EDSBS LIVE! THE LOSERS EDITION
What: EDSBS LIVE online radio Click that or the banner thingy to your right to listen.
Where: At NowLive, where you can chat with each other and the show hosts throughout the broadcast in the online forum (which has gotten damn lively). To phone in to the show, just call (310) 984-7600.
What: Tonight’s special guest is…YOU. Because every guest we have is special. Also because we dawdled, couldn’t find anyone for the show, and have to just stock our hour and a half with wall-to-wall listener mayhem. So if you call tonight, we’ll get you on, and get you off in only the way that two sexed-up dorkbots like Peter and ourselves can.
Four Questions: As always, our four questions for the night.
1. What is the worst team you’ve ever seen? Vandy, Rice, and Prairie View are all eligible receivers here, though if you have a really, really good one for a single year, we’ll take that, too.
Anyone of Carl Franks’ Duke teams is a good call, though ‘99 South Carolina’s also a spicy pick: 0-11, and tore down the goalposts after beating New Mexico State the next year.
2. Tell us the team you would wish football anthrax on.
Tennessee. A thousand times, Tennessee. Just because their sorrow fills us with such joy, an we’re not joking: when they lose, we have the power to point to dying flowers and instantly bring them back to life, and beer flows in rivers from our nipples. Unlike John Daly, that’s actually the result of temporary magical powers, and not a side effect of overconsumption.
3. Who’s the worst player/play you’ve ever seen?

Reggie Ball in any game against Georgia ever. His upward curve of ineptitude against a single opponent made you weep on principle alone. Forgetting the down, throwing interceptions on the final play of the game, fumbling, doing all three at once while getting into a fight with the trainer…Ball under center against Georgia wasn’t sport. It was illustrated cruelty ballet in form-fitting fabric and padding.
4. Because we asked what the best song was last week…what’s the worst possible song you can think of to make love to?
Anything by System of a Down? We’ll toss any prog-rock into the nominations barrel, simply because of the time changes. If you’re fucking in 5/4 time one second and switching to a tricky samba the next, you’re going to break your dick or lose gap control and rush the wrong hole in the line, son. And nothing ruins a good game like rushing through the wrong hole without audibling clearly.









51
Jason says:
#46
The meltdown by Zabransky against Georgia in ‘05 was epic. I believe it was so bad that Zabranky’s first pass attempt was intercepted.
On the following Boise State drive, they ran twice for pretty much nothing. Zabraknsy threw his second pass – intercepted.
The first five Boise State drives in that game were as follows:
INTERCEPTION
INTERCEPTION
FUMBLE BY ZABRANKSY
PUNT
INTERCEPTION
Even Reggie Ball didn’t reach that level of ineptitude in any game against Georgia.
May 8th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
52
Jim Harbaugh Scramble says:
1. worst team is very hard, there have been so many bad ones over the years. I’m going to go with 1982 northwestern, they were outscored by an average of 40 friggin points a game and lost every game, hell they were even blown out by sparty and that is saying something.
2. a pox on the buckeyes, damn you and damn your cheating coach, damn troy smith too, thank fully he is out of eligability and cannot hurt my wolverines ever again.
3. Damon Dowdell, QB MSU. Dowdell brought the inepitude of sparty QB’s to a new level, he sucked so bad it was funny. as a senior he was benched for drew stanton who was the personal protector for punts the year before. then when stanton got injured against UM dowdel came in and blew a huge lead, he was so bad in the third overtime it wasn’t even funny.
the worst play i ever saw was when michigan put in jermaine gonzalez to replace a sucking john navarre. gonzalez lines up in the shot gun and the center hikes the ball 15 yards to the left of him and he had to run back and cover the damn fumble. it was comical
4. Anything by Raffi, in particular baby beluga and bannana phone
May 8th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
53
CrazyVolFan says:
As far as football anthrax on Tennessee: keep drinkin’ the Haterade!
May 8th, 2007 at 7:26 pm
54
CrazyVolFan says:
As far as football anthrax on Tennessee: keep drinkin’ the Haterade, Florida!
May 8th, 2007 at 7:26 pm
55
jakldawg says:
For #30, keep in mind that MSU team was only one year removed from beating the crap out of the #3 Gators. When the wheels fell off, they STAYED off. That year also saw a loss…to Troy State…in their first year in I-A…FOR HOMECOMING. Frankly, it’s been downhill ever since.
For the questions. Consider it “Fear and Loathing in Starkvegas”.
