WHO ARE THE PEOPLE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD? YOUR NEW COORDINATORS

by Orson on May 9, 2007 12:15 PM EDT

No one ever dies in college football--they just coerce a buddy into hiring them by reminding them of some particularly incriminating pictures they still have in a safe deposit box in Beaumont, Texas. ("Tijuana! '83! The one with the fake arm? REMEMBER???)

Coaching shuffles, incriminating Mexican vacation photos aside, involve retreads and n00bs, mostly hot young things snatched up from smaller programs on their way to finding their level, whether it's an unstoppable rise to NFL majordomo status all the way from Weber State (Bobby Petrino) or an ugly verification of your minor league status (Hal Mumme, New Mexico State.)

So looking around the offseason of coaching shuffles, poaches, and other HR issues you'll probably have to watch an excruciating video just to talk about legally in the company of a non-HR department person. Today, we talk about the really glam department: offensive coordinators.

Chip Kelly, Oregon.

Status: n00b (relatively speaking). A former offensive coordinator at D-1AA New Hampshire, 42 year old Chip Kelly would be on the upside of the career parabola at the point, moving up from a very successful stretch at New Hampshire. His teams there, from our extensive research on Google, "scored lots of points." More specifically, they averaged over 400 yards a game seven of the last eight years, broke all previous school records, and finished second in the nation in total offense in 2005 behind Vince Young. (Listed all by himself of course.)

Kelly's style will be--don't drop your donut in shock--"spread," which was supposedly what Gary Crowton had going on at Oregon prior to his departure for LSU. We hope his version of the spread doesn't involve yanking two quarterbacks around without rhyme or reason, since this central feature of the Oregon offense didn't work out all that well last year, excepting sweet field goal fakes.

A tantalizing peek into the possibilities of the run game, as seen here in a shotgun sweep to a wideout in motion.

Another guarantee: like many OCs, Kelly isn't afraid to let one receiver hog the ball. David Ball, UNH wide receiver, broke Jerry Rice's all-time TD record during his time in Kelly's offense.

Kelly slides into the seat formerly occupied by...

Gary Crowton, LSU.

Status: retread. Late of BYU, where he endured an ill-fated stint as the successor to Lavell Edwards, Crowton brings his spread/Norm Chow/multiform/bend like the grass, don't break like the fence/bouillabaise of an offense to Baton Rouge. If this sounds confusing, it can be, at times, both seemingly for the players on the field and for fans wondering why the highly trained team of professionals just called a screen on the two yard line, lost yards, and had to settle for a field goal.

Crowton's offense can roll at times--we don't want to sell him short, since he did have the ninth-ranked offense in the nation last year--but the impact of the freewheelin' West Coaster into the SEC may have less of an impact than one might think, even with the aura of BYU's glorious points-fits surrounding Crowton.

Jimbo Fisher's offense worked suspiciously like Crowton's at times: deliberately ambiguous, using multiple formations and forever trying to keep the defense off-balance. You'll likely see more shotgun, and definitely more passing, but aside from a diminished number of toss sweeps called, the offenses will look surprisingly similar in effect. And like Fisher's offenses, every now and then the game plan will roll out that will baffle even those meant to execute its instructions (see USC , Cal, and most bafflingly, Arizona from last year for Oregon.)

Crowton will do well enough: he's got a veteran qb in Matt Flynn, oodles of Saban Brand talent, and a head coach who'll let him do pretty much what he wants with the offense. And Crowton's called very, very successful games against SEC teams using inferior talent before--we imagine he'll be just fine cooking up recipes with the Calphalon-grade talent LSU has. Ask Alabama.

Apologies, Bama fans. Mike Dubose is at Millsaps, right? See. You feel all better now.

Major Applewhite, Alabama.

Status: n00b. But a V, VHT n00b, and as hot as they come in the Q rating. You set offensive records at Rice, and people start Twittering you with messages like "HEY JUST SITTING HERE ON PILE OF MONEY NOT SCORING POINTS LOVE NICK IN T-TOWN."

This is precisely what happened, setting up a hypothetical future tale Texas fans have to salivate over by putting Applewhite on a career track to take over the Longhorns program just as Mack Brown retires. (Don't look shocked. We can read your minds, but only because we've had the same succession fantasies re: Wuerffel, Kerwin Bell...it's really too sad to go on. Allez!)

Applewhite, like most everyone else with a resume not used to set coffee cups down on, runs a spread offense with the variety pack of formations in it. He remains a former qb, however, and loves elasticizing the field with long throws.

Given his Shulaughable offensive line at Alabama and the extremely talented John Parker Nancy McGuffin Dubois Hank Telecaster Wilson (why have three names, when you can have eight?) and the Tide's physical and fleet wide receivers, Bama could be running a chuck and duck this season. We don't mean that in a denigrating way--the best possible strategy might really be one Alabama fans would usually hold at arms length with the sturdiest of tongs: pass-wackiness.

Applewhite will likely deliver just that with ease.

Steve Logan, Boston College.

Status: retread. Like, third-world, double patched, primary color is red repair kit rubber retread. And like the sketchy tire you may have seen rolling along on a bus you were told was "luxury" creaking out of [insert ill-advised 3rd world vacation spot here], that retread turned out to be shockingly solid.

