Comments on: GUEST COLUMNIST: T. BOONE PICKENS.

By: Brian

Brian — Thu, 03 May 2007 13:38:00 +0000

Yea I was walking to pickup to commuter train a couple years ago and it was 85 and sunny — hot. This bum is cracking a nice cold beer and he’s asking me for money. I’m like buddy you’re the one with the cold full beer, no way.

By: KongHorn

KongHorn — Thu, 03 May 2007 04:10:15 +0000

My favorite dragworm — as the panhandlers near the Texas campus are called — story: on my way to a 9am class, I was cutting through the Taos coop parking lot through to what’s now Kerbey Lane, pop through the fence, and mutually startle hell out of three dragworms who – shockingly! – had purchased a fresh 12 pack not 10 minutes before.

Suddenly, one is offering me a beer (it’s Budweiser, even, not Blatz or something). Why not, I think, and grab a seat on the asphalt. “Want a smoke?” the same guy asks. Well, gee, now that you ask…. He whips out a completely full (natch) pack of every concievable brand, finds a Camel and gives it to me.

I pound my beer, finish my smoke, make my Spanish class on time. Once there, I’m trying to explain my astonishment at what happened; people were looking at me like “uhmigawd, you, like, drank a beer at 8:30 in the morning? Gross!” Your missing the POINT, dammit, dragworms were giving ME stuff, in MY brand, for FREE, not the OTHER way around. Retards.

Then I got an A on my test, The End.

Second favorite, 18 year old in the parking lot by Texadelphia barks as I walk by, “Hey, got a BUCK?” I look at his $30 Ministry shirt, $120 Doc Martens and reply, “No, but I’ll give you five bucks for your boots.” He fumbled for something to say, creatively settling on the f-bomb as I gave him the finger on my way by,

By: Beergut

Beergut — Wed, 02 May 2007 21:35:34 +0000

The Dallas Morning News did an investigate series on the homeless some time back.

Here, they can make $30 an hour, minimum, panhandling.
All it costs you is your dignity and self-respect, and crackheads don’t have that.

By: Big Ten Joe

Big Ten Joe — Wed, 02 May 2007 19:57:47 +0000

There definitely has been a rise in the number and consistency of people with signs at intersections in Minneapolis in the last year or two. I feel really conflicted, because I do not want to turn down a request for help from someone truly in need; on the other hand, if you can stand on a corner for six or eight hours straight, you probably can work a shift at a productive job too–maybe just not one nearly as lucrative as panhandling.

Anyway, one good sign I saw last month at the top of a freeway exit, held by a guy who looked like he had spent a substantial amount of time on the streets (scraggly beard and all), said:

“The IRS took my Mercedes. The yacht is next–please help.”

By: beta_gator

beta_gator — Wed, 02 May 2007 18:53:11 +0000

Sign seen in Gainesville by a particularly young and punk-ish looking hobo:

“Give me a dollar to leave your shitty town”

By: jakldawg

jakldawg — Wed, 02 May 2007 17:38:08 +0000

T. Boone’s boys would be wise to avoid this guy on their quest
http://www.devilducky.com/media/58566/

By: Harris

Harris — Wed, 02 May 2007 17:33:45 +0000

In Center City Philadelphia on Saturday, I saw a guy who’s sign read, “Why lie? I need a beer?” He flipped it over and the sign read, “Nice car.” I laughed my ass off. He still didn’t get my money.

By: Brewster Crew

Brewster Crew — Wed, 02 May 2007 17:23:27 +0000

Spending a large ammount of my hours awake in downtown Minneapolis, I’m getting more and more irritated by the “bums.” Last fall in sweeps, one of the tv news bobbleheads followed one of the people with a “Homeless, please help” sign after her shift…to a beautiful home in the burbs.

My personal favorite is every night I drive past the same guy who has a 17 paragraph cardboard sign with every word spelled correctly, except God (Gob? How the fuck do you come up with Gob Bless???).

By: RedDevilEA

RedDevilEA — Wed, 02 May 2007 17:09:10 +0000

Orangeblood,
I’ve seen some killer signs. Although Austin if FULL of people at intersections, the quality of the sign is what distinguishes the real hobos from the regular meth-addicts. Real hobos are a thing of beauty. Being from Cleveland, I consider myself a hobo enthusiast. Anyone who’s been in the flats at night knows that Cleveland has by far the friendliest, most entertaining hobos around. My general practice is to ask the hobo to tell me a joke to earn a buck. A couple of nights ago I was on sixth street, in front of Ginger Man’s, I believe. And I heard this gem, “My brother put me in an arm lock and said, ‘This is a Half-Nelson.’ Then he grabbed the other arm and said, ‘This is a Full Nelson.’ Then I felt his hand in my pants and he said, ‘And this is a Father Nelson.’ ” He got a dollar and a Camel Light. Ahhhh good times indeed.

By: Brian

Brian — Wed, 02 May 2007 16:34:31 +0000

I thought the hobo was Jack Nicholson for a brief minute.

We used to have a town Cook back a little while ago. He wasn’t a Hobo, but he would sit around like one all day. The story was hed had a nervous breakdown, and his wife put a restraining order on him so hed sit in the center of town waiting for her to drive by. His car had stickers like “HIV+” and shit on them, and he’d have signs up forewarning doom if anyone drank the town water supply. He would always dress up nice, but in 50 year old outfits. He was banned from the donut store because he would just sit in there on cold days. He may have also been banned from the library for the same reason. During my sister’s first communion he came into the church (packed) walked up to the statue of mary, said some prayers, and then went on his way. There are other stories, but he’s since died, and no doubt had his organs harvested for money and his corpse used to smuggle cocaine into Canada.

By: irishoutsider

irishoutsider — Wed, 02 May 2007 16:21:09 +0000

Harvesting hobo organs. You’ve raised the bar for us all, Swindle, and I thank you.

By: Orangeblood

Orangeblood — Wed, 02 May 2007 16:20:35 +0000

RedDevilEA,

The hobos in Austin have the best signs, don’t they?

By: Geaux Irish

Geaux Irish — Wed, 02 May 2007 16:01:15 +0000

Thanks Orson. I now have a new wallpaper for my laptop after seeing that picture of the hobo.

By: RedDevilEA

RedDevilEA — Wed, 02 May 2007 15:56:25 +0000

Are organs priced by the pound? Because there’s a guy on Anderson Lane & MoPac with a liver the size of a baby gator. I saw him this morning on my way to work with a sign that reads, “Why sleep in a two hundred thousand dollar house when I can sleep under a two million dollar bridge?”

By: matt

matt — Wed, 02 May 2007 15:51:51 +0000

there is a Vandy Alum, John Arnold – who actually out earned t boone last year…Arnold, like Pickens, runs an energy hedge fund, the guys 33 and he made a little over 2 billion last year, but even that kind of money is probably incapable of improving vandy football