PUNCHOUT 64: DETERMINE OUR BRACKETS

Did Geraldo Rivera play college ball? Does it matter?

Charlie the Hut. I ran through a quick list of coaches, i.e. Mack Brown, Llwllloyd Carr, JoePa…but the more I think about it, the more I’d like to knock Weis’ teeth out, preserving the crucially low chicken wing reserves in the Midwest.

mark may

Bob Stoops. “Shining beacon of integrity” my ass. My blood pressure goes up every singly time I see him. He’s turned himself into a cheap knockoff of the OBC, but the OBC’s a Heisman trophy winner, whereas Stoopsie’s just another “heady” white DB from Ohio who’s done good for himself. The difference in on-field achievements makes the OBC eccentric, whereas it makes Stoops smarmy. Isn’t there an SEC school we in the Big 12 can export his cheating hind-end to?

Bo Pelini. Thinks he’s Bob Stoops. Isn’t. Hasn’t left a job on civil, let alone good terms. And he wonders why he can’t get an HC gig.

Ron Prince. Never has a bad OC from a mediocre ACC team taking over a historical dormat of a program managed to think so very, very much of himself. And done so very little to demonstrate he’s worth such an opinion. When assistant head coaches take demotions to get away from you after just one year, hey, maybe it’s you.

Billy Packer for his “holier than thou” attitude towards mid majors. HT to Devilgrad for this article explaining:

http://www.miamihawktalk.com/home/news/story/2940/

Craig James, Mark Shapiro, Mark May, Lee Corso, Lou Holtz, Beano Cook, Desmond Howard, Rocket Ismail, Big-N-Rich, Myles Brand

99 percent of the football talking heads.

You’re welcome.

John Cooper—No one effected my life more than this guy. Every time he put up another L during the Michigan game, my dad beat me like the red headed step-child that I am. He is the Charlie Weis of Ohio State, hey, good job beating Akron, and Indiana, but how bout u win a fuckin bowl game every once in a while, or something against Michigan. FUCK YOU john Cooper.

- Lou Holtz… maybe we can clear up that lisp for him

 - Fulmer – as if there was any doubt that he’s a #1 seed

 - Bobby Gaston – someone has to represent the zebras in this tournament, and he’s pretty much as evil as they come

Kellen Heard, Burnt Orange Nation’s Enemy of the Nation.

He already won the conference tournament. I think he should get in automatically.

http://www.burntorangenation.com/story/2007/1/22/13350/8546

http://youtube.com/watch?v=9PoHEhAny_Y

How long is that “Reasons ESPN Sucks” comment thread? This topic really has the potential to turn a runaway monster like that.

Logan Young – Wait someone already BEAT me to him.

Colin Cowherd – That Master Splinter-looking, M Zone stealing motherfucker can’t be positive unless it comes to the dick sucking he laid out for Charlie Weis or Pete Carroll.

Coach O – Imediately followed by me running like hell.

Immediately

chris rix. it may be over kill at this point, but fucking christ was that guy annoying.

casey clausen. well, all of the clausens.

Mark May definitely.

Also, do we worship Trev Alberts on this site?

Nick Saban for job hopping, for making the duplicitous nature of coaches so painfully obvious, and most importantly for that hair.

Al Davis, the real inspiration for Charles M. Burns, for outliving Aaron Spelling and for making the Raiders such a disgrace that the Bengals look respectable.

Danica Patrick for proving once again that women need only be cute and that actually being good at a sport is irrelevant if you look good in a bikini.

Kobe Bryant because he punches so many others in the face. Seems only fair. . .

The Lincoln Financial Daves.

Oh, my God, do we hate the character of Ross Geller.

It just bears repeating.

In no particular order.

Jon Beutjer, although Sam Aiello already got in the first shot.
Ronnie Harmon.
The NCAA Rules Committee.
O.J. Simpson
Any inflatable mascot of your choice.
The Tomahawk Chop

I’m sure I will have more.

Enthusiastic second, third, fourth, and fifth of the Family Guy nomination. I hate that painfully unfunny piece of shit and the dipfucks who go around quote painfully unfunny shit from it. Here are some starters off the top of my head; I’m sure I’ll be adding to this later…

- Lou Holth
- Pete “Humanitarian” Carroll
- Jim Fucking Tressel
- Lamar “The O.B.” Thomas
- Gary “Douchebag” Danielson
- Anyone with the last name “Vick”

- I’d put John L. in here, except a) I love that fruitcake (provided he never coaches a team I like) and b) he already slapped himself

Oh yeah, although this has no chance of being included in an EDSBS Punchout Bracket: Urban Meyer.

BRADY FUCKING QUINN

Frank Beamer just for being the face of a hated rival! Necessary death blow = Jimmiy shocker combined with a double karate chop to the gourd.

Zachary Running Wolf- For leading the hippie tree sitting movement in protest of Cal’s building of their athletic center.
Berkeley Mayor Tom Bates- For allow the suit of his alma mater. He played on Cal’s last Rose Bowl team, but has decided to hinder the university’s athletic future.

If there’s multiple nominations, we’ll include Urb. This is the People’s Site.

Pam Ward, even though she’s a she, I first thought she was a really high-pitched stupid guy the first time I heard her call a game. So I’d still punch her. I’m all Andy Kauffman that way.

Doc Walker, from the JP ACC games. If you have ever been subjected to the noon ACC game of the week, which annually shows the Wake-Duke clash because there is some stipulation the ACC has that all its members get on TV at least once a year, you know who this guy is.

If 5% of what he said was true regarding the excellence of ACC football players, then Maryland’s defense from last year would be directly headed to Canton.

If I were Marques Haggan, I would replay UVa games he called as I sat in my apartment, weeping, because never have I heard a rag-armed QB who never threw for more than 250 yards in a game be compared to John Elway and Dan Marino in the same sentence.

Mike Price – Butt ugly women all over America now think they have a chance to bang a BCS conference head coach. Conference USA is perfect for his truck stop hooker fetish.

Jime Rome

Jimmy Clausen. Matt Hayes. Tommy Tuberville. All enthusiastic practitioners of the Backpfeifengesicht.

Stewart Mandel
Pete “Poodle” Carrol
The AP voters from ’93
The NCAA Rules Committee

Jim Rome

Les “F’ in Miles”, no further explanation needed, Anyone of the people who get paid to hold down a chair on Best Dam Sports Show, Sterling Sharpe, Wade Phillips for pulling Doug Flutie in the playoffs after he saved their season in the last five games, Any MLB player that participated in the strike a few years ago

Pete Carroll. I’d also like to nominate him for the Pokey Chatman Memorial “I fuck my players in more ways than one” award (Coming soon).

Please forgive a non-football blog promo…edit me out if you must, but this idea is fucking hilarious: www.murphyspeaks.blogspot.com

Seconding the usual suspects, and a few more nods:

-Lou Holtz. My mom taught me never to make fun of old people. There’s an escape clause for obnoxious, ignorant coots.
-Trev Alberts. The only ESPN personality, past or present, dumber than Lou Holtz.
-Charlie Weis. You can be self-righteous and insufferable if you’ve got the goods, but not if your product is reliably mediocre.
-Marcus Vick.
-Stewart Mandel.
-Stat Boy from PTI, who was fine as a 30-second straight man but is now the know-nothing cocky blowhard screaming in front of the TV at any generic sports bar.
-Rick Neuheisel. All the worst traits of a shyster lawyer who cross-bred with Gary Barnett. Gone but not forgotten.
-Cowboy Troy and the rest of Big ’N Rich, not just for adding to the ruin of GameDay but also for the early 2006 novelty song “Hook ’Em Horns,” quite possibly the worst combination of sounds ever recorded in human history.
-Matthew McConaughey, for insufferable sideline antics.
-Nick Lachey, for not knowing his place.
-Bill Callahan, for turning a classic program into Oregon State, but with more understated jerseys. And the regrettable mock throat-slash escapade.
-Dennis Franchione, coaching mercenary.
-That stupid LenDale white dummy/effigy/doll that Pete Carroll arranged to throw off a roof.

STEVEN ORR SPURRIER (Orr? What kind of middle name is that?)

Also, I second The LF Daves and Urban Meyer

God bless your communist heart, Orson.

Herbie and Corso… Fuck it, all of ESPN
Saban
Prothro (yeah, I said it)
Fulmer the Krispy Kreme man
Pete Boone
Reggie Bush
That little girl from the DLP “Its the Mirrors” commercials. She freaks me out in a 6th Sense kind of way.

Mike Shula’s 3 page playbook – The fat asshole in front of me w/ the plastic elephant hat, “Got 12?” shirt, and toilet paper/ Tide box-on-a-stick is calling run or pass correctly every single play.

conan o’brien, those beady little eyes…he’s from canada, eh…he spells his name with an “e.” it’s brian or bryan or nothing!

Dennis Dodd

Les Fowler – More than likely the reason Tyrone Prothro will never play football again.

Big and Rich – No explanation necessary.

Mark Mangino – Just to see if my fist would get stuck.

To be exact, it’s Urb’s false sincerity act that bugs me.

I’d also put in whoever the Rose Bowl president is these days, Marcus Thomas, all mid-majors and, of course, Jeff Bowden.

Jack Childress for stealilng that game from us in ‘93. You know it’s bad when even the Gameday crew admit that Florida got jobbed.

Jack Childress for stealilng that game from us in ‘03. You know it’s bad when even the Gameday crew admit that Florida got jobbed.

“casey clausen. well, all of the clausens.”

This was my primary vote…the Clausen Trio (Casey, Rick, & “Jesus Christ, our Savior”).

Other nominations include:
-Myles Brand
-Urb
-TEBOOOOOOOW!
-Randy Moss
-Terrell Owens
-“Sex Cannon” Grossman
-Brodie Croyle
-Pete Carroll
-John Kerry
-Hillary Clinton

Myles Brand- number one seed and should breeze through the bracket.

Beck Campbell – She makes Todd Marinovich’s dad seem like an absent parent.

I will second Craig James, provide the sledgehammer to hit him with, and volunteer to swing the motherfucker.

I will also nominate Jeff Shimardzhiarammalammadingdong from Notre Dame, because the pussy opted for MLB instead of the NFL, and because despite all his supposed speed and skill, he was made the bitch of every decent corner and safety that covered him. I’d also volunteer to punch HIM in his pretty face.

I’ll second a slap for Herbstreit. I’ve got no use for this even-handed, reasonable, diplomatic bullshit, from any former player. Godamnit, back your team! To Hell with “diplomacy” and “neutrality.”

Also, Llllloyd Carr, because he’s a whiny bitch.

Jimmy Clausen right before he got to the podium to announce his willingness to commit to ND at the College Football Hall of Fame after riding a limo 1/16 of a mile from the hotel across the street.

Any Tennessee fan who still bitches that Peyton Manning deserved the 1997 Heisman.

Scott Frost (a single punch just won’t do here).

Kordell Stewart right after he claimed he expected to complete that 65-yard Hail Mary.

• clamshell packaging
• "non-free" Internet access in airports
• Rachel Ray

Good call on Rachel Ray. Shitty tippers get their own circle of hell.

Herbstreit, because anything and everything remotely associated with that “university” [SIC] in O-H-I-O just SUCKS and he seems to be the most visible.

Also, Bill McCartney. That SOB KNEW they went five downs on that series and, despite all his protestations regarding his fabulous character and encouraging men to “DO THE RIGHT THING,” he wasn’t man enough to step up and admit it. And hell no, I’m not over it. Bitter? Yup. GT – 1990 NATIONAL CHAMPIONS, thankyouverymuch. And it doesn’t even redeem him that Bo hired him. That’s how bad he sucks. Oh, and Notre Dame sucks, too, by association, because they couldn’t even manage to beat the Puffs and put the issue to bed once and for all.

All of the so-called “talent” at ESPN. Including fellow Buckeyes Kirk Herbstriet & Robert Smith for associating with those unscrupulous bastards. WWL my ass. They have lowered the expectations of every sports fan in the country.

I forgot to include Chris Spielman too. Love ya Chris but, see post #53 for your fate.

John Swofford

Charles Steger (prez of VT) who helped lead the charge to sue the ACC and then jumped ship to join that fucking piece of shit conference.

The Brother’s Vick – Marcus for being Marcus, and Michael for the last minute touchdown in 1999. Fucker.

Mark May b/c he went to Pitt and b/c he’s a fucking idiot.

Anyone associated with the Pittsburgh Steelers organization.

