WHEN NO ONE PLAY TALK ARE NEWS: EX-SOONER SAYS "I ONLY TOOK CASH."

by Orson on Apr 4, 2007 3:15 PM EDT

Bob Stoops crossed over to the bitch half of the bitch-goddess side of coaching success sometime around 2002: two losses in national title games, middling years shuffling coordinators on both sides of the ball thereafter, and having alleged wunderkind Rhett Bomar bomb out of the program by taking an oddly lucrative job with a local car dealership. The kind of job where you get paid even if you don't show up. The kind the NCAA doesn't like.

Bomargate...not dead just yet.

Stoops put that behind him and guided Oklahoma to what in normal terms would be a very successful season:11-3 despite switching qbs at the last second and enduring a Kobayashi Maru replay scenario in a road defeat at Oregon. (Oh, and they played Goliath to Under Armour/Boise State. Forgot that little nut kick.) Demonz b gon, no?

Little flashback demon arrived via MSNBC, actually. Ex-Sooner lineman J.D. Quinn, kicked off the team with Bomar for similar cash-related issues, speaks loudly and clumsily here:

"All I did was take cash," Quinn said. "I didn’t break any laws and I get kicked off the team, but there’s people on the team that are breaking laws and failing drug tests and stuff like that, and there’s nobody getting kicked off the team for that type of stuff."

Quinn declined to provide details of his allegations about other players, but said it was not necessarily about players on the OU team.

...even if that's exactly what he said just five seconds prior to saying it wasn't about players on the OU team.

Everywhere's got their own disciplinary foibles and second/third/forty-fifth chances (Kenneth Tookes, anyone? DUCK!), but dropping this squarely in the middle of dead season can't be fun for a coach clearly wanting to regain his early form dominance in conference.

Quinn makes good in the article by stating his portion of the ill-gotten funds will go to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, an organization we'd like to cry foul on for having an unfair selling point to jiggle at potential donors: keeping boobs healthy. We can't say no, you unfair, monopolistic, tit-shaking fundraising banditas! When we start the Orson Swindle Ass Cancer Fund, you'll have met your match, lust-teasing charity tyrants.

Help keep fine, healthy asses shaking: give to the Orson Swindle Ass Cancer Fund.

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Comments

god damnit when is USC gonna get in trouble?!?!?!?! short of tyrone prothro’s earthly body ascending into the heavens next sunday, I dont have shit to look forward too for another 5 months!!!! PLEASE NCAA, arrest them motherfuckers!!!!!!!!!

by tempebamafan on Apr 4, 2007 3:47 PM EDT reply actions

Oh, I don’t take any delight in the pitfalls and foibles of the Sooners. None at all.

Swear.

by Texas Gal on Apr 4, 2007 3:48 PM EDT reply actions

“!!!!!” =’s “extreme!”

by tempebamafan on Apr 4, 2007 3:49 PM EDT reply actions

“Bob, Bob, Bob. Can you calm down and look over there at that van? You see that camera.”

“In that window there?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. Bob Stoops, you just got Means-ed.”

(Albert walks into the shot.)

“Short of a miracle, your program may just be sitting at home for the next two Decembers. Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be right back after this commercial break with another unsuspecting head coach getting informed about his school getting slapped with probation. I’ll give you a clue. Is a hundred thousand in the hand is better than a few years of Bush? Pete Carroll. Next on Means-ed.”

by Mike P. on Apr 4, 2007 3:56 PM EDT reply actions

Even though Quinn no longer attends Oklahoma, Stoops will handle this “internally”

by cowboycane on Apr 4, 2007 4:04 PM EDT reply actions

And by “handle internally” you mean “will go golfing and then watch some WWE on the TV”.

by Texas Gal on Apr 4, 2007 4:09 PM EDT reply actions

I was thinking more along the line of puppy mutilation and satan worship, but to each his own

by cowboycane on Apr 4, 2007 4:13 PM EDT reply actions

Bob Stoops does hate puppies. And Jesus.

