EDSBS LIVE! THE LOSERS EDITION

1) Any team coached by Ty Willingsham.

2) scUM, followed by Purdue, MSU, then tOSU. last on the list is BC (hey, look, we’re actually acknowledging your existence. Better go grab some chowder in Boston to celebrate. Hopefully it’s not too long of a ride, since, you know, you aren’t actually in Boston)

3) Anthony Morelli throwing the football like a squealing teenage girl directly at Tom Zbikowski who took it back for the the easiest 6 points in history. Thanks bud.

4) anything by dashboard confessional.

1) Rice. I was in Ausitn watchin’ in person when the longhorns hung like 50 on them. It was like watching sheep get slaughtered.

2) Notre Dame. How many people will rank them top 10 preseason when they 1) have no defense 2) lost their entire offense 3) havent’ beaten ANY top tier team the last couple years and 4) can’t buy a bowl victory. ANTHRAX.

3) hmmm.. . I’d have to say any quarterback for Miss State University. Often they put together a solid defense, and have no offense. Unless YOUR team is coached by Mike Shula. . .

4) My answer is the same. “Closer” by NIN. It’s the best, and worst, song to get your swerve on with.

oh, and It’s Raining Men. Unless your gay, then it’s not such a bad song

Wow. Your answers are almost frighteningly similar to mine.

1. I’d have to go with the ’99 Gamecocks too (though ’03 Mississippi State was damn close). Watching that offense was like watching the starving, fly-ridden kids in the background in those World Hunger Fund commercials.

2. Tough time choosing between Tennessee and Georgia Tech. But since wishing anthrax on GT is kind of a coals-to-Newcastle situation as long as they have Chan Gailey, I’ll go with the Vols.

3. Reggie Ball, and anyone who says otherwise is a damn dirty liar. He couldn’t complete a pass to Jerry Rice in the back seat of a Focus.

4. What, nobody’s going to invoke the name of “Yakety Sax” here?

1. What is the worst team you’ve ever seen?

Columbia University’s football team. New York City’s Columbia went years without winning a game. If Ivy League football is not considered “football”, then I would say last year’s Stanford team.

2. Tell us the team you would wish football anthrax on.

Notre Dame. Too arrogant, even the last time they were consistently good over more than one season was over 50 years ago.

3. Who’s the worst player/play you’ve ever seen?

Brady Quinn against USC or other big time schools that do not conisist of Officers of the military, during the past four years or so. Just stunk up the joint most of the time.

4. Because we asked what the best song was last week…what’s the worst possible song you can think of to make love to?

Right Said Fred’s, "I Am Too Sexy " song. I would be laughing too much and it would kill any sort of romantic mood. Here are a few of my favorite lines:

…I’m too sexy for my cat…
…too sexy for my cat…
….Poor pussy, poor pussy cat…
….I’m too sexy for my love too sexy for my love..
….Love’s going to leave me…

5/4 is tricky yes, but doing it in 7/4 can make things interesting.

But don’t EVER try to do some horizontal aerobics to Meshuggah’s 23/16 unless you are either a yogi of the tantric arts or you’re with a porn star. Plus the robotic barking vocals that are eating glass will probably kill the mood anyway.

One we thought of but then realized had real potential was Slayer’s “Angel of Death.” You must be wearing body armor during said sex, however, and everything must be happening very, very quickly.

Hook’em Tide:

I’d be amazed to be ranked in the top 20 to start the season. Whos’ the last team you know of not named Southern Cal to start a new QB with zero experience and be ranked that high.

1.) Ole Miss during Eli’s Junior year… at least from a potential vs. reality POV

2.) Tennessee. Straight to Hell.

3.) Reggie B… specifically on that interception he threw in the endzone against NC State in 05 at the end of the game. Worst. Play. Evah.

4.) “Santa’s Got the AIDS this Year” – if you don’t belive it’s a real song, look it up.

1.) Columbia during their record (at the time) losing streak.

2.) Just one? Bama.

3.) Reggie Ball is a good one (Tyler Palko in a televised game as well!) but I’d have to go with either Wade Richey or that kid who played QB for Illinois around 2001. I forgot his name but G*d d*mn he was bad.

4.) Anything from the Black Metal genre

#8,

Texas was ranked high preseason last year with a zero experience QB.

1. What is the worst team you’ve ever seen?
Tom Holmoe’s Cal teams were atrocious. They would give up during the opening coin toss. I’m not kidding.

2. Tell us the team you would wish football anthrax on.
Well, Notre Dame will be the people’s answer, but I’m gonna go with Fresno State. There’s nothing worse than deciding the trailer-park ridden hell-hole you live in is so damn perfect you try to spread your particular brand of squalor to the entire world.

3. Who’s the worst player/play you’ve ever seen?
Corey Paus, in a photo-finish over brother Casey. He’s what happens when you combine “chuck-and-duck” football with “over-the-line” softball.

