A short but sweet entry from the mighty MAC, who with Ohio’s frenetic work have already made a huge impact in the 2007 Fulmer Cup: Bowling Green’s Nate Waldron is picked up for bar brawlin’ outside a North Street Bar, earning Bowling Green a point for fightin’ in a drunken state. (HT:Devil Grad.)

Upgrades available should felony-grade details emerge, or if he threw someone through a plate glass window, something we’ll call the “80s Brawling Finish,” since every action movie for ten years or so had to have a scene where someone got tossed through a plate glass window onto the pavement. They have to emerge unmussed and without a spot of blood on them, of course, and be completely fine after a few vigorous shakes of head. Otherwise, no dice.

Like sax solos, crashing through windows only lives on in Walker, Texas Ranger reruns.

Via Losers with Socks and the Wizard of Odds: this year’s Wonderlic wunderkind hits a bit close to home, if rumor is to be believed. Chris Leak, walking under Jamarcus Russell and and under Brady Quinn’s huuuuuge pectoral muscles to get to the classroom, allegedly racked up a whopping ocho on the Wonderlic test, the professional football equivalent to an IQ test. (For those not in the know, ocho is Finnish for ‘not good.’)

Is Chris Leak Like Cameron Diaz in ‘In Her Shoes’? Pretty and literacy-problematic?

Remember that last year agents were having kittens over Vince Young scoring a six? This story is like that, but instead of a first-rounder, it’s over Chris Leak, a prospect whose most optimistic supporters would be thrilled at a solid NFL Europe run followed by a steady Arena Ball career. Leak clocked a 4.7 instead of his vaunted 4.5 (a number no one believed anyway,) measured up at sub six feet, and now racked up a number that, while still above this year’s low of 4 (some poor Iowa State running back, presumably caught in a revolving door at this very moment coming out of his hotel in Indianapolis,) reeks of “literacy problems.”

Could it be true? Sure. Leak had trouble reading defenses, didn’t blow doors on the SAT, and majored in the subject that gives Auburn Academic All-Americans: sociology. It’s entirely possible he got that score, as anyone who saw the pick at the 2:00 mark in the video below can attest.

Antwain Robinson can believe it, sure. But the test itself might have been a bit unfair to Leak, as the Wonderlic famously preys on its takers’ insecurities. It can be a veritable psychological torture run for players, and for a player known to shudder under pressure, it may have been too much for Leak. Just take a look at the EDSBS exclusive copy of the Wonderlic Leak took:
(more…)

Yeah, it’s early…but how can one sleep after looking at Eva Green’s dress at the Oscars, which didn’t resemble a dress so much as a dress that had, after suffering grievous injury, been covered in several rolls of cheap gauze after suffering severe burns. Either that, or the oft-naked Green appeared naked at the Oscars sporting one wicked fungal skin condition.

Eva Green, seen here wearing the sewn-together corpse of three disparate dresses, is often naked in her movies.

We’re pounding Two Buck Chuck right now (curiously sold for three dollars at our local Green’s Liquor) trying to get the vision out of our head. Call it alcoholism, but at least we have bad Oscar dresses to blame. Poor University of Georgia naif Akeem Hebron has no such excuse–he was arrested for underage possession of alcohol at 7:59 a.m. Sunday morning in Athens.

Hebron may additionally claim in his debut rap jam that his party indeed does not stop ’til eight in the mownin’.

The score gives the Bulldogs their entry in the Fulmer Cup with one point,, and is indicative of the down-home variety misdemeanors cuddly Georgia tends to rack up in college football’s second most dubious award. (The first? Troy Smith, Gino Torretta, and, um…Danny Wuerffel.) Bulldog fans take solace in the fact that this did not involve the perennial bugbear of UGA football players, the suspended license charge, and that Mudcat Elmore’s cursed car was not involved.

We’re spent. In between watching the Reno:911 movie tonight and working up next week’s bushel of “content” for you, we’ll be busier than a weasel with five asses.

However, we would like to remind what you’re missing by not watching every installment of Univision’s Republica Deportiva. Watch the clip below; why Fox isn’t already doing this for every sport is inexplicable. What’s keeping them from doing it: dignity?

Por favor.