The wives on the show “The Unit” for being whiney bitches who think that they actually play significant roles in the lives of their bas-ass military covert-op husbands. And CBS for allowing the writers to continue w/ that HORRIBLE story line.

I’ve got nothing against him, but I’d like to punch Dan Hawkins in the face for some reason.

Dockett and Rix are high on the list… as is Doug Johnson.

The redacted one along with Jeremy Foley (I’m over my anger at Foley thanks to being double champions at the moment, but he’s still eminantly punchable in his giant chicklet teeth)

Jimmy Johnson

Jenkins… but only to see what his texture is like.

Big N Rich

Muff faced Mark May

Robert Smith…big time. “I’m leaving football to be a Dr.” my ass

hmmm….. so many

Fuck, how could I have fucking forgot to include that motherfucking FINEBAUM… motherfucker…

And throw Jenn Sterger on the pile, too

-Second the Marcus Vick nomination. All the thugness of his brother with only half the talent.

-John Swofford, how is that super conference thing going?

-Colin Cowherd, master of the douche bag ratings technique. Piss people off enough by saying something so blatantly wrong that they are forced to listen and call the show. He further implements this technique by only taking callers whose parents double dipped in the same gene pool which further infuriates a whole fan base.

-Tim Prister, author of The New Gold Standard: Charlie Weis and Notre Dame’s Rise to Glory. Give me a fucking break.

-Any defense that could not stop Florida on 3rd and short while Tebow was in the game last year. Come on, you know exactly what he is going to do.

Mississippi State Athletic Director Larry Templeton. Is there another AD in major college sports to survive not one but two NCAA probations? This a-hole continually sucks up to the SEC office, while giving State fans the finger. Thursday games? “No problem! How about Tuesday games?” Ban the cowbell? “Sure! Traditions are overrated.”

He kowtows to a perennial loser like Sylvester Croom, while giving the most successful coach on campus, Rick Stansbury, short shrift.

He needs a roundhouse to the neck.

Dennis Erickson
John L. Smith
Charlie Weis
Brandon Meriweather and that Miami announcer who kept saying, “You don’t just come into the OB” during the FIU fight.

Finebaum!!!

Peter, you are the man! A Tennessee graduate the performs daily fellatio on the state of Alabama for ratings. What a whore!

Are y’all serious

Michael fucking Irvin

Also ’lil Stoops down at Arizona. Does a great job covering for his players making mistakes.

By the way, why can’t U of A get some Fulmer Cup love when their starting quarterback gets caught for underage drinking?

that instead of the

He’s still a whore!

That fucking runaway bride bitch that claimed she was abducted but really botled after her family spent fucking hundreds of thousands on the wedding. I’m sure she has heard of college football, so she certainly qualifies. if not, then we should let SW have his way with her.

Strictly football related vote: Charlie Whitehurst and/or Tommy Bowden.

Forget Michael Irvin. I’d like to beat the shit out of his tailor.

Ken Dorsey, since you could travel to Europe to get it done.
Wait, can I punch him with Jeremy Shockey’s mandible, forcibly removed by 3 feet of rope and a tow hitch?

Oh yeah, and also whoever invented that stupid wannabeasportbutfailsmiserably activity of “stacking”. Punch that whole stacking cult in the “fuckin mout”

the asshat who ran into my car in the apartment complex parking lot and drove off without being enough of a man to leave a note and own up to it.

My five names:

  Pete Carroll
  Jimmy “Pork-Faced Satan” Johnson
  Terrell Owens
  Robert Mugabe
  Mark May

Also, is there going to be a committee process of some sort for this? Ensuring that ACC, Big Ten, SEC, Notre Dame, Big East, Mid-majors, etc. at least get some of their most hated foes in?

Yes—there will be divisions.

Nick Money Saban
Charles Woodson
Any jackass who believes that Peyton Manning DID NOT deserve the Heisman.
Kelley “the squirrel” Washington
John Brady
Urban, Tebow, Leak, Nelson
Sweatervest Tressel
Anyone involved with the USC program
Anyone involved with Notre Dame

Any member of the coaching lucky sperm club -

Jim Mora Jr. (repeatedly, then finish off with a spinning backfist like that old arcade game with two joysticks)

Any Bowden – worthless, all of them and we have to endure Terry’s mug every saturday.

Also any coach who repeatedly invokes Christ when one of their “questionable” student/athletes get into trouble…
Saint Bobby Bowden
Mark Richt

and on principal alone – Judith Light, who’s the boss now bitch?

@53. Amen. Add the refs from that game – an imprint of five knuckles should help them with their counting.

Do we have to do the punching? If not, I second Coach O.

Dickey V BABY!

all the people who leave before the clock ticks 00:00 at any college football game

Don’t stop! Even if you do get enough!

We’re impressed.

Steve,

I volunteered to do it. I ran track in high scool and God speed willing I’ll make it back to type out the details.

Cannot believe nobody has nominated Bill “the self-proclaimed sports guy” Simmons yet, unless the “everything ESPN-related” has that covered. Heck, I want to punch Mrs. Sports Guy just for being so pathetic as to marry that meatsack.

Speaking of meatsacks, how about that former Rangers GM who went on do serious douchebaggery in the White House? Give me a G, give me a W…!!!

Who was the Miami announcer cheering the Miami-FIU fight? I can’t even remember his name but that guy deserves a punch. And let’s add Billy Packer for being a “Coach K” suck-up.

And since you’re not hockey guys should definitely have some of them in your bracket, please consider cheap shot artists Claude Lemieux, Gary Suter, Todd Bertuzzi, Chris Simon, or whichever guy viciously smacks an opponent in the face with his stick this week.

Finally, I would like to second, or third…, nominations for Mark May (it’s not why punch him, it’s why not), Michael Irvin, Bobby Knight, Jim Rome, smarmy Pete Carroll, Matthew McConaughy, and any franchise owner who moves his team out of town overnight in secrecy because local citizenry won’t pony up millions for a stadium.

Second, third, and fourth Vitale.

ROY KRAMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don’t have the kind of personal hatred I have for him, just remember he cooked up the BCS!

Marcus Vick
Jimmy Clausen
Charlie Weis
Tommy Bowden
Clemson “complience” commitee – what other program can a player run over and kill someone with a jet ski and get a 2 game suspension
Fat Phil
Reggie Ball
Matt Leinhart
Any fan that doesn’t know how to go to a game and not start a fight.
Tim Tebow – my newist favorite over-confident hasn’t done anything yet prick of a punching bag. (Second only to Jimmy C.)

1. Urban Meyer, for his pathetic whining that led to a National Championship game that never should’ve happened. Hindsight may be 20/20, but he never made any arguments head to head about why his team was better, instead resorting to “what have you done for me lately” (human bias BS), “Michigan had their chance” (misunderstanding of the BCS), and “our strength of schedule was better” (not true). I would poop in his coffee if I had the chance, and I’d deliberately eat greasy food and corn the day before.

2. Brent Musburger. For his sneering adoration of my team’s opponents and his palpable bias (Against who? Anyone. I don’t know anyone who thinks this guy doesn’t hate their team)

3. Brady Quinn. It would be so much fun, and you know it. Even though his head would probably fall off, he’d crumple to the ground and break his elbow, his legs would catch on fire, and despite that analysts would say his draft stock just rose to heretofore unknown vistas.

The Miami-FIU douchebag is Lamar Thomas.

A #2 seed at least eh?

Family Guy gets my vote for all four #1 seeds, just so there’s more punching of it.

On behalf of Sooner fans every where, I nominate Gordon Riese

1) maurice clarett- for subjecting all of us to hours and hours of slapdick psychoanalysis of “what went wrong” every time he got arrested. What, like no one else has ever been pulled over driving in the neighborhood of a witness testifying against you wearing a bullet-proof vest, chugging grey goose and strapped with handguns, automatics and a hatchet?
2) anybody connected to the state of Alabama with the last name “Bryant.”
3) the tuba player at OSU who “dots the i”
4) fans of west virginia- i don’t mean any disrecpect to the individuals or the football team, but how can those hillybillies get so defensive at the jokes the rest of the country makes at their expense when they wear overalls to games? you can’t have it both ways, ’eers!

Houston Nutt – Not since Mike Dubose has a head coach fucked up more a 10 win season the year before.

A general nomination for every woman that announces a college football game. I can’t stand it.

Chris Rix, if for no other reason than Chrisrix.com.

Buck Belue, because the sound of his voice has made me punch at least three innocent bystanders in the face, so he’s got one coming.

Bernie Machen and Michael Adams.

Casey Clausen, for being an uglier Chris Rix and letting his little brother grow up to be such a douchebag.

1. Richared Johannigmeir and 2. Wally Renfroe for spending three years investigating renegade boosters at Bama while ignoring blatant examples of rules violations by paid employees at Tennessee, Arkansas Ohio State and now, USC.

3. Roy Kramer for his contributions to the NCAA saga.

4. Mike Shula’s three page offensive playbook.

Bob Stoops, Mike Stoops, pretty much the entire Family Stoops.

While you’re at it: anyone who ever coached Oklahoma, especially Switzer.

Andre Ware, for general buffoonery on the airwaves.

Kellen Heard, nominated above.

Merrill Hoge, another buffoon.

Seconding the nomination of Reggie Ball. That worthless midget spent three years holding back Georgia Tech football, three years with Tashard Choice, Calvin Johnson, and the John Tenuta defense still barely breaking into a winning season every year. Seriously, this guy deserves to have every AA booster at Ma Tech line up and kick him in the nuts for wasting four years of their lives.

I don’t so much want to punch Bob Stoops in the face as drive a stake through his black heart.

I have no doubt he drives to orphanages to pass out puppies and stuffed animals to kids, only to 15 minutes later take away said gifts just to watch the kids cry. Then he tells the orphans that God must hate them because if God didn’t hate them they would have parents. He drinks the tears of orphans, eat old peoples medications, kicks kittens and puppies, eat the souls of disabled children and then he has his morning coffee.

In what alternate universe is it possible that no one has nominated Bill Curry? There are few things more infuriating than listening to him ruin an otherwise great game regaling us with which players are doing a great job of keeping their shirttail tucked in, and which linebackers pursue the ballcarrier with integrity (whatever that means).

Bill Curry’s not only in the bracket, he may be a 1 seed.

1. - Andrew Sorensen did. One at Bama and now at S.Carolina.

I think someone needs to “Shaun Livingston” phil fulmer on both knees however, because of fulmer’s livestock-ish body type, you would probably have to go ahead and put him down.

tubbervillie deserves a nasty thunder clap

second roy kramer’s demise
 
all things ohio state

> That group of anonymous guys sporting the Clausen ‘Do, that everyone googles up and posts whenever Clausen is mentioned. I wouldn’t waste the adenosine trisphosphate necessary to punch a Clausen; I’ve got Gators for that.

Those guys, though.

THOSE FUCKING GUYS.

How about that flaming douche Jeff Samardizja or however the hell you spell that fu**tard’s name. Or how about Stephen A. Smith just because he needs to be run over by a cement truck.

I’d like to punch Erin Andrews.

But by punch, I mean vigorously rut on.

Mike Shula. Twice.

1) Kellen Winslow – b/c he’s a soulja, he goes to war daily, and he deserves it

2) Brock Berlin – the supposed savior of UF QB-dom instead transfers to scUM and beats his old school not once but TWICE

3) Every Heisman voter that picked Crouch over Grossman in 2001

4) The Auburn replay ref for 2006, last name Ford? (LSU and UF can join up over this one)

5) The UF flaggot (you know you’ve seen the one flamboyant skinny white guy amongst all of the fat cow flag girls)

6) Nick Saban – who hasn’t he pissed off?

7) The Pickles (especially the youngest one who will be a 20 year-old freshman, of course he should be the nation’s best high school player – he’s 2 years older than everyone else!…I wouldn’t punch him in the face due to the porcupine-like headgear that he sports)

Butcher, I think you meant “fuck”, not punch… seeing as fuck, in old english, meant to hit or strike in the face.

I can’t believe no-one’s mentioned the ultimate northeastern preening shitbag that is Mike Lupica: author of more books that nobody’s read in the history of publishing.

And Stewart Mandell….I mean, just look at the guy. You can’t have a Y chromosome and NOT want to smack him in the kisser with a canoe paddle….

Dennis “Manteats” Fraudchione
The dumbass above who said Prothro
Fulmer
Tebow ( who is going to get thumped this year)
Anybody named Shula
Bo Jackson
Peyton Manning (still a bitch)

#95, don’t you know that the CENTER is the most important position on the field? I’m a Tech fan and I can’t stand that self-righteous SOB. Get OVER the center already, pinhead.

