Given ample time, we think the laws of physics and parallel universes imply that you could find a video of yourself being concussed by a bloodthirsty safety.

In fact, according to a Scientific American article we skimmed on the toilet one day, there has to be a parallel universe where you’re being killed on a Youtube clip. In fact, there’s one where you’re this Texas Tech wide receiver getting his sternum shattered by a TCU d-back. And that parallel universe utterly sucks for you.