by Texas Gal on Apr 4, 2007 4:17 PM EDT reply actions

And old people, veterans, and bunnies. Don’t forget the bunnies.

by cowboycane on Apr 4, 2007 4:22 PM EDT reply actions

whats his brother’s name? is it mike? anyway arizona sucks, yet he’s outlasted dirk koetter and denis ericson.. (ericson is still here? nevermind)

by tempebamafan on Apr 4, 2007 4:24 PM EDT reply actions

What’s interesting is Stoops had more success with John Blakes recruits than he has with his own.

by Orangeblood on Apr 4, 2007 4:29 PM EDT reply actions

Hey hey hey, keep ASU out of this mess. We’ll have plenty of our own issues once Erickson leaves for another job.

But since you brought it up, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that the lesser Stoops “outlasted” Koetter. Dirk was 2-1 against Stoops head to head, and he was hired in 2000 while Mikey didn’t start in Tucson until the 2004 season. In that same time frame Dirk captained the Devils to three bowl games (albeit not the best of bowl games) and U of A hasn’t played a game in December since a democrat lived in the White House. Expectations are a bitch, but I suppose you know all about that as a Bama fan.

by Big Jon on Apr 4, 2007 4:40 PM EDT reply actions

Only on EDSBS can you get applebottom photos and “Wrath of Kahn” quotes in the same post.

by Geaux Irish on Apr 4, 2007 4:50 PM EDT reply actions

But we have played in January 3 times since Jake the Flake Plummer got washed out in the Rose Bowl. That’s like comparing apples to shitcicles.

by Mike P. on Apr 4, 2007 4:51 PM EDT reply actions

We don’t have “expectations.” We consider ourselves to have a “birthright.” That’s a whole different thing….

by Bamaleg on Apr 4, 2007 4:53 PM EDT reply actions

PS: Adina Howard has a better ass JMO

by Mike P. on Apr 4, 2007 4:56 PM EDT reply actions

HELL YEAH ORSON!!!

I love the Star Trek II Wraith of Khan reference!
Kobayashi Maru….priceless.

You’ve got to check out www.khaaan.com

by Hook'em Tide on Apr 4, 2007 4:56 PM EDT reply actions

Please, please, please keep the Bomargate updates coming!

Bob has called in his closest NCAA infractions advisor to handle this matter – Barry Switzer.

by beast in 'bama on Apr 4, 2007 4:57 PM EDT reply actions

(go there w/ audio turned up full blast for effect)

by Hook'em Tide on Apr 4, 2007 4:57 PM EDT reply actions

Hey Orson, what’s TCOAN’s corrolary charity?

One designed to keep Chris Leak in mascara, no doubt.

by jon on Apr 4, 2007 5:18 PM EDT reply actions

Something involving naked men and full frontal, we think.

by Orson Swindle on Apr 4, 2007 5:38 PM EDT reply actions

You mean a school whose mascot is named for people who stole into the state before federal law allowed them to, hence making them felons, is having problems with rules?

Where is Alanis Morissette to write a song about something when you need her?

Bob Stoops also hate orphans, apple pie and America.

by Law Devil on Apr 4, 2007 5:55 PM EDT reply actions

I can just hear Radiohead saying, “This poor kid has can-sah….in his arse!”

by Kakistocrat on Apr 4, 2007 6:13 PM EDT reply actions

It’s amazing how many coaches inflate their early success on someone else’s recruits. Larry Coker, I’m looking right at you, buddy.

by Steve on Apr 4, 2007 6:44 PM EDT reply actions

Josh Heupel, Torrance Marshall, et al were not Blake recruits.

John Blake claims to have recruited the talent that won a national title for OU. That is a half-truth.
When they’re playing in a completely different system and completely different positions than you had them in, you can’t take credit.
Blake has managed to parlay this claim into assistant coaching jobs as a recruiting coordinator, though, so more power to him.

by Beergut on Apr 4, 2007 7:54 PM EDT reply actions