Also, I neglected to mention someone in my first response. I’ll say he qualifies because he pontificates upon a sport that uses a ball. TIM McCARVER. HATE. HIM. Screw the punch in the face. I’d like a Joe Theisman to both legs, please. Thank you.

My nomination -
Carlos Mencia.

Bernard Law Montgomery of Alamein

Announcers:
Keith Olberman
Keith Jackson
Bob Costas
Bryant Gumbel
Players:
Chris Wienke
Brock Berlin
Marcus Thomas
Maurice Clarett
Coaches:
Mickey Andrews (late hits in the 90’s – jerk!)
Greg Schiano (turn down a HC job in SEC??! Moron!)
Pete Carroll (I cried (happy tears) and laughed at loss at UCLA)
Nick Saban (your word means nothing anymore…sad)
TV Characters:
Jack from WIll & Grace (punch hard, please)
Kramer (need I say anything)
Chloe from 24 (wipe that retarded smirk off your face!)
William Shatner/Bob Saget/ Howie Mandel (obvious reasons)

Beano Cook. If I have to explain why, you’ve obviously never had to listen to the biggest home-teamer for
Not-ra Dame in the history of the planet.

Maurice Clarett (sp?)
All the fucktards that created the BCS.
These two should be strong 3 or 4 seeds, behind Fulmer, Bowden, Corso, and the commish of the big 10.

jimmy clausen – hell casey too
big and rich, creed
les fowler
mike shula
don shula
mark richt – you self-righteous fuck, I know you molest all those orphans you adopt

I think we could have a whole bracket of Notre Dame homers… Beano, Holtz, Davie, Cowherd, NBC (for obvious reasons), and the list goes on.

Charlie Weis

Brady Quinn

Lou Holtz

Larry Haylor former head coach of the University of Western Ontario (because they are the Notre Dame of Canada)

Jimmy “The Emu” Klassen

Can you sense a theme here? What can I say I hates me some ND.

Cheatypants McSweatervest

and to bob at #40: Conan O’Brien is not Canadian. He’s from Boston.

Britney Spears’ parents. She’s ‘not that innocent’ by any means, but how about them donating some of that money they’ve made off her to a hardworking mom/dad that actually care about what happens to their kid

Luke Winn….also from SI.com: looks like he should be swapping his ass for heroin in Central Park

Dr. Phil. He played LB for Tulsa.

I’d kinda like to see him get backhanded by some illiterate, web-footed teen mom with “trust” issues.

I used to be stationed in Delaware, and Philadelphia had this guy, Merril Reese (sp?) who covered the Eagles on the radio. Every time I’d hear his voice-think Will Ferrell’s Harry Caray meets Brent Musberger-I would throw up in my neck a little. In fact, I don’t think punching would do it. He needs to be flayed and fed to the Ravens’ stupid mascots.

People who have lame-ass nicknames for Michigan, like “scUM” and “Meatchicken.”

I’d punch Bonnie Bernstein with my penis.

Travis “I just rushed for 1,438 yards in one game against Florida” Henry. The stupid fuck couldn’t get into UF, so he goes to Kville and kills us.

Anyone and anything associated with university of arizona — or for that matter, everyone in the state south of Casa Grande (with the exception of my fiancee and her family, they’ll get off easy). I would wish a daily beating “to the pain” on the rats of tu-scum.

John Cooper, Joe Germaine, David Boston and tOSU for costing my Devils a national title in 97 and ruining what would have been my best day ever (sorry honey, the day we met and the day our son was born come in juuuuuust after).

Former ASU special teams coach Tom Osborne, for costing ASU at least half a dozen games during his tenure with poor decisionmaking and coaching on punt protection and coverage.

why all the hate over the flag guy? yeah, he’s most assuredly gay. you know what? who gives a rat’s ass. he wanted to be on the flag squad, tried out, got on the team, and waives a flag around.

is it really a good idea to try to enter a guy into a punchout bracket for being gay?

Whoever sent that anonymous parent letter to Dan Hawkins.

1. Ryan Leak – another self explanatory one

2. Hulk Hogan for ever turning himself into Hollywood Hogan

3. Houston Nutt for standing “thumbs in” on the sideline.

sean salisbury
mike shapiro, head of infotainment at the worldwide leader
the big chill (technically not alive, but still…)
dick cheney
deion sanders

Glen Mason, for blowing a huge lead against Michigan in 2003, for blowing a huge lead against Texas Tech in 2006, for whoring himself out any time there was a job opening (Michigan State, LSU, Ohio State, and I’m sure there’s more…), for fucking up the Wisconsin game in 2005 (TELL THE PUNTER TO TAKE THE SAFETY!!!), for ever losing to Indiana, for bringing in retard after retard to be your “defensive coordinator” yet still running the same horseshit soft zone that would inevitably be shredded by opponents in the 4th quarter, for being a smug jackass who always appeared like he was doing us a favor by coaching Minnesota, and for having Lawrence Maroney AND Marion Barber but only being able to get to the Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl. There are about 3000 more reasons, but I’m too worked up right now. I’m going to go kick a baby.

Oh yeah. Mark May and Roy Kramer make my list, too.

#33: A second on Wade Phillips. Bills fans rejoiced the day he got canned.

It looks like ESPN is the ACC of this tournament. They get more people in than anybody.

TERRY BOWDEN: I FUCKING HATE HIM
Also:
-Mike Leach: Just to see him curve his metal hook of a hand into one eye socket and out the other to rip the skull out of the guy stupid enough to take on this rowdy pirate.
-Bill Self: To see his toupee fall off
-Woody Paige: Fucking retard
-Pete Carroll
-Doug Gottleib: I steal credit cards
-Anyone ever associated with Notre Dame
-Mother Theresa
-The guy who wants to punch Ron Prince because he has an ego (which coach doesnt).
-Frank Solich

I second Irvin’s tailor.

Also, Gary Danielson. The man was right, but Jesus, have some objectivity man!

May I suggest a slight refinement to the entry guidelines? Note that the original post asked for suggestions on people we would like to punch, not people we would like to see punched. There is a distinction to be made here. I do not know about any of you, but I would not care to take a swing at The Orgeron, as much as I’d like to see him go down. Like any true bully, I think our fisticuffs should be aimed at the doughy-faced and the goofy who are simulteneously execrable — but that we should AVOID those that scowl, those that rage, those that carry hatchets in their vehichles, and those that may generally cause us harm.

To summarize, Glass Joes that qualify:
Pete Carroll, Mark May, Charlie Weiss, Ross

Scary scowlers that we avoid:
The Orgeron, OJ Simpson, Nick Saban, Clarett

Oh, and may I nominate that little “Can you hear me now” Verizon Wireless guy?

Brian from MgoBlog. Like 1000 times. And Matt Leinart

Geez, did we all forget Michael Adams? If someone mentioned him early, I second.

I second Creed and add Nickelback.

Ryan Seacrest

Notre Dame shouuld just have it’s own seed. Special attention can be paid to Wiess, Quinn and anyone else that is getting excessive mentions.

The Pac 10 refs from the Oregon-Oklahoma game.

Wow, there is a lot of completely pointless, petty hate here. Travis Henry is “a stupid fuck” for playing well? That’s misdirected anger. What is wrong with all these coaches? I like Pete Carroll. I appreciate his enthusiasm and he’s outstanding at his job. What did Bob Stoops ever do to anybody? Mike Shula was not a very good coach, but he seems like a perfectly decent guy. Mark Richt just has a bad haircut. There’s nothing wrong with that. People like Marcus Vick threaten others with guns around and your Gary Barnetts look the other way as their program spins out of control, they are actually demonstrably bad people, but Jeff Samardzija? I don’t understand these grudges.

Anyway, my nominee is Mike Martz. I fucking hate that arrogant prick.

I also get really, really angry at referees during games, for no reason at all, just imagining the futility of arguing with the most extreme potential abuses of their power I can think of. I’ve had a lot of violent referee visions, so I nominate any official. I really resent them.

I gave my own opinion on ‘Family Guy’ Monday, and it leads logically to “whack away.”

1. Chris Matthews

2. Michael Irvin

3. Anyone who watches “American Idol.”

4. All who refer to Alabama as “The University” who have no tie to the school whatsoever and define their white-trash existences by a football program.

A little wide-ranging, I know.

Dennis Erickson. As a former Bobcat, a Montana native, a College Football fan, and an NFL fan—this man should be punched publicly. And I’ll do it!

As a soon-to-be LSU alum, I wholeheartedly jump on the Punch T-Bow bandwagon. I hate that guy. Much like I hate Eli Manning—can we put him in the “Punch-In” match as the 65th seed?

Announcer/Analyst Division:
Clark Kellogg
Billy Packer
Dick Vitale
Mike Gottfried
Brent Musburger
Sean Salisbury
Kirk Herbstreit
Lou Holtz

(I’m afraid I would kill Holtz or Gottfried by socking ’em, though)

Coach Division:
Nick Saban
Houston Nutt
Pete Carroll (yeah, I’m an SC backer, but something about him still makes him punchable)
[NAME REDACTED]
John L. Smith, for being a whiny bitch about [NAME REDACTED]’s recruiting in the NYT
Bobby Knight
Mike Kryszayswzizzle
Charlie Weis

Athletes:
Joey Porter
Brady Quinn
Ron Artest
Vince Carter
Jake Plummer

Entertainer-type people:
Zach Braff
Rosie O’Donnell
Donald Trump
Tom Cruise
The dudes in Fall Out Boy

I can’t believe Les Miles is getting a bye on this one I mean he’s Les f’in Miles !! Doing less with more talent than anyone ever has and complaining about not getting respect and being bushwhacked in recruiting…not to mention he looks like the douchebag boss that everyone prays they never have

1. - Nice to hear some real vitriol coming from the Pac-10 (about a team that isn’t USC anyway)… I’ve been to Tucson, but I didn’t realize they had real hate in Arizona.

The Mac guy from the Mac vs. Windows commercials…I guess he’s just too hip for me with his long-hair, smarmy crack-skinniness

kbjarvis, are you serious? Flag Boy is awesome.

In fact, I nominate everyone who dislikes Flag Boy to make the bracket

Janeria brings up a good point… we need a whole other post just to deal with the play-in game (and if it were a person, I’d punch the hell out of that monstrosity… but go Jackson State anyway!)

1. sweatervest
2. mitch mustain’s mother
3. bob davie
4. Urban Liar
5. jason whitlock

urban meyer.

what a smarmy, self-satisfied, self-righteous little prick.

The seismograph in the LSU geology department.

Al “Aubbie” Ford, and yes it was a forward pass, asshole.

I want to second the nomination of Bill “Sports Guy” Simmons. How his name hasn’t been mentioned on here about 50 times already is a greater mystery than the disappearance of the Mayans.

In the non-football realm, I nominate George Lucas for taking a colossal shit over some of my best childhood memories.

1. - Joey Porter would eat your face and then Rosi O’Donnel would rape you with her penis.

I am my own least favorite person in sports. If Berman leaves a pancake residue, my face is sun-aged Shoney’s french toast.

THE Ohio State University
Charlie Ward
Pete Carroll
Tom Brady
Drew Stanton
Nick Saban
Hue Hollins
John Starks
Scott Boras
Drew Rosenhaus
TO
Ty Willingham
Bob Davie
Billy Packer
Coach K
JJ Reddick
Christian Lattener
Jay Mariotti
Lee Corso
Skip Bayless
Mark May
Jerry Reinsdorf
Bill Wirtz
the Chicago Cubs and their fans
Curtis Enis
Cade McNown
Rex Grossman
Lance Briggs
Reggie Bush
Matt Leinart
Reggie Miller
Tony Romo
Bobby Bowden
JaMarcus Russell
Jason White
Scott Frost
Lawrence Phillips
Teddy Bruschi
Rodney Harrison
Desmond Howard
Eddie George
Andy Katzenmoyer
the ’95 Northwestern Wildcats
Gary Barnett
Bobby Petrino
the University of Alabama
the BC Gambling Eagles
the BCS
Mike Davis
Eric Gordon
Bill Self
Stu Scott
Chris Berman
Cris Collinsworth
Joe Theisman
Mike Tirico
Dan Lebatard
Jason Whitlock

I wholeheartedly second the motion that Notre Dame have its own bracket. Besides those previously named, potential ND-related punchees:

Possible Seeding (new nominations denoted by an asterisk)
1. Lou Holtz
2. Charlie Weis
3. Joe Theisman *
4. Jimmy Clausen
5. Mike Golic
6. Mike “Greenie” Greenberg, if only for his association with Mike Golic *
7. Brady Quinn
8. Ricky Watters *
9. Jeff Shimardzhiarammalammadingdong
10. Bob Davie
11. Lucky Green Jerseys *
12. Ron Pawlus *
13. Anyone at Notre Dame Who Ever Won a Heisman *
14. Yes, even Joe Montana. ESPECIALLY Joe Montana *
15. Ara Parszhiarammalammadingdong *
16. Free slot!

