NAKED OUTRAGE! AVERAGE LOOKING PEOPLE GET NAKED IN BERKELEY.
by Orson on Mar 19, 2007 1:15 AM EDT
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PrintNudists never are who they should be. Ideally, nudists would be people you want to see in the buff. We can report that from hard experience (umm, unfortunate choice of words there) that they are not the people you'd like to strip off and cavort pantsless. They also, fortunately, are not the people you would elect not to remove so much as a sock off their body in your presence.
Ladies and gentlemen...Kenny G!
Based on our experience one intrepid afternoon in the early 2000s, nudists come mostly from the soft middle of American demography: middle-aged, middle-tempered, and middle-heavy. They're also exceedingly pleasant, even when you're obviously rubbing sunscreen on your testicles for the awkward first time. Do not, however, walk leisurely into one of their volleyball games. It is a fact universally acknowledged tbat nudists make savage, pitiless volleyballers.
Even in Berkeley, this seems to be true, since the nude protest against the University's plan to raze a grove of oak trees brought out not the troll squad nor the Berkeley Hottz0rz team, but rather average-looking people bent on dropping trou in order to...well, we think in order to save some trees.
Racist hippies allow only naked white flesh in their protest against better football.
The removal of the trees to build a new training center for Cal football remains part of a larger plan to bolster the literally shaky construction of Memorial Stadium, which stands on a fault line and could collapse in event of an earthquake.* The rationale behind the protest, as described by coordinating photographer Jack Gescheidt:
"What I do is show people at the most vulnerable -- naked -- with trees to illustrate the relationship and beauty of nature," he said. "I hope to do a quiet, reverential photo of people and trees. . . . Humans are drawn to trees..."
...for firewood, in order to barbecue animals they've caught and slaughtered...
The people up in those trees are not crazy, they are doing something beautiful and important," Gescheidt said. "They don't need to destroy this grove."
No--but they really, really want to destroy it. The only hold-up to the plan comes via an Alameda Superior Court Ruling claiming Cal did not properly assess the risks of building on a fault line. (Just write "MAY FUCKING FALL DOWN AT ANY INSTANT" on every inch of the structure. Does that cover liability? Um, no.--EDSBS legal. Killjoy.--ed.) Once Cal addresses that small issue, the plans for stadium expansion and the slaughter of the trees will continue apace.
One quote of worth from the SFGate article bears memorization, however:
Shawn Alexander, who came from Fresno to visit her daughter Madison at Cal, was a bit surprised to see naked people in trees.
"I can confirm there is nothing like this going on Fresno," she said with a laugh.
We'll only pay further attention to this story from this point on if and only if hotter people get naked to support the demolition of the trees. Hot naked people with chainsaws and hardhats--just another example of how the universe in our heads leaves the real one in smoking shame in comparison. Trust us on this.
Click here for a video of the protest where absolutely nothing you see or hear will surprise you. (NSFW, technically, but boring as all hell anyway.)
What's Department of Homeland Security head Michael Chertoff doing there?
*Applicable to anything in California except Barry Bonds.
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It’s all a bunch of tree-huggin’ hippie crap!
by Signal to Noise on Mar 19, 2007 1:58 AM EDT reply actions
:::We’ll only pay further attention to this story from this point on if and only if hotter people get naked to support the demolition of the trees.
oh thank god.
by CalFanMos on Mar 19, 2007 3:14 AM EDT reply actions
That was amazingly lame. The photographer was probably “inspired” by watching a documentary about Spencer Tunick on HBO.
And what is with the wimpy UC cops up north? At UCLA they would have at least tasered somebody. I’m sure there must have been at least one Iranian in the crowd.
by oc phil on Mar 19, 2007 4:10 AM EDT reply actions
Hippies…hippies!…they wanna protect the earth but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad…
by J.J. on Mar 19, 2007 7:44 AM EDT reply actions
$20 says the judge who gave the order is a Stanford grad. If so, that’s SEC-type hatin’, way to go, Cardinal.
by AUAlum on Mar 19, 2007 8:50 AM EDT reply actions
Cal should hold its spring scrimmage on top of the hippies. That would teach them!
Click – Clack!
by PSUrob on Mar 19, 2007 9:31 AM EDT reply actions
I feel better knowing that Chertoff personally test out all methods used when renditioning. “Face down, Ass Up, that’s the way we like to….” -Luda
by CapstoneAlum on Mar 19, 2007 9:57 AM EDT reply actions
Maybe he’s going undercover to weed out Berkeley subversive types. And “weed out” he will, if he hangs around there long enough.
by Orson Swindle on Mar 19, 2007 10:00 AM EDT reply actions
I can’t wait till the Tennesee Vols fans converge on Cal on Sept. 1st.
Maybe they’ll get naked, too.
by John on Mar 19, 2007 10:16 AM EDT reply actions
This is a serious public safety issue. If a massive earthquake struck during a Cal game, it would endanger the lives of the dozens of fans in attandance.
by KentAllard on Mar 19, 2007 10:45 AM EDT reply actions
I’d love to see someone wander though that crowd handing out samples of barbecue.
by DevilGrad on Mar 19, 2007 11:02 AM EDT reply actions
From an ad that I saw in Texas for a tanning salon," Because tan fat is better than white fat."
by Anonymous IV on Mar 19, 2007 11:17 AM EDT reply actions
Just blare in some death metal and watch all of those hippies go running. Follow that with a meat shooter and a man walking down the street clubbing a baby seal.
