SOOOO HPNOTIQ: WILLEE TUWETAAMAH ENTRZ FLMUR CP.

by Orson on Mar 6, 2007 5:40 PM EST

Willie Tuitama, starting quarterback for the Arizona Wildcats and our "breakout player most likely to be listed on breakout player lists both this year and next year," enters Arizona into the Fulmer Cup with a deft bit of DUI dodging Tuitama and company parlayed into a much more innocuous Minor In Possession charge.

Tuitama and company were spotted peeling out of a parking lot in a Black Tahoe last Saturday night. When the officer doing the spotting caught up with the car, it was parked, empty, and locked with its passengers standing around it. The officer requested a look-see at the two suspicious bottles on the seat visible inside the car, but with the keys mysteriously gone, the bottles could not be examined. Fast-forward two hours:

The officer met Tuitama at his car 2 1/2 hours later, where Tuitama gave the officer a 1.75-liter bottle of brandy that was one-third full and a half-full 750-milliliter bottle of Hpnotiq liqueur. The contents of both bottles were poured out and later disposed of at UAPD headquarters.

Hitting the Hp' and the Hen' on the highway yields Tuitama and the Wildcats one single point in the Fulmer Cup, and likely earned the UAPD one cranium-splintering hangover from the "disposal" of the contraband. Just as well for Tuitama; all the playaz for real drink Donaghy Estates Sparkling Wine now.

Ghostface Killah: strictly drinkin' the JD, even if Robert Parker says it's "satan's urine after a hefty dose of asparagus."

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Only one point, eh? Just like Arizona’s football team: even in a moment of their most glorious triumph, they’re still in last place.

by Big Jon on Mar 6, 2007 5:54 PM EST reply actions

I’m sure he’ll lose in court. After all, he’s in Tucson. They don’t know anything about defense there. Or winning, for that matter.

God, there’s just so many. I could go on for days.

by Big Jon on Mar 6, 2007 5:54 PM EST reply actions

Where was Ridikolus when all this mess went down?

by Dinknflicka on Mar 6, 2007 6:03 PM EST reply actions

Hypnotiq and brandy—that’s (ghetto) Incredible Hulk! Bad hangovers indeed.

by rob on Mar 6, 2007 7:09 PM EST reply actions

As of last Monday I’m looking for a way to parlay a DUI into an MIP. Only problem? I’m 26. Fuck.

by PJ on Mar 6, 2007 7:39 PM EST reply actions

I hate hip hop.

I assure you those guys couldn’t appreciate a good French wine.

Also, I love Dane Cook. Wonderful!

Have a nice weekend!

by Pat on Mar 6, 2007 8:36 PM EST reply actions

Ah, hypnotiq. Reminds me of swilling that and other crap down in the dorm room while trading ethnic jokes with the six-five black guy from down the hall. Somehow, no one died.

by Rusty on Mar 7, 2007 4:59 AM EST reply actions

What’s the word? Thunderbird! Here here to the hobo wines.

by Brian on Mar 7, 2007 8:46 AM EST reply actions

Rob,

Being white and drinking the Incredible Hulk puts me into a rare category. Let’s say it was the drunkest guy at the party.

Let’s also say that being dressed like snoop dogg and almost getting into a fight with James Brooks didn’t happen.

Fun night. I claimed that Hypnotiq was the Alize of 2004 to all my friends. Not one single person got it.

by Odell 51 on Mar 7, 2007 8:57 AM EST reply actions

"satan’s urine after a hefty portion of asparagus" was a rare must-pause-the-TiVo-to-recover-before-watching-more moment. I can’t believe how funny Alec Baldwin is in that show. I avoided it for months because of the lame promos, but then caught one largely by accident, and knew they were on to something. Of course, it will probably get cancelled now. I’m still pissed about “Day Break”.

by HFS on Mar 7, 2007 10:54 AM EST reply actions

For the record, it was the DE, Donaghee Estates, not the JD. Unless you meant Jack Daniels, in that case it tastes more like Charlie Daniels’s urine after asparagus.

by Chili on Mar 7, 2007 11:29 AM EST reply actions

Yay, a “30 Rock” reference! I’m so excited! I may be getting overstimulated, though — I might need someone to come over here and sit on me.

by Doug on Mar 7, 2007 12:51 PM EST reply actions

Rusty – he was taking notes. I assure you, when the revolution comes, you and Robert Byrd will be the first crackers against the wall.

by Out of Conference on Mar 7, 2007 1:16 PM EST reply actions

Uh-oh, the crab’s getting aroused. Shut it down. Shut it down!

by HFS on Mar 7, 2007 1:52 PM EST reply actions

It must be a right of passage at the UA for a sports star to get a DUI or MIP. Besides, we all know that the Tucson police slap those things around like doctors give out lolly pops….

by Matt on Mar 8, 2007 2:06 PM EST reply actions