4. Because we asked what the best song was last week…what’s the worst possible song you can think of to make love to?
“Going Quackers” by Donald Duck. At least in my personal experience.

1. Worst Team I Ever Saw — 2005 Illinois…just horrible. PSU scored something like six touchdowns in about a quarter and a half on them.

2. Anthrax victim — Notre Dame. Obnoxious subway alum who don’t even know where South Bend is on a map.

3. Worst player/play ever — Any Notre Dame defensive back covering any OSU or LSU receivers.

4. Worst song to make love to — Snoopy vs. The Red Baron by the Royal Guardsmen

1) Arizona, 1999-present. Coaches:Tomey, Mackovic, Stoops. Bowls: n/a.

2) Arizona. There isn’t enough time to list the reasons.

3) Offensive line, Arizona, 2006. LSU fans will attest, as will any head trauma surgeons in the greater Tucson area.

4) “Icculus” by Phish, with Nirvana’s “Rape Me” as an honorable mention.

1. Georgetown has a football team (insert laugh track), but in 2001 WVU lost to Temple. I didn’t think that anyone actually did that.

2. Notre Dame (saying VT would be a bit un-PC right now)

3. Troy Smith in the title game comes to mind.

4. Kum Bi Ya

1. 2005 Colorado being covered in tasty gravy and visciously devoured by a Texas team that didn’t even break a sweat in the Big XII championship game.

2. USC, if for nothing more than that song that their band plays over and over and over and over and over. First downs, touchdowns, sacks, field goals, interceptions, positive yardage, facing the right direction, winning the coin toss: play the song! Their loss to UCLA created instant party in the dorm last year.

3. Since Sexy Rexy (Bears edition) is probably ineligible, I’ll go with the popular choice of Mr. Reginald Ball.

4. “We Built This City” by Starship.

Orangeblood #11:

How’d that work out for you?

Reggie Ball? Who’s that? I don’t seem to remember any of what you guys are talking about.

—asimperson, Georgia Tech ‘06
“Denial’s not just a river in Egypt, it’s a survival strategy too!"

1. ECU when they lost to Duke a few years ago must have been a very bad team. I think that was Duke’s first win in eons.

2. As a Georgia Tech fan I like having our rivals, so I would not want them gone, but if I could remove a team from football play, it would be someone like Indiana or something. Who do they think they are playing football anyway? Duke lives because we get to add them as a win every year.

3. Reggie Ball is pretty horrid. He did a couple nice things, many poor ones, too. The WORST though might be Brock Berlin and Chris Rix. As highly touted as they were, they SUCKED.

4. Orson, “rushing through the wrong hole without audibling clearly.” is known as the “whoooops!” method. For the song Ill go with a theme song or other odd tune that might be on your ipod or something that comes on in shuffle mode accidentally. Totally would break the ole’ concentration.

1) Northwestern under Dennis Green, especially the record-breakers of 1981.

2) Ohio State, Notre Dame, or Southern Cal. When any two of these teams play each other, I’m rooting for the terrorists in the blimp.

3) I would vote for Troy Smith, but the arguments for Reggie Ball are compelling.

4) “Papa Don’t Preach” — nothing like unplanned pregnancies to kill the mood.

Hard to narrow down my choices this week:

1) Worst I’ve ever seen in person: The 1989 Miami (then) Redskins, coming off an oh-fer season and taking a knee at midfield to preserve a tie against an equally woeful Ohio U squad, which also opted to run out the clock.. Both coaches were deservedly shit-canned at the end of the season, and I immediately went into therapy to deal with my rage over the entire Tim Rose Error (ummm, I mean “Era”).

Two notes here. First, I did my degree at Duke during the Spurrier years and missed the full glories [sic] of Duke football. Second, I’ve seen Temple play on TV a couple of times in recent years, and that’s just not good.

2) As an avid practitioner of schadenfreude, I delight in any and all losses by Ohio U, THE Cow College on the Olentangy, and UNC. I’d get a kick out of Yale losses too, if Ivy football actually counted.

3) Worst play? Well, I didn’t actually see it, but the inimitable Omar Williams (former Miami P-B-P guy) once called a field goal as “high enough! . . . but short and wide right.”

4) Lots of choices here too, but I’ll have to go with the entire Celine Dion catalog. To paraphrase Wayne, “The Viagra, man, is not working.”

Wishy Washy Scumbag:

PJ, No 20: Be a man and pick ONE from the THREE! That was the question. You must dislike one more than the other two.

lou reed’s metal machine music. dude, you are a genuis and all but WTF?

1) Illinois from 1997. They went 0-11, and were even beat by the Ron Cooper Louisville Cardinals whose lone victory came against said illini on a fake field goal. Worst. game. ever.

