CUP D'FULMER: LSU SCORES LES POINTS AVEC UN BURGLAREE

by Orson on Apr 11, 2007 10:58 AM EDT

LSU may still have points pending based on the ongoing investigation into Ryan Perriloux's role in a counterfeiting scheme involving casinos, fake money, sports memorabilia, and a former governor of the state and the stripper/whore he couldn't help but love. Until something comes of that, however, LSU will have to rely on a mere burglary/identity theft charge racked up this Monday by Tiger footballers Zhamal Thomas and Troy Giddens.

Details from the LSU Reveille:

LSUPD spokesman Capt. Russell Rogé said Thomas, an offensive lineman, was charged with a count of simple burglary of an inhabited dwelling and Giddens, a defensive back, was charged with counts of simple burglary of an inhabited dwelling and identity theft...

Rogé said the athletes allegedly broke into an apartment in West Campus Apartments and stole a backpack containing "an Apple iPod and a wallet containing ID's and credit cards."

The pair later went out and made charges to the card. They also reshuffled the student's perfect gym mix on the iPod, a crime we think should be punishable by death, because it's taken us years to get the 40 minute run mix just right. ("You've Got the Touch" by Dirk Diggler kicks in right as we start our big climb--like, every freakin' time.)

We're thinking seven points total here: two for each burglary, and three for identity theft, a crime of unique premeditation and shittiness given the fact that not only does it muck up your credit, but the things the person purchases in your name are almost always distasteful. We're not talking porn either: when we had someone take our credit card for a stroll, we were as offended by all the Wal-Mart and auto supply purchases as the actual crime itself. At least we can appreciate porn--but Wal-Mart? Not even the siren song of three dollar camp chairs can make us go there.

You bought something made of chrome for thousands of dollars in our name? For shame, sir.

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Comments

The most frightening thing is my conviction that Orson’s not even kidding about the Dirk Diggler at the gym.

by Fesser on Apr 11, 2007 11:22 AM EDT reply actions

Hey, Dirk has the touch. Granted, they may not “own” those demo tapes, but the magic that’s on those tapes, the magic is theirs. And how are Dirk and Reed Rothchild supposed to pay for the tapes when they can’t take them to the record company. I mean, have you listened to them? They’re gauranteed a deal!! You’re making them look like assholes!! It’s a total catch 22…whatever that is.

by Tarpon on Apr 11, 2007 11:52 AM EDT reply actions

Yeah, if you need a body double for Dirk’s other shining accomplishment, let me know.

by Out of Conference on Apr 11, 2007 11:55 AM EDT reply actions

OOC,

It’s OK, you can use the words “Stunt Cock” on the board.

-HT goes to “Orgasmo” on the term.

by Brian on Apr 11, 2007 11:57 AM EDT reply actions

To this day it amuses me that “You Got The Touch” was used in both “Transformers, the Movie” and “Boogie Nights.” It also makes the name Rodimus Prime much funnier.

by Maize n Brew Dave on Apr 11, 2007 12:05 PM EDT reply actions

I too have been a victim of identity theft resulting in a Wal-Mart shopping spree. $918 on what???

I’m thinking a couple bags of fertilizer, plenty of Cookie Crisp, some of those sweet rotisserie chickens, a spare tire and the rest had to be Kathy Lee collection blouses.

by fat randy on Apr 11, 2007 12:23 PM EDT reply actions

Can you fit 22’s on a pirough?

by Mike P. on Apr 11, 2007 1:06 PM EDT reply actions

Mike—no, but you can on the trailer. Seen it, buddy.

by RaginCajunRebel on Apr 11, 2007 1:24 PM EDT reply actions

By the way, what exactly is wrong with some LSU fans (note not all LSU fans), it appears that some idiots are still obsessed with USC according to this AOL Fanhouse article: http://www.aolsportsblog.com/2007/04/10/lsu-fans-still-very-much-obsessed-with-usc/

Those kids just never learn to get over things. I’m reminded of 5 year old kids who never forget small slights and grow up to be mental cases.

by Jeff from LA on Apr 11, 2007 2:16 PM EDT reply actions

Don’t be so shocked Jeff in LA. Look how they reacted to Saban going to Bama.

http://www.tigerdroppings.com/rant/messagetopic.asp?p=4230541

by Mike P. on Apr 11, 2007 3:32 PM EDT reply actions

Looks like the SEC is proving its not willing to take a back set to anyone. With LSU’s entry that brings the conference team participation to 7 for the SEC and 4 for the Big Ten. I always knew the SEC was the deeper conference.

by tOSUBuckeyes on Apr 11, 2007 4:40 PM EDT reply actions

That took balls coming from a buckeye – tOSU.

Oh and Tarpon, I realize you may not understand the technical jargon but that sounds like a YP not an MP.

You don’t know karate do you?

by King Harvest on Apr 11, 2007 4:56 PM EDT reply actions

But I know ca-ra-zee!

by tOSU_radar on Apr 11, 2007 5:26 PM EDT reply actions

I’m definitely staying out of this SEC-Big 10 Fulmer Cup rivalry, because I know the second I make a comment, the Pac-10 is going to score big.

by Jeff from LA on Apr 11, 2007 7:05 PM EDT reply actions

You didn’t think we crawled under a rock or something, did you? I mean did Gator fans crawl under a rock after Tommy Frazier went Bo Jackson on them in the 90’s? Did OU fans crawl under a rock when USC went all John Elway on them? Nope. It happens, especially in bowl games which are widely unpredictable. Vegas hardly ever gets the lines right and the underdog almost always wins.

Back to the subject at hand. I was just poking a little fun, but like many other problems in how we glorify athletes and entertainers, this too is a societal problem. 9 times out of 10 the kids we read these stories about, their problems started at home, and unfortunately they are carried with them to college. But this is the world we live in, I’m just glad we have something like the Fulmer Cup so that we can banter back and forth.

by tOSUBuckeyes on Apr 11, 2007 8:18 PM EDT reply actions