We began this entry looking for embarrassing clips of Vols fans. Our search took us somewhere else entirely: to a video of a Tennessee fan scoring a Tank Abbott-worthy roundhouse on a red-panted UGA fan in the middle of the street.
The Tennessee guy appears to be the second coming of Buford Pusser. We were going to be all sportsmanlike and gentlemanly and congratulate the unfortunate recipient of the blow on getting up in a non-wobbly fashion. However, as appeared to start the fight on the night his team gave up fifty and failed to execute the individual revenge in front of gathered hundreds, we revoke the offer.
Next time, we recommend brown pants, brawlin’ Bulldog fan.
University of Minnesota football coaches believed they had scored a coup by signing Robert McField to a scholarship tender in February 2006. McField, however, had been charged with two armed robberies in the St. Louis area more than three months earlier. University officials said Tuesday they weren’t aware of that.
It is time to redeem your shame, sloppy recruiter.
Hai–uggghhh…..there he goes. You have done the correct thing, assistant coach-san. A thousand years of glory for your noble actions. The remaining, living members of the staff must deal with prized recruit and suspended team member pleading guilty to multiple felonies and facing a possible sentence of twelve years in jail.
In case Minnesota fans wanted another reason to curse Glen Mason’s now-departed visage, there you are. Mason, meanwhile, now wants a raise, the stadium named after him, and for you to admit that you were wrong about Direct TV not being worth it. Because it totally is, and he’s got your deepening assprint on the couch to prove it, he says. *
*We told you rooming with an out of work coach was a bad idea. But did you listen to us? Nooooooo.
Though Dave Boone, Australian cricket legend, stole your heart last week, we have another mustache legend ready to take the fore. In honor of the impending NHL playoffs and the mansome violence to follow, we present a very special Mustache Wednesday Mustache of the Day: hockey legend Lanny McDonald.
A mustache like that causes fish to jump in boats containing Lanny, locked doors to spring open magically for him, hypnotizes the weak-willed and impresses those strong enough to resist outright slavery to it. It holds a valid and current pilot’s license; it received its MBA from Wharton before opting for a lucrative career in sculpting.
It impregnated Salma Hayek, and brokered the last peace agreement in Sierra Leone. It’s thinking about what you want most right now, and is working on making it happen as we speak.
Again: Lanny McDonald and friend. (Very deep HT to Ben.)
LSU may still have points pending based on the ongoing investigation into Ryan Perriloux’s role in a counterfeiting scheme involving casinos, fake money, sports memorabilia, and a former governor of the state and the stripper/whore he couldn’t help but love. Until something comes of that, however, LSU will have to rely on a mere burglary/identity theft charge racked up this Monday by Tiger footballers Zhamal Thomas and Troy Giddens.
The pair later went out and made charges to the card. They also reshuffled the student’s perfect gym mix on the iPod, a crime we think should be punishable by death, because it’s taken us years to get the 40 minute run mix just right. (”You’ve Got the Touch” by Dirk Diggler kicks in right as we start our big climb–like, every freakin’ time.)
We’re thinking seven points total here: two for each burglary, and three for identity theft, a crime of unique premeditation and shittiness given the fact that not only does it muck up your credit, but the things the person purchases in your name are almost always distasteful. We’re not talking porn either: when we had someone take our credit card for a stroll, we were as offended by all the Wal-Mart and auto supply purchases as the actual crime itself. At least we can appreciate porn–but Wal-Mart? Not even the siren song of three dollar camp chairs can make us go there.
You bought something made of chrome for thousands of dollars in our name? For shame, sir.
Again: Mike Leach lives every week like it’s Shark Week. Those moments in the day when you hem and haw, wondering if what you’re about to do will make someone awkward, violate an invisible social boundary, or possibly get fired…those simply don’t exist for the man.
I’m a Bill O’Reilly fan. I listen to a lot of talk radio. G. Gordon Liddy. Rush Limbaugh. Sean Hannity. I like G. Gordon Liddy. I got Leach that Stacked and Packed Calendar. G. Gordon Liddy puts out this calendar. It’s women in bathing suits holding guns. He talked about it; I figured he’d want it. Maybe that’s why he put me on scholarship.”
Ladies with guns=hott. Ladies with guns and burqa=hotttttter.
Ladies with guns=scholarship? There’s nothing there to really support it other than the supposition of an 18 year old who “listen(s) to a lot of talk radio.” This does not present the best case. However, we want it to be true, because it would be so much funnier if it were.
Therefore we proclaim that Mike Leach traded gun ‘n babe cheesecake calendarage for a scholarship. Just try and take down the pirate, NCAA!!! You don’t have the balls to take Captain Mike down, Myles Brand. Just try it and see–after all, he’s now got a recruit with “an undisclosed number of firearms” in his custody.
Wait a second…how did he get away from us? Sending Urban email immediately–we have to maintain our status as college football’s most ardent defender of the 2nd amendment. We’ll fight for that prize, and you’ll have to take it from our cold, dead hands, pirate. From our cold, dead hands.
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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