We may have to conduct a new offseason contest around here, beginning with this picture of Vernon Gholston: the NYC Sewer System Award for having huge, huge pipes, as the Men of Scarlet and Gray put it so eloquently.

Plumbers, take note: Vernon Gholston maintains his pipes just fine without your help.

The red ties around the elbows are over-the-top, sure. But Gholston’s got to be the Buckeyes’ first off the bus and out of the tunnel.

Nominations for your team’s own NYC Sewer System Award are open below.

Ahem. Hmmmmmmmmm…mi mi mi mi miiiiiiiiii. We revise the Auburn fight song for today’s latest Fulmer Cup score.

War Eagle, fly down the field,
Drunk off twelve beers and struggling to kneel,
War Eagle, always believe,
Tipsy in traffic and starting to weave,
Drive on, you orange and blue
Cause a DUI’s coming for you! < ?i>

Walk-on linebacker Jacob Shirey, 20, gets a DUI early Tuesday morning. Dos puntos for Auburn, who as the Opelika paper points out have had two players arrested for alcohol-related offenses in the past ten days.

Nick Saban would like to taunt you all for this, Auburn fans, but he has no time for this shit.

I would tell you that sir, but I have no time for that shit.

Hello, all my current Cowboys and future Cowboy-lovers. And I don’t mean like in Brokeback Mountain! Which I haven’t seen, by the way, because I think that would be gay. And the only drilling T. Boone’s doing these days is with the ladies, y’all. Heh!

Howdy. T. Boone here.

I’d like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to come out here and talk about the exciting new fundraising strategies we’re coming up with to help Oklahoma State continue to climb to the top of the Big 12, and hopefully into the national title picture. In addition to providing me with a dodgy and compliant accomplice of a tax shelter the personal satisfaction of seeing Cowboy football improve before my eyes, I’m also excited by the chance to innovate the way college athletics raises money.

You may already be familiar with T. Boone’s work with the “Gift of a Lifetime” program. (more…)

People have been asking for this one for a while, and after watching the magnificent “Ninja Myths” episode last night, we can’t deny you any longer.

Our Mustache Wednesday ’stache of the day: Jamie Hyneman. Boat captain, diver, survival expert, Russian speaker, linguist, designer of the Mugwumps from Naked Lunch, and obvious sex symbol…a man with a resume so caffeine-addled has got to receive his just desserts from this website.

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

For a photo of Jamie in high school click the jump.

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