BLOGTOBERFEST! SHORN EMU EDITION.

The New Radicals of blog features: one permanent member, many revolving pieces.

Texas Gal's knows how the Shorn Emu sings. Shocking, sad, and underreported news from Notre Dame's spring scrimmage: Jimmy Clausen shaved his trademark Emu-do. Without the distractions, bourbon warrior Texas Gal focused on the important things: Tom Zbikowski's Van Damme-esque buttocks.

In case you need a brain enema after that phrase......this will not help at all.

The matchup of cocaine and Jean Claude Van Damme in the prolapse of his career has been as inspired a pairing as Peter O'Toole/scotch, Joe Piscapo/nandralone, and David Lee Roth/rockclimbing. Um...football? Yes, football...

Smrt pepl lke futbaw. Particularly smart Republican ones. Meanwhile, baseball continues its slow death, while NASCAR reigns supreme among people who didn't graduate high school. Stereotypes: full of vitamin fact!

Tom Dienhart, goin' robo at work if this is any indication. Cough syrup is a hell of a drug. At least it better be to make someone construct a ranking of coaches where one can construct these inelegant statements:

Jim Grobe>Steve Spurrier
Kirk Ferentz>Urban Meyer
Tom O'Brien>Greg Schiano
Chan Gailey>Phil Fulmer

We hate Phil, but God's Wounds! Chan? By the Hammer of Thor, we've got to break out some seriously exaggerated oaths to encompass how truly silly that list is. Richt at 23, in a job that's tougher than most people know? Great Rama's Lingam! Bobby Bowden over Joe Paterno? By the Silvery Feathers of Quetzalcoatl!

Yet another Michigan blog. It's like you all can read AND use the computer, Wolverines. Literacy, bitches, literacy.

Mike Leach, healer of souls. The best college football blogger in the known universe has the pirate captain on for a bit of soul-healing advice to a reader in the latest installment of "Ask Mike Leach," re: why his friends who did not attend his awesome, championship tramp of a school aren't speaking to him.


It could also be they're avoiding you because you're an asshole. I was listening to public radio recently while I was mapping the inefficiencies of my local sewer system for my upcoming presentation to the Lubbock City Council, "Optimization of Collection System Maintenance Frequencies and System Performance," and I heard a story about a guy who suddenly realized all his friends thought he was an asshole.

MIKE LEACH LISTENS TO THIS AMERICAN LIFE!!! Shocking. Too bad they're ending the series, their long, arduous mission finally accomplished.


Mike Leach: Ira Glass fan, yes, ladykiller, no.

Science verifies reason. It makes marginally more sense to go on defense first in overtime, according to people who work with numbers and stuff. We're thrilled that the Sabermetrics crew has drifted slowly over to football, a significantly more difficult subject of analysis than baseball. We just can't wait to see who emerges as the despised Joe Morgan of the antiempirical mob. We're guessing Mark May, though Bob Davie's a good guess, too.

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