THE HAWKINSESESES VISIT FLORIDA.

Excitable coach Dan Hawkins and his son Cody visited the University of Florida and Urban Meyer to, in Coach Hawk's words "...to just get out and compare notes and see how other people do things." We have a short snippet of the exchange between two of the most dynamic young coaches in college football today.

Hawkins: Man, it's just awesome of you to have us here today Coach Meyer.

Meyer: Our pleasure, Dan. We run an open shop here.

Hawkins: And congratulations on that national title. That's really an amazing accomplishment.

UM: We owe it all to our players. They really bought in to what we were saying, and with good senior leadership, they were the ones who made it happen.

Hawkins: That's what I'm here to find out about. Now, how exactly did you do that?

UM: Well, it all starts with...

CH: Hey, what's that over there?

UM: Over there? That's our weight room, Dan.

CH: Man, lifting weights gets me pumped--like I could break steel girders with my bare hands.

UM: Um, yeah, Dan. It's a core part of our program here...

DH: Or just like a Jedi, you know. Bending them with my mind with my hand out like this, you know. Just fucking bending the shit out of steel girders with nothing but my Jedi brain. God, it gets me pumped. You win the game with your mind first, right man? Right?

Cody Hawkins, backing up: Coach Meyer, you should back up a bit.

UM: Uh, what's going on here?

Cody Hawkins: He's getting excited. This could take a while.

DH: See! All in the freakin' mind! I'm pulling a train because I'm excited about playing Division 1 football, dammit!

Cody Hawkins: Yeah. He's just getting started. Sorry about this. We should get under something sturdy.

UM: Run! Get back! NOWWWW!!!

DH: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT POWER YOU CAN UNLEASH WITH YOUR MIND!!!!

UM: Coach, we've got a staff meeting you might want to sit in on in five, and we've really...

DH: I FIGHT THE BEASTS OF THE FORESTS WITHOUT LIFTING A HAND!!! I BRING DOWN THE MOUNTAIN ONE PEBBLE AT A TIME!!!! I AM A LIKE A GLACIER WITH AN M-16 THAT I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO FIRE!!! WAAAAAHHHGGGGHHHH!!!!

UM: He's unhinged. But whatever he's doing for an ab workout works, kid.


Cody Hawkins: I never should have taken him to see that fucking movie. Never.

DH: SPARTANS...TONIGHT WE DINE...IN HELL!!!

No bears were injured in Dan Hawkins' visit to Gainesville. That's a lie and you know it, because Dan Hawkins totally killed that bear before resurrecting it in a Chippewa shaman's ceremony he learned by living with the tribe.

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