That should get them out of the tree’s.
by Odell 51 on Mar 19, 2007 11:22 AM EDT reply actions
Where is Droz and the rest of the guys from the pit when you need them?
I kind of understand their point. Pac 10 football just isn’t worth it.
by Stephen on Mar 19, 2007 11:39 AM EDT reply actions
When Tennessee travels out west I hope they really cover two. Really.
by Kenny on Mar 19, 2007 11:45 AM EDT reply actions
As a Cal and Florida alum I’m not sure which accolade I appreciate more…the fact that my stadia are either on a fault or in a sink-hole. And yes, Elizabeth, not everyone from Berkeley is liberal…
by sb on Mar 19, 2007 12:02 PM EDT reply actions
What IF College Gameday came to the Cal/Tennessee game on Sept. 1st?
Seriously, that would be funny. Naked hippies jumping up and down in the background.
It could happen. Chris Fowler, in an online chat last season, said this could be the game that lures the Gameday crew to Berkeley.
And there isn’t much competition. The Notre Dame/Georgia Tech game was done last year.
by John on Mar 19, 2007 12:14 PM EDT reply actions
Too bad, though, that Vols fans will miss out on the city’s annual Nude and Breast Freedom Parade:
http://www.dailycal.org/sharticle.php?id=3211
(Warning: Although the above link goes to Cal’s student newspaper, the images are horrifically NSFW.)
by John on Mar 19, 2007 12:28 PM EDT reply actions
Perhaps Chertoff is lamenting the large task of cleaning up after the Hurricane of Hippiedom befouled the beautiful Berkeley soil.
Either that or one of the hippies ate the last piece of Zachary’s pizza. Mmmm, Chicago style pie. I would have cried, too.
by SeaTrojan on Mar 19, 2007 12:35 PM EDT reply actions
- - That line was originally courtesy of Luke Skyywalker (Luther Campbell) of 2 Live Crew fame circa 1990. Damn you, Broward County sheriffs!
by tOSU_radar on Mar 19, 2007 12:52 PM EDT reply actions
I’m willing to bet that some of those protesters were behind this story:
http://www.boingboing.net/2007/02/20/lodging_for_breastmi.html
Even my sports-hating, modern-dancing, militant vegetarian, geodesic-dome-living sister in law had one word in response to that story: “freaks.”
by DC Trojan on Mar 19, 2007 2:17 PM EDT reply actions
DC Trojan,
Geo-desic domes? Buckminster Fuller’s in da house!!!
by SeaTrojan on Mar 19, 2007 2:49 PM EDT reply actions
Buckminster Fuller is definitely in the house. My wife’s comment, when she was told that her sister was building a dome, was “what, a yurt wasn’t good enough for them?”
by DC Trojan on Mar 19, 2007 3:14 PM EDT reply actions
From an avid Cal fan/student and resident of Berkeley… this is easily the best piece of journalism/writing of any kind (or anything remotely close to it) regarding the stadium renovation/hippy situation that I’ve read.
Weeeelll done
by Ben on Mar 20, 2007 2:29 AM EDT reply actions
Makes one (sadistically) wish for pison ivy in the area…
by Because They Can on Mar 20, 2007 8:15 AM EDT reply actions
poison. Pison ivy is Italian, I think.
by Because They Can on Mar 20, 2007 8:16 AM EDT reply actions
all those white people laying down on sacred native american ground.
by white saluki on Mar 20, 2007 10:58 AM EDT reply actions
i will burn inscence 4 a week 2 get da bad hippie spirits 2 leave the scared grounds.
by runs with salukis on Mar 20, 2007 11:01 AM EDT reply actions
Naked in the Grove in Oxford would be much, much better !
by BamaCPA on Mar 20, 2007 1:37 PM EDT reply actions
While public nudity is a bad idea for about 99% of us, that is a beautiful grove of trees in the middle of campus that everyone at Berkeley can enjoy. Bulldozing it for a complex only the football team can use seems stupid.
by Sean on Mar 21, 2007 4:40 PM EDT reply actions
Could you imagine if they were naked republicans? OH THE HORROR!
by J M on Sep 2, 2007 6:12 PM EDT reply actions
Who cares about some stadium that will be moved after another 50 years has come to pass? Are your minds so dull that watching a bunch of young men getting all-nasty and tackling each other is the extent to your contribution on this earth? I like football don’t get me wrong but do you people have to be so warlike in your statements? It really goes to show that most of you can do nothing but spew venom from your mouths other than to intellectually discuss an alternate solution to the situation. Your doing an injustice to the educated people that love the sport, and making the rest of us look like dumb beer drinking hill jacks. Grow up make a difference not just a noise!
by Cattleman_Whiskey on Oct 30, 2007 5:13 PM EDT reply actions
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