FRIDAY CHEESECAKE: DORIS MAR, HELP US JEEBUS.
by Orson on May 11, 2007 11:06 AM EDT
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PrintThis promises to be a very hectic Friday in the real world for us, so we'll issue apologies ahead of time and issue cheesecake early. Okay, we are busy, but the cheesecake, being of such an awe-inspiring variety, can't really wait any longer, being so close to its freshness peak an all.
Presente: Doris Mar, as rec'd by DC Trojan. Sure, she's cheesecake, but cheesecake with an environmental conscience, as evidenced by her posing in a skimpy swimsuit in an ad campaign imploring mexican men to not eat sea turtle eggs. The ad is persuasive enough:
Don't eat turtle eggs, or women who look like this will not sleep with you.
Doris also got involved in a unique immigration case which should (more than any other case involving botched visa applications, snaking, endless airport security lines, or government waste) convince you that the Department of Homeland Security is the worst fucking idea ever.
From Wikipedia:
In 2006, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security abruptly deported in handcuffs, Dorismar and her husband/manager Alejandro (Alex) Schiff to Argentina, asserting that she was an illegal alien in the United States. Dorismar has contested this effort, claiming that her physical attributes place her in the category of "alien of extraordinary ability", which would allow her to seek residency in the U.S. based on her talents.
More examples of her extraordinary ability below, which are barely safe for work.
Rural lady motif! Kant reed= dubbul hott!
Latina cheesecake always requires the combo of hot pants/ass shot/expensive car.
And finally...
Jeebus. There's supposed to be a proper caption here, but there's not.
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Thanks for the early cake. Much appreciated on a decidedly shitty Friday.
by drogue on May 11, 2007 11:11 AM EDT reply actions
I highly approve of the cheesecake you have provided the last 2 weeks.
by TideInTx on May 11, 2007 11:12 AM EDT reply actions
I think what will end up coming to pass is that her ass will become a citizen, considering 99% of her talent is located in the buttockal region, and that she will end up getting in based on her being attached aforementioned ass.
Due to matters of legality, however, she will be required to file taxes separately from her own ass, seeing as it generates her income, and filing separately will allow her to claim some nice tax benefits.
Is it possible for you ass to form its own corporation?
by Brian on May 11, 2007 11:19 AM EDT reply actions
….cuz Id love to make like the IRS and TAX IT!!!
Ziiiiiiiiing!
by Brian on May 11, 2007 11:20 AM EDT reply actions
Between the early cheesecake and finding out Friday Night Lights got renewed, a lousy morning has gotten significantly less lousy.
by Boy Howdy on May 11, 2007 11:20 AM EDT reply actions
inspired by the last two weeks of cheesecake i went and created the for your enjoyment.
by kleph on May 11, 2007 11:32 AM EDT reply actions
Jeebus?
Don’t you remember what happened the last time you talked to him?
by Jerkwheat on May 11, 2007 11:33 AM EDT reply actions
I just saw the “Reinhold Messner would do it” tag. Fucking Hilarious.
by RedDevilEA on May 11, 2007 11:38 AM EDT reply actions
Latina Cheesecake deserves more than a Ford, for Christ’s sake! Even if the said Ford costs 150K!
by Aerobab on May 11, 2007 11:43 AM EDT reply actions
Kleph-
Judge Smails says: “Top notch, son. Top notch!!!”
by Kanu on May 11, 2007 12:04 PM EDT reply actions
Last time I saw an ass like that it had a hook in it.
+1 Kleph
by Brian on May 11, 2007 12:38 PM EDT reply actions
i’ll bet she’s been plucked more times than the Rose of Tralee.
by kleph on May 11, 2007 12:44 PM EDT reply actions
Jorts Dept:
No offense to Gator fans, but only chicks that look like Miss Dorismar-superbutt should be allowed to wear ’em thangs.
by Stacey Keibler Luvs Me on May 11, 2007 12:57 PM EDT reply actions
Many thanks for Dorismar and that map. I love that I’m learning some geography on friday while not getting any work done.
by Matt on May 11, 2007 1:47 PM EDT reply actions
Starting with his epic call from Lima on Tuesday, Kleph has just been dominating the EDSBS reader of the year race.
For the past week he’s been Reggie Bush vs. Fresno State
by Nathan on May 11, 2007 2:07 PM EDT reply actions
+1 to Kleph. Well done, sir.
