Remember the final scene in Saving Private Ryan, where the old Ryan looks at his wife and asks her to “tell me I’ve been a good man.” We ask ourselves that question every single day, often over inane things like overuse of office paperclips, interactions with total strangers in traffic (was that a yield? And for me, or them?), and our treatment of animals. (“Definitely neglected the dog by walking them for only twenty minutes today.)

Most days, we’re pretty sure we come out on the high side of decent. However, once we saw this on Have You Met Tony? today, the ledger for February 28th, 2007 must lean into the “nay” category for our own daily Private Ryan rating. We blame society, and are entering rehab for finding glee in the following sports-related name.

Here goes:

Yourhighness Morgan is fortunate. Others…not.