1. The 2003 MSU team made the 2001 team look like 70’s era Steelers.
2. LSU. I have my reasons.
3. The 1983 Egg Bowl “Immaculate Deflection”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsoWqNMFlNQ
4. Squaky, arrhythmic, avant-garde jazz. Minor keys+ time changes=good luck.
May 8th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
56
Nate says:
1. TIE: Rutgers/Pitt, 1996. The two games were back to back at ND, and I can’t remember which one we beat 66-0 and which was 63-3. One of them was Lou’s last game at ND. One game was so bad that Allen Rossum ran back 2 punts for TD’s, so was pulled; his replacement, Julius Jones, then proceeded to run a punt back for a TD.
2. Without a doubt, Michigan. The wife and I have literally growled out the car window when passing a UM neighbor who had a big “M” flag outside.
Close behind would be tOSU, Miami (FL), and any Dennis Erickson-coached team.
3. Clifford Jefferson–or as ND fans know him, “Highway 15–quickest route for opposing WR’s to the endzone”
4. The wailing that comes out of mosques. Though I’ll speak up for religious giggidy-giggidy; that monk chanting techno stuff a few years back was pretty good, and I could see gettin’ it on with buddhist monks chanting sutras in the background.
May 8th, 2007 at 8:10 pm
57
Nate says:
CORRECTION:
1. Pitt, 1996: the score was 60-6, and Rossum had 2 TD punt returns in the second quarter, followed by an Autry Denson PR TD in the same quarter. The next week, ND beat Rutgers 62-0.
May 8th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
58
Go Blue, Eh! says:
1. Worst team I have seen: York University circa ‘90-’94. The only team my completely inept alma mater McMaster could beat .
2. Football anthrax north of border: Univeristy of Western Ontario.
South of the border: Notre Dame.
3. Worst player: Brady Quinn in any game not involving a service academy.
4. Worst song: anything by Nickelback.
May 8th, 2007 at 8:27 pm
59
Darkknight says:
#9: Don’t forget, that was ‘ol “two catch” Calvin who dropped the pass which the NC State player intercepted. Almost as fun as seeing a UGA win was that loss. Couldn’t. Stop. Laughing.
#47: Don’t feel too bad – there are now several classes of NATSers who haven’t “known the joy of beating UGA”. Maybe y’all should start a support group or something. What’s Keith Brooking doing this off season?
May 8th, 2007 at 8:29 pm
60
Harris says:
Quickly, because it’s late and I’m tired. I’m going to pick “People” by Barbara Streisand as screw to. That or Morrisey. Who the hell could maintain wood with that whiny fuck puling in the background?
The wife suggested Pat Boone’s “In a Metal Mood.” I have to say, it’s a damn fine choice. Nobody, and I mean nobody, can listen to Pat Boone’s blindingly white rendition of “The Wind Cries Mary” or “Crazy Train” without laughing hysterically.
May 8th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
61
Oski and ye shall receive says:
Speaking of Rutgers, the 2001 Rutgers team has to be one of the worst ever. They were the only team Cal beat in the 1-10, last year of the Holmoecaust.
May 8th, 2007 at 9:16 pm
62
Joe Martin says:
1. The Northern Illinois team that Northwestern beat to end their record losing streak.
2. The one team in a particular era with the greatest disparity between on the field success & off the field failure/stupidity. OSU stole that title from Miami who in turn stole it from Nebraska who stole it from Oklahoma etc.
3. Any of the worst 17 plays of the Bob Davie era at ND. Criminal clock management issues aside, the 2 worst of these worst plays were 4th quarter blitzes called in consecutive years versus MSU by the Gators’ own Greg Mattison which went for game winning scores.
4. ” Let the Eagle Soar” by former US attorney general John Ashcroft.
May 8th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
63
Williesan says:
1. What is the worst team you’ve ever seen?
Seen in person? That’s a toss-up between the 1991 Ok. State Cowboys (0-10-1 rhymes with “O Tannenbaum”), the 2001/2002 Keith Burns led Tulsa teams (with the worst uni’s ever to boot) and the 1996-1998 Sooners – I know, they won more games than either of the prior two teams mentioned. But those years were painful to watch.
2. Tell us the team you would wish football anthrax on.
In no particular order: Notre Dame, U$C, Tennessee and Arkansas (save their demise until “Los Cronicas” plays out please!)
3. Who’s the worst player/play you’ve ever seen?
Everyone seems to think Reggie Ball. But Sooner fans witnessed the true master of suckitude from 1995-1997: Eric Moore. Anyone – I mean ANYONE – who runs out of bounds on 4th and goal at the 2 yard line should be automatically at the top of this list. Eric Moore did just that with under 2 minutes remaining and down 10 points vs. Texas Tech in 1996.
