LSU may still have points pending based on the ongoing investigation into Ryan Perriloux’s role in a counterfeiting scheme involving casinos, fake money, sports memorabilia, and a former governor of the state and the stripper/whore he couldn’t help but love. Until something comes of that, however, LSU will have to rely on a mere burglary/identity theft charge racked up this Monday by Tiger footballers Zhamal Thomas and Troy Giddens.

Details from the LSU Reveille:

LSUPD spokesman Capt. Russell Rogé said Thomas, an offensive lineman, was charged with a count of simple burglary of an inhabited dwelling and Giddens, a defensive back, was charged with counts of simple burglary of an inhabited dwelling and identity theft…

Rogé said the athletes allegedly broke into an apartment in West Campus Apartments and stole a backpack containing “an Apple iPod and a wallet containing ID’s and credit cards.”

The pair later went out and made charges to the card. They also reshuffled the student’s perfect gym mix on the iPod, a crime we think should be punishable by death, because it’s taken us years to get the 40 minute run mix just right. (”You’ve Got the Touch” by Dirk Diggler kicks in right as we start our big climb–like, every freakin’ time.)

We’re thinking seven points total here: two for each burglary, and three for identity theft, a crime of unique premeditation and shittiness given the fact that not only does it muck up your credit, but the things the person purchases in your name are almost always distasteful. We’re not talking porn either: when we had someone take our credit card for a stroll, we were as offended by all the Wal-Mart and auto supply purchases as the actual crime itself. At least we can appreciate porn–but Wal-Mart? Not even the siren song of three dollar camp chairs can make us go there.


You bought something made of chrome for thousands of dollars in our name? For shame, sir.