24.7 MESSAGES A DAY/ NEVER START A FIGHT WITH A MONKEY

by Orson on Apr 19, 2007 1:45 AM EDT

Las Cronicas roll on...one suspicious text message at a time...

God bless brainy Michigan men who do the math for us: if you take the total number of text messages Houston Nutt sent to newscaster Diana Bragg over the course of 43 days, you get an average of 24.7 text messages a day. That's 24.7 text messages to a woman not named "wife."

Run the hypotheticals of that scenario in your head casting yourself in Boss Hawg's role and your significant other as the wife NOT receiving 24. 7 texts a day. We imagine it at one point involves getting slapped/run over with car/killed by death, since the only people who text each other that much are:

a.) boss/subordinate engaged in act of making money
b.) kidnapper/relative of kidnappee engaged in donating ransom
c.) Fucker/fuckee
d.) Us/Stranko on a Saturday in the fall.

And you really only want one of those four arrangements to happen involving your sig/other. (Unless you're role-playing. And if you're role-playing being Stranko to us with your wife, we're filing that restraining order now.) Not that we care what Houston Nutt does with whom--we don't care if your marriage involves watching your spouse screw tasteful American Moderne furniture while wearing a plushie suit, though we would like pictures of that if you're married to a football coach who likes to do that.

The guideline Nutt should follow is the shit-flinging monkey rule: don't start a fight with a shit flinging monkey. Very simply put, the people trying to oust Nutt have tools at their hands Nutt can't possibly have: numbers, relative anonymity, and plenty of free time. By putting out press release after press release, letting anyone and everyone comment on the case, and even addressing the situation, you put a mike in front of the poop-flinging chimps, a crew that includes guys like Pork Rind Jimmy:

Look at that man and tell me you'll beat him in wasting free time. That beard alone is a hobby requiring hundreds of idle man-hours. We say this because we're a blogger and know from whence we speak. Stop feeding the trolls, and they will leave, even if you're scronking a newscaster from Little Rock and texting her exactly 24. 7 times a day. (Cling-AY!) There was another SEC coach in a media fishbowl who was having sex with a woman not his wife once, and he got away with it by doing one thing: shutting the hell up and coaching. A healthy dose of silence killed the story before it grew knees, much less legs.

We have no advice on spammers, though. If someone keeps showing up to Hogs practice with a BUY PHENTERMINE FREE PAIN SEX sign, we'd suggest you run them over with the nearest lawnmower, because that's precisely what we wish we could do to ours. Die, Russian spammers. You die and go to hell.

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Comments

Are you referring to Mike Dubose? Cause he didn’t really get away with it, as I recall. Or is this another SEC coach screwing someone other that their wife?

by SmoothJimmyApollo on Apr 19, 2007 4:01 AM EDT reply actions

Why run them over with a lawnmower when you can use a mower like this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBvfGIlk_n4

HT to Peter Jackson

by Rusty on Apr 19, 2007 5:45 AM EDT reply actions

I think the reference was really a Nick Saban one, as he’s screwing the Alabama BOT’s wives, while taking the press from behind without even the courtesy for a reach-around.

by NewAZTiger on Apr 19, 2007 7:30 AM EDT reply actions

Fuck Russian spammers. Amen. (That reminds me that it’s time for the daily deletion of faux “new users” at MHT.)

by DevilGrad on Apr 19, 2007 8:25 AM EDT reply actions

i was have big porblem with sexy time. after proaxiem 14, problem no more here. only 28 $ for 7!

by adam on Apr 19, 2007 8:31 AM EDT reply actions

So how long is it going to take PRJ to call the phone company today and see if they really talked to Nutt’s Lawya?

by PeterPumpkinhead on Apr 19, 2007 8:43 AM EDT reply actions

thats about 24.7 more text messages than I’ve ever sent….fuck that texting shit as well as sending pictures on my phone.

by Brian on Apr 19, 2007 9:05 AM EDT reply actions

FIE-SEMMAY!!!

by irishoutsider on Apr 19, 2007 9:09 AM EDT reply actions

Yeah …my last girlfriend thought it was clingy if I sent her like …4 texts a day. 24.7 texts gets you into restraining order territory…

by Dave K. on Apr 19, 2007 9:24 AM EDT reply actions

24.7 is just another way of saying “I lust you, baby” every hour of every day of every week… persistant fucker, isn’t he?

by sb on Apr 19, 2007 9:40 AM EDT reply actions

We all know this is going to end hysterically.

by the walrus on Apr 19, 2007 9:52 AM EDT reply actions

What’s her 40 time?

by KT on Apr 19, 2007 9:59 AM EDT reply actions

“thats about 24.7 more text messages than I’ve ever sent….fuck that texting shit as well as sending pictures on my phone.”

