Alert reader Alex sends us this seemingly innocuous screenshot of the AJC’s sports page, headed by a story about a change in student ticket policy at UGA…
Nothing to see here…
…which on closer inspection contains a delightfully subtle Shocker in the background. FEEL THE POWER OF MICROSOFT PAINT!!!
Some names are too legendary, too genuinely special to let go. Tennessee’s recognized that and responded promptly by hiring on former third stringer Jim Bob Cooter as a graduate assistant, keeping the name close to where it belongs: Knoxville.
Cooter returns. Alleluia.
Between Cooter and Mike Hunt, the vajayjay-themed humor quotient in the SEC just went, like, Trevigintillion-big.
“Cooter’s keeping cool in the heat with a new hairstyle: shaved.”
“Ainge has learned a lot from Cooter: where to put it, when to go deep, when to go short, and most importantly, when to pull it out and run.”
“Weather’s going to be an issue today, especially with communication between the coaches and the quarterback. Cutcliffe’s in the box, which is dry. But Ainge has a very wet Cooter on the sidelines to help him get what he needs.”
“Ainge throws a pick! And wow, that’ll make Cooter hot every single time.”
Thanks to Tennessee’s human resources division for making this happen. We needed new jokes to drive into the ground, and lo, like pennies from heaven, they’ve arrived.
This promises to be a very hectic Friday in the real world for us, so we’ll issue apologies ahead of time and issue cheesecake early. Okay, we are busy, but the cheesecake, being of such an awe-inspiring variety, can’t really wait any longer, being so close to its freshness peak an all.
Presente: Doris Mar, as rec’d by DC Trojan. Sure, she’s cheesecake, but cheesecake with an environmental conscience, as evidenced by her posing in a skimpy swimsuit in an ad campaign imploring mexican men to not eat sea turtle eggs. The ad is persuasive enough:
Don’t eat turtle eggs, or women who look like this will not sleep with you.
Doris also got involved in a unique immigration case which should (more than any other case involving botched visa applications, snaking, endless airport security lines, or government waste) convince you that the Department of Homeland Security is the worst fucking idea ever.
From Wikipedia:
In 2006, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security abruptly deported in handcuffs, Dorismar and her husband/manager Alejandro (Alex) Schiff to Argentina, asserting that she was an illegal alien in the United States. Dorismar has contested this effort, claiming that her physical attributes place her in the category of “alien of extraordinary ability”, which would allow her to seek residency in the U.S. based on her talents.
More examples of her extraordinary ability below, which are barely safe for work.
Excelsior: NCAA 2008 leaks begin. Just what we needed: Vanderbilt, loving rendered down to the surrounding office buildings.
If there’s a whiskey Aroma-vision component for West Virginia…well, there won’t be. And the game will be a damn failure until it gets one. This year’s big feature will be the impact player cubed:
The bigger the plays, the bigger the motivation boost and the better your player performs. His play will even give your entire team a shot in the arm. Of course, if you blow a big play, your team’s going to feel the effects.
Embracing the great man theory of history there? Thomas Carlyle, your new lead programmer at EA Sports, says you are welcome, whoever decides to play with the vintage Texas 2005 team. Penn State fans in contrast, may fear the new Morelli vision feature, where one receiver looks REAAAAALLLY big and all the others turn into dusty little blurs in the distance.
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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