HAIL TO THE (CON) VICTORS: MICHIGAN ENTERS FULMER CUP
Michigan enters the Fulmer Cup. Better yet, they did it for no apparent reason, according to the incident report.
Two University of Michigan football players are accused of attacking a fellow student in the West Quad residence hall for no apparent reason on St. Patrick’s Day.
Carson Butler, 19, and Christian Richards III, 19, were arraigned today in 15th District Court on one count of aggravated assault and one count of assault and battery each. They were released on $5,000 personal bond and have a pre-trial hearing March 27.
Both Butler and Richards 3.0 already skated on thin ice discipline-wise at Michigan; being overachieving Michigan-types, however, they obviously felt compelled to add to the resume. Lloyd Carr predictably had no comment on the case, preferring instead to grumble, wave his hand dismissively, and go inside where no one would ask him any questions and let him eat his goddamn soup in peace. Michigan authorities say they have no reason to believe alcohol was involved, aside from these factors:
1. It involved college students.
2. It involved college football players.
3. It took place on St. Patrick’s Day.
4. It involved people beating other people up for no reason.
Other than that, there’s no reason to believe alcohol was involved. Assault and battery, per Fulmer Cup scoring, brings with it big boy points: 3 per charge, in fact.
The misdemeanor aggravated assault charges bring two points each, putting Michigan at a formidable hypothetical score of ten Fulmer Cup points for their debut.
Now just watch someone from Ohio State drive a tank through a nunnery just to show the Wolverines. It’ll happen. Just wait.
Won’t lose to Michigan in the Fulmer Cup, either: Tressel plots his next move.
UPDATE!!!!: Yost and the Ann Arbor News are reporting that Eugene Germany, the third player suspended for spring, was nicked for weed-related violations. If so, then there’s another two points for the Wolverines.
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The Pac-10 hasn’t cracked the list yet (sans Tui’s near DUI) because of the time change. We’ll get there, just a few hours slow.
The Big 10(11) is leading the Fulmer Cup points challenge because they keep getting caught by cops due to a lack of…SEC speed.
Comment by Big Jon — March 23, 2007 @ 9:29 am
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No points for South Carolina’s grand larceny-ing baseball players?
Comment by East Side Crack Whore — March 22, 2007 @ 3:52 pm
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Nice to see the Big Ten using weed to make up for its lack of speed.
Comment by Expat Ohioan — March 22, 2007 @ 2:20 pm
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Wait till next year when the Volcano Jumper gets things into high gear at Arizona State, then the Pac will REPRESENT!!!
Comment by Wazzu Coug — March 22, 2007 @ 1:29 pm
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er, typo: $aintly $chool.
Comment by Dave — March 22, 2007 @ 10:18 am
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No wonder RoJo’s God-fearin’ family wanted him to attend such a saintly school.
Comment by Dave — March 22, 2007 @ 10:17 am
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FWIW neither player is listed on the UM spring practice roster, indicating both are suspended from the team. Sorry if y’all feel that Carr owes you personally a detailed explanation, but he doesn’t.
Comment by db — March 22, 2007 @ 10:14 am
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Pac10 doesn’t need to represent…they have all this rolled into one:
They have a rogue football program right in their own backyard - rampant academic fraud, players whose families are paid by agents, a dead player, a coach who thinks a staged suicide jump from a building is hilarious, OJ at practices, players who in their own words “own the police”, “lets get our story straight” recruiting mixups and abysmal graduation rates.
“Welcome to USC”
Comment by Uncle Rico — March 22, 2007 @ 2:45 am