Williesan
May 8th, 2007 at 10:03 pm
64
a5ehren says:
#56
You lost to Vandy on homecoming. Couldn’t. Stop. Laughing.
May 8th, 2007 at 10:11 pm
65
Simon Kenton says:
Has to be any Bill Curry coached UK team from the late 90’s with Tim Couch running the triple option. Check any of the UK vs. UF scores from that era for verification.
May 8th, 2007 at 10:14 pm
66
Raider Red says:
1. Worst Team: Probably any of the Oregon State teams of the early 80s.
2. Football Anthrax Goes To: TCU. These cockroaches think because they continually beat mid-level Big 12 teams (who coincidentally are down that year), they belong in the conference. Uh, how ’bout having more than 25,000 fans first? It’s so bad I will actually be rooting for Texas this September when they play the Toads.
3a. Worst Player: Shawn Hurd, DB, Texas Tech. He singlehandedly turned Keyshawn Johnson into a #1 draft pick at the ‘95 Cotton Bowl. Keyshawn personally thanked him last month when he was inducted into the Cotton Bowl Hall of Fame.
3b. Worst play: USC onside kick vs. Arizona, 1989. Kicked from the 35, it bounced sideways, then backwards and finally went out of bounds at the USC 26. Niiiiiiice.
4. Worst song: “Uncle F***er”, by Terrance and Philip. Nothing like profane insults and allegations of incest to spice up that “special moment”.
May 8th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
67
rocky top 2007 says:
cmon flordia fans!!!!!! ur winning everything….dont hate on the orange too bad..shit be lucky u dont have fat phil on ur side…..GO VOLS!!!!!!!!!!!
May 9th, 2007 at 12:16 am
68
Rob says:
#52: Hey, good point about the avant-garde jazz. First thing I thought of was Eric Dolphy, and while I admire the man’s bass clarinet chops, I would most definitely not want to attempt to procreate with that going in the background.
1) Iowa State in 1995 at Nebraska. Nebraska didn’t punt or turn the ball over and pulled in over 600 yards rushing.
2) Notre Dame, because that’s what everyone else is saying.
3) Tough call.
4) Anything involving Weird Al.
May 9th, 2007 at 1:00 am
69
Kecalf Bailey says:
Late to the party, but my voice needs hearing.
1)Bama ‘00. The perfect storm really: Dumbass coach, great talent that will not play together, Preseason #3 ranking, Fans who ARE NOT afraid to boo or blow things out of proportion or sacrifice relatives to Ahura Mazda.
2) Miami. They don’t have any real fans so it wouldn’t really bother anyone besides Lamar Thomas.
3) Brandon Avalos.
4) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU
May 9th, 2007 at 1:20 am
70
MM says:
4. “Sex Style” by Kool Keith. There’s really no debate here. Chorus:
(Sex style!) Ni***s want it free
They dogs drink my piss (Girls pay a fee)
The main lyrics are much much worse. Check them out on Google. One time back in college, my buddies and I cranked this song up (thank God for nonexistent sound insulation) in the room adjacent to where my friend and his girlfriend were trying to get busy. This song instantly stopped all progress.
May 9th, 2007 at 2:45 am
71
irishdevil says:
Go Blue, Eh!:
Must have sucked to lose two of three games to a team quarterbacked by the worst player you have ever seen. At least the people naming Reggie Ball had the sense not to pick someone who owns a career winning record against their team.
May 9th, 2007 at 4:46 am
72
Harris says:
1) Ohio University. I can’t decide which team was worse: the 1994 squad which went 0-11, or the 1995 team which lost the first game of the season to another team that went winless the year before. Of course, the 1993 team might have been even worse. That was the year a team captain took out a full page ad in the school newspaper begging fans to 1) stay at games past the halftime band performance and 2) stop hating them.
2) The University of Spoiled Children
3) That 4th-and-whatever it was USC converted at South Bend two years ago. My commentary watching that game: AAAAIIGH! TURN AROUND YOU STUPID BASTARD. THE BALL IS COMING RIGHT FOR YOU. SHIT. FUCK. PISS. Well, at least make a tackle to WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? TACKLE HIM, YOU IGNORANT PIG FUCKER.
