YOU MAY BE PART OF AN IMPORTANT CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT

by Orson on Mar 28, 2007 10:06 AM EDT

Hello, citizens. Attorney Ken Terwiliger here. Know the picture, because it's the face of justice and affordable personal injury litigation for most of central Georgia.

Others may just say this, but I'm looking out for you. Really, I am. I'm just waiting for you to come through that door and get your share of the money the NCAA owes you via this huge and very important class action lawsuit we've filed against them. (See this leather chair? It squeaks with the sound of affluence. Those books? I've read almost some of them.)

Seems someone decided to pay athletes less than they were worth across the board, which is just plain wrong, specifically underpaying exactly 11,500 athletes by precisely $2,500 each* in the delivery of their scholarships. What's that equal in total? Well, I didn't major in math, friend, but my sources tell me it's over FIFTY BILLION** when you work it all out.

Your share could turn injustice into some of the things you've undoubtedly dreamed about! A chair made of pure platinum...ringside wrestling tickets...your very own "crib" on the moon...

all of it could be yours with your share of the settlement against the NCAA! Call me now to hear more about it and our future class-action lawsuits, including but not limited to:

--Notre Dame fans seeking compensation against Messrs. Davie and Willingham for robbing them of greatness, a quantity valued in cash at up to hundreds of dollars a person!!!

--Alabama fans suing Death and Associates for robbing them of the best coach ever born, Paul Bear Bryant.

--A very exciting international lawsuit with millions and potentially BILLIONS of plaintiffs against humanity's one common enemy: the relentless, unwanted, and cancer-spreading SUN.

Join us in making that bastard pay.

Get what life has taken away from you now. Get on board, citizen. Call now!

*Numbers courtesy of DeClunis Economic Consultants, Ltx.
**Margin of error= ~$4.97 billion or so.

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Comments

While I’m at it, can I sue Sanjaya for intentional infliction of emotional distress? (not that I watch American Idol……ever….)

by Hook'em Tide on Mar 28, 2007 10:45 AM EDT reply actions

Ken Nugent…Ted Nugent’s crazier brother.

by Mike on Mar 28, 2007 10:48 AM EDT reply actions

I’m surprised Dickie Scruggs hasn’t filed a suit to get Ole Miss an SEC championship.

by DevilGrad on Mar 28, 2007 10:51 AM EDT reply actions

Can we sue Theismann in advance? Maybe just draw up the paperwork now in anticipation of his suck-itude?

by Trojan Chica on Mar 28, 2007 11:06 AM EDT reply actions

Can I sue Reggie Ball for quitting in the GT-UGA game (Which one? Pick any year.) and also wasting the talent of the single greatest WR to ever play at GT?

Do I have a case Mr. Hutz?

by Brian on Mar 28, 2007 11:39 AM EDT reply actions

Ken Nugent sued my buddies dad back in the mid 90’s. True story.

by SmoothJimmyApollo on Mar 28, 2007 11:40 AM EDT reply actions

Ken Nugent sued my buddy’s dad back in the mid 90’s. True story.

by SmoothJimmyApollo on Mar 28, 2007 11:40 AM EDT reply actions

Sorry if you’ve seen this but….Michigan is getting kinky.

http://media.www.michigandaily.com/media/storage/paper851/news/2007/03/26/Crime/Masturbating.Trespasser.Booted.From.Frat-2791352.shtml?refsource=collegeheadlines&reffeature=nearbystoriestab

by nixforsix on Mar 28, 2007 12:22 PM EDT reply actions

The Michican frat could always donate the couches to Stanford for the locker room collection.

by oc phil on Mar 28, 2007 12:25 PM EDT reply actions

wow that’s F’ed up. (michigan article)

I laugh at the idea of them tossing the couches, like the ones in the Brothers’ rooms aren’t covered with stains of all kinds and flavors.

by Brian on Mar 28, 2007 12:37 PM EDT reply actions

Can I see the Mihcigan PIKES for not getting video of said event?

by Out of Conference on Mar 28, 2007 12:45 PM EDT reply actions

see = sue

Can I sue the SC public school system then also?

by Out of Conference on Mar 28, 2007 12:46 PM EDT reply actions

One Call, That’s All.