2) It’s bad to kick a mule when it’s down, but Kentucky, Cincinnati, and memphis all would be good. (see, UL’s not really big time yet)

3) Chris Rix

4) Unless I’m having sex with a robot, anything by Kraftwerk would be verboten

1. Metal machine Music is a wonderful record

oh, Orson meant music for sex with a living person? whoooops!

1. Notre Dame in a bowl game. Even when I expect them to lose (like this year against LSU), they always seem to lose in spectacular, embarrassing fashion.

2. OSU got repeatedly depantsed in national title games, and Miami and Florida State both suck now. I still hate tOSU to an unhealthy extent, but I think it has to be the Trojans getting my football anthrax. Lack of Institutional Control!!!

3. I hated Ken Dorsey when he was at Miami. Had NFL talent all around him and still couldn’t complete 55% of his passes.

4. “Higher” by Creed. I’d be mocking the Scott Stapp fist-clench-with-deep,-contemplative-look-on-face thing and laughing my ass off. Sex wouldn’t work so well.

4. Circus background music. All those damn clowns get in the way.

Hoo boy. Tonight’s gonna be a bloodbath.

start drinking now.

1.) 2001 Mississippi State- they came into the Swamp and completely crapped their pants. They got beat worse than Louisiana-Monroe that same season.
2.) I dislike a lot of teams, but I can’t stand the Vols. Plus Florida actually plays them every year and the result of the game is usually important.
3) Worst player AND play: 2006 Kentucky-Florida, sometime in the 3rd quarter. A young offensive guard gets placed in for one play opposite Ray MacDonald and you can see Ray smirking as he struts to the line. The young Wildcat get completely and unequivocally eviscerated as RayMac takes Andre Woodson’s head off. Said Wildcat never returns into the game.
4) How about “Muskrat Love” by Captain and Tenille? Hard to keep a rhythm going when you’re screaming and stuffing pens into your ear canals…

re #1:

You’ve got your plays wrong. The easiest 6 points in history happens anytime VY or Tebow touches the ball… That’s right, I am a Texas Ex and UF Alum

I’ve had a pretty good run lately.

1. Gonna have to go with Stanford ’06, just on principle.

2. Any team from Los Angeles. USC…they can’t seem to lose Carroll, and visiting fans are put very literally over a football field’s length from the football field during a game. And that god damned song.
UCLA fans accused Cal fans of being barbaric for beating up a fan dressed in baby blue taunting the Cal student section…at Memorial stadium…IN the student section. This, of course, was before a USC fan was stabbed in the Rose Bowl parking lot by a UCLA fan. In the eyeball.

3. Joe Ayoob. Final play of the the Cal-Oregon game 2005, Bears down by 7. Announcer Joe Starkey, with regards to the intended (missed) target: “He could not have been more wide open were he standing in the middle of the Willamette River. Wow.”

4. For the sake of continuity…the Trojan fight song. #16, I swear, one time they played it after an offsides call…ON USC.
Or, Jackie Davis – Manana (Is Soon Enough For Me). Think when Kramer and Newman are making sausages.

1. Kentucky circa mid-90’s, Bill Curry as coach, lost to UF at the Swamp in ’94 73-7, and again in ’96 65-0, when Tim Couch was running the option as a Freshman.

2. F$U – would love to see the day they become a girl’s school again.

3. Evil Chris Leak

4. Florida State fight song – The sound of this tune repulses, even while skrogging an F$U co-ed.

1.)The University of Buffalo — Yeah, the school is close to Canada, but that program is damned near disgraceful.

2.) Several years ago my answer would have been UF…but apparently I’ve softened. Death to USC — the westside edition.

3.) There is a single play that stands out in my mind as one of the worst of ALL-TIME. It’s worse than anything concocted by Reggie Ball. Joel from Rocky Top Talk (then, ‘View from Rocky Top’) captured it perfectly in a way that I can’t duplicate:

“Ainge under center. The center snaps the ball, and Ainge runs backwards and pivots to look for receivers, but instead finds a blitzing LSU linebacker bearing down on him in the end zone threatening a two-point safety. Ainge spins and inexplicably, incomprehensably, inconceivably, unfathomably tosses the ball underhand toward the crowd of players who are standing around at the line of scrimmage. The ball sails just over the heads of the UT offensive linemen and into the arms of an LSU defender, who catches it and sprints three yards into the end zone for a six point TD. Ainge is slammed into the ground and hits the goal post head first in the process.”

“Holy fuck, what was THAT?!?!” was my reaction.

4.) I’m with SKLM…Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy”. Jeepers!

1. Wyoming 2000-2002 was pretty bad. They won 5 games in three seasons, and they weren’t great wins (’00 Central Michigan, ’01 Furman and Utah State, ’02 Citadel and Air Force). Those were sad days…

2. tOSU. I have thoroughly enjoyed them getting crushed in not one but two title games this year.

