Everyday Should Be Saturday

March 27, 2007

EDSBS LIVE: THERE ARE WORSE WASTES OF RESOURCES.

What: EDSBS Radio

When: 7:30 p.m.–9:00 p.m. EST THIRTY MINUTES MORE!!!! WOOOOO!!!

We’re really just making more room for Ragin’ Cajun Rebel, but you’re all invited, too.

Where: On the EDSBS channel at Now Live.

How: To call in? (310) 984-7600. You may also register at Now Live and participate in the live chat, where we’ll be taking comments and working them into the broadcast.

Why: Because you could waste time/money/life in a more egregious manner. Actor Eddie Griffin certainly did. That’s a $1.5 million Ferrari Enzo. Total line run: 400. Total now: 399 at best.

Who: Peter Bean of Burnt Orange Nation and Orson from this website, along with special guest Dan Shanoff, late of ESPN/ABC/Disney/Cthulu and Dan Shanoff.com.

To prepare ahead of time, your study list appears below. The theme? Football, Television, and The Media: Topic Following Colon.

The four questions for this week:

1. Identify your favorite television announcer/feature/widget. I.e., something the people who bring you sports get right.

2. Identify something you’d like to see obliterated from the face of television.
Putting the over/under of Mark May references at 12. Taking all bettors.

3. Which non-broadcasting celebrities would make the best and worst color commentators for college football games? We choose Carlos Mencia as worst.

4. Name an antisocial behavior you have fantasies about indulging. Example? Growing really, really long ratty sideburns and combing them in public like an Allman Brother.

Hear you then…



Filed under: Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, media whoring  by Orson Swindle

JOE THEISMANN LOSES JOB, GAINS NEW GROUP OF SWORN ENEMIES–COLLEGE FOOTBALL FANS

Okay, so Joe Theismann (however the hell you spell it) might, just, possibly, kind of sorta may be looking at calling college football next year now that ESPN’s booted him off Monday Night Football in exchange for St. Jaworski and the Gilded Telestrator of Turin. (God, do we love Ron Jaworski.)

Click here for our reaction. (Thanks, Brian.)

Take a moment. Good. If you vomited, please clean yourself up. If you require medical attention still after this moment of collection, dial 911 and lay prone on the floor with your head tilted to the side. Consider what a good life it’s been, and how you’ll die in the prime of youth without experiencing the cruel indignities of old age.

This actually presents a golden opportunity for you as a fan to experience one of life’s sweetest pleasures: toluene, one of the key ingredients in paint thinner.


Between Thiesmannnn and paint thinner…we choose paint thinner.

If the story pans out, we’re breaking the seal on our unrealized potential as an inhalant addict. Why? Via Wikipedia, the specs on inhalant abuse:

Inhalation of toluene fumes can be intoxicating, but in larger doses nausea-inducing. Chronic or frequent inhalation of toluene over long time periods leads to irreversible brain damage.

Which sounds a lot like the long term side effects of exposure to this: (more…)



Filed under: College football, media whoring, you've been musbergered  by Orson Swindle

FULMER CUP: KENTUCKY FOOTBALL IS THE BOMB.

Sure, they’re tired of being disrespected. They’re also adept students of the Dan Kendra method of recreational chemistry.

If you’ll remember, Dan Kendra, the Tebow of the ’90s, burned himself fucking around in his home chemistry lab during his stay at Florida State. His knee blew up during spring practice, Chris Weinke took his walker into the starting spot for the ‘Noles, and Kendra switched to fullback.

Kentucky safety Marcus McClinton craves bad mojo, evidently, though he displayed smarts and a lack of manners simultaneously by taking his explodophilia outside.

McClinton was charged with wanton endangerment for setting off homemade explosives. The explosives were made of dry ice that was inserted into bottles of water. McClinton suffered minor injuries to his hand when one bottle exploded in it. Police said McClinton admitted to placing the explosives.

Dry ice–the best stuff in the world in elementary school, though woe to the kid dumb enough to pick it up with his bare hand. (Don’t sweat the pronoun. You know it was a he.) We toyed with it after seeing Val Kilmer bag free sodas out of a Coke machine by slipping quarter-shaped slices of it into the coin slot.

If that’s the pattern here, look for orbital attack lasers to begin vaporizing SEC coaches one at a time as they lounge in their rattan lawn chairs. Urban: seek cover NOW.

One point for Kentucky despite the enviably phrased charge of “wanton endangerment.” If orbital death rays follow, though, they’ll walk away with this thing humming.



Filed under: Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Fulmer Cup, Southeastern Conference, bizarro superman says you're welcome  by Orson Swindle

JOEPA GOES TO LSU

On hearing the news that Joe Pa hobbled down to Louisiana to talk to LSU coaches about using a big-armed, possibly thick-skulled quarterback effectively….

Scene: LSU football offices. Located behind LSU’s Sausage Research Center and Chicken Rape Facility, just past the Earl K. Long Institute for the Study of Blooping and Beeping Highway Rest Stop Gaming Devices. Joe Paterno, Penn State Football Coach, walks with cane up to Les Miles door, mopping his brow.

JoePa: Hiya, Les. Joe Paterno here AIIIGHHHH FUCKING JESUS WHAT IS THAT?

Les Miles: Hi, Joe. Never mind him. That’s just an alligator on a leash.

JoePa: That’s not even your mascot.

Les Miles: A tiger on the loose? Please, we’re not crazy down here. (more…)



Filed under: Big 10 Conference, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Southeastern Conference, bizarro superman says you're welcome, drankin', killed by death, woo!  by Orson Swindle

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