COACHES SHILLING: DAN HAWKINS, THE NEW GUY IN TOWN
by Orson on Mar 12, 2007 2:32 PM EDT
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PrintIt's division one football!!! It's the Big Tweaaaaauuuuhhhlve!!! It's...Dan Hawkins going for the Oscar as a guy ranting and running around his new house in an ad for Qwest Broadband or some other bundle of overpriced media/cable services:
There's nothing overly mockable about the ad, aside from the hypotheticals, of course. What's he pumping his fist for at the end? Surely not Colorado game tape. Likely candidates include a very special episode of Ow! My Ballz!, any scene from Cool Runnings, the dragon fight scene from Red Sonya, or the bit in Black Mama, White Mama where Pam Grier and (Insert hot 70s white chick here) are tied together topless and fistfighting in solitary confinement. (Clip isn't actually that one, and is totally SFW. Sadly.)
At least that's what we cheer like that for.
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At the end Hawkins is celebrating because there’s none of those pesky 1-AA teams on the schedule this year.
http://www.cubuffs.com/SportSelect.dbml?SPSID=3850&SPID=255&DB_OEM_ID=600&Q_SEASON=2007
by Smyth on Mar 12, 2007 2:49 PM EDT reply actions
Are you talking in the phone while watching those scenes or is it more like the scene in 40 Year Old Virgin with you turning around your Albert figurine to keep him from watching you while you’re ’batin.
by Nick on Mar 12, 2007 2:56 PM EDT reply actions
Jesus, Dan… there’s this person, he’s called a BARBER… he cuts your hair so you don’t look like a retarded 9 year old
by cowboycane on Mar 12, 2007 2:58 PM EDT reply actions
He’s telling the person on the other end of the phone to “go play intramurals, brother.”
by Orangeblood on Mar 12, 2007 3:05 PM EDT reply actions
Idaho Vandal makes good on team name:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/football/ncaa/03/10/bc.fbc.idahoplayerarres.ap/index.html
How many FC points for pistol-whipping?
by Orangeblood on Mar 12, 2007 3:15 PM EDT reply actions
Wasn’t Dan Hawkins an assistant coach at Minnesota State? Yeah, I’m sure of it. He’s celebrating finally getting his royalties from The Stand.
http://infinitecoolness.com/galleries/stand/tn_thestand02-067_jpg.jpg
by RedDevilEA on Mar 12, 2007 3:27 PM EDT reply actions
Interesting, Orangeblood…robbery…check that, ARMED ROBBERY with a side of aggravated assault. I’m thinking that’ll carry more than a pair of points.
by Aerobab on Mar 12, 2007 3:40 PM EDT reply actions
I really enjoy it when the mp3 of the Hawkins diatribe pops up on my iTunes.
by Fesser on Mar 12, 2007 3:52 PM EDT reply actions
I just couldn’t imagine a guy coming from Boise State not having that many caucasian walls in his house.
by Mike P. on Mar 12, 2007 3:56 PM EDT reply actions
Pardon the double negative but it’s happy hour here.
by Mike P. on Mar 12, 2007 3:58 PM EDT reply actions
You want us to put the stuff in the toilet on plants?
by letsplaytummysticks on Mar 12, 2007 8:08 PM EDT reply actions
electrolytes – its what plants crave!
And here I was, thinking I was the only person who saw that movie.
by Mike Honcho on Mar 13, 2007 10:12 AM EDT reply actions
kudos to you guys for plugging Idiocracy with the “Ow! My balls!” ref. Great flick… definitely fist pumpable material…..err, you know what I mean.
by keosahawkeye on Mar 13, 2007 10:54 AM EDT reply actions
I also only showed up in comments to praise the Idiocracy reference.
Am I also the only one upset that Yahoo won’t let me name my fantasy team the “Particular Individuals”?
No, just me then?
by Flop on Mar 13, 2007 7:51 PM EDT reply actions
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