YEAHH....CLICKCLACK: A THEATRE REVIEW OF SPURRIER'S UNDERARMOUR AD

by Orson on Apr 30, 2007 4:36 PM EDT

Steve Spurrier has the gift of being one of those people that wherever he goes, there he is: a brilliant, cocky, and complete slave to games (most notably football and golf.)

This is what makes him a brilliant choice for any commercial, since wherever you put him, he's still going to be himself. That's what made this weekend's nonstop loop of the Spurrier UnderArmour commercial so completely awesome. Given a wooden script fashioned from the stalest coach speak, Spurrier did what all actors do: he inimitably made it his own.

(Video captured by the Sporting Orange, in case you can't read. In which case, fuck you, Charlie, because you can't read this anyway.)

Sure, there's a whole twenty seconds of homoerotic commercial after that: drills, sweat, sprinting with parachutes, all done guys in tight Underarmour shirts wrestling over superimposed animal sounds (LYCRA FLEX ROOOOAAARRRRGGGHHH!!! They're like animals!) The ersatz Dr. Dre soundtrack doesn't help either, since you expect 50 Cent to come in mushmouthing about champagne and his sexual superiority to you at any moment.

Yet the opening performance--visual poetry. Spurrier actually drops the definite article from his greeting--"This is head ball coach."

That's owning your language. He doesn't even need "the," so far advanced is he from any other coaching specimen. Then he fiddles around the office as he talks, just as he does on the sidelines, using his environment like a true Strasbergian method actor would, fiddling with the lockers, roaming his office like a sunburnt redneck Brando.

His confidence is laid bare in the confident phrasing. In the hands of a lesser thespian, "He ran a what? Yeah, I told you he could really go..." would just come off as ad-pablum. Spurrier tranforms it into ironic sprechstimme: "yes, duh, I told you he was fast, and now my East Tennessee twang will drip with sarcasm at your shock. I know more than you will ever know about anything, and that is apparent to everyone but you, scout-dork."

And the coup de grace: his rushed variation on Eric Ogbogu's classic ad refrain, "Click, clack." Most would wait for the pause, but Spurrier elides the two into a hurried singular phrase: "mmmmclickclack." While the rough boys of the world may need to posture, Head Ball Coach (again, no "the") turns corp-speak into just another play in his verbal Fun 'N Gun, mouthing the words offhandedly into his cell phone like someone who couldn't care less.

In summary: A heroic performance of a postmodern rhetorical cowboy. Bravissimo, Head Ball Coach. Bravissimo.

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Comments

Sprechstimme, indeed, Orson… which is no surprise when you learn that Arnold Schoenberg is the ‘Ol Ball Coach’s favorite avant-garde composer.

by Beatnik on Apr 30, 2007 4:45 PM EDT reply actions

Ever notice how Ralph Friedgen’s win-loss went south after doing the UnderArmour thing? I’m just sayin’.

by Paco on Apr 30, 2007 5:15 PM EDT reply actions

I can tell Old Ball Coach hates himself for saying “ClickClack.”

It’s almost like he was saying, “Yeah….I’mGay”

not that there’s anything wrong with that.

by Erik on Apr 30, 2007 5:19 PM EDT reply actions

Fine performance. Based on his skillful “improv” at post-game media conferences, I would expect no less.

by Hook'em Tide on Apr 30, 2007 5:19 PM EDT reply actions

Personally, I think the funniest part of that ad is Steve trying to pull off acting like he knows what he’s doing with that computer board thingamajig. Like that fucker has ever typed on a computer. Hell, he doesn’t even use a playbook.

by EZ on Apr 30, 2007 5:23 PM EDT reply actions

Best supporting actor in a sportswear commercial played nonstop during the draft this weekend goes to Terrell Suggs, the huge dude in the purple stretchy shirt. T-sizzle my nizzle!

by Big Jon on Apr 30, 2007 5:36 PM EDT reply actions

Paco,

Yeah, Ralph Friedgen’s win-loss went down because he coaches at Maryland. Terps are gay.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

by Cardiac Kids on Apr 30, 2007 6:08 PM EDT reply actions

Did Under Armour make the dresses for his last commercial?

by Gus Witgenstein on Apr 30, 2007 6:12 PM EDT reply actions

he manages to sound like more of a hick then tuberville while saying “click clack”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4XfKt0FFKw

by bellefay on Apr 30, 2007 6:26 PM EDT reply actions

Did he say “really go” or “run a go”? I mean, his only high draft pick was a WR…

by kbjarvis on Apr 30, 2007 6:37 PM EDT reply actions

It was more like, this is gay, but I am required by the terms of USC’s contract with Under Armour to appear in these lame commercials.