1. Jimmah Johnson

2. Mark May

3. “you’re with me leather” Berman

4. Subcommandante Wayne (Although that would necessarily mean that I would be simultaneously punching Tressel in the nutsack and I don’t have a beef with him.)

5. Whiny little bitch and recruit thief Urban Meyer

6. Bob Davie – every time he saws “footbaaaaw”

7. Donna Shalala

8. Marcus Vick

Hang on now, Joe Montana never played for Notre Dame. That’s just a myth.

1. Urban Meyer because he switches sides and leaves loopholes in his contracts…..
2. Jen Sterger who has taking the whole “look I’m a girl and I swear I know about college football” thing entirely too far at this point

Chas (147) – The “disappearance” of the Maya is a mystery? I thought it was because of Hernan Cortes.

to #118 – scUM is a nickname for Miami (I’m sure Michigan gets called that, too…however, only by teams that care about its existence – as the tenor of my original post should’ve indicated, the Big Ten is not of interest to me nor worth the time it takes to disparage it)

but I will certainly second the Big 10 commish and Myles Brand – I may not care about your individual schools, but I certainly detest broad idiotic rationalizations, “academic leaders” with personal agendas, and people that hate Bobby Knight

to posts 121 and 141 – I will admit he is the most coordinated and on point member of the flag team, I will admit that the nickname is discriminatory (however, everyone knows exactly who it is, so it’s certainly usable), and I will also admit that I care not a whit about his sexuality. However – it’s just not right to have him out there in light of my mildly chauvinistic expectations for flag girls in SEC halftime celebrations

all that being said, I will add one more to my list

8) the leaders of the NCAA witchhunt against Indian mascots…the NDSU Fighting Sioux got shafted

Dave Witvoet

Paris Hilton. If anyone deserves special mention and repeated punchings, it’s Paris Hilton. And she did sleep with Leinart, if you need a college football connection.

95% of ND Subway Alumni…

SMQ has shamed me into reviewing my football list for people who have actually done some kind of harm to college football, as opposed to being irritating…

That left me with: every Notre Dame “leprechaun” ever.

well, that and every Arizona State Quarterback for the last 10 years who was going to set the world on fire and scorched their ass instead, like Sam “wait until you win to take a bow” Keller. I know he’s at Nebraska now, but the Tempe stain stays with you.

I’d nominate the Huskies for not understanding their growing irrelevance, but golfing Tyrone is probably punishment enough.

So anyway, I put my negative energy into the special nominations section.

1) the fuckers in charge of Disney’s “princess paraphernalia” marketing operation – if you have small daughters you’ll understand this

2) Desmond Tutu – which was your cell on Robben Island again? Oh that’s right, you were busy baiting Jews and Israelis and pushing for sanctions from the comfort of your church-provided house

3) Any former South African policeman who still doesn’t understand that they were epically, spectacularly, grandiosely WRONG

4) Any Notre Dame fan who thinks it’s badass to give a shout-out for the IRA – a bunch of maoists and drug-dealing thugs who only look good by comparison to the Ulster Unionists

5) speaking of whom, Ian Paisley. Is he dead yet? Hope springs eternal, the miserable fucker.

6) Tony “Bush’s Poodle” Blair, right as he slips into some “mockney” free-styling about… anything, really. Why don’t you take your “new Anglican” guitar-playing Kumbaya sanctimony and fuck off?

7) Margaret Thatcher – you’ve heard of “we had to destroy the village to save it”? Yeah, that was the inspiration for her overall economic policy. You could have stopped with controlling the striking unions, but no. Nice work converting Britain to a service economy that’s competing with Bangalore for call centers, you lunatic.

7) Vladimir Putin – it takes a special man to get all Soviet on everyone’s ass out in the open, you child-licking perv.

8) Vladimir Romanov – the Roman Abramovich manque and cryptic loon of Scottish soccer, just because.

I’d like to add my voice in support of going after all individuals associated with Family Guy, partly for giving the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations a bad (worse?) name, and partly for implying that people from the UK are evil cranks… okay, maybe they had something there.

SMQ, didn’t he kill off the Aztecs long after the Mayans had disappeared? Or have I got that backwards?

Agreed to #151, with 16 seed to Rocket Ismail.

Colin Cowherd

Tim “Prissy” Prister. And the unconscionable Al Lesar. Hell, the SB Trib writers can probably be their own division.

Throw in the ND leprechaun and his funny looking adidas, too.

A. Coach Division

1. Weis
2. Saban

B. Player Division

1. Reggie Bush’s Parents
2. Zibby-cow-sky or the Tomato Can he is fighting this time around.

C. Fan Division

1. Jenn Sterger (Her 15 mins are up.)
2. Face and/or Body Painted Football Fan (Extra slap for a funny hat to go with the body paint)
3. Stacy Keibler Luvs Me

D. Blogger Division

1. SubComandante (The Michigan fan fell off the face of the Earth after humiliating loss)
2. Blue Gray Sky
3. Nestor of Bruinsnation

E. Broadcaster Division

1. Craig James
2. Herb-Street (the dork from THE-ohio-state-puny- university)

#156:

NDSU is the Bison. The University of North Dakota is/was/are/were the Fighting Sioux.

1) nth-ing the nomination of Reggie Ball. I have nothing more to say about him. Fuck that guy right in the ear.

2) Dick Vitale. I’m pretty sure he’s seen a college football game before.

3) Damn near every Georgia fan ever. You can take the beer bottles and other trash you pelted me with at those goddamn games over the last 6 years and shove it right up your asses. This goes for the redneck fucks at Clemson and the pricks at FSU too.

4) Sean Astin. Fucking Rudy, altering sports history for that movie…NOTRE DAME LOST THAT GAME. He gets punched in the neck just for playing the part of that midget asshole.

smq, actually I think it was the Jews that killed off the Mayans. At least, that was the impression I got after seeing Apocalypto.

Speaking of which, I’d also like to nominate Mel Gibson.

@156,

That wasn’t directed at you; you just reminded me of the Big Ten counterpart.

And although Deadspin sometimes does something funny, I’d mostly like to punch anyone associated with any smarmy Gawker-related site.

Ed Orgeron- for jumping over my back fence and impregnating my dog

167—Gibson/Jews joke, +1.

Non-Football-Related Division

> Rosie O’Donnell (Ladies should never get slapped, but Rosie has not been a lady since the early 80’s – I think)

kbjarvis, fair enough. He makes me chuckle though. If we kick him off the team, we have to kick all the fatties off too.

I’m in favor of it being All-hottie, but sadly, he’s not the least appealing member of the team…Blotobeast or man meat? Either way, I’m shooting myself after.

I’d like to second the nomination for Joe Theisman, I can’t believe he hasn’t been mentioned more.

And Tebow should be immune, there isn’t a human being on this planet who could throw a punch at him without being eaten before it connected.

Repeat noms for Sterger, Terry Bowden, [NAME REDACTED], Mickey Andrews, Charlie Ward+Warrick Dunn.

Actually scratch those last two. There’s no punch that could make up for the harm they did to my psyche.

Let’s replace them with those Sonic guys who may be friends, may be in a relationship – the point is that they’re most certainly filling up 30 seconds at a time with really fucking inane banter.

And how ‘bout a good punch in the throat to every broadcast producer who inflicts upon us 1000 shots/ game of some coaches wife/player’s mother/player’s sister+opposing team’s punanie in the stands.

Jim Rome- for spewing years of nonsense out of that prison-pussy goatee.

At first, I was going to say “Every single sorry, pathetic person who spends their time hating Notre Dame just because they were too stupid to get in, too lazy in their own right to appreciate an institution that strives for excellence in all things, and graduated from Boston College.”

But then I thought that was an insult to lazy, stupid people.

So I’ll just go with the entire original cast of ESPN Sportscenter. They started the fire, as Billy Joel might say.

Peter (161) – I believe the Aztec were a Mayan tribe that took over the entire region. Doing very haphazard Web research, both Maya and Aztec pop up associated with Cortes. Definitely he conquered the Aztec, and possibly some remnants of Maya. Either way, I don’t think the abandonment of more than a couple Mayan sites is a mystery – either they sort of “evolved” into the Aztecs or were killed by them. I don’t think they just disappeared, but I could be completely wrong.

Pizarro took down the Inca, though. Let’s be clear about that.

Anyone in the last 15 years that has won the Heisman that turned into nothing in their professional NFL career. Thanks for ruining the trophy.

Also, pre-season pollsters.

#166, no. ND won that game 24-3. You’re confused.

+1 DG for hatin on the Sonic Guys

my apologies to UND…NDSU had the big men’sbasketball upset earlier this year whereas UND is a dominant ice hockey program every year…

Yeah, I was clear on the Incas…

Let’s add Cortes to our list of punchees either way

Abe Lincoln or Gandhi

I have a standing bet with my friends thatt if I ever see R Kelly, I’m going to buch him square in the face…and run.

Also, if my dad ever sees Jesse Jackson, he’s going to kick his ass!

We’re feelin’ Cortes as a candidate.

On the musical side, we hate the sound and sight of Will I. Am from the Black Eyed Peas. We bet he smells like burned flesh and bad cheese, too.

That = thatt

Punch = buch

…watching the tournament…been drinking since 1pm

Cortes is clearly a candidate… look at what he did to the future of college football… we could have guys named Quexaqcuatal running around next to Oomapoolas and Kabooyas.

How in the world did Bill Curry make it all the way to #95? Also, I don’t think I saw more than 1 or 2 Smirky Tubbervillle mentions- amazing.

Other “second the motions” include:
Keith Olberman- hate, hate, hate him
Urban Meyer- Not a sincere molecule in his anatomy
Lou Holtz- Obvious #1 seed
Mark May- Dolt
Matt Leinert- Even more so during the ’05 media deluge
Michael Adams- Sorriest human being alive
Bobby Gaston- Steaming pile of douchebagness
Bob Davie- Waste of airspace
Michael Irvin- Stereotype perpetuator extrordinaire
Female ESPN play-by-player- Just plain awful
The Clausens- Enough said
S.O.Spurrier- Evil and then some
Fulmer- Though nobody inspires more e-comedy

And, Simon whats-his-face from American Idol and his manboob accentuating wardrobe.

It appears the pro-ND side needs a little representation here:

Lloyd Carr – for continuing the fine tradition of Michigan coaches who whines like a pussy about having to play ND, and for being a crotchety old douchebag in general. Actually, other Michigan coaches deserve it more but they’re already dead.

Pork-faced Satan – I think we can all agree on this one

Bob Davie – ably fills the “guy who almost destroyed your team yet is too stupid to realize it” slot. Induces seizures in ND fans every time his dumb hick voice comes on the TV. Skin cancer will probably get him first, though.

O.J. Simpson – ND fans were ahead of the curve on this one.

John Saunders – we hate you too, John; not because you’re black, but because you’re an asshole

Keith Jackson – is he dead yet?

General ND-haters – actually, we love you guys. Your hate is like a fluffly blanket that keeps us warm at night.

180 posts and no one has mentioned the person who deserves the most punches in the face:

Miles Brand

seriously people, what is wrong with you.

(also Ty and Boob Davie for ruining my college football experience while i was at school)

#166: Damn, Chris, are you my long-lost twin brother?

I would like to nominate Satan himself, or as he goes by: “Jim Tressel”. I don’t know if it’s the sweater vest, the fact that he has a professional team playing against a bunch of college kids, or just the fact that he looks so smarmy that I just want to keep punching him and punching him until he bleeds and bleeds and punching and punching and PAIN.

I attest to the nomination of He Who Must Not Be Named (new Tide coach). I respectfully add to the list Steve Sloan and Billy Brewer, 2 coaches who preceded the Orgeron, in a whimpering way.

Myles Brand was mentioned in #6 and several times since

ND has got to have all 4 #1 seeds sown up— Lou, Charlie, Brady, and everyone associated with ND in general. We are the most hated. Maybe we can’t win a big game, but we still get your blood pressure up! How can we be irrelevant when we inspire that kind of emotion! We lives off the hate. If there weren’t any hate, we wouldn’t have the NBC contract! Thank you for your blind foaming rage, suckers!

