FULMER CUP: MONTESQUIEU VINDICATED ISSUE

Montesquieu argued that despotism and heat went hand in hand, since "the excess of heat enervates the body, and renders men so slothful and dispirited that nothing but the fear of chastisement can oblige them to perform any laborious duty." Meaning: more heat=more violence=more despotism the closer you got to the equator.

A special double Fulmer Cup entry finds the Frenchman vindicated this week. First, Hawaii's Keenan Jones, suspended from the team just hours before for violating team rules, punches and kicks his girlfriend after a heated altercation at his apartment this past Tuesday. He also was charged with refusing to let her leave the apartment, something certainly qualifying as a dick move on top of obvious dick move.

If he did post bail with Da Kine Bail Bonds, we hope he doesn't try to skip out on it, since that Dog the Bounty Hunter guy will totally get in deep shit with his wife and her triple G boobs. We're more frightened of those than any can of pepper spray or stun baton. Russian coal miner, trapped under fifty tons of coal shale; you, smothering to death under those milk-Alps while she bitches you out about "stealing from her kids"...really the same fate, no?

Just...need...air...

The University of Hawaii is awarded three points for hitting girls.

In our second bit of semi-tropical violence...USF gets on the board with a Tampa specialty: parking lot altercations at clubs so sketchy even the name begs for a prompt washing with antibiotic soap. To wit:

Michael Jenkins Jr., 22, and Carlton Williams, 21, were both charged with disorderly conduct and obstructing an officer.

According to police, the pair was among a crowd of 200 that had gathered outside Bobalouie's Bar on East Bearss Avenue.

Full disclosure: we once had a cinder block thrown at our Honda Civic from an overpass around this same area. It's sketchy--can you say The Hills Have Eyes, only with every one wearing knockoff Fubu gear? It's really like that, including the fact that all of its residents run at 12 frames a second. The incident will earn USF 2 points for each count of FnDC (hold the cursor over that for the full meaning) for a total of four points on the year.

Also take note of the Bulls' players and their well-coached mug shot etiquette. Clearly Michael Jenkins Jr. is already apologetic; his face screams out "I had five too many Jello shooters, something I obviously regret with this expression," a classic plea of guilt and remorse. His acquaintance Carlton Williams, however, wants you to just stop hatin', 5.0.

USF: representing the full spectrum of mugshot expression.