This really, we-swear-it's-flattering description of Steve Logan is an apt one. Logan ran the East Carolina program from 1992--2002, is its all-time winningest coach, and came out on the ass end of one of the most imprudent smallball coaching decisions ever when he was fired after a single down year and replaced with John Thompson, who promptly ran the program into the foul, stinking earth. Before the firing, Logan's teams dealt Miami one of its worst losses ever in the Orange Bowl, winning 31-6 in 1999, and put ECU as much on the map as it ever has been.

After taking the Galen Hall route through NFL Europe, Logan's amazing regenerative powers landed him at Boston College under first-year coach Jeff Jagonxindkxzski, whose name we cannot spell. Logan's offenses carry a bit of everything in them, including the occasional qb option and draw plays, and rely on a zone-blocking scheme. This means that until everyone gets religion with their assignments, qb Matt Ryan will take some hair-curling shots.

Fortunately, he's quite a sturdy boy.

Logan represents a very good page torn from the first year coach's handbook: hire competent veteran coaches with something to prove. We looked this up in the dictionary, and Steve Logan's face is right there, taped over Gary Barnett's.

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Comments

speaking of VHT – how much longer until Phil gives us our crack? another month or so?

by Jerkwheat on May 9, 2007 12:34 PM EDT reply actions

JW-

Steele usually comes out early to mid June. The site says “June 2007”: http://www.philsteele.com/, but I usually see it start to pop up at bookstores/newstands/etc around June 4-10. Ish.

by Kanu on May 9, 2007 12:39 PM EDT reply actions

Id like to include GT’s new OC/QB coach, who seems to have the makings of a mid level-n00b/near legit guy who’s pushing his way through the various levels of coaching purgatory before he gets the fat pay check.

http://ramblinwreck.cstv.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/bond_john00.html

During his time at Northern Illinois, Bond coached one of the nation’s most prolific rushing teams, led by all-America running back Garrett Wolfe, who led the NCAA in rushing in 2006 after ranking second as a junior and fifth as a sophomore.

Bond spent the previous four seasons (2000-04) as offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach at Army, where he fashioned a wide-open offense that broke 35 school records.

Bond helped Northern Illinois to three winning seasons, two Mid-American Conference Western Division titles and two bowl games, highlighted by a 9-3 record in 2004. That year the Huskies ranked 11th in the nation in rushing offense, 13th in scoring offense and 14th in total offense.

Bond boasts 24 years of coaching experience, including two seasons as a student assistant (1983-84) and one year as a graduate assistant (1985) at his alma mater, Arkansas, where he worked under Lou Holtz and Ken Hatfield.

Reggie Ball gone – Check
New Offensive Coordinator – check
QB who can stand in the pocket – check
ALL ACC running back – check
Solid Receiving corps – check
John Tenuta coached Defense – check

watch out world here we come!

by Brian on May 9, 2007 12:39 PM EDT reply actions

why doesn’t an AD hire Barnett as a school’s NCAA compliance officer? he would be a reformed-yet-savy-former-wrongdoer that wouldn’t let anything by him because he knows all the tricks, sort of in the mold of DiCaprio in “catch me if you can.”
just think about it- would there be any way for a program under his watchful eye to get away with a lapdance-for-recruits scheme, considering he basically perfected the practice of trading ass for letters of intent?

by rjsplow on May 9, 2007 12:46 PM EDT reply actions

Ridiculously talented wide receiver wasting away in the NFL’s equivalent of a Guatemalan chicken bus — Check

In loving memory of Calvin “Fucking” Johnson. Oh, what could have been…

by Steve on May 9, 2007 12:47 PM EDT reply actions

“Solid receiving corps,” Brian?

Re: Crowton, his 2001 team at BYU scored about 85 points a game. Also gave up about 65, but they were pretty incredible if memory serves. (actual numbers: 47 ppg, 543 ypg. Went 12-2 but lost to Hawaii 72-45).

http://web1.ncaa.org/d1mfb/2001/Internet/ranking_summary/2001000000077.HTML

by smq on May 9, 2007 12:51 PM EDT reply actions

(We can read your minds, but only because we’ve had the same succession fantasies re: Wuerffel, Kerwin Bell…it’s really too sad to go on. Allez!)

What is this “suc-ces-sion fan-ta-sy” thing you speak of? Gotta get me one of those things in State College.

by tru-blu-psu on May 9, 2007 12:52 PM EDT reply actions

For us ignorant bastards – what is n00b?

by Calvin&Hobbes on May 9, 2007 12:54 PM EDT reply actions

I love that there’s somewhere that we can gather to comfortably discuss things like the arrival of Phil Steele’s annual.

I actually just created an event in Entourage for it.

