sauron doesn’t have time for this shit.
by Out of Conference on May 14, 2007 3:15 PM EDT reply actions
Is a meerhobbit similar to a meerkat? Gosh them little fellers is cute!
by crabs on May 14, 2007 4:08 PM EDT reply actions
The worst part about that Craig Bray meltdown? It occurred at Sun Devil Stadium. Great. At least all of the 15-yard personal fouls will be fun.
by Jon hates Russian spammers and UofA on May 14, 2007 4:10 PM EDT reply actions
Yeah, a meerhbbitt ran the ball on that trick play to the left that Arkansas ran against Auburn for a big gain last year. Meerhobbitrooskie.
by Out of Conference on May 14, 2007 4:46 PM EDT reply actions
If Saban is Sauron , Fulmer is Samwise, Tubberville is Smeagle, Nutt is Gollum, Roy Kramer is Gandolf the Grey
by Pat Dye on May 14, 2007 5:10 PM EDT reply actions
There are two possible continuances of the college football/ Middle-Earth metaphor.
1. Auburn’s football program is Boromir and The One Ring is the NCAA Football Championship. His lust for that power led to his many personal failings (sociology, anyone?) in spite of never actually attaining said prize.
2. The Rose Bowl is The One Ring. Its power and mere existence are the two major roadblocks to having the happily ever after (read: PLAYOFF) the vast majority of the people want.
by David Day on May 14, 2007 6:35 PM EDT reply actions
Screw Saban and screw Bama; there I feel better. Even though the gators bent us over in the NCG, I still hate Alabama with every ounce of my being.
by tOSUBuckeyes on May 14, 2007 6:42 PM EDT reply actions
Damn, I’m going to have to say nice things about tOSU now. For like, a week or something.
by Will Collier on May 14, 2007 8:10 PM EDT reply actions
What, Buckeye? Still smarting from the ’95 Citrus Bowl? I would think you would be more upset at South Carolina, what with the Gamecocks (and utterly senile Lou Holtz) taking your team twice in Tampa.
by Newspaper Hack on May 14, 2007 11:14 PM EDT reply actions
tOSUBuckeyes..I bet your the same guy who made a bet on a Bama forum that if tOSU lost to Florida you would only refer to yourself as “BigTenSucks”…Does UF tell you when they are about to go? cause I know you hate it in your hair..
by CapstoneAlum on May 14, 2007 11:57 PM EDT reply actions
Hmm One of Bama’s fake rings? Like the 1957 probation fake ring? One of One?
OSUBuckeyes probably thinks Woody Hayes was a good coach too…..LOL
by bat123 on May 15, 2007 8:17 AM EDT reply actions
re: #36
“Still smarting from the ‘95 Citrus Bowl?” I’m sure he hates bama because of idiots like you – living in the past – boasting about shit that no one remembers or gives a rat’s ass about.
1995 Citrus Bowl? What the fuck? I doubt anyone at TOSU even remembers they played in that game, much less who they played. They have had other things to occupy their minds since then: 1 National Championship, 4 straight BCS bowls, annually kicking the shit out of their arch rival (not that you would know what that’s like).
How many times has bama been “back” since then?
You ignorant necks will be lucky to make it “back” to Shreveport this year.
by crabs on May 15, 2007 12:34 PM EDT reply actions
I had always thought of Ohio State as the Alabama of the north, but crabs raises a good point – Ohio State actually has accomplishments within living memory and doesn’t have to make stuff up from 30 years ago to brag about. Maybe they should be forgiven their swagger/arrogance in light of the fact they back it up, except when playing Florida anyway.
by War Eagle on May 15, 2007 1:09 PM EDT reply actions
Hmm, War Eagle, I am a UGA fan so nothing in this fight, but you may want to look up who won the NC in 1992 and when was the last time AU won one….. I’m just saying not sure when you were born, but if it was after 92….
by Jonathan on May 15, 2007 1:58 PM EDT reply actions
They didn’t make up 1992. But some of the NCs from way back include seasons where they lost three games, didn’t even win the SEC, lost their bowl game, stuff like that. I couldn’t look myself in the mirror and be proud of that.
by War Eagle on May 15, 2007 3:40 PM EDT reply actions
“…and doesn’t have to make stuff up from 30 years ago to brag about.”