If I were in charge of ICE, Doris would be getting a visa and amnesty first thing.
by Signal to Noise on May 11, 2007 3:24 PM EDT reply actions
Minor Google Map Editing Dept:
I have been doing plenty of due dilligence work on Kleph’s Google map and just noticed two errors:
1) Republica Deportiva is based in Miami and not Los Angeles. If it were, I would have tried to get tickets to that show a long time ago.
2) Miss Boobs Almost Falling Out Red Dress is from Salma Hayek’s Mexico, and not Miami, even though that is where the awards show was broadcast.
Great cheesecake again this week. Amazing. Has Stranko Montana been replaced?
by Stacey Keibler Luvs Me on May 11, 2007 4:00 PM EDT reply actions
Kleph, it is inspired work, but is missing a few key ones… particularly Keira (or Keyra) Augustina who was featured a while back.
by Stranko Montana on May 11, 2007 4:06 PM EDT reply actions
I would also reference that I think both Shakira and Vergara are from the coastal city of Baranquilla. “Mira en Baranquilla se baila asi”
by Stranko Montana on May 11, 2007 4:09 PM EDT reply actions
i actually put some thought into those points. i have the latino music awards posted in florida because the ceremony was held in coral gables. orson’s entry included several offerings of cheesecake from various locales so i went with the location of the event.
debated the deportiva one. univision is headquartered in los angeles but their production studios are in miami. it basically was aesthetic. looking at the whole map it’s harder to see two on top of each other in florida.
by the same token, the women are only placed on their country of origin not the specific cities. the multiple cheesecake entries make this impossible, not to mention my researching abilities. and places like são paulo would be overloaded.
by kleph on May 11, 2007 4:10 PM EDT reply actions
and orson doesn’t classify the augustina pictures as “cheesecake” nor does he offer his preferred image so she doesn’t make the cut on the map.
by kleph on May 11, 2007 4:17 PM EDT reply actions
We’d love to contribute to the discussion on the technical issues of Kleph’s map, but have been temporarily retardd by teh lasst pictshur up thurr. Mah gaawwsds…..
by Orson Swindle on May 11, 2007 4:18 PM EDT reply actions
J-Lo, Schmay-Low:
I totally agree with Stranko. Argentina’s Keyra Agustina is about as “cheesecake” as a pretty woman can get. She has a rump that would give last week’s model a run for her money, and then some. Here is a link from Maxim.
http://www.maximonline.com/girls_of_maxim/girl_template_magnified.aspx?id=1137&ind=0
by Stacey Keibler Luvs Me on May 11, 2007 4:48 PM EDT reply actions
As my own little local contribution to Friday Cheesecake, here’s a little lady that will raise the Cal hotness average by like 3 points all by herself when she arrives on campus next year. (So, we should be creeping up on 7.0 with this addition……….ok 6.0). Pole Vault superstar, Allison Stokke (uh huh, uh huh huh huh, uh huh huh…..boioioioing). She’s not Latina (as far as I know), but I doubt there will be any protests.
http://www.dyestat.com/3us/6out/NikeOutdoorNats/album-vic-jumps-g/images/154GM8W1004.jpg
by Oski and ye shall receive on May 11, 2007 5:41 PM EDT reply actions
Doris: Uhhhhhh…whoa.
Allison: Fffffff (sharply indrawn breath)
Good work, gentlemen.
by Raider Red on May 11, 2007 6:08 PM EDT reply actions
Note: All female pole vaulters and high jumpers are beautiful. I worked Big XII track meets occasionally, and needless to say I was pissed off that pole vault wasn’t a high school event in my state.
by Kakistocrat on May 11, 2007 6:20 PM EDT reply actions
“it’s harder to see two on top of each other in florida.”
That’s not been my experience. Especially in Tampa.
by Mr. Wrong on May 11, 2007 6:31 PM EDT reply actions
I don’t have a chance anyway, really, with women like that.
Fuck the Turtles.
by That 5.0 Guy on May 11, 2007 10:26 PM EDT reply actions
as a denizen of a country populated by women like that, i venture to say you are wrong.
by kleph on May 12, 2007 7:24 AM EDT reply actions
Yeah..sure, I’d suck her daddy’s dick for just one night with her and I would eat a mile of her shit just to see where it came from but dammit how about some good old fashion American cheesecake, you know buxom blondes from the North or sun-tanned southern beauties or … Holy Shit, nevermind, I just saw the last Pic!!!!!
by domerva on May 12, 2007 5:10 PM EDT reply actions
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