If you had a picture of that uglier-Sam Nunn-looking dude who used to do the extremely… slowly… enunciated commercials for the Law Offices of Paul C. Parker, I’d be slightly more impressed.

Or maybe the bike courier who puts fear into the hearts of Senior Partners everywhere when he arrives with the package from “GASP! Jackson Massey!!!!”

The Athens Area Personal Injury lawyer of choice is even better (this link must be seen to be believed):

http://www.jhpii.com/

by LD on Mar 28, 2007 12:57 PM EDT reply actions

Are Michigan Frat Boys Gentlemen Dept.?:

RE: Comment No. 8.

Seems like the frat boys let the naked lady on their couch go on with her self-eroticism act for 1/2 hour before they called the cops.

Was that enough time for her to, hmmmm, finish?

If it was, then it was gentlemanly. However, I think most babes usually take longer than that to, hmmmmm, reach the point of no return.

by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Mar 28, 2007 1:28 PM EDT reply actions

Ken Nugent, making insurance companies all over Georgia giggle.

by Dawg 05 on Mar 28, 2007 1:29 PM EDT reply actions

Fraternity members asked the woman to leave the house, but she refused and continued masturbating for about half an hour, Nye said.

When members asked the woman if she was all right, she casually replied that she was fine, he said. The woman was talking on her cell phone at one point, said LSA sophomore Adam Bayard, a member of the fraternity.

She walked out of the front door wearing only a thigh-length black coat after a fraternity member called the police, Nye said."

Wow, Frats up north are different…they asked if she needed help, instead of gang raping her…

by CapstoneAlum on Mar 28, 2007 1:35 PM EDT reply actions

Why do I feel the complete story in Michigan is yet untold ? A naked woman in a frat house and THEY call the cops ?

by BamaCPA on Mar 28, 2007 1:49 PM EDT reply actions

JD, you’re right, that really does need to be seen to be believed. At first I thought I had been there before, and then realized, no, that was J.K. Rowling’s site. (Okay, fine, so I’ve visited it.)

I was glad to see the picture gallery of Hayley Strong (in the “About Us” section, because one thing by which prospective and current clients are most impressed is having someone young on staff who CLEARLY REALLY LIKES TO GAMBLE.

The “Gear” section is a nice touch too. I think Orson and Stranko might have missed out on something, though, since someone else is already using “Every Day Warrior” in commerce.

by Joe from Minnesota on Mar 28, 2007 2:27 PM EDT reply actions

I would make the argument that Perry Dean Ellis (if that is his real name) is the face of personal litigation in middle (northern) Georgia. For any of those that have spent a morning watching the Price is Right, I’m sure you could agree.

by spanker on Mar 28, 2007 2:28 PM EDT reply actions

RE: Number 8 – Has anyone considered the possibility the article was supposed to be printed on April 1st? Absent that explanation, I am left with the feeling we simply do not have the rest of the story.

by Bamaleg on Mar 28, 2007 3:12 PM EDT reply actions

Benny and Yost, as you might imagine, have wall-to-wall coverage on this one, including comments allegedly from a couple of the fraternity members saying that the two words on all of their minds were “Duke lacrosse.”

by DevilGrad on Mar 28, 2007 3:21 PM EDT reply actions

The article says 3/26/07…I duno where you got the April 1 stuff.

by Brian on Mar 28, 2007 3:24 PM EDT reply actions

Orson -

Davie and Willingham only adding up to hundreds of dollars? That’s just Ty’s greens fees for the first eighteen of his daily thirty-six. And maybe two days worth of the tanning spa for Bob. It’s gotta be worth more….

by socalirish on Mar 28, 2007 4:08 PM EDT reply actions