The big board is up. Apologies, groveling begging for forgiveness, and complete inaccuracies follow. As always, thanks to Brian for rigging it up:

Clarifications:

Penn State, firmly in second now. With charges against four players dropped, Penn State descends from the peak and is a mere K2 to Illinois’ Everest of points. No one’s really sad about this, are they? Except for other Big Ten fans and, curiously, us?

Nebraska: in with a bullet! Or a fist, unless Maurice Purify had a bullet in hand whilst beating a guy and his girlfriend in a Lincoln bar. Attn: legal types: if that were the case, would it up his charges? Nebraska’s been pretty sedate post-Osbourne, so expect little else out of the ‘Huskers following Purify’s points.

Whoa, golly, that’s a sneaky total there, Idaho. Even we hadn’t noticed exactly how many points Idaho’s managed to pile up this offeseason. Cocaine is indeed a helluva drug.

If we die before we finish this paragraph……then we leave the administration of the Fulmer Cup to Bloo at Fire Mark May, simply because he’s the only commentator of appropriate gravitas to handle the immense responsibilities of handling the Fulmer Cup. The rest of the Swindle testament has been handily covered by T. Kyle and company, who’ve saved us the trouble by writing our will and testament for us. Thanks? Thanks.

Nice to know we crossed four million visits before going to the big Gator wallow in the sky, at least.

Countless Africans really are wandering the streets of Lagos and Lome wearing “USC: BACK 2 BACK CHAMPIONS!!!” and “BRADY QUINN: HEISMANTASTIC!!!” t-shirts. Or at least we like to think so after reading about how hypothetical merchandise like “Buffalo Bills: Super Bowl Champs” tees and hats wind their way down the supply chain and onto the backs of Malian herdsmen.

An eagle-eyed reader saved one such example of neverwas memorabilia for us, however, and sent it post-haste to the Swindle Reptile Farm on Highway 78. The taste is a bit fresher on this one, however, and endlessly sweet for us.

Busted Memorabilia presents: the “Make Florida an Urban Myth” t-shirt.

The front:

Available in brilliant scarlet.

The back: (more…)

We’ve got some major revisions to Fulmer Cup scoring as charges against four Penn State players have been dismissed in the apartment break in, beat-down case. More on that later today with the scoreboard post this afternoon, though the SAS Fulmer Cup page has Penn State revised to 21 points, halving their original tally in the case.

In simpler math: seven points. It’s a touchdown for Maurice Purify, Nebraska wideout who was arrested Saturday night on two counts of assault and one of resisting arrest following an alleged bar fight in Lincoln, Nebraska.

Police say Purify and a friend were denied admittance by a doorman at a Lincoln bar Saturday night.

Police say Purify threw a punch at the man. Police also say Purify also assaulted the man’s girlfriend when she intervened.

You tell the manager that Maurice Purify is going to eat…his…family!

Total: seven points for Nebraska, whose coach Bill Callahan is “very concerned” about the incident.

At least his players aren’t running naked around the halls, or god forbid roller-skating naked through them. That would be real trouble. (We don’t see any football players in there, but given the pictures and alleged pictures of Notre Dame quarterbacks that have been floating around recently, we’d believe it if you told us one was in there.)