And second to Senile Keith Jackson. How did he last that long? Even after he dies he won’t retire.

Hey NDTom, at least you didn’t go to school under Mike DumBose… why hasn’t he been nominated yet?

Didn’t any of you people watch the Fiesta Bowl?

The integrity of this entire enterprise will be ruined if Thom Brennaman is not included. Let’s recap: AFTER the hook-and-ladder, after Oklahoma scores first in overtime, after the 4th down halfback-option touchdown – with Boise about to go for the 2-point conversion and win or lose the game – THAT, THAT is the time you decide to take us out of the game by going on and complaining about the BCS and how unfair it all is???? Dammit, Thommie Boy, there’s a very good chance that was the most dramatic moment you’re ever going to broadcast and you did your very best to ruin it for everyone so you could pontificate on a dead horse that has been beaten so much all that’s left is one tiny sliver of a hoof!!! I don’t know that I’ve ever yelled “SHUT UP!” as loudly and as quickly as I did that night.

That’s the main one, but I’ll also add Chris Myers for fucking up Ian Johnson’s proposal, and Skip Bayless (google my name and his to find my opinion there).

John Mellencamp

fuck that our country song

1- ESPN
2- Reggie Ball
3- Jim Leyritz- simply for the 1996 World Series vs. Atlanta

To my good friend in #160, Mr. DCTrojan, I really like your #1. On any given night, we can be serenaded by Belle, Ariel, Snow White, et al, but no Pocahontas. I’m trying to prepare them for a PC life where we don’t offend the Native Americans.

Oh, yeah. Mich Albom (sp?) and Mike Lupica simultaneously. No pair this dorky and testosterone-challenged should be allowed to talk about sports, especially together. And throw in in rest of the “Sports Reporters” while you’re at it.

I second (or third or fourth – didn’t read all of these) the Lincoln Financial “Daves.” Also – Holly Rowe, because, as a girl, I’ve always wanted to punch her. And as a girl, I totally could.

I have to second the pork faced Satan, Jimmy Johnson. I’ll also add in the ref who threw the flag on Rocket’s runback against Colorado. And the manatees that write Family guy.

Seriously where is Stuart Scott?!

Stuart Scott is the most punchable person on the planet. I would punch him so hard his glass eye would jet out the back of his head.

Stuart Scott should win in a landslide.

Frank Solich – QB draw left, QB draw right, fullback trap, short-side option, turnover on downs. Any intelligent Nebraska fan knows what I’m talking about…

Almost 200 comments and not ONE has yet mentioned the: DADGUMSTER – Bobby Bowden?

Man, the readers of this site are losing it….(including me-self)

Orson highlighted Bobby in the initial article

Jesus. There is a lot of hate in the room.

1. Woody Fucking Hyes- The chocking crazy bastard that started it all. I hate you and your off spring you piece of shit.

2. ESPN- For basically ruining sports for my unborn children.

3. Troy Fucking Smith- Look at #2 for inspiration as to why- Say hello to the AFL you over hyped 4.75 running piece of shit.

4. The little girl actor in Mrs Doubtfire and other horrible movies that can’t fucking talk. I hate that little girl.

Third time responding (having way too much fun).

ESPN marketing for assuming that women never get dragged away from a good football game to sit through a Sporting Goods Show or a Gun Show or a weekend hunting trip. It’s not just guys who suffer!

ESPN marketing for making all women look like pansy, pink poodle loving, shopaholics who drag their men away from the tube on Saturdays and Sundays. It’s just not true!

LSU (and this hurts me) for not having any sort of sexual conduct policy in place and now reacting shocked that something improper went on in its hallowed halls. And it’s a damn shame it’s Pokey taking the heat and not some of the other pervs who have messed around with students and players.

Les Miles for looking so much like Steve Martin that I don’t believe him.

Jimbo Fisher. Anyone who’s watched LSU long enough knows what I’m talking about. Good riddance.

1. Jimmy Dykes – I’ll never forgive him for the post-game Mike Klinkenborg interview.

2. Jim Tressel – Take away the fact that he runs a dirty program—that sweatervest makes me want to kick him in the noots…squah in the noots.

Why Brady Quinn? He got hit a shitload over his 4 years and never got injured. And DC Trojan, I’ve never heard an ND fan give a shout-out to the IRA or even Sinn Fein.

I thought about this one on the way home from work and couldn’t believe that noone though of this earlier (I see that someone just beat me to it):

OJ SIMPSON

This man is a shoe-in for #1 seed. Even if he didn’t do it (which I am sure noone believes) the whole book thing is worthy. “If I were to punch him in the face, this is how I would do it!”

If you think he did it, you must admit it.

Food Network related:

Emerill (sp?): please, oh please, just go away
Michael Chiarello: Is it just me, or are all of his final-segment “guests” scenes straight out of the seventh level of Yuppie Hell?
Sandra Lee: You just know she’s such a whore
Giada De Laurentis: Besides the fact that she can’t actually cook (just reads the script), whoever produces her show seems to think that we’ll be mesmerized by close-ups of Giada chopping carrots, zooming in on boiling water, and soft framing flour dust rising in the air. Unwatchable

Alton brown, however, is the man….

Bernie Machen and UGA’s pres. Apparently cocktail hour isn’t important to them even if it does last a whole weekend….

DC Trojan, I’ve never heard an ND fan give a shout-out to the IRA or even Sinn Fein.

It cropped up once or twice in comments threads on this fine establishment during the last season.

I will freely admit that the vast majority of ND alumni are not prone to that sort of thing – and applaud them for that – but it left an impression on me.

Plus it gave me an excuse to work in Ian Paisley as well. I mean, I may have the sad distinction of coming from a long line of Orangemen, but there are limits.

3rd time responding for me as well. This amount of vitriol ain’t healthy. Perhaps we should make this the Punchout 1,024? Or perhaps the 2,056?

I still hold that we have a ND bracket. Sorry, Golden Domers.

But what is even more abudantly clear: the need to have an ESPN-only bracket. The real question is how to seed them. And, remember, we can only have 16 per bracket. Not every deserving candidate will be going to the Big Dance. My surprise picks: Steve Phillips slips in as the #16 seed, and Bill Curry plays this bracket’s Cinderella.

Alton brown, however, is the man….

True enough. I’d happily cavort with Giada while letting Mr Brown do the cooking.

In contrast, I’d only accept a blowjob from Rachel Ray to shut her the fuck up.

Now, if you’re going to nominate Cortes, you really have to nominate smallpox as well. Oh wait, someone already nominated Terry Bowden. Never mind!

Brady Quinn
Cheateypants McSweatervest
Dick Vitale (BA-BY!)
Charlie the Hutt
Pete Carroll
Sparty (the mascot)
Nancy Zimpher (President of University of Cincinnati – fired Huggins – her school also has a football team… but it sucks)
Terrell Owens
the Emu
Spain

Danny Ford. Because it’s not 1981 anymore and the clemson people just cannot let it go.

Just in case no one’s nominated him yet: Doug Gottlieb.

DC:

To each his own I guess, but there’s just something about Giada that irritates the shit out of me…I don’t know if it’s her oversized head or chirpy personality, but she’s walking salt-peter in my case

And that is why we married her.

Anyone who lives in the Tampa or Orlando area probably would agree with Dan Sileo, unless you’re a Miami “fan” (but we all know there are no Miami fans since they didn’t wint he title this year).

ESPN Bracket (just a few I’d like to see)

*Jim Rome
*Sean Salisbury
*Herbstreet (just for parading his kids around)
*Lee Corso (because his vote of confidence often ends in a spectacular loss)
*Dickie V (for using “Dookie” every 3.2 seconds every time he’s on TV)
*Mike Greenberg (for supporting the banning of heckling at high school sports—wuss)
*The Entire Cast of Cold Pizza (I despise that show’s existence)
*Nick Lachay (ESPN U)
*Woody Paige (Yes, he’s on Cold Pizza but I think he sometimes deserves his own bracket)
*Tony Kornheiser (what was with all the damn celebutards on MNF? And why didn’t he skewer any of them?)

once you’ve thrown all of Bristol into a mass grave, its not even close:

Lionel Tyrone Mutherfucking Willingham

Um, DC, I believe the comment I made was about an Irish army under General Weis sitting outside the gates of Columbus, which led to you replying with an anti-IRA soccer chant.

Phil Fulmer
Lou Holtz
Brent Musberger
Terry Bowden
Coach Fran – seriously, how does a major college team give up 77 points ?

“Hairy Dawg” – Its not enough that we have to endure the panting lazy fat piece of crap sitting on ice “greatest mascot in the history of history” blow me, but we have to endure the ’roided up stuffed version running around waving a flag and shadow-boxing…

Rick Chryst…..He’s everything that’s wrong with the MAC.

He can’t count (as evidenced by the MAC Football scheduling debacle), and he tried to intervene in the men’s basketball tourney final by delaying the official end 10 FUCKING MINUTES AND ADDING TIME BACK TO THE CLOCK TO NEARLY JOB MIAMI U OUT OF THE TITLE!

I’d hit him so fucking hard, he’d piss through his ears.

1. the wannstache – just because
2. pom-pom pete – i like seeing him cry!
3. reggie bush and the guy who bought the house for his parents + plus reggies sounds like a heck of a good recruiter (via speakerphone!!)
4. the guy from the ncaa who didnt look into #3
5. roon zook – illinois used to only give escalades to basketball recruits
6. beano cook – although i am not sure he would notice

Joe Paterno, because he can’t join Bo and Woody soon enough.

Ty Davie
Urb and his door matt
Pood
that neckless bitch Rachel Ray
ESPN except Lou
bitchtits , rude bastard
brimley
its the mirrors
Lemming and anyone else who tries too hard to look like a 17 year old boy.
anyone who “owns the police”

That fucking AFLAC duck.
Gene ChizDiK for his headbutt teachings.
Bob “Qualude” Griese.
Chris Meyers.
Ann Coulter – only woman I could think of.
Self-righteous Domers – 98% of them.
People who claim Bjork is a genius.
Nestor – Bruins Nation

Apologies if I’m repeating-

Whoever the guy is that won’t let it be called The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. I’m not a UF or UGa fan, but that’s just stupid.

Jay Mariotti

Non-football related-Bill O’Reilly. He’s just a smug bastard.

Its obvious that in additon to the ND division, we need the “cheater/dirtbag” bracket:

1. Sweatervest
vs
16. Clarett
2. the car dealers of norman
vs
15. the razorbacks

3. poodle pete carroll
vs.
14. SMU

4. the Zooker
vs.
13. Roll tide

5. reggie bush
vs
12. the slime ball wannabe agent who bought a house for reggie’s folks

6. reggie’s parents (if you can find them)
vs.
11. Jarrett – he knows something about good rental deals!

7. Joe Pa (for cheating death)
vs
10. Bobby Bowden (same infraction with free shoes)

8 Colorado – the 5th downers, stripper gate, gentlemanly treatment of female kickers
vs.
9. rick neuheisel – you know he likes these bets, er pools….

phil fulmer
the NCAA infractions committee
mussburger
every single person who works at/for the White House
Jon Junker— roy kramer — jim delany (the BCS “power brokers” if you will)
lou holtsth
lee “Cal wins big over Tennessee” corso
smug tommy tubs

Nobody punches Cortes and lives to tell about it. That’s just what I heard.

Christian fucking Laetner, the piece of shit chest stomping cocksucker. As a Ky bball fan, a former postal worker and one whom is licensed to pack, his ass is mine if I ever lay eyes on him. In person. He doesn’t die when the tv gets shot. COCKSUCKER

second the racheal ray nominations…..you can tell she lives a sad, pathetic life, it seems like she’s actualy trying to convince herself that she’s having a good time. always asking shit like “how neat is that?”

i dont know rachael, why dont you put your hand in the food processor and find out?

As long as Charlie Weis and Miles Brand are in there, I"m happy.

The range of nominees is awesome.

However….Neither Cortez (the killer) nor the Aztecs ever conquored the Maya. They were still fighting the Spainish till something like the 1850’s. They were some serious bad-asses. Unlike the Aztecs and Incas who had a central emperor/god-king each Maya city was independant and basically constantly at war with each other (sort of like when all the Samauri were running around in Japan). So it was never worth going into the jungle to root them all out. The Maya made a buffer that allowed for the founding and existance of the Brittish/pirate enclave that became Belize. The big Mayan cities collapsed, suprisingly enough, due to drought according to the new book by Jared Diamond, “Collapse: Why Civilizations choose to fail or Succeed.” But I was down in Guatemala last summer and there are still plenty of Mayans around.