3. Unfortunately, another Wyoming one here…Corey Bramlet in the second half of the ’05 season. After looking pretty good in a 4-1 start (the only loss being to Florida) he turned into a turnover machine. They finished the year 4-7.

4. Anything polka.

How about trying to to make love to a tape of Sanjaya singing? I know that answer is probably too easy but come on…. you have to admit it would be rough.

1 1998 Auburn. Not the worst team I’ve ever seen, but being an Auburn fan, watching that team was the most painful season of my life. 3-8 and the only SEC win was against Ole Miss.

2 Notre Dame. I hate Alabama but no anthrax until I see how many consecutive years Auburn can beat them. 5 and counting…

3 Gabe Gross. (see 1998 Auburn) Great baseball player, now playing for the Milwaukee Breweres. Terrible QB.

4 Anything by the Eagles. “Come on, Man. I had a rough night and I hate the fuckin’ Eagles, Man.”

1. my high school team went 1-9 and sustained a 72-0 beating. so i guess my answer would be the team we beat.

2. texas a&m: no fan base attempts to take more credit and glory away from the team for themselves than these idiot farmers.

3. chris simms vs. colorado in big 12 championship: sure, i booed. who gives a fuck? conversely, applewhite’s first td completion after the substitution caused a celebration nearly as crazy as vy’s 8 yarder.

4. that kids of widney high stuff? the thing where it’s a special ed class and they sing children’s songs?

1. Saw plenty of bad Vandy teams.
2. Notre Dame- though they’d still probably have a top 10 preseason ranking.
3. The worst individual game performace I saw was Quincy Carter against South Carolina in 2000. 5 picks. S. Carolina hadn’t won a SEC game in 2 years and ripped down the goal posts, this was the week after ripping them down after ending their 11 game losing streak. AWFUL.
4. Anything by Creed.

1. Stanfurd last year. Horrible. Just horrible. You know you’re bad when your best linebacker declares he’s leaving the team in the middle of the season.

2. USC. By a mile, nay a parsec.

3. Joe Ayoob. One of the most heart breaking moments of my entire existence was the end of the ’05 Cal-UCLA game. Down by 1 with less than 2 min to go, Ayoob throws a pick on the first play of the drive. Also, the SC game of that year – 4 INT 0 TDs. He was so incapable of completing a pass, Tedford just stopped throwing the ball altogether about half way through.

4. I don’t know the name of the song or who it’s by, but that song that has the same tune as the Hokey Pokey and goes “So you had a bad day, you blah blah blah blah…”. That song makes me want drive my car into a wall. I go limp just thinking about it.

And since I flaked out on last week’s thread…Favorite album for sexy time: Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots by The Flaming Lips. Trust me.

Hey Orson,

What was the name of that sports historian that was on the Retro Edition show?

Wow, SKLM must have had a bad day in the cube farm. Dude, excuse me for coloring outside of the lines.

It appears that I’m not the only one who has multiple dimensions of loathing, see #24. But since he asked so politely, I will confess that at this moment, the needle quivers in the direction of the Old ’SC. After all, great-gramps was a trustee at NDU and as much as I hate the Bucknuts, I know I loathe LA much more than Columbus.

The worst football team I’ve ever seen was my freshman year Fresh-Soph team. We had 4 sophomores, one of which was handicapped. We went 0-9 and scored 2 TDs, with one coming on the second half kickoff of the first game. We sucked.

1. Cal State Disneyland before they dropped the football program.

2. It is tempting to say Notre Dame because of some of the more deluded fans, but many of the fans and the team actually deserve respect. So I’ll have to go for UCLA.

3. The worst play I’ve seen in person was a UCLA-USC game where Jeff Fisher (now the Titans coach) was covering Freeman McNeil and the ball was underthown by about 10-15 yards. Fisher went for the interception and knocked it up in the air allowing McNeil to catch the ball and take it in for a long touchdown to win the game.

4. “Close to the Edge” by Yes.

1. So many choices to choose from, but in the end, Rice is as bad as they get.

2. Trying to choose between FSU and Tennessee is tough, but in the end Tennessee wins this one.

3. Probably ineligible, but the ACC officiating crew from the 03 UF-FSU game comes to mind.

4. "I’m Too Sexy." Nuff said.

1.Ahem, Temple.

2.Were it up to me, the Lord would rain hellfire en masse upon Gainesville, FL. Every woman a Gator loved, every mouth they’d kissed, every hand they’d shaken, would fall, dead, to the ground.

3.The worst play I ever saw was the Tennessee/Georgia game a few years ago, where the center puked on the ball right before passing it between his tree like limbs to Casey Clausen, who promptly fumbled the vomit covered orb.

4.Fish Fry by Big Black. As Steve Albini says when they play it live, “This song is about a murder at a drive-in.”

