OKLAHOMA FOOTBALL: ARIA'ING THEIR WAY TO GREATNESS

by Orson on Mar 15, 2007 6:18 AM EDT

Oklahoma soared to a championship in year two under Bob Stoops, got piledrived in two consecutive championship games, and has since spent a good but ungreat three years developing quarterbacks, riding the statistical whiplash of all those early beatdowns of Mack Brown, and earning Boise State Hollywood film rights by enabling their Cinderella story in this year's Fiesta Bowl.

(In fact, open 2007 with the same theme: the quarterback race is "wide open" again, according to Stoops, who acquired his mentor Spurrier's affection for yanking qbs around until one demonstrates an undeniable throttlehold on the job.)

What happened to Maximum Bob and the Sooners? One could credit the Big 12's catch-up to both the offensive and defensive schemes of OU, or the increasingly level regional recruiting field (hello, Mack,) or the malaise of exaggerated expectations necessarily following any championship. Those are all complex explanations requiring pages of analysis, citation, notation, research, and deep thought.

Or you can blame opera. We'd totally rather do that. It completely explains how Jason White ended up with two rusty door hinges from Home Depot for knees.

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Does this mean that all those guys will eventually end up playing beer pong with kids 30 years their junior and mounting unsuccessful runs for governor in Pennsylvania like the most famous football ballerina?

by Tom on Mar 15, 2007 8:29 AM EDT reply actions

That director seemed a little too excited about the football players on stage. Little known fact; Adrien Peterson actually broke his collarbone straining to hit a High C in last year’s production of Tosca.

by ToddlyKSU on Mar 15, 2007 9:49 AM EDT reply actions

Bob Stoops’s philosophy in recruiting castrato singers is three-fold:

1. As eunuchs, these “guys” will focus on football instead of “gettin’ ass”.

2. The Sooners playing the parts of carriage carriers can hit the falsetto sections of the opera which could open up a whole new storyline.

3. What could be bigger than an all Sooner rendition of the show Oklahoma? Tony awards would rain down upon them.

When I think of culture, I think Oklahoma football. Next thing you know the football team will be required to bench pressing with their pinkies extended.

Can someone get a comment from Barry Switzer on this one?

by Mike P. on Mar 15, 2007 10:09 AM EDT reply actions

Barry Switzer was unavailable for comment on this matter. He was busy sending a fruit basket full of $20s to Blaine Gabbert.

by Brewster Crew on Mar 15, 2007 10:56 AM EDT reply actions

It’s either the opera or work at Big Red Imports.

by Orangeblood on Mar 15, 2007 11:15 AM EDT reply actions

They still haven’t caught up to Citadel’s Morris Robinson, who went from being an all-American O-lineman in 1-AA to singing Sarastro in “The Magic Flute” at the Met.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7689767

(What? I guess I’m the only guy here who combines this much love for college football with a subscription to Opera News.)

by DevilGrad on Mar 15, 2007 11:23 AM EDT reply actions

You say that like it’s a bad thing. I mean, I know he ran as a Republican, but it’s not like he beheaded anyone. I think I can speak for the whole Trojan family when I say that we appreciate it when our former football stars don’t behead their spouses.

by DC Trojan on Mar 15, 2007 1:20 PM EDT reply actions