I’d also like to punch out the ’Canes fans – all 12 of them.

#232: SeaTrojan, I’d have to second Nestor as deserving of a beat down. Though in reality he does more to help USC and hurt UCLA than anybody in the blogosphere.

I’m gonna go see Bjork at Coachella this year. I have trouble listening to her, but the Ms thinks she’s great.

I nominate the redneck with the tattoo of Bear Bryant on his back… http://www.rammerjammeryellowhammer.com/weblog/archives/bryanttatt.jpg

The idiot Michigan fan named Jeremy who submitted comment #83.

He actually attempted to argue that Michigan still deserved to be in the BCS championship game ahead of Florida and called Meyer a “whiner” for speaking up for his team. Also, Jeremy, no reasonable observer of college football, no matter how much he likes his team, can argue that Michigan’s SOS was better than Florida’s. You are a fool.

Uh, point of order, and shit.

Do Bobby Williams and John L. Smith count as one entry or two? Collectively, they’ve set a proud program back a good decade.

Also, in the Wildcard division: Mike Nifong.

How sad that the Boz has fallen so far. Not one mention. Fitzgerald was right. An American tragedy.

And +2TCOAN for somehow making smallpox feel belittled(heh) and insulted by a comparison.

To comment #83:

Your boogeyman is our bitch. Officially.

Mel Kiper’s hair
Fat Fulmer
Colin Cowterd
The entire Big 10
The LSU fan who launched the hotdog that ruined an entire trip for me
The Schwab
Tubberville’s Ears
Lamar Thomas… but just when you think hes about to get punched you snatch his career from his grimey little hands and run the other direction then years later nail TO on live TV after a stupid celebration

I can’t believe y’all went 63 posts before Michael Irvin showed up. Kellen Winslow was even later than that, I think.

I agree with the one guy, however, suggesting that punching Tebow might be a bad idea… same goes for Ed Orgeron.

Oh, and thanks, EDSBS, for showing me that I’m not the only person in the world who still wants Darnell Dockett’s head on a platter.

Ohio State
Bob Davie
Les Miles Brand
Mike Lupica
John Saunders

That reminds me. I’ve always thought you should be allowed to punch The Guys Who Bring the D-Fence Signs.

Don’t think they make the top 64, but maybe someday if there’s a Punchetology 64 for regular people or types. Like a Punchetology NIT.

I’d add in Really Drunk Guy in Your Block Who Is Too Obviously Pouring Bourbon from a Ziploc Bag and Gets You All Busted.

Uhh… he was comment 84.
The SEC can’t count?

All the players from FIU and Miami.
Larry Coker for being the ugliest old man ive ever seen.
Oregons new helmits and uniforms.
Terry Bowden.
Auburn fear the thumb shirts. a 5 game streak against a team going through probation isn’t that impressive.
Warrr Eagle “heyy”? where’d “hey” come from?
Fat Phil Fulmer.
Rocky Top because it will never be home to me. so shut the fuck up rocky top, go to hell tennessee.
Houston Nutt.
Mitch Mustain for crying to his mommy and transfering.
Coach O because he still hasn’t mastered the english language.
The state of Mississippi. no rest areas on the highway. horrible roads.
Charlie Weis and everything Notre Dame
Troy Smith and everything Ohio State
FSU and Bobby Bowden because they were afraid to join the SEC. Wouldn’t win enough games.
Lee Corso. please dont pick our team!
and last but not least Cupcake non-conference games. And everybodys team does it.

It’s probably too late for this to matter, but I’d like to include:

The guy who greenlighted “According to Jim”
Jim Belushii
The ND corner who blew the coverage on 4th down in the “Bush Push” game
R. Kelly
Mark Millar (dipshit writer of Marvel’s “Civil War”)
All the twerps in the Alltel commercials
Lee Corso (for personal reasons)
Zach Braff

Oh and since Dogtown Gator mentioned the NIT I would like to add everyone who ever said “but the NIT is the Original tournament” implying that it holds some grand proud tradition… damn you Ronald Steele’s legs!

Thanks Mike. I was trying to figure out what I said that Orson was “reefering” to.

SMQ, that was before there was a smallpox vaccine… though unfortunately there is currently no vaccine for Terry Bowdon… we can all support ongoing research, though.

+5 TCOAN

1. wrote: Greg Schiano (turn down a HC job in SEC??! Moron!)
   when did miami join the sec? he turned down an ACC job. and who could blame him for that. big east, on the rise. acc, crashing and burning.

i think people who mouth off about sports when they don’t know what they’re talking about should be punched.
oh and Terrell Owens, all the people who hyped the big ten last year, joe thiesman, and whatever dick in the posts that was mouthing about wv.

Kordell Stewart, the little bitch still pisses me off even to this day because of his infamous “hail mary” play and because he actually thought he was a good quarterback.

i’d also like to add to the punchout list the entire cast of lost and the makers of that show just cause it pisses me off and i cant follow what is going on at all

the bcs ranking sysem

the florida gators just because im a michigan fan that wanted to see his team in the chamionship a decade after their last one

ohio state for so many different reasons

and the peyton brothers because somebody has to hate ’em

1. Every arrogant redneck horsefucking piece of shit SEC fan who ardently proclaims (that’s “says loudly”, for said fans) that the SEC is always far and away the best conference in college football.

on a related note

2. SEC speed. Give me a fucking break. Because other conferences like to recruit only slow players.

Any talking head on TV that comes up with some sort of bullshit shorthand to simplify everything down to a phrase. “Red state-blue state,” “Values voters,” “flip flop,” “SEC Speed.” They shouldn’t be punched, they should be forced to do some actual reporting.

Bill McCartney – Founded the Pomise Creatures while exercising no control over his program and apparently provided no moral grounding for his own family.

How about the marketing jackass at the NCAA who came up with the “Nearly all of them went pro in something other than sports.”

Yeah, if they’re football players, they went into sales because they didn’t get a college degree.

I agree with about 90% of the nominations. I’ll admit it though, Family Guy is hilarious to me.

That said, what about the overrated linebacker whose team is down by 10 with a minute to go, and he tackles the runningback 47 yards down the field and then immediately jumps up with the “thug look” on his face and acts like he’s a badass.

Erik:

1. And your suggestion for the best conference is?

2. No-one’s suggesting that other conferences LIKE recruiting slow players….only that they do.

Perez Hiton

sandman227:

This might shock your sensibilities, but I don’t believe that there’s a conference that is better than every other, year after year. It turns out that all teams have good years and bad years, and when your top teams have great years, you’re a great conference. When they have lousy years, you’re not such a great conference.

I don’t even feel the need to respond to the idiocy that people who live in one region of the country are inherently faster than any other, or that the SEC can somehow steal all the fast recruits from all over the nation. It’s fucking stupid. If you can support such a claim with, you know, evidence of some kind, I might listen. But it’s an asinine claim from the get-go.

Y’all can give all the hate you want to Urbie and the OBC, but Bobby Bowden should certainly lock up the overall #1 seed, if not all 4 #1’s with Darnell, Jeffie and Mickey Andrews as subs, if absolutely necessary.
PERIOD.

Erik,

I don’t disagree that the “best” conference fluctuates from time to time, although I think it tends to be a bit more sustained than year-to year…..more like a 5-10 year stretch. During the late 90’s to early 2000’s, I think the ACC was the best conference in football, top to bottom. Since about 02, the SEC has been “the best”: based largely on RPI, bowl wins, teams ranked at the end of the year, etc.

And no-one (except perhaps the Big 10 chairman) is suggesting that all of the fast people come from one area of the country. A 4.3 wide reciever is a 4.3 wide reciever, regardless of whether he’s wearing Tennessee Orange or Michigan Blue. The “speed” everyone keeps referring to is found in non-skill positions on Southern teams more often than Northern ones. For whatever reason, (and granted, I’m about to do some major generalizing here) the coaches in the South have put a premium on speed for defensive players, while coaches in the North put a premium on size….shifting their burners to offense.

If you don’t believe me, watch and see on draft day where most of the defensive players come from.

PEOPLE THAT NEED HITTIN:
both Ron and New Mexico
Jesse Jackson
John Madden- if I have to hear about a six legged turkey next Thanksgiving I may just end myself
all three Beastie Boys
I would puch John Rocker but that dude is retartd strong
Kevin Costner
I want to donkey punch Suzy Kolber
and oh yeah … your mom cause I’d hit that

oh yeah and Deon gets hit in the face with a fucking tack hammer

“And no-one (except perhaps the Big 10 chairman) is suggesting that all of the fast people come from one area of the country. A 4.3 wide reciever is a 4.3 wide reciever, regardless of whether he’s wearing Tennessee Orange or Michigan Blue. The "speed" everyone keeps referring to is found in non-skill positions on Southern teams more often than Northern ones. For whatever reason, (and granted, I’m about to do some major generalizing here) the coaches in the South have put a premium on speed for defensive players, while coaches in the North put a premium on size….shifting their burners to offense.

If you don’t believe me, watch and see on draft day where most of the defensive players come from."

No sir, that isn’t how it works. You say that there is a speed advantage in non-skill positions in the SEC. You demonstrate that. Everybody and their mother runs a 40 at the combine – find the numbers or don’t make the claim.

Late addition: Anyone who picked Duke to win the basketball championship this year.

Bowdens should have a mini-bracket to themselves, except I don’t want any Bowden to knock another Bowden out of the running for getting punched.

Oh and Erik- a casual observation if I may, 2 more beers from now, and I’m nominating you.

Ask and you shall recieve….seems to be quite a few more folks on there from the southern and western schools than the northern ones…

And I know we could go back and forth about the numbers: the fact that they only list Seniors, injuries, number of schools represented in the combine, etc.

We’ll just have to agree to disagree, Erik

Group 9 (LB) — Top 10 Results: 40-Yard Dash
1. Quincy Black New Mexico 4.42
2. Antwan Barnes Florida Int. 4.43
3. Justin Durant Hampton 4.51
4. Chad Nkang Elon 4.51
5. Tim Shaw Penn State 4.51
7. Patrick Willis Mississippi 4.51
6. Juwan Simpson Alabama 4.55
8. Zak Deossie Brown 4.58
9. David Harris Michigan 4.59
10. Rory Johnson Mississippi 4.59
11. Nate Harris Louisville 4.60

Group 8 (DL) — Top 10 Results: 40-Yard Dash
1. Brian Robison Texas-Austin 4.67
2. Jarvis Moss Florida 4.70
3. Anthony Spencer Purdue 4.70
4. Claude McBride Tennessee 4.81
5. Quentin Moses Georgia 4.82
6. Charles Johnson Georgia 4.84
7. Abraham Wright Colorado 4.89
8. Xzavie Jackson Missouri 4.92
9. Jay Moore Nebraska 4.92
10. Quinn Pitcock Ohio St. 4.93

Group 7 (DL) — Top 10 Results: 40-Yard Dash
1. Gaines Adams Clemson 4.64
2. Jacob Ford Central Arkansas 4.65
3. Baraka Atkins Miami (Fla.) 4.69
4. Tim Crowder Texas 4.69
5. C.J. Ah You Oklahoma 4.70
6. Antwan Applewhite San Diego St. 4.73
7. Justin Hickman UCLA 4.75
8. Dan Bazuin Central Michigan 4.77
9. Victor Degrate Oklahoma St. 4.77
10. Victor Abiamiri Notre Dame 4.80

Group 10 (DB) — Top 10 Results: 40-Yard Dash
1. Chris Houston Arkansas 4.32
2. LaRon Landry LSU 4.35
3. Leon Hall Michigan 4.39
T-4. Anthony Arline Baylor 4.43
T-4. Travarous Bain Hampton 4.43
6. David Irons Auburn 4.44
T-7. Tarell Brown Texas 4.45
T-7. C.J. Gaddis Clemson 4.45
T-7. Michael Griffin Texas 4.45
10. Fred Bennett South Carolina 4.46

Group 11 (DB) — Top 10 Results: 40-Yard Dash
T-1. Jonathan Wade Tennessee 4.36
T-1. Eric Wright UNLV 4.36
T-3. Marcus McCauley Fresno St. 4.39
T-3. Kenny Scott Georgia Tech 4.39
T-3. Josh Wilson Maryland 4.39
T-6. Aaron Ross Texas 4.44
T-6. Bo Smith Weber St. 4.44
T-8. Brandon Meriweather Miami (FL) 4.47
T-8. Sabby Piscitelli Oregon St. 4.47
T-10. Reggie Nelson Florida 4.48
T-10. Eric Weddle Utah 4.48
T-10. John Wendling Wyoming 4.48

Yay, I had VCU over Duke in my bracket. Of course, the couple other first-round upsets I picked ended predictably badly…

I totally agree with family guy. South Park decimated that show. And I also want to add:

Coach Krysewki- I don’t care what his spelling is, I hate him. Go VCU.