1) Any Mike Stoops coached Arizona Team

2) USC, and especially Matt Leinart who still believes to this day he won the 2006 Rose bowl, jagoff.
 
3) Clint Stoerner fumbles while playing against the Vols (1998?) while running out the clock. Horrible, but highly entertaining.

4) Dueling Banjos stupid music mix…

3. Reggie Ball, for DEFILING the same field that man-god Calvin Johnson was roaming. Damn him! And no, I’m not ever going to get over it. Godspeed, CJ.

1. Pick any of Carl Frank’s Duke teams.

2. Florida. Duh.

3. It was only for 1 game, but I dare anyone to name a bigger meltdown than the one Jared “EA Sports Cover Boy” Zabransky had against UGA in 2005. Truly epic.

4. Anything by Big ‘n Rich.. can’t believe this hasn’t been mentioned yet.

Reggie Ball…Thank god that he was present during all my years at Tech, so that I could never know the joy of beating UGA, and in most cases even coming close, which is something that even Colorado managed. I remember when he got ejected his freshmen year for taking a swing at a UGA coach, and I thought to myself, Man, this kid is going to be great. Sadly, that was the highlight of his career vs Georgia. And I thought no one could be worse the AJ Suggs…. It takes a real special Quarterback to make Calvin Johnson look normal.

#46

The meltdown by Zabransky against Georgia in ‘05 was epic. I believe it was so bad that Zabranky’s first pass attempt was intercepted.

On the following Boise State drive, they ran twice for pretty much nothing. Zabraknsy threw his second pass – intercepted.

The first five Boise State drives in that game were as follows:

INTERCEPTION
INTERCEPTION
FUMBLE BY ZABRANKSY
PUNT
INTERCEPTION

Even Reggie Ball didn’t reach that level of ineptitude in any game against Georgia.

1. worst team is very hard, there have been so many bad ones over the years. I’m going to go with 1982 northwestern, they were outscored by an average of 40 friggin points a game and lost every game, hell they were even blown out by sparty and that is saying something.

2. a pox on the buckeyes, damn you and damn your cheating coach, damn troy smith too, thank fully he is out of eligability and cannot hurt my wolverines ever again.

3. Damon Dowdell, QB MSU. Dowdell brought the inepitude of sparty QB’s to a new level, he sucked so bad it was funny. as a senior he was benched for drew stanton who was the personal protector for punts the year before. then when stanton got injured against UM dowdel came in and blew a huge lead, he was so bad in the third overtime it wasn’t even funny.
the worst play i ever saw was when michigan put in jermaine gonzalez to replace a sucking john navarre. gonzalez lines up in the shot gun and the center hikes the ball 15 yards to the left of him and he had to run back and cover the damn fumble. it was comical

4. Anything by Raffi, in particular baby beluga and bannana phone

As far as football anthrax on Tennessee: keep drinkin’ the Haterade!

As far as football anthrax on Tennessee: keep drinkin’ the Haterade, Florida!

For #30, keep in mind that MSU team was only one year removed from beating the crap out of the #3 Gators. When the wheels fell off, they STAYED off. That year also saw a loss…to Troy State…in their first year in I-A…FOR HOMECOMING. Frankly, it’s been downhill ever since.
For the questions. Consider it “Fear and Loathing in Starkvegas”.
1. The 2003 MSU team made the 2001 team look like 70’s era Steelers.
2. LSU. I have my reasons.
3. The 1983 Egg Bowl “Immaculate Deflection”
     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsoWqNMFlNQ
4. Squaky, arrhythmic, avant-garde jazz. Minor keys+ time changes=good luck.

1. TIE: Rutgers/Pitt, 1996. The two games were back to back at ND, and I can’t remember which one we beat 66-0 and which was 63-3. One of them was Lou’s last game at ND. One game was so bad that Allen Rossum ran back 2 punts for TD’s, so was pulled; his replacement, Julius Jones, then proceeded to run a punt back for a TD.

2. Without a doubt, Michigan. The wife and I have literally growled out the car window when passing a UM neighbor who had a big “M” flag outside.

Close behind would be tOSU, Miami (FL), and any Dennis Erickson-coached team.

3. Clifford Jefferson—or as ND fans know him, “Highway 15—quickest route for opposing WR’s to the endzone”

4. The wailing that comes out of mosques. Though I’ll speak up for religious giggidy-giggidy; that monk chanting techno stuff a few years back was pretty good, and I could see gettin’ it on with buddhist monks chanting sutras in the background.

CORRECTION:

1. Pitt, 1996: the score was 60-6, and Rossum had 2 TD punt returns in the second quarter, followed by an Autry Denson PR TD in the same quarter. The next week, ND beat Rutgers 62-0.

1. Worst team I have seen: York University circa ‘90-’94. The only team my completely inept alma mater McMaster could beat .

