BERNIE MACHEN GUNS FOR THE BCS
The SEC will convene this April in–where else?–the heart of the Redneck Riviera, Destin, Florida, to discuss topics important to the SEC: academic integrity, the future of amateur sport, and if you really can get a grown man to bite on a hook baited with a blueberry cake donut from the Donut Hole. (Our verdict? Hell, yes.)
They’ll likely discuss money, too. Lots of it. In the hypothetical and real senses of the word. In fact, we have a copy of Bernie Machen’s entire presentation to the collected heads of SEC schools:

That’s likely it for the underlying semantics of the argument: MMMMMM CASH TASTY SWEET CASH. The money the BCS generates now as an awkward resolution to the season would pale in comparison. Rampant speculation of the sort bloggers get chastised for has floated through various MSM pieces: that Machen’s agitating for this because his school’s been on the outside of the BCS looking in at Utah, blah blah blah.
If there’s lucre to loll in, however, it must be considered the catalyst of Machen’s advocacy binge. For Machen and other university presidents, their chunk of a hypothetical national playoff contract for college football and the addition of still more games to the college football season/postseason ticket menu can only mean more money in the bank for colleges–potentially brain-injuring amounts of cash from television in particular.
Example: the current BCS pot is around $120 million; seventy-five percent of that total flies straight into the accounts of the six major conferences of the BCS. In contrast, CBS paid $6 billion for an eleven year contract for the NCAA Men’s Tournament in basketball, a sport whose popularity can’t come within zip codes of the overall popularity of college football.
The hypothetical sums for a BCS contract have got to make university presidents–ever on the make for fresh, strings-free funding–erect under their mahogany board tables. It also could sound the death knell of the current BCS system. Bernie flashed a little leg at an Atlanta meeting in March; the full rabbit-in-the-hat trick comes at the Destin meetup. We say make it rain, sir, on them hoes. College football fans will be the ones dancing happily for the cash in the end.












39
On “Deadwood,” cocksucker is used like a comma. So maybe Strunk and White have something to offer as to its vulgarity
Comment by jon — April 2, 2007 @ 10:06 am
38
TCOAN, I feel the same way about the term “cocksucker”.
Why is that an insult?
Comment by NewAZTiger — April 1, 2007 @ 9:34 pm
37
my brother is a Geoffrey
he’s kind of a Timmy though
Comment by jon — March 31, 2007 @ 11:31 am
36
Only on EDSBS is there an arguement of such complexity and the willy-nilly use of grandiose vocab.
Yes, I just used willy-nilly.
Better than Timmy is Geoffery.
Comment by wilco — March 31, 2007 @ 10:49 am
35
Sorry, jon…with the fresh review the morning brings my only defense is that gin must make me belligerent…and I do think ‘nuns using “butt pirate” all the time’ is hilarious. Frankly, I didn’t recall what PCU stood for besides the obvious “politically correct”.
Comment by sb — March 31, 2007 @ 9:14 am
34
yikes.
i thought it was humor for its own sake. no offense taken or intended.
you pillow biter, you (just kidding)
Comment by jon — March 30, 2007 @ 8:51 pm
33
Wow, jon, nothing critical in my comments about your academic qualifications, and nothing evident in your comments that would indicate sarcasm regarding the nuns at your school…how would I perceive your apparent sensitivity when you brought it up? Regardless, I have indeed enjoyed my martini, and that would be Mr. Bond to you.
Comment by sb sboa — March 30, 2007 @ 7:56 pm
32
#28 and TCOAN: If South Park does it, it’s OK. Remember the episode (the one with the sled race) when the girls used basically every insult for gays against the boys? “Pillow biterâ€, “rump rangerâ€, and “butt pirate†were all in there.
Comment by J.J. — March 30, 2007 @ 4:51 pm
31
i think the usage of the full name of the fictional university suggests that i have seen the film far too many times to be appropriate of someone who makes their living teaching university film courses.
and while i did indeed hear the term in grade school, the part about the nuns was a wee attempt at sarcasm.
enjoy the martini, Mr (Ms?) Bond
Comment by jon — March 30, 2007 @ 4:28 pm
30
jon, in what context were the nuns using “butt pirate”?
Have you seen the movie? Jeremy Piven and David Spade play opposing leaders of student segments while the hijinks of a visiting high school student bring the polarized student body to an imbroglio of epic proportion, illustrating the ultimate failure of a democratic society intent on non-offensive/wholly offensive diversity wherein noone will acheive satisfaction. Some strong lessons for our time extracted from this difinitive movie of its genre include “Beer, multiple, cold and domestic.”, “Funkadelic in the Age of Enlightenment” and “Afternoon Delight, Curse or Cure”.
Its Friday afternoon and I need a cocktail… of the gin variety, with some vermouth (very little) and an olive.
Comment by sb — March 30, 2007 @ 4:19 pm
29
I can’t speak for Port Charles University, but I remember the term “butt pirate” from elementary school in the early 80’s. The nuns at my Catholic school said it all the time.
Comment by jon — March 30, 2007 @ 3:39 pm
28
Oh, and not so much “gay” as a pejorative, but fun terms like “pillow biter”, “rump ranger”, and “butt pirate”, all of which were brought into the public domain by the movie “PCU”, have been not only more fun to talk about, but enjoyable to use when slinging verbal arrows of that nature.
Comment by sb — March 30, 2007 @ 3:17 pm
27
sb, what about “friends of Dorothy”-ness?
calling someone “gay” is much faster.
remember, stereotypes are a real time saver
Comment by jon — March 30, 2007 @ 3:13 pm
26
Tcoan, pricks, dicks, dildos and the like are adequate descriptive terms for a class of individual. The term has transcended the anatomical organ. Can’t really see your enjoyment of the big D as hypocrisy.
However, denigration of vitamin P has a distinctive mysogynistic aspect that is never attractive in a male, and I haven’t heard it mentioned by lesbians, although it might have more significance to that group as they all have them.
Regarding “gay” as a pejorative, I have had to bite my tongue on several occasions due to adolescent, anti-gay conditioning. Regarding its acceptance as a pejorative, those I know who use it are gay and they’re using it as to degree of lack of masculinity, “swishiness” or “nellyhood”, (?) distinctions of which I am not aware.
Comment by sb — March 30, 2007 @ 3:09 pm