Everyday Should Be Saturday

March 13, 2007

EDSBS LIVE, TONIGHT AT 8:00 PM EST. STUDY GUIDE FOLLOWS.

Every day, we look at ourselves in the mirror and say the same thing: every day we’re getting better and better. And each time, we split our sides with laughter.

It’s a great way to start the day AND it actually applies to EDSBS Radio, the only place discussing wall to wall college football each week during the offseason where you can call in, chat live with your esteemed hosts, and also use the words “fuckin’ goatfucking cockmaster” without getting cens*red in reference to your least favorite coach.

What: EDSBS Radio

When: 8:00 p.m.–9:00 p.m. EST

Where: On the EDSBS channel at Now Live.

How: To call in? (310) 984-7600. You may also register at Now Live and participate in the live chat, where we’ll be taking comments and working them into the broadcast.

Why: Because you, like us, need to confess to the fact that you’re going to tailgate your spring practice game like the desperate, depraved person you truly are.

Who: Peter Bean of Burnt Orange Nation and Orson from this website, along with special guest Ted Miller from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

To prepare ahead of time, your study list appears below. The four questions for this week:

1. What don’t you know about football? Confess your weaknesses, child.

2. What do you pretend to know more about than you actually do? We’ll go ahead and say Gator football history, but that’s actually a very slim volume to study up on in the first place.

3.3. What’s something you could lecture on?(Any topic, really.) We can lecture with authority on several topics.

1. Seasons 1, 2, and 12 of The Real World..

2. The movie Bloodsport. (Featuring Oscar winner Forrest Whittaker.)


“Homoerotic masochism, as each film of the Van Damme oeuvre, is a powerfully rendered motif in Bloodsport.” See?

3. International refugee policy.

4. Steve Spurrier.

4. 4. What’s your Offseason Resolution? By August 2007, I will _____ Ours is to lose the beer weight we put on in 2006 in order to set up an acceptable baseline weight to then build during season 2007.

We’ll hear you tonight.

P.S.: The chat function should be fixed for tonight’s show.



Filed under: Blog Buddies, College football  by Orson Swindle

GATORS, EMBRACE THE FLAKE.

Rare are the people who can, simply by entering a room, force the presentation of their human race membership card to all those assembled. As someone who usually has to do this a few seconds after opening their mouth, we sympathize with our fellow “guests of the human race.”

Rarer still, though, are those who just don’t give a shit about their alien status. Remember the scene in Men In Black where Rip Torn, Tommy Lee Jones, and Will Smith are monitoring aliens living as people? This Sunday we know exactly what they were watching in MiB’s control room. This:

Joakim Noah, though you may not play football, we honor your epic freak-flag weirdness, a level of spaced-out orbital lunacy unseen in college basketball since Bill Walton smoked Marleys after games to “calm down” his raging basketball soul. It is truly your world; we’re just wearing all the boring clothes you don’t want in your wardrobe, sir.



Filed under: Not strictly college football, but funny  by Orson Swindle

SPRING PRACTICE COMPENDIUM: HOT HOT HOT.

Spring practice reports by team leading off with the Hot Hot Hottest team in the land.

Appalachian State! Not division one, sure, but they are opening with Michigan this year. Armanti Edwards has a great, pseudo-fashion-inspired name, but do not fuck with the Mountaineers’ quarterback: he made the hit of the day, leveling cornerback Justin Woazeah on a reverse. Take heed, Wolverines. Take heed.

Florida State: They have like, at least three receivers on the play. FSU’s offense revelling in having plays, a playbook, and schemes involving more than two receivers on a play.

“It’s rectangular, but you can open it up and there’s all this stuff inside,” says backup qb Xavier Lee. “And you won’t believe what the coaches want us to do at the line. It’s nutty. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen at FSU.”

Missouri’s offense: late-blooming. The Tigers’ offense done got blowed up during their practice.

No one rocks your ass like George O’Leary……who rocked it by starting with PATs in UCF’s 2007 spring debut. Fuck yeah!

Georgia may have a wide receiver. Sean Bailey, recovering from injury, has looked sound thus far, giving Georgia something they’ve lacked for a while, a real live wide receiver.

Boise’s qbs in a scrum. Boise’s looking to replace Jared Zabransky, and it’s a three-way fight for the job. Chris Petersen may just solve the whole thing by playing with three qbs in the backfield; he’s the only coach who could actually pull this off, judging from the Fiesta Bowl.

Cal’s practices are closed. And Tightwad Hill could care less, which confirms his status as a real, live Pac-10 football fan. SEC fans would be bribing their Air Force buddy who flies surveillance over Afghanistan to swing halfway around the world on taxpayers’ money to snap a couple of quick shots of that new formation they’re installing up in Knoxville.



Filed under: All-Conference, Atlantic Coast Conference, Big 12 Conference, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Mid Major Conferences, Pacific 10 Conference, Southeastern Conference  by Orson Swindle

EXERCISES YOU CANNOT DO, SIR/MA’AM.

Your name is Hypolite; therefore, you must play offensive line, since your name sounds like something out of 300, or perhaps a new light but wickedly strong polymer fiber used to make racing kayaks. He also plays for Colorado, so continue the 300 theme with Dan “Leonidas” Hawkins running about the place seeing if he can get a well built in the lockerroom to kick people down when he decides to really make a point emphatically.


Buffaloes! Tonight we dine…at Applebee’s!!!

This article on how wickedly strong your local offensive lineman is drives home the point in a number of ways. First, it mentions that OL Hypolite can back squat 665 pounds, best on the Colorado squad, and more weight than you care to think about putting on the frame of your car, much less your spine. It also has the Buff’s Thursday workout, which has our breakfast rising in our throats just looking at it:

* Over Head Squat 3×6
* Hang Clean 6
* Lateral Lung 3×6
* 30 Leg Ext. 3×6
* Bench Press 8
* DB Post Delt 3×6
* DB French Press 3×6
* WTD Inverted Rows 2×10
* Atomic Drop 2×30

Most of these should be self explanatory (the French press is a tricep exercise), however one definitely isn’t: the Atomic Drop. Our crack research skills (Google. What!) got us a good guess, and yippee! it involves Atlas Stones, the same 100 pound rocks the World’s Strongest Men contestants are forever lifting and dropping. Atomic Drops, we guess, are repetitions of lifting over head and dropping to the ground, done in sets of thirty.

Sometimes, this is easier typed than done, as evidenced by this guy who gets pwn3d by the stones with his kids watching.

Good for him, though. We’d crap ourselves trying to do one. Now excuse us, we have a chicken biscuit to go cough up.

P.S. Over/under on comments suggesting that the workout “doesn’t look bad:” four, we’re guessing.



Filed under: Big 12 Conference, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, bamf!, bizarro superman says you're welcome, hangovers of staggering intensity, one rank bull, sports supplements  by Orson Swindle

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