2. Football anthrax north of border: Univeristy of Western Ontario.
South of the border: Notre Dame.

3. Worst player: Brady Quinn in any game not involving a service academy.

4. Worst song: anything by Nickelback.

#9: Don’t forget, that was ‘ol “two catch” Calvin who dropped the pass which the NC State player intercepted. Almost as fun as seeing a UGA win was that loss. Couldn’t. Stop. Laughing.

#47: Don’t feel too bad – there are now several classes of NATSers who haven’t “known the joy of beating UGA”. Maybe y’all should start a support group or something. What’s Keith Brooking doing this off season?

Quickly, because it’s late and I’m tired. I’m going to pick “People” by Barbara Streisand as screw to. That or Morrisey. Who the hell could maintain wood with that whiny fuck puling in the background?

The wife suggested Pat Boone’s “In a Metal Mood.” I have to say, it’s a damn fine choice. Nobody, and I mean nobody, can listen to Pat Boone’s blindingly white rendition of “The Wind Cries Mary” or “Crazy Train” without laughing hysterically.

Speaking of Rutgers, the 2001 Rutgers team has to be one of the worst ever. They were the only team Cal beat in the 1-10, last year of the Holmoecaust.

1. The Northern Illinois team that Northwestern beat to end their record losing streak.
2. The one team in a particular era with the greatest disparity between on the field success & off the field failure/stupidity. OSU stole that title from Miami who in turn stole it from Nebraska who stole it from Oklahoma etc.
3. Any of the worst 17 plays of the Bob Davie era at ND. Criminal clock management issues aside, the 2 worst of these worst plays were 4th quarter blitzes called in consecutive years versus MSU by the Gators’ own Greg Mattison which went for game winning scores.
4. " Let the Eagle Soar" by former US attorney general John Ashcroft.

1. What is the worst team you’ve ever seen?

Seen in person? That’s a toss-up between the 1991 Ok. State Cowboys (0-10-1 rhymes with “O Tannenbaum”), the 2001/2002 Keith Burns led Tulsa teams (with the worst uni’s ever to boot) and the 1996-1998 Sooners – I know, they won more games than either of the prior two teams mentioned. But those years were painful to watch.

2. Tell us the team you would wish football anthrax on.

In no particular order: Notre Dame, U$C, Tennessee and Arkansas (save their demise until “Los Cronicas” plays out please!)

3. Who’s the worst player/play you’ve ever seen?

Everyone seems to think Reggie Ball. But Sooner fans witnessed the true master of suckitude from 1995-1997: Eric Moore. Anyone – I mean ANYONE – who runs out of bounds on 4th and goal at the 2 yard line should be automatically at the top of this list. Eric Moore did just that with under 2 minutes remaining and down 10 points vs. Texas Tech in 1996.

Williesan

#56

You lost to Vandy on homecoming. Couldn’t. Stop. Laughing.

Has to be any Bill Curry coached UK team from the late 90’s with Tim Couch running the triple option. Check any of the UK vs. UF scores from that era for verification.

1. Worst Team: Probably any of the Oregon State teams of the early 80s.

2. Football Anthrax Goes To: TCU. These cockroaches think because they continually beat mid-level Big 12 teams (who coincidentally are down that year), they belong in the conference. Uh, how ‘bout having more than 25,000 fans first? It’s so bad I will actually be rooting for Texas this September when they play the Toads.

3a. Worst Player: Shawn Hurd, DB, Texas Tech. He singlehandedly turned Keyshawn Johnson into a #1 draft pick at the ’95 Cotton Bowl. Keyshawn personally thanked him last month when he was inducted into the Cotton Bowl Hall of Fame.

3b. Worst play: USC onside kick vs. Arizona, 1989. Kicked from the 35, it bounced sideways, then backwards and finally went out of bounds at the USC 26. Niiiiiiice.

4. Worst song: “Uncle F***er”, by Terrance and Philip. Nothing like profane insults and allegations of incest to spice up that “special moment”.

cmon flordia fans!!!!!! ur winning everything….dont hate on the orange too bad..shit be lucky u dont have fat phil on ur side…..GO VOLS!!!!!!!!!!!

#52: Hey, good point about the avant-garde jazz. First thing I thought of was Eric Dolphy, and while I admire the man’s bass clarinet chops, I would most definitely not want to attempt to procreate with that going in the background.

1) Iowa State in 1995 at Nebraska. Nebraska didn’t punt or turn the ball over and pulled in over 600 yards rushing.

2) Notre Dame, because that’s what everyone else is saying.

3) Tough call.

4) Anything involving Weird Al.

Late to the party, but my voice needs hearing.

1)Bama ’00. The perfect storm really: Dumbass coach, great talent that will not play together, Preseason #3 ranking, Fans who ARE NOT afraid to boo or blow things out of proportion or sacrifice relatives to Ahura Mazda.