He was much more committed to the microwave pizza commercial.

Probably because he was getting all the money from the dress spots, whereas USC gets the lion’s share of the UA contract, with Spurrier’s cut requiring him to appear in lame commercials like this one, as opposed to his deals with Russell and Reebok, which required nothing further.

by Coop on Apr 30, 2007 6:47 PM EDT reply actions

yea tuberville was really poor saying Click Clack.

by Brian on Apr 30, 2007 7:46 PM EDT reply actions

Spurrier doesn’t really use that iMac in the commercial for football, just for his music collection to synch to his iPod. But he doesn’t wear the noise reduction headphones at all times during the game, just some times.

by Freehawk on Apr 30, 2007 9:06 PM EDT reply actions

They should run a whole series of these with head coaches; Mangino talking while eating a pizza, Paterno freaking out over the weird ringing noise coming from that thing on his desk, Orgeron smashing the phone for ringing, [Name Redacted] working at least 8 phones at once, or Hawkins screaming into the phone about intramurals. The possibilities are endless.

by letsplaytummysticks on Apr 30, 2007 9:12 PM EDT reply actions

Well, UA better enjoy this one… what they fail to understand is that Head Ball Coach don’t really give a blue tick hound about contracts… he’ll do what he wants, wear what he wants, say what he wants… UA’s fancy lawyas can’t hope to contain him.

by PeterPumpkinhead on Apr 30, 2007 9:46 PM EDT reply actions

I agree – HBC looked actually irritated in the commercial, which I think is great.

I’ll never forget sitting in an empty press box at Williams-Brice, watching the press conference on TV after the Tennessee game last year. HBC opened it by deadpanning, “I guess we don’t have to worry about winning the SEC East anymore.”

by Newspaper Hack on Apr 30, 2007 10:25 PM EDT reply actions

He is no longer SOS. He is HBC.

by southernmost on Apr 30, 2007 10:55 PM EDT reply actions

Ok – Wait is spurrier on the “I’m down, come play ball for me” campaign. First he acts like he cares about the rebel flag in SC (bullshit) and now he is doing “Click/Clack” with Hip Hop in the background? What is next? OOHHH I already see it – Spurrier will challenge Don Imus to a boxing match to show the Black Community he “aint taking that cracka shit no mo” – he would sell his soul for a 6’6" WR who has 4.2 speed and great hands.

What a Tool.

by Cole on May 1, 2007 12:03 AM EDT reply actions

Spurrier’s a thesbian? Damn. I always assumed he was straight.

by Murphy on May 1, 2007 9:05 AM EDT reply actions

Shit. That would have been funnier if I hadn’t typo’d “thespian”

by Murphy on May 1, 2007 9:06 AM EDT reply actions

In the beginning, I half-expected to see Spurrier berating the assistant coach who obviously failed to “pimp” their wideout enough.

By the 500th time I was hoping that it would happen.

by BDoc on May 1, 2007 9:10 AM EDT reply actions

Cole:

You are a polesmoker.

by Adam on May 1, 2007 10:00 AM EDT reply actions

The first time I saw it I envisioned Tubby on the other end of the call, making the “yeahclickclack” all the better.

Does this mean that all annoying phone calls must now begin with “Whaaaazzuuuuuup!?” and end with “Yeahclickclack”?

Could someone with all of the SEC games from the past 15 years on VHS (you know you exist) please upload all the old Yellawood commercials to You Tube? Orson would not suffer for content until kickoff.

by Kenny on May 1, 2007 11:20 AM EDT reply actions

#1, and Teodor Adorno is his favorite post-Marxian cultural critic. This is a paraphrase, but TA said something like “to run the wing option after the fall of the Big 8 conference is barbaric.”

by jon on May 1, 2007 11:27 AM EDT reply actions