And now, blogAmerica’s fourth favorite minigame within a larger game show…

Brian has part one up at MGoBlog, where we discovered that the 6995 listed in the logo equals the approximate number of signed letters of intent collected by Oregon State over the past five years. That’s the entire point of the exercise, really: to find out which schools are tossing out the most promises they can’t keep, or via a less cynical line of thinking, taking the most chances on recruits with a high probability of spraining their cerebrums and not qualifying for their scholarship.

Notes:

All numbers come from Rivals.com. Scout’s numbers differ by degrees and are a bit lower, so in an effort to be comprehensive, we went with Rivals’ numbers.

Transfers and JUCOs are not included. Doesn’t show up in Rivals, but the omission has a minimizing effect on total skeeziness/risk-friendliness perception of school, anyway.

The Indonesian Ferryman Award is given to the school that, like a speed-addled Indonesian ferry captain who hasn’t slept for three weeks and is on deadline, will take on too many passengers and then begin pushing the extras overboard when others clamor for seats.

The Mr. Chips Award for Academic Integrity is given to the goody-goody schools offering no more than their allotment adding up to 85, or even more prissily offering fewer than their allotment just to earn extra brownie points with Dean Wormer.

We’ve got the ACC, Big East, and lastly the SEC, ridin’ dirty and doing so shamelessly. (We think there’s reasons for this not including the facile “So Everyone Cheats” argument, but will hold ’till later. Though there’s certainly a bit of that going on, though not where you would suspect. (Cough cough Tennessee cough.)

First, the ACC:

To our surprise, the ACC boasted the lowest number of scholarships offered of any of the major conferences, thus earning the All-Conference Mr. Chips Award for Academic Integrity by holding at a six-year average of twenty-two scholarships offered a year.

The Indonesian Ferryman Award for the ACC goes to North Carolina, (more…)

After a sluggish start, the Fulmer Cup gains steam nationwide. Our West Coast entry comes courtesy of the University of Washington Huskies’ running back Michael Houston, who found the act of driving an automobile so stressful, he was forced to consume some relaxing alcohol prior to travel. He also neglected to ask permission to take the vehicle, which is somehow not stealing at all. (Lawyers! explain, please.)

Scotch: driving’s best friend.

Stick around for the kicker tag at the end of this graf:

Huskies running back Michael Houston has been formally charged with “taking a motor vehicle without permission in the second degree” and driving while intoxicated. He will be arraigned Monday in King County Superior Court where he will likely enter a plea of not guilty. If convicted, he could face up to two months in jail.

Last October, Houston was suspended from the team after being arrested for allegedly stealing a taxi cab after a night at a strip club.

If we had a puppy for every time we’d stolen a cab after a long night at the strip club, we’d be completely puppy-less. We know that strange predilections surface when people get trashed. In fact, we’ve known people who like to steal hats, other people’s pants, and fight with shrubbery when drunk.

Taxi cabs, though, represent a new low in unbrained drunken behavior. First, they’re bright yellow, and impossible to hide. Second, they have ID numbers written all over them. Third, they smell odd under the best of circumstances. And fourth, they usually come with a driver attempting to pay his/her rent using it, a person who will probably be very reluctant to give the cab up without a fight.

Total points: Two for the moment. We reserve the right to upgrade if tales of shennanigans surface.

Ty Willingham has suspended Houston pending the “outcome of the legal process.” He would also like you to know that he just birdied number 5 at Washington National, and that his short game has really tightened up over the winter.

Molder of men! Tamer of tenacious roughs!

Spring practice still miles away, with proverbial Auburn starter leading the way, right, practicing while there’s still frost on the cowflop at the Barn? No. This year’s early starter is Tennessee. How early?

Oh, try yesterday.

Phil couldn’t wait ’til March to rock.

Fulmer Cup updates for your stuck-at-work-ass:

Big Blue in the ’80s. Microsoft in the go-go nineties. We’re feeling the Mad Money funk when we say that no one, no one, and we mean no one has been more consistently reliable in Fulmer Cup race than steady yet spectacular Ohio University. Though robbed of a championship last year thanks to slow but impressive work by Marshall, they open scoring with a flurry of activity just now summarized for your perusal in the Athens News. (HT: Devil Grad and Chuck.)