4) I’m going to throw out anything by Jimmy Buffett. My bed used to bang against the dorm wall when I was fucking my girlfriend (and doing it well, I might add) so my neighbors used to crank up that awful shit. I have to give them credit, because it brought all fun to a screeching halt. I’d rather try to have sex on a slaughterhouse floor than do it listening to Jimmy Buffett.
May 9th, 2007 at 5:27 am
73
tzubear says:
Wow! EDSBS has picked up a lot of Cal supporters recently. I didnt realize you all knew you had a football team. Shouldnt you be playing ultimate or begging on the streets of Berkeley?
May 9th, 2007 at 6:27 am
74
karlhungus12 says:
#34
That is the exact play that I was thinking of when I read the question. I have never seen a college quarterback do something so stupid. I looked like something I would do if I was back there. It was pitiful, but wasn’t that the game that TN came back and won?
May 9th, 2007 at 8:34 am
75
GamecockTony says:
1.) The Rutgers team that gave up 80 to the Couch Burners.
2.) Clemson with tOSU a close second.
3.) Wright Mitchell – good luck finding any info on him but you had to see him to believe his suckitude.
4.) Not sure about this but I assume “The Crying Game” would be difficult to concentrate to.
May 9th, 2007 at 8:43 am
76
Cincy says:
#63
1) I’ll second the ‘91 OSU cowboys squad. On gamedays, season ticket holders would walk up to the stadium turnstiles, leave their tickets in the chain-link fence, and walk away.
Free tickets to a Div-I football game…. and there were no takers.
2) I’ll go with USC until they have a sub-.500 year. At that point they’ll be allowed to trade in their anthrax for herpes.
3a) Worst player – no one really jumps out at me.
3b) Worst play – ‘98 OU/OSU. OU shanks a punt horribly. It gets caught by the wind and goes out of bounds for a net gain of minus one yard.
4) The music from the Six Flags commercials with the creepy bald guy and the bus.
May 9th, 2007 at 8:47 am
77
Aerobab says:
#74: Yeah, UT won 30-27 in OT, hence it wasn’t the worst game in the world.
May 9th, 2007 at 9:04 am
78
Reggie Ball says:
1) Army. The first college football game I went to a jillion years ago they lost to Vandy by at least 50 pts.
2) Anthrax is a tough question, I guess I would say that between Alabama, USC, West Virginia, Ohio State, Oklahoma, and Notre Dame, I would go with……..
……USC. For the simple reason that they are so fucking dodgy and seem to get away with a lot of shit. I know all 1A programs are dirty but these guys take the cake with all of the scandals they seem to escape. Karma’s a bitch and that’s why I went with them.
3) Worst player ever? It would be easy to talk about Brady Quinn in the fetal position against LSU, but that aside, Mitch Mustain this year was awful, but not to be outdone by Willie Tuitama. Check that — Kyle Wright of Miama. He fucking blows. I am so add today.
4) Worst music to get my bang on? The theme song for the smurfs.
May 9th, 2007 at 9:11 am
79
cockengr says:
I will have to say my own Gamecocks in 1999 were pretty painful…what was funny was we had John Abraham that year and a TOP FREAKING TWENTY DEFENSE and STILL went 0-fer. We played 6 quarterbacks and 18 different offensive linemen on our way to averaging I believe 7.9 points per game. impressive.
May 9th, 2007 at 9:14 am
80
MassDad says:
The Cocks definitely have been an up and down (mostly) team over the years but I seem to remember TOSU crapping the cooler against them in bowl games two consecutive years under LH. Also, not sure Kakistocrat is just too young or losing his memory but before the BTWBD era, UF and SOS went down pretty hard against LH in an early 90’s Bowl (Sugar) and were robbed in the Colorado bowl game. ‘Worst team’ has to have more historical gravitas – Columbia ,Temple and Duke being good candidates.
May 9th, 2007 at 11:15 am
81
Sam says:
#66 –
You are right. I recind my vote for Cal, those mid-80’s Beaver teams were the worst. They played high school ball in a high school stadium. Good catch.
May 9th, 2007 at 11:32 am
82
Larry W. Smith says:
I hope that the NSA’s Cray Computer keyword filter finds the Anthrax reference
May 9th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
83
CalFanMos says:
#73,
Most of the fb fans here want the bums gone. Its the insane city of Berkeley who think they bring irreplaceable culture to downtown. I’d personally say they less bring culture and more….I don’t know…Typhoid?
As for ultimate, hey what can I say its fun.
May 9th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
84
GeronimoRumplestiltskin says:
Ooooh….can I play?
1. Worst team: Purdue, 1989. In one game, fumbled away three straight snaps from under center. I don’t think I’ll ever see that again….