2) Miami. They don’t have any real fans so it wouldn’t really bother anyone besides Lamar Thomas.

3) Brandon Avalos.

4) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU

4. “Sex Style” by Kool Keith. There’s really no debate here. Chorus:

(Sex style!) Ni***s want it free
They dogs drink my piss (Girls pay a fee)

The main lyrics are much much worse. Check them out on Google. One time back in college, my buddies and I cranked this song up (thank God for nonexistent sound insulation) in the room adjacent to where my friend and his girlfriend were trying to get busy. This song instantly stopped all progress.

Go Blue, Eh!:

Must have sucked to lose two of three games to a team quarterbacked by the worst player you have ever seen. At least the people naming Reggie Ball had the sense not to pick someone who owns a career winning record against their team.

1) Ohio University. I can’t decide which team was worse: the 1994 squad which went 0-11, or the 1995 team which lost the first game of the season to another team that went winless the year before. Of course, the 1993 team might have been even worse. That was the year a team captain took out a full page ad in the school newspaper begging fans to 1) stay at games past the halftime band performance and 2) stop hating them.

2) The University of Spoiled Children

3) That 4th-and-whatever it was USC converted at South Bend two years ago. My commentary watching that game: AAAAIIGH! TURN AROUND YOU STUPID BASTARD. THE BALL IS COMING RIGHT FOR YOU. SHIT. FUCK. PISS. Well, at least make a tackle to WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? TACKLE HIM, YOU IGNORANT PIG FUCKER.

4) I’m going to throw out anything by Jimmy Buffett. My bed used to bang against the dorm wall when I was fucking my girlfriend (and doing it well, I might add) so my neighbors used to crank up that awful shit. I have to give them credit, because it brought all fun to a screeching halt. I’d rather try to have sex on a slaughterhouse floor than do it listening to Jimmy Buffett.

Wow! EDSBS has picked up a lot of Cal supporters recently. I didnt realize you all knew you had a football team. Shouldnt you be playing ultimate or begging on the streets of Berkeley?

#34

That is the exact play that I was thinking of when I read the question. I have never seen a college quarterback do something so stupid. I looked like something I would do if I was back there. It was pitiful, but wasn’t that the game that TN came back and won?

1.) The Rutgers team that gave up 80 to the Couch Burners.
2.) Clemson with tOSU a close second.
3.) Wright Mitchell – good luck finding any info on him but you had to see him to believe his suckitude.
4.) Not sure about this but I assume “The Crying Game” would be difficult to concentrate to.

1) I’ll second the ’91 OSU cowboys squad. On gamedays, season ticket holders would walk up to the stadium turnstiles, leave their tickets in the chain-link fence, and walk away.
Free tickets to a Div-I football game…. and there were no takers.

2) I’ll go with USC until they have a sub-.500 year. At that point they’ll be allowed to trade in their anthrax for herpes.

3a) Worst player – no one really jumps out at me.
3b) Worst play – ’98 OU/OSU. OU shanks a punt horribly. It gets caught by the wind and goes out of bounds for a net gain of minus one yard.

4) The music from the Six Flags commercials with the creepy bald guy and the bus.

#74: Yeah, UT won 30-27 in OT, hence it wasn’t the worst game in the world.

1) Army. The first college football game I went to a jillion years ago they lost to Vandy by at least 50 pts.

2) Anthrax is a tough question, I guess I would say that between Alabama, USC, West Virginia, Ohio State, Oklahoma, and Notre Dame, I would go with……..

……USC. For the simple reason that they are so fucking dodgy and seem to get away with a lot of shit. I know all 1A programs are dirty but these guys take the cake with all of the scandals they seem to escape. Karma’s a bitch and that’s why I went with them.

3) Worst player ever? It would be easy to talk about Brady Quinn in the fetal position against LSU, but that aside, Mitch Mustain this year was awful, but not to be outdone by Willie Tuitama. Check that — Kyle Wright of Miama. He fucking blows. I am so add today.

4) Worst music to get my bang on? The theme song for the smurfs.

I will have to say my own Gamecocks in 1999 were pretty painful…what was funny was we had John Abraham that year and a TOP FREAKING TWENTY DEFENSE and STILL went 0-fer. We played 6 quarterbacks and 18 different offensive linemen on our way to averaging I believe 7.9 points per game. impressive.

The Cocks definitely have been an up and down (mostly) team over the years but I seem to remember TOSU crapping the cooler against them in bowl games two consecutive years under LH. Also, not sure Kakistocrat is just too young or losing his memory but before the BTWBD era, UF and SOS went down pretty hard against LH in an early 90’s Bowl (Sugar) and were robbed in the Colorado bowl game. ‘Worst team’ has to have more historical gravitas – Columbia ,Temple and Duke being good candidates.

