MIKE THE TIGER TO ENTER SEMI-RETIREMENT
On a day where basketball is devouring the popular imagination, we should not fail to note the semi-retirement of Mike V, the actual real, live Tiger mascot for the LSU Tigers. Mike, an aging but still healthy 15-year old, has displayed dimmed enthusiasm for the duties of Bayou Bengal mascothood, according to his handler Dave Baker, and will begin the three-step process toward retirement.
Baker said he noticed that Mike “didn’t seem to be into it anymore” during last season. “It was more bothersome to him…[Mike] is still in reasonably good shape for an elderly tiger, and still has a “good attitude.”
Meaning he’s still staring through the bars, fantasizing about killing you, pulling your hide off, and eating every inch of you down to licking the marrow out of your bones. Because he’s a Tiger, and they really are born to kill, mate, break down recruiting tape, and sleep just like the Orgeron without doing much else. (Little known fact about Tigers, the recruiting bit. Totally explains LSU’s historically dominant recruiting, no?)
Mike will retire in stages since LSU has vowed to never let a Tiger die on campus again. We’re just sitting her cringing in envy since Florida refuses to honor our requests to keep a real Albert on the sidelines during the game. A live alligator being fed whole live chickens during a football game would be intimidating as hell, we think.
Visit Mike’s website, the king don tiger of all don tiger websites.
Soon to be wandering some gangster’s lawn: Mike V.
Loading ...
1
Southern Papa says:
Ah, yes. My children will now be introduced to another tiger. Mike’s cage is like Mecca, we must make the Hajj to the cage once per year with the kids, or anytime we are passing thru Red Stick.
March 16th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
2
Mike P. says:
Didn’t the Chinese man in Booty Call give Bunz and Rushon a useful suggestion for tiger penis? I mean, I’m sure it would cost more because it’s Mike but it’s got to be cheaper than anything in a doctor’s office.
March 16th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
3
Rob G says:
I’ve promised myself that if I am ever rich that I am donating a few million to UF on the condition that it is used to have a real live Albert on the sidelines. (who of course lives like a king in a state of the art habitat when not chilling behind the visitor’s bench)
March 16th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
4
irishoutsider says:
The real albert must be forced to stand upright and wear similar rah-rah garb. You might want to think about getting a Croco-Stimpy instead.
March 16th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
5
KT says:
If you could move the whiskers up to the eyebrow area, ole Mike would be a dead ringer for Andy Rooney.
Maybe it is time to put him down….
March 16th, 2007 at 2:34 pm
6
BLSD says:
RE #5. KT, do you mean Andy or Mike?
March 16th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
7
PJ from NU in SF says:
CrocoStimpy… I haven’t thought about that episode in years. But irishoutsider, be careful, not all of us are lucky enough to have the Lucky Charms leprechaun as our mascot.
March 16th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
8
Southern Papa says:
Just remember, the Orgebeastie was once a Tiger himself.
March 16th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
9
Out of Conference says:
If you do have a live gator on the sidline, better name him Jarvis instead of Albert. Seems like he’s the only one that can stop a chicken in their tracks lately.
March 16th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
10
Southern Papa says:
This is sick, but I cannot turn my head and look away
Lately LSU has been featured in the pages of EDSBS, ESPN, and other journalistic endeavors. The representation of what LSU stands for is this:
Like to have Sex with U.
March 17th, 2007 at 8:51 am
11
AU Tiger 86 says:
My room mate at Auburn’s grandfather was the faculty advisor for the crew that took care of Mike. (please note his grandson’s ability to climb the social ladder). Once back in the 50’s he nearly lost that position, because those good, but misguided students took Mike’s trailer (Read: cage on wheels), with the door open around the black part of Baton Rouge yelling, “here Mike, Mike ,Mike… Here, Mike… for about an hour.
It seem the locals were not amused.
March 17th, 2007 at 10:35 am
12
anon says:
Feeding it chickens during a South Carolina game would be sweet.
March 17th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
13
tzubear says:
Southern papa (or any other LSU fan),
If Mike is the mascot, what is the guy dressed in the mike outfit? How does LSU nation feel about the fake mike? Is he tolerated because he’s safer for the kids, or is he kept in universal contempt for infringing on the sovereignty of Mike?
March 18th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
14
Southern Papa says:
Tzubear,
Couldn’t recollect the history of the guy on the sidelines, but can verify the accuracy of the report from AU Tiger 86: that incident happened around the same time that Billy Cannon (LSU’s lone Heisman winner) rolled a few professors outside a gay bar.
The guy on the sidelines is tolerated, much like the leprechaun on the sidelines at Notre Dame. He’s not as goofy looking as the Nebraska Big Boy or the green bear that was at Baylor for several years. Saturday nights in TIger Stadium, you can tolerate nearly anything.
March 18th, 2007 at 5:16 pm