Ten bucks says that FOIA request #2 will turn up some ahem Salisbury-esque photos of Lil’ Houston and the two smallest members of the Nutt family.

by DevilGrad on Apr 19, 2007 10:02 AM EDT reply actions

The problem, Orson, is that they won’t stop. Ignoring them dosen’t make it go away. This is a group of “fans” that have nothing to do with their lives but stalk out information on Nutt b/c they are sooooo convinced that he lacks “integrity” and has somehow besmirched Arkansas by not getting along with Malzahn and the Springdale group. I wish they’d just move out to Tulsa with their dream lover and leave Arkansas alone, but they claim they love the Hogs too much to do that. I was ready to send Nutt packing after the 2 straight losing seasons – but Broyles didn’t do that and the team bounced back with a pretty darn good year. And the games were won b/c of Darren McFadden, not Mitch Mustain and Gus Malzahn. Darren McFadden saved Nutt’s ass this year. Darren McFadden (and Felix Jones) put the team on his back with a pair of QBs who couldn’t complete 55% of their passes or manage a 1.5:1 TD to INT ratio. If Arkansas doesn’t win big again this year, then Nutt will be sent home by the new AD anyway. Why in God’s name would you try to get a coach fired (for a program you LOVE) in the middle of the Spring when noone worth a damn would want to come into the situation as it is?

It’s so goddamn frustrating being an Arkansas fan these days.

by Jerkwheat on Apr 19, 2007 10:21 AM EDT reply actions

is e) [Name Redacted]/recruit or is that already implied by a)?

by letsplaytummysticks on Apr 19, 2007 10:46 AM EDT reply actions

More implied by c.), we thought.

by Orson Swindle on Apr 19, 2007 10:48 AM EDT reply actions

…and Pork Rind Jimmy, well, he’s something else entirely… reminds me of stupidevilbastard.com only without the vocabulary…

by sb on Apr 19, 2007 2:08 PM EDT reply actions

ESPN just reported that the “interception machine” will now be receiving improper benefits from, uh, I mean “transfer to” USC.

by Ben on Apr 19, 2007 3:06 PM EDT reply actions

…please, oh please, oh please don’t let it end!!!!!!

by sb on Apr 19, 2007 4:01 PM EDT reply actions

On one hand, I want Nutt to leave/be fired so that Arkansas can hire a real head football coach instead of this pretender. On the other hand, I have become used to the drama and my day will be a bit empty without the continuing soap opera. Heck, we may even get to a little “who is my baby’s daddy” drama unless “Big Ern McCracken” has been “fixed”.

That many text messages to the same woman not your wife = the horndog lobe working overtime any way you slice it.

by MarkinMemphis on Apr 19, 2007 8:10 PM EDT reply actions

The really juciy tidbit is buried deep in the AP story.

The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette reported Tuesday that Mustain was among those who requested Nutt’s telephone records, along with those of Danny Nutt and athletic director Frank Broyles.

by dixiehack on Apr 19, 2007 10:50 PM EDT reply actions

yawn

by drogue on Apr 20, 2007 9:40 AM EDT reply actions

In Nutt’s open letter the other day, he said he was sad to learn that he couldn’t get the content of the text messages to share with the Razorback family to prove is innocence.

GOOD NEWS NUTT! You can. All Cingular needs is a court order. Might want to put that lawyer to use now and go get ’em. HAHAHAHAHA Riiiight

Here’s a link to a screen shot of a conversation a member of hogville had with Cingular Tech Support proving they can be recovered:

http://www.hogville.net/yabbse/index.php?topic=132822.msg2021661#msg2021661

by Reaganite on Apr 20, 2007 12:15 PM EDT reply actions