A fight at a local Wendy’s involving two Ohio players sounds as if it were ripped straight from Ricky Manning’s Guide To Random Social Interactions:

A witness who identified Hodge to police officers said Tuesday that Hodge and Hubbard acted drunk and belligerent inside the fast-food restaurant. The witness, who was interviewed by police and filled out a witness statement, asked not to be identified for this story to avoid any repercussions.

“Ernie was up in this punkish-looking guy’s face,” the witness recalled. “Ernie pushed him, and the guy fell into tables at Wendy’s. Ernie punched him, and then (Hubbard) punched him.”

Ricky Manning, nerd-beater, surely approves.

Adding up the charges summarized in the crack article from the News:

Ernie Hodge, freshman DL: obstructing official business and underage consumption. Two points.

Horace Hubbard, freshman DL: fifth-degree felony vandalism. Reader Chuck notes, and does so rather excitedly: “Added bonus: three days before the vandalism incident, Hubbard was cited for possession of marijuana.” The charges combine for two points, since a fifth-degree felony is really like a third-degree compliment, really.

Marcellis Williamson, freshman DL: Charged with possession of paraphernalia, driving under suspension, and a headlight infraction. We’ll call that two points, since busted taillights aren’t really all that bad. (Can you tell we have one right now? Of course you can.)

Ohio leaps in with a six point weekend, taking this whole shebang by the short hairs for now. Scoreboard of sorts to come tomorrowish.

Wisconsin offensive coordinator Paul Chryst, architect of one of the Big Ten’s most powerful and righteous offenses, will remain with the Badgers after a brief flirtation with the Dallas Cowboys.

Badgers head coach Bret Bielema said one of the following quotes regarding Chryst’s anticipated and much-welcomed return. Pick the right quote, and win an EDSBS prize!*

“We love him. Unconditionally. We think the guy walks on water.”

“He does the work of…well, not two people. It’s more like he’s three guys wrapped up in one for us.”

“If he left, we were going to blame the usual suspects. By that, I mean the Jews, of course.”

“”I’m very pleased Paul will be staying with our program,” Badgers coach Bret Bielema said in a statement. “It’s a testament to all he has done here that an organization like the Cowboys would be interested in him.”

“Chryst working for the Cowboys? Did you see what God did to Tony Romo? No way he’s working for them.”

Wisconsin: Chryst returning. Repent, heathens.

*The official EDSBS Esteem and Respect Prize. Cash value? Zero or less.

Paraphrasing Brian during what he called our “heated” discussion on SEC recruiting practices: what does happen to the guys in an SEC recruiting class (or by extension, any college football recruit pool) who sign a letter of intent but don’t complete their full term of eligibility? “They’re probably not going to Harvard,” was Brian’s quote.

A transfer to Bethune-Cookman may not be Harvard…but their band whips the Crimson’s ass.

Well, if they’re not joining the melange of cash-bleeding legacies, genuine braniacs, and token Hollywood admissions on famous scholarships at dear old Harvard, where do football recruits who sign letters of intent end up if not at Senior Day holding mom’s hand in front of eighty thousand witnesses?

We looked at Florida’s ‘02 and ‘03 classes to outline the eccentric, unpredictable, and as often equally mundane fates of [NAME REDACTED]’s prize recruiting classes. Real life and a modicum of research will always upset your assumptions, and this was no exception to that rule.

Class of 2002: 21 signees.

Not a jumbo-sized class by any stretch of the imagination for Florida. (Tennessee signed 87 recruits this year in comparison. Look it up–it’s in the Bible.) We’ll begin by counting the players who actually finished their eligibility, a different concept than “graduated,” mind you, but for simplicity’s sake we’ll leave it there for now.

Remember: this is more about how many scholarship athletes will actually get their four years of commitment honored, and not about graduation rates since we’re trying to get a quick-slice look at how scrupulous or unscrupulous a university is being by offering large numbers of scholarships to academically sketchy kids. (And there are a few in here, by the way.)

Guys who actually finished eligibility:

Nick Brooks: Finished eligibility. Never really made an impact of any sort.

Jemalle Cornelius: outstanding slot wideout on national champs. (more…)