Bowden- No explanation necessary

Lamar Thomas- that idiot.

I’m sure it’s been said. But Reggie Ball.

The entire fucking SEC and its fans.
Urban Meyer and every other whining ass coach
Charlie Weis
Jeff Szamardja
DeShawn Jackson
Michael Irvin’s Tailor
And, since it’s tournament time and I can’t think of any UCLA football players to really hate on: Michael Roll and Lorenzo Mata, just for both looking like total douches.

Sandman, out of all of that list, I see 14 SEC names. I see 11 from the Big 12. If this is your example of stunning statistical relevance, then I revert to my usual opinion on such matters.

When someone says “we’ll agree to disagree”, what they usually mean is “I can’t actually support my claim so we’ll pretend that our positions are of equal merit and then we’ll stop talking about it”.

John Saunders
Mike Lupica
Dennis Dodd
Mark May
Bob Davie
Jay Mariotti

As bad as the players may be, I hate the press coverage much more

Can you punch the off-season in the face? If so it should be a 1 seed.

Notre Dame (anything)
Michigan fans
tOSU
JoePa
Mark May
Female college football announcers (all)
Peyton manning
Eli
Michael Irvin
Peter Kerasotis (have to read his garbage in my local paper)
Joe Theisman
“The Sports Reporters”
Terry Bowden
Jeremy Shockey
Brent Lushbuger
Craig James
NBC
Chris Berman
Deion

1. fillup foolmer
2. fillup foolmer
3. fillup foolmer
4. espn – jointly and severally
5. (way)les miles
6. sec refs
7. stuart scott – seperately and apart from 4, above.
8. fillup foolmer
9. fillup foolmer
10. Did I mention fillup foolmer?

Erik
matthew

Just to get this straight, because it will annoy me to no end if it doesn’t, the Aztecs and Mayas were two completely different tribes with different cultures and peaks of civilization (think Greeks and Romans). The mystery with the Mayas is how and why they so rapidly declined. Imagine everyone up and leaving Gainesville over the next couple years and never returning. That’s what happened in all the Mayan cities, some of which were estimated to be that large. By the time Cortes arrived the Mayans were only a minor tribe. Ok, sorry for the history lecture.

Now seriously, who are the 5 worst college football commentators: Mark May, Mark May, Mark May, Mark May, and Mark May. Because he spits hot fire.

Does that mean I get to punch him 5 times? Please?

Fck that, EDSBS, Family Guy rocks!
My outrage at your assertion of Family Guy’s suckiness reminds me of the time Brian sniffed his balls and we all laughed, then did a musical number, but it turned out Brian had the mange and Peter had the ass-mange and the episode ended with us all thinking “what?”

Kellen Winslow Jr. He’s a solja… and he needs to get beat for it.

Any NCAA official who has ever worn the red hat
Lou Holtz
Jackie Sherill
The “U” and all its former players

The penis envy of Notre Dame from all the haters on this board is hillarious!

Coaches:

Urban Cryer – speaks for itself
Chuck Amato – listen to him talk for about 5 seconds
Ralph Friedgen – if he doesn’t eat you first
Nick Satan – I’m not going to be the coach at Alabama
SOS – do I really need a reason?
Dave Wannstedt -destroyer of worlds…err…I mean football teams

Players:

Deion Sanders – watch his music video
Doug Flutie – how many times am I going to have to watch that damn clip?
Marcus Vick – a fine role model for the young ones
Maurice Clarett – his stories just keep getting better
Any longsnapper

2007 Signees:

Chris Rainey – damn, it’s good to be Chris Rainey
Arrellious Benn – you’re going where?!?
Marvin Austin – you’re going where?!?
Pouncey Twins – fat boy x 2

Miscellaneous:

John Madden
Beano Cook
Anyone from the Nikki/Micah storyline on Heroes
Matthew Lesko – the guy who wears the suit with all the question marks on it selling those “free money” books
Tom Lemming
Barry Bonds
Vince McMahon
Keven Federline

Even though I’ve already made some nominations, I almost forgot Bret Musberger. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that a punch in the face isn’t enough for him, but rather he could use a beatdown like the one Sonny gave his brother-in-law in The Godfather.

Brent “Buckeye” Musberger needs in for his never ending love of all things Ohio State and his man crush on Troys Myth over the last year.

I second and third the off-season!! I can’t stand the seasonal affect disorder that kicks in really hard this time of the year.

all the fat fucks who freak out at having a gay guy in the stands. i’m in better shape than you, i know more about football than you, and i can kick your ass.

Since we’re nominating things that irritate us to get punched in the face instead of just things that should get punched in the face on their own merits, I offer the one group that should be lined up and then mauled with a sledge hammer:

Every single person and fan associated with Wisconsin Football.

Herbie and all his Big 10(11) loving fish eating friends.

Houston Nutt—a coach who idiocy is only exceeded by his absolute lack of character.

Coach K—Smug Puke coach. I’d love to kick him in the face.

Ohio State fan—Representative of the entire classless fanbase. I thought Neanderthals were extinct 25,000-30,000 years ago. Then I watched the National Championship game. Ohio State fans are what happen when you allow humanity to procreate with lower forms of life.

Charlie Weiss: Dude, you weren’t head coach with New England. Stop flashing a ring Belichek would’ve won easily without your lame ass.

Um, DC, I believe the comment I made was about an Irish army under General Weis sitting outside the gates of Columbus, which led to you replying with an anti-IRA soccer chant.

I was worried that in my fevered state I had committed vile calumny. So I checked: I believe that this was your original comment:
Meanwhile, the Irish Republican Army is lurking on the outskirts of town, waiting to enter after the main battle concludes and finish off the victor. Speaking from between bites of cheesburger, their commander, Charles O’McWeis, promised a swift and painful end to the forces of "Bloody England, er, Sweatervest, er LLLoyd, er who the fuck cares, we’ll beat whoever survives!!"

 to which I responded

No surrender, no surrender, no surrender to the IRA! (Just joking… sort of…)

 If I misconstrued it then and now, I apologize. But you can see perhaps how I got confused?

I should have left old-world sectarian nonsense alone. Peace out – I’m going to go hack up a lung now.

Just an admin-type note: Comments from first-timers are sent to a mod queue and inserted once they’re approved (Orson lets all legit comments through, but he and Stranko get thousands of spam comments a day). They are then listed in chronological order, which messes up the order a bit.

It’s actually not that difficult to understand, but hey, if imagining that the numbers are off because no one in the SEC can count gets your dick hard, feel free to rub one out while you ponder the mathematical mysteries of American Idol elimination.

A question though— even if we couldn’t count before, don’t you think we might have learned after having to figure out how many points we beat your conference’s teams by each year?

(heh, gratuitous shit-talking, though I personally believe that conference dominance is illusory without a playoff)

jealousy and spite are fun!

Vanderbilt Fans who play the “superior academics” card to try to explain away having crappy sports teams.

Bon Jovi loving, gastric Bypass failing, doctor suing, game losing Charlie Weis

Notre Dame fans who think that their players are morally superior to others simply becasue they attend a Catholic University

Paul McGuire and Joe Theismann

Finally, Adrian Peterson’s dad. Don’t worry convict, your kid is gonna sign a big contract soon

“It’s actually not that difficult to understand, but hey, if imagining that the numbers are off because no one in the SEC can count gets your dick hard, feel free to rub one out while you ponder the mathematical mysteries of American Idol elimination.”

+1 TCOAN

Heh. Perhaps BCS formulators could give AI an assist.

Harris—great call on Zach Braff. If he’s the voice of our generation, we’re ripping our own throat out with pliers.

Bam Margera.
He stands for everything that’s wrong in this world.

Orson, I disagree simply because I think the book’s already closed on our generation and the one following as failures to humanity.

Need proof? Check out the American Idol ratings again sometime.

Speaking of which, anyone who claims to be a college football fan but watches American Idol should be punched in the face, then neutered to prevent future generations of these abominations.

TCOAN, I now have a girl-crush on you, thanks.

My final punch—And this one I really, really want. It has nothing to do with College Football and, until recently, nothing to do with US Sports at all
But
I
Would
Love
To
Punch
David
Fucking
Beckham!!

blush

It’s the playoff thing, isn’t it? ;^)

Erik from comment 279. Anyone who would turn this thread into “the SEC suks!” deserves to be punched in the face mulitple times.

Every whiny bitch michigan fan. I love the irony of them whining incessantly about Urban “whining”.

Phil Fulmer.

Every Manning brother.

Bill Callahan.

The replay official from the Auburn game.

Paula Abdul.

Skip Bertman

Erik

Saban

Finebaum

Drew Barrymore (maybe if punched hard enough in the mouth, she won’t talk out of the side of it anymore)

Anyone impregnated by Tom Brady

I’d like to watch Vern Troyer punch Emmanuel Lewis. Seriously, how funny would that be?

Isoroku Yamamoto. Ingrate studied at Harvard and the US Naval War College, then masterminded the attack on Pearl Harbor.

Dude got his. Shot down by P-38’s in 1943.

Reggie Ball should be a #1 seed. Only so he can be the first to lose to a #16 seed 51-7.

I also nominate Brady Quinn for being a six pack fag.

Herban Meyer for his complicated marijuana suspension algorithm (that’s music without instruments for the Gator fans) that he uses to confuse his competition.

And, any message board poster that uses the words, “stud” & “speciman” when refering to recruiting prospects.

Thanks Joe… That’s the way I thought it went, but 6th grade history was a long time ago.

CBS Sports, if you are watching a game at home be ready to miss part of the first quarter or sometimes the last few minutes of the game, relentless commercials…and if you’re at the game be prepared for the minimum 15 minute kickoff delay, relentless commercials and the relegation of your historically beautiful, picturesque night game to a sweltering 2:30 PM stank fest with 90,000 other dehydrated and hungover fans that are praying for a blowout one way or the other to get off of the concrete and aluminum griddle…

Also, I just don’t think that Les F’IN Miles is getting the props he’s due. I think he’s a solid 7 or 8 seed.

A couple more:
Huka Dance or whatever that tribal garbage that the not good enough for D1 ball onthe mainland white boys do before the game for Hawaii

Whatever SOB cancelled Arrested Development

Ann Coulter…it was cute at first, but your just a meanie

Anderson “my only bullet on my resume is child of Gloria Vanderbilt” Cooper 360

Unless someone beats me to it at post 306, can’t believe the Marketing Maggots at NIKE haven’t gotten a shout out for trying to ruin not only football uniforms but now BB. As a corallary, all the suck up AD at Oregon, Syracuse, etc who suck up to them. Take the UGLY out of sport. BAN NIKE. (Would have to slap these twits rather than punch them, I guess.)

So, how many responses did the ESPN post get? That thing’s still going, right?

Oh, while I’m at it, moral relativists, uppity hippsters, Mike Lupica and his mico-wang.

Craig James. He hates the west coast so much he beat his kid for wearing rainbow sandles. I’m sorry we have good weather and most are capable of abstract thought. You, Craig James, are a fucktard of the highest order.

Grant Noel – Worthless player who inherited VT’s starting quarterback position after Michael Vick left early for the pros.

Went 4 of 16 with 4 interceptions and a fumble against the 2001 Miami team when Tech lost 26-24 on an Ernest Wilford dropped two-point conversion. I hate him. God do I hate him.

BamaCPT, i was with you until the anderson cooper dig. no one hates on the silver fox!

TCOAN- You da (wo)man! Though I’ve never met either of you, I’m quite certain that Orson doesn’t deserve you.

Every Pac-10 football official. Those SOBs should have canes and seeing-eye dogs.

And Gordon Gee and his pothead wife for not considering my “just open the F’ing checkbook and get to work” approach to recruiting.

Minnesota Gator:

Anyone who sees “I don’t think that any conference is always the best, and it annoys me when people say this” and actually reads it as “the SEC suks!” must have a pretty serious self-esteem issue, small-man syndrome, or a chip on the shoulder for some other pathetic reason. Or they just can’t grasp the English language.

Learn to read, please. I won’t even make an SEC-related comment about that one.

