INJURY REPORT: NEVER MOVE A FLAT SCREEN THAT WEIGHS 3,000 LBS.

by Orson on Mar 29, 2007 11:35 AM EDT

Most bizarre injury of the spring thus far goes to Nebraska's bruising and now quite bruised running back Kenny Wilson. If South Park's decade of gory demises hasn't proven this by now, do not name your son "Kenny" unless you're prepared to watch his painful doom:

Nebraska running back Kenny Wilson broke his leg moving a television and likely will be out for the season.

We'd love to delve into more detail here, but there are none aside from his being out for the year, because breaking the largest bone in your body, the femur, represents serious business. (HT: Fanhouse Jeff.)

With the Cornhuskers of olde, the real explanation would have been easy: he would have been "moving" the television through someone's window with some teammates, heard sirens or a dog, and then leapt from the window, either breaking his leg on landing or having it snapped by the falling safe they were also boosting from the house. (Boosting? Been watching Mannix?--ed.) In this bland, law-abiding Callahan era, we're sure this is just a freak accident.

Personally, though, we'd have only one story for the world if we were Kenny.

Reporter: How'd it happen, Kenny?

Kenny: (Smiles) Hard fuckin', Bob. Mad hard fuckin'.

What this couldn't do, a television did: Kenny Wilson, your most bizarre injury of the spring.

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Kenny Wilson has had a staph infection in his knee for some time — and it was severe enough to cause him to miss the bowl game, winter conditioning, and spring ball. So that could be a contributing factor.

The only way I can think of to break a femur moving a TV is if you fall and drop it across your leg — you know, like what Michael Caine did to the dude’s arm in Victory so Stallone could make the team.

And the Cornhuskers of yore would have broken legs with gang related shootings, scaling trellises to beat hell of transferring QB’s banging their girlfriends or committing sexual assault.

Robbery? Puh-leaze.

by Albino Tornado on Mar 29, 2007 12:51 PM EDT reply actions

The times they are a-changin at Nebraska. Along the lines of what #1 pointed out, 15 years ago Kenny would have gone back to the dorms the next morning (after waiting out the night to avoid the heat) and smacked his girlfriend around for a while before dragging her down the stairs because she got some blood on his shoes.

by Brewster Crew on Mar 29, 2007 1:05 PM EDT reply actions

On a completely unrelated note:

Good luck this weekend. It must be good to be a Gator fan.

by drogue on Mar 29, 2007 1:18 PM EDT reply actions

So I then pose the question Albino Tornado – do the Husker players then continue their match against the Germans or make a mad dash down the tunnel to get the hell out of the hellhole that is Husker football lately?

by Out of Conference on Mar 29, 2007 1:56 PM EDT reply actions

Hellhole that is NU football lately?

Perhaps you missed this, but Joe Dailey’s a wide receiver for UNC, and Frank Solich and his QB-counter offense is Ohio U.

They’d definitely stay to whip some Nazi ass.

by Albino Tornado on Mar 29, 2007 2:41 PM EDT reply actions

Yeah, crappy deal for Kenny. He’ll take a redshirt and be back next year.

However, I think we can stop summing up ‘ye olde Nebraska programme’ as a stronghold of malicious criminals. Lawrence Phillips is a total fuck up…and NOBODY understands that more clearly than Husker fans.

by 'BoroHusker on Mar 29, 2007 4:15 PM EDT reply actions

Boro:

You expect a blog run by Florida fans not to equate “good Nebraska” with “rampant criminality?”

Yeah, good luck wid dat.

by Albino Tornado on Mar 29, 2007 6:55 PM EDT reply actions

You should be talking about QB Sanchez at USC who turned down playing for Nebraska and now he is charged with rape! Whew…us Husker fans got out of that one!

by ddj_husker on May 4, 2007 5:53 AM EDT reply actions