1. -

You are right. I recind my vote for Cal, those mid-80’s Beaver teams were the worst. They played high school ball in a high school stadium. Good catch.

I hope that the NSA’s Cray Computer keyword filter finds the Anthrax reference

#73,

Most of the fb fans here want the bums gone. Its the insane city of Berkeley who think they bring irreplaceable culture to downtown. I’d personally say they less bring culture and more….I don’t know…Typhoid?

As for ultimate, hey what can I say its fun.

Ooooh….can I play?

1. Worst team: Purdue, 1989. In one game, fumbled away three straight snaps from under center. I don’t think I’ll ever see that again….

2. Wish for Anthrax: Have to go with Miami FL. I wouldn’t root for them if they were playing Al Queda.

3. Worst player/play: Clifford Jefferson, Notre Dame CB 1999. Against Tennessee that year, he was beaten by a good 4 steps in the end zone with the ball on its way to the receiver he’s ‘covering’. Does he turn to find the ball to swat it away? Make a desperate lunge at the receiver to at least draw an interference penalty? Nope. Never turning to look for the ball, he starts flapping his arms up and down like he’s trying to take flight. The ball actually travels under his arm into the grasp of the receiver – touchdown. Sadly, this was not an isolated moment of embarrassment in the career of Mr. Richardson, aka “Toast”.

A close second in the worst play category has to be the 1999 ND final-play-at-Purdue’s-one-yard-line clusterfuck of two months earlier that season: The Irish trailed 28-23 with 11 seconds to go and had the ball, 2nd down at the Boilermaker 1 yard line. Davie used ND’s final timeout to set up the final play, and called the entire offense around him. He yakked at QB Jarious Jackson, he yakked at the offensive line, he yakked at the running backs….what would the play call be, I wondered…Quarterback sneak? Option left? Option right? After getting complete and exhaustive instructions from their coach, the Irish lined up and ran….all three. The line surged forward, blocking down, as though for a QB sneak. Jackson, running a different play from his line, received the snap and turned to his left to begin the option left, extending the ball to possibly hand off to….nobody, because the three running backs behind him were running an entirely different play – what appeared to be an option right. Jackson was smothered, and the clock ran out before the Irish could line up to run another play. A whole two-minute timeout to communicate one play call, and Davie somehow orders up three different ones to three different groups. Thus concluded another glorious Saturday in the Bob Davie era.

4. That “I’m a bitch, I’m a lover…” song that haunted the radio airwaves back in the “bitter, whiny chicks with guitars” phase of popular music in the mid-to-late ’90’s. Bad enough I had to hear that at the gym while trying to work out….bitter, whiny women screeching at me doesn’t do much for either my physical stamina or concentration….

CalFanMos-

Has to be frustrating being a CFB fan in that town. I visited some friends there last year and almost got in a fight with one jackass begger. Fucker was in his early twenties and healthier than me. Im used to hippies and all as I am from Oregon, but damn the Intelligentzia of Berkeley TRY to be obtuse. I’m sure somebody in that town is ranting how VaTEch deserved the shootings.

Re: GeronimoRumplestiltskin—

“4. That "I’m a bitch, I’m a lover…" song that haunted the radio airwaves back in the "bitter, whiny chicks with guitars" phase of popular music in the mid-to-late ’90’s. Bad enough I had to hear that at the gym while trying to work out….bitter, whiny women screeching at me doesn’t do much for either my physical stamina or concentration….”

If it’s any consolation, the best man at my wedding fucked her and ran (Meredith Brooks, I think the name is). Met her in a bar right after a gig of hers, had no idea who the hell she was, did her, and left. He tells me later he did some singer at the bar, and that’s that. A few weeks later we’re watching TV and she comes on and he goes “hey, that’s her”.

No word on if they got it on to that song though.

Tzubear,
Sometimes it is a royal pain in the ass. Most of the bums downtown are perfectly healthy, young people who just think there is a vast government conspiracy against them. I remember a quote from a Daily Cal article a few months ago interviewing this one homeless woman, lets call her Alice, that went something like this: " ‘I don’t want to be thought of as just another deadbeat, drug addicted homeless person. We should be treated like everyone else’ said Alice, who is a mother of two and currently addicted to heroin and crack-cocaine."

…yeah.

1. Johnny Majors last team at Pitt (2d go around). They resorted to punting on third down most of the time, on the go-ahead-and-get-it-over theory.
2. Alabama. Most conceited group of fans in the world. haven’t been important in the 80s, 90s, or 00s, but still think they are CFB’s elite. Second place tie between tOSU and Michigan, due to their indistinguishable fanbases.
3. A golden oldie. The comically overrated Major Harris, a QB at Wrong Turn U. who was a triple threat: He couldn’t pass, run or kick.
4. Anything by Cake, a briefly popular band whose trick was their total lack of talent.