FULMER CUP EXTRAVAGANZA! BUT FIRST, FLORIDA ENTERS.

by Orson on Apr 2, 2007 9:47 AM EDT

There's oodles to cover via the Fulmer Cup, including an unprecedented points-shaving probe with all the fixin's over at Toledo: the FBI, a gangster bookie named Doug, a chance to mention the 'Stutz, and OMG!!! POINTS SHAVING!!!

But first, we'd like to mention the fact that in addition to holding the current men's football trophy, winning the women's gymnastics crown this weekend, and going for a second NCAA basketball championship in a row tonight, the Florida Gators also entered another competition in impressive fashion this weekend--the Fulmer Cup.

Even when we do that, however, we go jumbo. See Dustin Doe, special teams head-cracker and one-time potential starter on the defense, caught for fightin' outside da club in Gainesville this weekend. His charge doesn't exactly weaken his claim for a starting spot in our eyes:

Doe was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of affray, or public fighting with more than two people, which carries a penalty of up to one year in jail. He was brought to Alachua County Jail and released Sunday on a $1,000 bond.

See? We go large, people. Even when it involves a simple parking lot brawl, we can't just fight one guy--we have to seek out two and fight them simultaneously, often while brushing up on our intermediate Chinese with Rosetta Stone on our Ipod Nano. Affray looks like this, btw:

We've already contacted this man and adopted him into the Gator Nation. Go cure cancer, Chiang Tie-Lu of Tainan, Taiwan! Or whip three other guys asses at a testy local rally. Up to you , really.

We'll be back in a sec with the Toledo story. In the meantime, we've got some excellence to piss out...while we solve the New York Times crossword in pen. Two, that's two points for Florida: one for the simple fightin' charge, and one for our longtime habit of giving Florida extra points thanks to our stated allegiances. (It's only fair that if we're going to run this thing, we might as well be doubly hard on Florida.)

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War Eagle!

Good luck tonight Gators!

by KT on Apr 2, 2007 9:54 AM EDT reply actions

Points shaving- That has to garner Large FC points, and a new category.
Mason/Dixon line North continues to pull away.

by drogue on Apr 2, 2007 9:56 AM EDT reply actions

While you’re making your Fulmer Cup entry, don’t forget Purdue safety Torri Williams who was arrested two different times:

http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070331/SPORTS0602/703310433

by Tomek on Apr 2, 2007 10:13 AM EDT reply actions

Um, just pointing out here, but you won the SEC gymnastic title. The national championship is at the end of April. I mean I’m just saying, it’s totally not cause I’m a bulldog fan or anything like that. Ok continue your dominance of all things college sports.

by Jonathan on Apr 2, 2007 10:27 AM EDT reply actions

Like in other avenues, you’re just campaigning to get Florida ahead of Michigan in the Fulmer Cup standings.

by mark on Apr 2, 2007 10:28 AM EDT reply actions

I guess it’s too much to hope that the Subcommandante make an appearance today. I KNOW…it’s only basketball, but it IS my Gators vs. TOSU.

by VOLG on Apr 2, 2007 10:44 AM EDT reply actions

Hey Orson, I enjoyed your tie in w/ the Clarmont Lounge. Random question, but do you have any illuminating comments/opinions on the FLORABAMA? I mean, 1/2 of it is in Gator Country.

I was there this weekend and the douche-bartender in a FLorida Gators hat was a thorough asshole, scaring off all the Alabama & Auburn clientel

by Hook'em Tide on Apr 2, 2007 11:04 AM EDT reply actions

Orson, no need to inflate the Gator’s Fulmer Cup point accrual. I’m sure the thugs of Gainesville will be able to make papa proud on their own merits.

by Lawya1 on Apr 2, 2007 11:24 AM EDT reply actions