EDSBS LIVE! EDSBS LIVE! We start now at 7:30, which will allow ample time for The Big Lead, our big guest tonight, to talk about his newfound celebrity as the target of Schrutebag’s affections.
How: To call in? (310) 984-7600. You may also register at Now Live and participate in the live chat, where we’ll be taking comments and working them into the broadcast. There’s loads of fascinating articulate people chatting back and forth on the board. There’s also your hosts.
Why: Because we’ll be talking about sketchy–as in sketchy athletes, sketchy cities, and sketchy ESPN hosts who knock off tiny bloggers for funzies. Again, our guest:The Big Lead
Your four questions for tonight:
1. Who’s the sketchiest football player ever? Two words: Sebastian Janikowski.
2. Sketch-oid football program? As in barely literate graduates, suspect player affluence, and overall willingness to bend any and every rule to win. Expect half the broadcast to be alternating Bama/Auburn accusations.
3. Do you have a sketchy family member? Our was a turn of the century heroin addict who told his family he was dead in order to have them wire money to California to pay for the delivery of his body. Got his ass beat when he showed up breathing and loaded a few years later.
4. How are you gay? See our earlier discussion from today for a clue on where we’re going with this. If you are gay and answering the question, tell us how you’re straight.
UCLA must replace 12 and a half sacks along its defensive line thanks to the graduation of Justin Hickman, an end who at one point in the Notre Dame/UCLA game vaulted his man like a pommel horse in front of our very own unbelieving eyes. (Yes, we were drunk, but we did see it.)
One player they’re counting on to fill the void has a good start, if in name only: Nikola Dragovic, originally from Serbia, a name so imperial and Slavic he’s got to live up to it on the field in some fashion: wearing a cape made of bearskin as he plays, carrying a scepter topped with the severed head of an enemy around campus, or growing an Oort cloud of a beard to intimidate his enemies before breaking out into a festive folk dance.
With the nickname “Drago,” though, he may not need it. Fight him. You will lose.
“I’m a ‘Nole,” Crist said. “I love Florida State University and I love coach Bowden. I love what he has done for my university.”
Governor Crist: loves FSU, pitching.
According to Bowden, he throws better than any governor who’s ever come out to the practice field in Tallahassee, exchanging a few passes with De’Cody Fagg while he was visiting. This answers the question most people have wondered about in the Sunshine State: Crist pitches, while others catch. There’s your proof.
This also marks another excuse to type the name De’Cody Fagg, who is a wide receiver for the Florida State Seminoles. That’s F-A-G-G. Fagg. His last name. Which is Fagg. Who we hope never, ever, ever graduates.
Back over in Gondor… Also in the Times-Union, more Gator notes. Jarred Fayson has had a wicked spring, a rise in the depth charts fueled mostly by his newfound work ethic. Tebow’s looked good, though his laggardly release has onlookers worried. Other spring practice stunners have included freshman linebacker A.J. Jones, who knocked Mon Williams stupid in the hit of the spring thus far, and freshman quarterback Cam Newton, who may now assume the role of wonderboy spoiler/relief fullback for Tebow.
Yarr! Wanted–one bloodthirsty first mate for Pirate Mike! Texas Tech’s quarterback slot may be wide open this season. Apply wearing pantaloons, shirt open to navel, and with broadsword prominently displayed but sheathed, swab, lest ye be stabbed fore you see the captain’s cabin.
“We want at least 30,000 at the Spring Game or come Monday morning the entire state of Minnesota will have to get up at 6:00 a.m. and run for us.”
Minnesota, strap on your Nikes: 15,000 showed up to the spring game, where predictably the offense looked good, the defense looked good, and everyone is “still learning systems.”
Happy Birthday to Jonathan Tu!His blog is a year old today. That he writes what he does without the benefits of medication is astounding; that he does it so consistently may be indicative of long-term mental illness. This all bodes well for his blogging future. Congrats, sir.
Luddites! CFR gets all misty talking about the maw of a playoff devouring the heart of the game we all spend far too much time loving: college football. We would, too, were we not heartless Darwinian bastards too busy betting on the reaper, taking out life insurance annuities on our alumni to fundraise, and rooting on the inevitable Voltron/Leviathan that will be the college football playoff.
More on this later, but our sentiments run pretty much like this: time marches on.
Things that have, in the past, made us just an eeninesiest bit gay.
1. We’ll pay money for a haircut. Loads of it. This afternoon, we’ll shell out fifty to sixty bucks to get a haircut appreciably different from the one we’d get at Fantastic Sam’s only in its being a.) in a place where they give you free champagne, and b.) in the exorbitantly expensive hair products made from the ground up bladders of actual blue whales. Metro at the least.
Brother Cuddles, on the other hand, went to Great Clips this weekend and paid what we imagine was no more that sixteen dollars for his trim–um, haircut. His hair products are made from the bits of petroleum not supposed to go in your gas tank. Not gay at all.
2. We love the movie Bridget Jones’ Diary. Hugh Grant has the life in that movie: sexually harassing women who welcome it, guzzling beer and watching cricket in his spare time, and hobnobbing with Salman Rushdie in between banging women and fighting his way through Greek restaurants with Colin Firth. It’s only nominally gay, since Hugh Grant’s character is really the ideal of every straight 20 year old English major: an employed, glamorous editor drowning in cash, tail, and booze.
3. Liking this video:
We can’t defend it–no, it’s well past that. (more…)
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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