And great work on the OC write-up OS.

by dogtown gator on May 9, 2007 1:04 PM EDT reply actions

last year was my first with Steele – i’m getting twitchy waiting for the ’07 to get here – even though it will still be three months from games when it does

by Jerkwheat on May 9, 2007 1:18 PM EDT reply actions

#8, that would be you.

by italiangator on May 9, 2007 1:25 PM EDT reply actions

Thanks, Orson for La Tech memories – you cruel, cruel man. I’ll have to refill my prescription, thanks to you.

by BamaCPA on May 9, 2007 1:30 PM EDT reply actions

Believe it or not, The Stos is from Beaumont. While I haven’t seen the Tijuana pictures, I can’t think of a better place to hide some trash.

I also went to Texas, and think Bama’s best option might be to let Applewhite start himself. Apply now for another year of eligibility due to being hosed by the Simms financial takeover at UT, and just bomb for one last season.

by The Stos on May 9, 2007 1:40 PM EDT reply actions

SMG – Yea

James Johnson – Tech’s second-leading receiver with 39 receptions for 608 yards and seven touchdowns.

RS Freshman Demaryius Thomas – 6’4’’ 220

Greg Smith – 16 ypc, 6’3’’ 195

We got a couple dudes…remember we had the best dude taking their minutes, and the worst guy throwing to them when they did get a chance to play.

by Brian on May 9, 2007 1:42 PM EDT reply actions

Mexican hookers? That explains how Bruce Arians can be fired all the way from Temple’s head coach, Mississippi State’s OC, to become the coordinator of one of most storied NFL teams, the Steelers.

by Travis Swenson on May 9, 2007 1:43 PM EDT reply actions

Everett Withers – DC
An actual defensive football coach with DC experience, instead of an LB coach promoted to replace the LB coach who was promoted to replace…

Mike Dunbar – OC
Runs the spread which worked well at Northwestern against the Big Ten, not well at Cal against Tennessee, and had to be record setting against Minnesota last fall.

by Brewster Crew on May 9, 2007 1:44 PM EDT reply actions

yo – LSU fan here.
what was the rest of the SEC’s feelings when Lester picked up Crowton?

Meh? or laughter? fear? somewhere in between? to me, them using more of the stockpile of evil freak monster speed they have is good…and running Jacob Hester 3 times in a row = bad.
So I am hopeful for a bit more explosiveness – last years explosiveness seemed relegated more to individual achievement than OHMYGODWHATAGREATCALL!!!!
thoughts?

by CK on May 9, 2007 1:46 PM EDT reply actions

Re #8:

n00b = newbie

by Geaux Irish on May 9, 2007 1:50 PM EDT reply actions

Orson, should we expect to see the post on DC’s in the near future?

by Geaux Irish on May 9, 2007 1:51 PM EDT reply actions

and yes, i know “explosiveness” is a generic crap term.

but you get my drift.

by CK on May 9, 2007 1:52 PM EDT reply actions

Crowton’s very, very good. But he will out-genius himself. We can’t shake the image of him taking the BYU offense in 2004 and insisting on turning it into a run-first attack despite the success he’d enjoyed in the past.

Anyway, they get into a shootout with the babyeating Utah team with Alex Smith that year. They need points, and are driving from around the Utah 35. Crowton makes this one call that still sticks in the brain to this day: play action, double TE set, play action bomb with exactly one man in the whole pattern.

We had to go back and rewatch the tape a few times to confirm: yup, one dude in the whole pattern. That means he felt so absolutely secure in his call that he didn’t even call an outlet. Nevermind the double coverage on the wideout, who fought for the ball in vain as it floated into a defender’s hands for a pick.

He’ll be good. Very good at times. But he’ll also make the flashy call at times when a layup would have sufficed.

by Orson Swindle on May 9, 2007 1:58 PM EDT reply actions

So between the obvious red flag raised by hiring Hal Mummie as their head coach, and the sketchy as hell basketball team
http://www.slate.com/id/2161810/pagenum/2
Is New Mexico State trying to claim the title of “Shadiest Athletic Department in America?”

by jakldawg on May 9, 2007 2:11 PM EDT reply actions

SMQ: Losing Calvin sucks, but it doesn’t mean GT’s receiving corps went from 60 to zero. More like 80 to 40… or something.

James Johnson was a solid number two behind Calvin last year, and Demaryius Thomas (RS FR) should be a starter from day one. He’s got great size and speed and made lots of catches in spring ball. Greg Smith looks to contribute a lot, and most importantly, John Bond is incorporating the Tight Ends into the passing game, something Patrick Nix never did much.

by Jeff on May 9, 2007 2:12 PM EDT reply actions

oh, and orson.
Any chance those Speed = 41-14 shirts come in purple and gold? going to ND-USC this fall and I wouldn’t want to let the Domers forget about their southern papas.

by CK on May 9, 2007 2:18 PM EDT reply actions

Yeah, no clue why GT’s new o-coordinator isn’t getting love on here – he might have more impact than almost anyone on the list given GT’s gnarly defense and the amount of experienced talent Bond has to work with. All he’s gotta do is score 3 TD’s a game and GT will win 9-10 games next year.

by Nathan on May 9, 2007 4:30 PM EDT reply actions

Orson has been too forceful an evangelist for the Chan Gailey equilibrium for any of us to believe things will change merely because a new OC has been sucked into the vortex.

by DevilGrad on May 9, 2007 5:32 PM EDT reply actions