Something like the ‘04 People’s Championship?
At least the NCAA recognizes our championships.
by bamadrew on May 15, 2007 4:23 PM EDT reply actions
re: “At least the NCAA recognizes our championships”
The NCAA doesn’t officially “recognize” any National Champions in football. They merely report them on their website – which by the way shows Auburn winning a championship in 1993 and Alabama splitting one with FSU in 1992.
by crabs on May 15, 2007 5:07 PM EDT reply actions
The NCAA recognizes zero championships in Division 1A football because there isn’t one. They even state such a fact on their web site, but then give a PDF that has a list of previous schools and championships given, including the name of the poll that awarded the championship. This list includes popular polls, like the AP/UPI/Coaches/BCS, as well as computer polls like Sagarin, Colley, etc…, in addition to after-the-fact polls.
Most years, there are 2-3 teams listed in that PDF, which sort of points to the fact that there is no national championship recognized by the NCAA.
by NewAZTiger on May 15, 2007 5:08 PM EDT reply actions
The reason I hate Bama is simple, no other fan base in the country would sing “Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer, we just beat the hell out of you” after a 13-10 come from behind win against Vanderbilt, but I witnessed it first hand and if nothing else sums up the bama fan base, that spectacle does. We just beat the hell out of you Vanderbilt; it took a last second field goal, but we did it, we beat the hell out of you and now we are going to stand up in your stadium and tell you about it. WTF!!!
No one and I mean no one beats their chest over a win like Bama fans; no one brags about mythical national championships like Bama fans; no one looks down on the most prestigious individual award in all of sports like Bama fans (reckon it has anything to do with not having any?); no one lives in the past more than Bama fans; no one worships a coach or crucifies him more than Bama fans.
In fact, by many accounts everything that Bama fans do is done to the extreme, there is never any middle ground with a Bama fan.
This mentality that winning NCs at Bama is a birthright is sickening.
by tOSUBuckeyes on May 15, 2007 5:10 PM EDT reply actions
As for the Citrus Bowl, who cares?? I think there are only 4 true measurables in determine who the best schools are: MNCs, Heisman Winners, First Round Draft Picks, and NFL Hall of Fame Inductees. I know lately the Heisman trophy has lost some credibility, but historically it has produced some unbelievable winners who have gone on to be the best at the next level as well. And I know the MNCs are not as legit historically, but what else do we really have to measure success? The BCS is adding some credibility, but it’s still not perfect.
Interested to see how your school stacks up, look these things up and add up the total number.
Ohio State 7 + 7 + 66 + 5 = 85.
by tOSUBuckeyes on May 15, 2007 5:27 PM EDT reply actions
The NCAA website says they don’t “conduct” a football championship. The mere fact that they list the winners of the polls in the .pdf file shows that they recognize them. As in they recognize all the ones Bama claims (actually ,they also recognize 5 that Bama doesn’t claim).
My point was that they don’t recognize Auburn in ‘04 for their "People’s Championship" for which they had a parade and rings made. And an Auburn person implying that Bama makes up their championships is laughable.
Sorry for the confusion.
by bamadrew on May 15, 2007 5:42 PM EDT reply actions
tOSUBuckeyes, you still have not answered the question. Were you the guy who made the bet? Man up and answer…
by CapstoneAlum on May 15, 2007 10:08 PM EDT reply actions
Wow. I take it as a badge of honor that the OSU fanbase doesn’t like Alabama. Makes being friends with Michigan fans all the more easier.
BTW – we don’t shit in coolers in Alabama. Coolers are for beer and fine spirits. Outhouses are for shitting in. Maybe one day you Ohio people will get it right.
by Newspaper Hack on May 16, 2007 12:23 AM EDT reply actions
This started out as a funny thread – and now its reduced to some rednecks defending their beloved “crimpson tahhhd” as to how many championships they have won. sigh….
by crabs on May 16, 2007 9:28 AM EDT reply actions
Re: #54
No, it’s still funny. There are Barners on here calling Bammers rednecks. It’s hilarious.
by bamadrew on May 16, 2007 10:20 AM EDT reply actions
hate makes the college football world go round. Especially between redneck schools.
by War Eagle on May 16, 2007 12:14 PM EDT reply actions
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