Erik,

I think the fact that you referred to us as “arrogant redneck horsefucking piece of shit SEC fan(s)” pretty much means you’re not going to be making a whole lot of friends from the get-go.

It sounds like you have the chip on your shoulder, and I would wager your reasons are pretty pathetic, actually.

Good luck with that.

Every arrogant redneck horsefucking piece of shit SEC fan who ardently proclaims (that’s "says loudly", for said fans) that the SEC is always far and away the best conference in college football.

People who take things out of context piss me off.

Ah, the old “I’m better than you because your cock is not so large as mine, nor your grammar so elegant” defense. Works every time.

I see where you’re coming from, Erik, but you also need to remember that we get awfully tired of the stereotypes leveled at us, and we have to deal with that prejudice a lot more often than you have to listen to “Every arrogant redneck horsefucking piece of shit SEC fan who ardently proclaims (that’s "says loudly", for said fans) that the SEC is always far and away the best conference in college football.”

People who resort to name-calling to make a "point" piss me off. Well, not really, but they’re pretty annoying. I’m too busy glowing from back-to-back National Championship wins in two major men’s collegiate sports to let that kind of thing get under my skin.

With the Big Ten’s recent "success", I’m sure you’ll have plenty to be pissed about, Erik.

Not really. I hate the Big 10.

In no particular order:

Jabba The Weiss – for still thinking he’s a genius despite the fact that the best win in his tenure was a loss to USC.

Bam Margera – Because he’s way overdue for a beating. A savage one.

Ann Coulter – See Bam Margera

The entrie state of Florida – Sure, you guys play sports alright. But I swear to god, if you people fuck up one more election and screw the rest of the country one more time, I’m going to unleash some serious WMD action on “God’s Waiting Room.”

This shit is going viral!!!

Oh, and Erik should just have ass whipped straight up.

his ^

you know who deserves a punch in the face? how about every previous poster who followed a usually unsophisticated word or phrase with a plain yet obvious translation in parentheses in a lame attempt to insult a particular subject by insinuating that the subjects couldn’t understand the original word or phrase. frequently these “clever” slights are aimed toward southerners or fans of teams in the south. to wit:
this particular style of insults are trite, hackneyed, and very ineffective on messageboards clearly populated by college-educated sports fans (that means cut the crap, assholes)

I call it like I see it. Learn to capitalize, rjsplow.

Feel the hate…

I can’t decide if our little Erik is just angry or retarded.

Caught up in his “SEC suks” commentary, he responds by telling me I have “must have a pretty serious self-esteem issue, small-man syndrome, or a chip on the shoulder for some other pathetic reason”.

Wow, I love the anger! Does this come from being a bitter douche bag arguing on behalf of the Big Ten to a bunch of Gator fans?

Erik, you are our bitch.

Can’t we all just get along?

No?

Well, ok…

Orange Glo spokesman Billy Mays.

Minnesota Gator:

Caught up in his "SEC suks" commentary, he responds by telling me I have "must have a pretty serious self-esteem issue, small-man syndrome, or a chip on the shoulder for some other pathetic reason".

You still don’t get it! I never said the SEC sucks. For the love of all that is good and holy in this world, learn to read. I put it right out there for you, in black and white, and you still glossed right over it. I never said the SEC sucks, and your continued belief that I did demonstrates that you have real issues with anyone suggesting that the SEC is anything other than perennially dominant. Seeing completely fictitious insults in everything you read is not the hallmark of a mentally stable person.

Wow, I love the anger! Does this come from being a bitter douche bag arguing on behalf of the Big Ten to a bunch of Gator fans?

Get it through your thick fucking head. I don’t like the Big 10.

We’d argue, Erik, but we can’t read.

Add the Notre Dame Men’s Basketball team to the PUNCH in the FACE list.

They just got beat by a lower ranked team in a game that matters. Just like the football team.

(What is a Winthrop?)

Erik tells me:

“I never said the SEC sucks.”

For shits and giggles, let’s review his first post:

“1. Every arrogant redneck horsefucking piece of shit SEC fan who ardently proclaims (that’s "says loudly", for said fans) that the SEC is always far and away the best conference in college football.

on a related note

2. SEC speed. Give me a fucking break. Because other conferences like to recruit only slow players."

Are you saying you never said this? How is this not saying the SEC sucks?

Now you are telling me that I’m not a “mentally stable person” and that I can’t read? Who talks like that? How long is your mullet?

Can we make Erik a number one seed in this bracket? He can represent every dumbass that talks shit, then says that he didn’t while pointing out grammar misktaks and saying dumb shit like, “why are you so mentally unstable and why is your dick so small? the SEC suks!!”

How many people here want to punch him in the face??

Orson, unless Minnesota Gator is a pseudonym of yours, I never said you couldn’t.

I’m truly baffled how “not far and away the best” can be read as “sucks”. If that’s honestly how people are interpreting what I said, then I’m… I dunno. I don’t really know what to say to that. God. I really don’t know what to say.

Erik-

Stop being passive aggressive.

Erik, really? Did you think people were going to seriously break down the semantics of your initial comment after the string of insults you used to lead into it?

…Now if you’ll excuse me, my team has an important game tonight that requires my inebriation, so I must be going. Go Gators!

GatorAM:

Yes, yes I did. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable assumption to expect a person to know what I said before they respond.

And that’s back to the entire point – people who comment about something without knowing their stuff piss me (and everyone else, I think) off. Whether it’s me with arrogant fans who don’t know the landscape of college football, or someone else about our good buds Mark May or Trev Alberts, they piss us off.

Erik clearly didn’t say that the SEC sucks.

But it would not be unreasonable for an SEC fan to find offense in his statement (the whole horsefucking redneck thing…heheh). He may not have meant to offend all SEC fans, but it happened anyway.

Of course, when it comes to people being offended, I don’t like taking sides. Some people say stupid shit. Some people get offended way too easily. So I’m just going to assume Erik and the people offended by Erik are both in the wrong here. Much easier

Now you’re a college football expert! Classic!

I’m gong to guess you go to some ju-co in the Maimi area and root for the Canes.

Am I right??

Please limit comments to things you want to punch in the face, not internet rhetorical stuntin’.

“Whether it’s me with arrogant fans who don’t know the landscape of college football, or someone else about our good buds Mark May or Trev Alberts, they piss us off.”

Now we don’t know the landscape of college football? Classic. You are the biggest bitch we’ve heard from in quite some time.

I’m going to go out on a limb here – you attend some juco in the Maimi area and are a huge Cane fan?

Am I right???

Whoever decided that my local CBS station should be showing The Price is Right instead of basketball. Astonishing.

Argument discontinued per the chief’s directive.

Trev Alberts, now and every year on this date.

Oh and everyone who ever played on, coached, or supported Nebraska in anything – even cancer research.

It’s more fun when belittle us.

I’m sure you have superior to us in your knowledge of college basketball, too. Come on, enlighten us. Or maybe you could insult our b-ball team? Or all SEC b-ball teams and fans? The mascots?

You know, another thing about you SEC types…Oh, I guess I was late to that scintillating threadjack; shame. Back to the fun hatred instead.

Lame promotional commercials for the competing universties.

Tom Hanson, Pac 10 commissioner.

Hmm, I thought I hated more stuff besides these two and the five from yesterday.

Verbally committed recruits that change hats 2 or 3 times in the press conference and end up picking another school. I’d like to rub my fist in glass pieces first, get it good and bloody with embedded pieces of glass, then WHAMMO punch those pricks in the face. Kind of like a Bismarck without the sex and with glass.

Fox Sports (national and northwest).

Rick Astley

Oh, God.

Lute Olson, and all of the poor-attitude pieces of crap he puts out of the Arizona basketball program.

I feel dirty for not thinking of him sooner.

Erik needs to be punched in the mouth.

SEC has faster defensive linemen. I think you may be the only person in the country that doesn’t agree. However, that said, you are entitled to disagree. There is no direct evidence that this is true.

This doesn’t change the fact that you are a douchebag and need the shit beat out of you for making such a ruckus on the board.

Oh yeah, the people in charge of making the time rule last year. Is that the Rules Committee? They need to be punched in the mouth as well.

Another vote for Erik for nominating Lute Olson. You fucking fag.

third simmons.

This thread has the potential to be the next “52 Reasons.”

I have no clue how they escaped but
Dan Lebretard
Yoko Ono
‘stats boy’ from pti

Can a country be nominated? How about:

France

The guy in my bracket pool who went 30-2 in the 1st round.

Subway, Incorporated – for being responsibie for both Jared and for further lining the pockets of greedy fuck Reggie Bush.

Napoleon Dynamite (the movie AND the dude) and any retard that goes around quoting that piece of shit scurge on humanity.

Pete Carroll
Mike Stoop(id)s
Stupid fucking Trojans who go on other teams’ boards to tell them about how many five star commits they have so far
Tom Hansen
Bud Selig

Idiotic hippies who have their heads so far up their asses that they equate trees with human lives.

Every hack sports writer who can’t come up with anything better to write about than the possibility of Tedford leaving, every fucking offseason.

I 50th the nomination of Brent Musberger. God I wish his droopy stupid face would finally just fall off his skull.

I can’t believe it took 75 posts for someone to say Dickie V. You all should be ashamed of yourself.

Steven A. Smith
And his stand up comedy counterpart – Dane Cook. Seriously, I’d bust out some Mortal Combat fatality shit on his ass.

oooh. cardiac kid for calling someone a fag.

Bob Stoops – for being a pitiful imitation of the OBC and for his incredible arrogance.

Charlie Weis – For being a perfect figurehead for the most overrated program in college sports.

Colin Cowherd – unoriginal, unfunny, and boring.

Brady Quinn/Jimmy Clausen – Are we sure these two aren’t the same person in disguise?

Lou Holth – Everyone else has made it clear enough why he belongs on this list.

Craig James – Uninspired, boring, flat out pathetic college football analysis.

Jim Freaking Tressel – I just don’t like the Sweatervest.

Conan O’Brien

Scoop Jackson
Scoop Jackson
Scoop Jackson

Jenn Sterger

Way late for the party, but I must cast my votes for

OJ Simpson
Skip Bayless
Skip Bayless
Skip Bayless

and ummm….

Skip Bayless.

What an utterly joyless and hateful c**stain that man is.

Myles Brand all the way

I vote for every NFL fan who attend’s their teams’ games dressed in some type of ridiculous costume and masked in paint so his friends won’t know who he is in real life.

I understand that college kids do the same, but when your 18 years old and drank a fifth of Jim Beam by 11 am, then you can chalk it up to bad judgement. If your stlll doing it as a middle-aged man with a (I’m reaching here) job and actual responsibilities in life, then just chalk that up to being a supreme douchebag.

Even more punches are deserved for the ones who root for shitty teams like the Browns or the Raiders. Imagine the man who dresses this way and spends actual money every week to watch his team get assraped every Sunday. He is most likely the same guy who is carrying a laser pointer to the movies on Friday nights for laughs. That’s f’n punchable right there….

No problem, DC. Let us now return to our regularly scheduled college football smack talk.

Beyond Darnell Dockett and everyone associated with FSU (I’m looking at you Chuckles Amato and Mark Richt) and the WWL in S, I think we’ve covered everyone.

As a hate-reducing alternative, I’d like to propose a toast to overlooked folks who did not get their due.

First up, The Throwin’ Mayoan, who led the MIghty Gators to their first SEC Rings.

Not sure if anyone list her yet…..

Nancy Grace. Just flipping through her show can drive you to scratch you eyes out and shove pencils in your ears.

Oh, and while we’re at it, let’s dig up Bo and give him one for good measure.

Point of order, Orson — you might want to limit this to actual physical human beings, else Notre Dame is going to win going away. Everyone wants to bring the king of the mountain down and all…

People:
Myles Brand (assume he’s already on here somewhere)
Keith Jackson — retire already!
Lloyd Carr (formerly LLLLLoyd Carr)
Beano Cook, although you might lose your hand in there
Skip Bayless
Pete Fuitak over at CFBNews. Useless analyst.
I like Stewie Mandel personally but others don’t, might as well put him on there.
Mark Shapiro, the main reason ESPN sucks as bad as it does - the damage was done on his watch
Sparty.
That creepy Nebraska balloon-boy.
Boiler Pete
Mitch Mustain’s parents
Gary Barnett
Rick Neuheisel
Matthew McCoughnahey -- just watch the friggin game, please
Mike Slive — hey, the BCS commish spot is a rotating gig but you’ve got to take the bad with the good