Blogtoberfest: Because we’re raving like Ahhnold.

Non-broken bones work so much better than the broken ones. Obligatory pic indicating a West Virginia story:

Steve Slaton is discovering the joys of unbroken bones in his right hand.

“I’ll be 10 times better without [the broken bone],” Slaton, a consensus All-American at tailback as a sophomore, said after an indoor practice yesterday to open the West Virginia Mountaineers’ spring workouts. “You can only do so much with one hand.”

Steve Slaton, now back with dual kung-fu grip after off-season surgery to repair a broken bone in his right hand. Dave Wannstedt will have to reiterate his advice to his Pitt defense last year to “get faster” against West Virginia if Slaton’s truly back at 100%.

Mike Garrett never, ever loses a game. His football team’s players do, however. Scott over at the Fanhouse illustrates the positive, uplifting motivational tactics used by USC AD Mike Garrett. Keep in mind that Garrett said this after his Trojans lost to Football Jesus (a.k.a. Vince Young) and the Texas Longhorns in the national title game, not after they dropped a friendly against Portland State preseason. The JD in question is John David Booty, current USC qb; the quoted is brother Josh Booty.

Garrett came into the locker room after the game and looked at JD and said ‘We don’t lose football games here at ‘SC.’ And he looked right at JD and said ‘Don’t ever lose a game here.’ That was a tough one for JD to swallow, I know that.

Mike Garrett also never loses his keys–his wife merely misplaces them. And the five pounds he put on over the holidays? Fuckin’ dryer’s shrinking his expensive slacks again. We won’t even talk about how his wife isn’t hot enough to, you know, “get him in the mood” anymore. He blames society.

Quakers predictably settle dispute peacefully. Guilford College, the tiny Quaker college where three Palestinian students were allegedly assaulted by six Guilford football players, is coming close to working out the whole affair peacefully, of course. Apologies have been made by almost all of the players, and the only charges faced by any of the players could likely be “ethnic intimidation.”

We have no idea what the legal definition of ethnic intimidation is, but we know what it looks like for Caucasians: the most intimidatingly honkyite whitey McWhitestein to ever grace a football field. A man so white, we feel practically Asian in the presence of his image.

Danny Wuerffel


Makes us feel like turning in our gwailo card: Danny Wuerffel.

The MAC still can’t count. Deadspin’s all over the MAC’s scheduling misery. As a point of pride, we’d like to point out that DevilGrad eviscerated the rotten math of Rick Chryst’s scheduling long before any of us even saw it coming.

CWCID: [NAME REDACTED] kicks off the two Illini players accused of running a burglary ring. Contrary to what you might expect, he was not excited about it, did not see things getting better and better, and decided that the problems were not correctable after all. [/[NAME REDACTED-speak]]

I’m in the pool right now. NCAA 2007: it’s coming. BAH buh BAH bah bah baaaaa…..