Blogtoberfest! You’ll love it so much you’ll take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant.

Crist comes to Notre Dame! Alleluia! Sadly, Jimmy Clausen’s intro was a bigger deal than recruit Dayne Crist’s, since there’s no way Crist rolls up in the stretch Hummer. Crist is the Next Next Big Thing for Irish fans who’ve tired of Jimmy Clausen already. We’re ahead of you all and hyping Alvis Kedankic, a laser-armed pee-wee football qb from Glenridge, CA who sources tell us is already leaning Irish thanks to Charlie Weis’ gift of a badass Gundam Wing model last week. The NCAA has already announced its intention to investigate the matter.


May also have discipline issues following botched attempt to “make it rain” on a classmate during recess last week.

Mustain to USC. That’s what the LA Times says. We dare Houston Nutt to text him. Mustain’s only other rumored option was Tulsa, where his high school coach will be running his fast-paced, no-huddle offense for seven or eight games before scrapping it for an antediluvian run attack and benching his quarterback for no apparent reason.

Temple wants 66,000 for their home opener. The one with Navy. And we want a pony! A BIG SHINY PONY!!! We’ll name him Obelix, and we’ll never be apart while we ride to Pluto and back. He’ll be able to knit, too, because a horse that could knit would be really, really unique.

My, that’s one mobile, red, and throbbing Cock. South Carolina’s Garnet and Black scrimmage disappointed the OBC, who had nary a Stars and Bars around to blame for Blake Mitchell’s erratic performance at Spurrier’s favorite position, qb.

He could, however, soothe his anger with Hootie and Blowfish, who played the game as true alums would: literally rocking out with their Cock out. It’s huge, red, and flopping all over the stage in the video below. You have been warned.

This is where a Hootie and the Blowfish joke usually goes, something about how much they suck, blah blah denigration. But we consider them less a band and more one of the happy accidents of capitalism, a shitty bar band who made millions and now sits on their collective ass drinking beer, playing golf, and doing gigs at the South Carolina spring game. They might suck as a band–but they’re damn good at life.

Obligatory SMQ Plug. His Florida preview detonates once and for all the myth that Urban Meyer is merely an offensive whiz by showing how his Utah and Florida teams both win with bareknuckled defense and efficiency. He’s calling for 9-3 for Florida, which seems about right in a championship hangover year, sponsored by Icehouse, the beer of imperial excess on a collegian’s budget.

The Florida fan who tells you they saw championship in year two coming is telling you a lie, something SMQ reminds us of here:

The tendency after what went down in the mythical championship game is to renovate the memory of last year’s Gators into one of a bloodthirsty pack of inevitable conquerors, but it wasn’t like that at any point in the season. UF put pretty convincing beatdowns on LSU and on Arkansas in the SEC Championship, but it only beat Tennessee by a point, struggled with Vanderbilt, should have lost to South Carolina at home and actually did lose at Auburn.

Meyer’s still constructing his war-machine. Christening: 2008, we’d guess.

Joe Buck speaks to me…one…word…at a time. Schutebag, still shitting from his mouth for money.

“I love Joe Buck….I think Joe Buck on Fox is my favorite play by play guy in the Country. He speaks to me.”

In simple syllables, very slowly, no?

Ty Willingham likes ‘em thick. Sophomore Washington offensive lineman Morgan “House” Rosborough weighs 370 pounds after his latest diet. Ty Willingham, molder of men, must have found a special on manclay, because that’s the biggest OL we can remember since the glory days of Aaron Gibson at Wisconsin.

We will pay Pac-10 defensive coordinators to throw the corner blitz at Rosborough. Please. Twenty dollars a call just to watch what happens if a.) Rosborough catches and then eats the unfortunate defensive back, or b.) watch him as he turns into the Rancor futilely chasing Luke around Jabba’s pit while he watches the corner obliterate the Huskies’ qb. Either way, it’s cheap entertainment that won’t quit one we capture it on Youtube.