2. Wish for Anthrax: Have to go with Miami FL. I wouldn’t root for them if they were playing Al Queda.
3. Worst player/play: Clifford Jefferson, Notre Dame CB 1999. Against Tennessee that year, he was beaten by a good 4 steps in the end zone with the ball on its way to the receiver he’s ‘covering’. Does he turn to find the ball to swat it away? Make a desperate lunge at the receiver to at least draw an interference penalty? Nope. Never turning to look for the ball, he starts flapping his arms up and down like he’s trying to take flight. The ball actually travels under his arm into the grasp of the receiver – touchdown. Sadly, this was not an isolated moment of embarrassment in the career of Mr. Richardson, aka “Toast”.
A close second in the worst play category has to be the 1999 ND final-play-at-Purdue’s-one-yard-line clusterfuck of two months earlier that season: The Irish trailed 28-23 with 11 seconds to go and had the ball, 2nd down at the Boilermaker 1 yard line. Davie used ND’s final timeout to set up the final play, and called the entire offense around him. He yakked at QB Jarious Jackson, he yakked at the offensive line, he yakked at the running backs….what would the play call be, I wondered…Quarterback sneak? Option left? Option right? After getting complete and exhaustive instructions from their coach, the Irish lined up and ran….all three. The line surged forward, blocking down, as though for a QB sneak. Jackson, running a different play from his line, received the snap and turned to his left to begin the option left, extending the ball to possibly hand off to….nobody, because the three running backs behind him were running an entirely different play – what appeared to be an option right. Jackson was smothered, and the clock ran out before the Irish could line up to run another play. A whole two-minute timeout to communicate one play call, and Davie somehow orders up three different ones to three different groups. Thus concluded another glorious Saturday in the Bob Davie era.
4. That “I’m a bitch, I’m a lover…” song that haunted the radio airwaves back in the “bitter, whiny chicks with guitars” phase of popular music in the mid-to-late ’90’s. Bad enough I had to hear that at the gym while trying to work out….bitter, whiny women screeching at me doesn’t do much for either my physical stamina or concentration….
May 9th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
85
tzubear says:
CalFanMos-
Has to be frustrating being a CFB fan in that town. I visited some friends there last year and almost got in a fight with one jackass begger. Fucker was in his early twenties and healthier than me. Im used to hippies and all as I am from Oregon, but damn the Intelligentzia of Berkeley TRY to be obtuse. I’m sure somebody in that town is ranting how VaTEch deserved the shootings.
May 9th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
86
Nate says:
Re: GeronimoRumplestiltskin–
“4. That “I’m a bitch, I’m a lover…” song that haunted the radio airwaves back in the “bitter, whiny chicks with guitars” phase of popular music in the mid-to-late ’90’s. Bad enough I had to hear that at the gym while trying to work out….bitter, whiny women screeching at me doesn’t do much for either my physical stamina or concentration….”
If it’s any consolation, the best man at my wedding fucked her and ran (Meredith Brooks, I think the name is). Met her in a bar right after a gig of hers, had no idea who the hell she was, did her, and left. He tells me later he did some singer at the bar, and that’s that. A few weeks later we’re watching TV and she comes on and he goes “hey, that’s her”.
No word on if they got it on to that song though.
May 9th, 2007 at 8:40 pm
87
CalFanMos says:
Tzubear,
Sometimes it is a royal pain in the ass. Most of the bums downtown are perfectly healthy, young people who just think there is a vast government conspiracy against them. I remember a quote from a Daily Cal article a few months ago interviewing this one homeless woman, lets call her Alice, that went something like this: ” ‘I don’t want to be thought of as just another deadbeat, drug addicted homeless person. We should be treated like everyone else’ said Alice, who is a mother of two and currently addicted to heroin and crack-cocaine.”
…yeah.
May 10th, 2007 at 3:59 am
88
KentAllard says:
1. Johnny Majors last team at Pitt (2d go around). They resorted to punting on third down most of the time, on the go-ahead-and-get-it-over theory.
2. Alabama. Most conceited group of fans in the world. haven’t been important in the 80s, 90s, or 00s, but still think they are CFB’s elite. Second place tie between tOSU and Michigan, due to their indistinguishable fanbases.
3. A golden oldie. The comically overrated Major Harris, a QB at Wrong Turn U. who was a triple threat: He couldn’t pass, run or kick.
4. Anything by Cake, a briefly popular band whose trick was their total lack of talent.
May 10th, 2007 at 9:20 am