WELCOME TO THE SI SWIMSUIT PARTY! GAMMA GLOBULIN SHOOTERS FOR EVERYONE!
The SI Swimsuit Party this year came with a very special extra parting gift: a possible exposure to Hep A. We realized there were going to be cuts at CNNSI…but really, there’s far easier ways to do it. Like Sarin gas, for example. That shit works. (HT: RCR.)
Commenter Ragin Cajun Rebel points out the connection between Jenn Sterger being hired to write for SI On Campus and the Hep A exposure, but we actually think Sterger’s blameless here. She’s too busy giving thinly veiled public glimpses into her fractured psyche motivational speeches to thrilled on-campus audiences nationwide.
I paid for these boobs. Me. Not dad. Well, there’s one to grow on.
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1
Law Devil says:
Elective surgery = elective is a choice … seems logical.
Next Jenn will explain that we should put our trash in the trash can, she can’t stress that enough.
February 28th, 2007 at 10:30 am
2
rob says:
ALMOST felt sorry for her till I heard this line-”($11000) Boobs were way cheaper than a car, by the way.”
February 28th, 2007 at 10:35 am
3
MCab says:
My mom overheard me listening to her soliloquoy. Get on your knees, b/c Leila (my mom) has spoken:
“Too much bull, not enough essence. (goes on to impersonate some cackling South American bird)”
February 28th, 2007 at 10:43 am
4
AUAlum says:
When I clicked on the link, I thought it would describe how Puck from the Real World gave everybody the Hep.
February 28th, 2007 at 11:06 am
5
Phil K. says:
“alas”
Tagged perfectly.
February 28th, 2007 at 11:08 am
6
jbob says:
YOU may not think it makes you shallow, Jenn. We know differently.
February 28th, 2007 at 11:34 am
7
Doug says:
Idunno. She actually came across as a lot more intelligent in that video than I was expecting.
That said, I have to ask whether getting boob implants was really the “best” decision she ever made. I mean, if she went back through her life and really tried, I bet she could come up with a decision that might be a little better/more significant than that. Joining up with SI.com? Going to FSU instead of immediately running off to Hollywood? Buying a Volvo instead of a Chevy? I mean, don’t sell yourself short.
February 28th, 2007 at 11:38 am
8
miker says:
where do you find a video like this?
February 28th, 2007 at 11:39 am
9
DC Trojan says:
It’s just as well she didn’t get the implants to boost her self-esteem, because it doesn’t seem to have worked.
February 28th, 2007 at 11:56 am
10
Geaux Irish says:
Jenn, please get off the bitter bus. Your boyfriend broke up with you a long time ago. Get over it. Everyone has break ups.
By the way, Jenn, that multiple personality thing you’ve got going on (”Jenn Sterger” vs. “Jenn the Cowgirl”), really, that won’t mess you up mentally or emotionally later in life. No, really, you’ll be just fine.
Twit.
February 28th, 2007 at 11:58 am
11
Orangeblood says:
Did someone pull a Tyler Durden and pee in the gumbo?
February 28th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
12
Rusty says:
Another delightful example of the fact that no matter how hard you try, you can’t fix crazy.
February 28th, 2007 at 12:11 pm
13
Gator KK says:
11 fucking grand for the overinflated basketball look?
Oh wait, we shouldn’t knock-er. Hey-o!!!!!
February 28th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
14
Signal to Noise says:
I’d still hit it. But I think I’d make sure to “forget” to call afterwards for #12’s reason.
February 28th, 2007 at 1:00 pm
15
sb says:
Ah, the Jenn strikes again…reminds me of the fractured logic a married woman once used in explaining to me why having sex with a non- spouse for procreation was not adultery while having sex with the same non-spouse for recreation was adultery…I refused her offer, but for reasons other than the sex…
Gotta admit though, she certainly is entertaining in a “car wreck” sort of way…hard not to look as you go past, but you’re sure glad you’re not stopped.
February 28th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
16
Mr. Wrong says:
#11
You don’t wanna know what’s in the Clam Chowder.
February 28th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
17
Spanky says:
“I didn’t have self esteem issues, I just wanted them.” Jenn Sterger
February 28th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
18
49thStateFootball says:
I don’t get it. When does she take her top off?
February 28th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
19
PeteJayhawk says:
where do you find a video like this?
Never heard of YouTube, bub?
February 28th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
20
the walrus says:
I’m at work, so I can’t watch this with sound. After watching this five times, four of them looking for glimpses of the stuffed baseballs in that tiny bebe top, I decided to only watch her eyes.
This woman is lost.
Maybe she should try Harri Krishner.
February 28th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
21
Orangeblood says:
If it’s gonna be THAT kinda party, then I’m gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes!
February 28th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
22
Lifelong Irish says:
This blog is so funny! Not only the content but the responses are hilarious. I thought I had some wit but I am a hack compared to the brilliance of EDSBS.
By the way, I lived in Jacksonville for a few years which only served to stoke the flames of hatred I had for the Gators and their Middleburg minions but this blog has doused that animosity into a smoldering pile during the off season.
February 28th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
23
sb says:
Hey Lifelong…go easy on the Middleburg/Jacksonville comments. Alot of the wit you see here percolated in just those same steamy, sun drenched pine-barrens. Besides, we switched the morning aroma of paper mills for the wind-dependent whiff of roasting coffee…an upgrade in anyone’s book.
February 28th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
24
sb says:
Oh, and you can keep those smoldering piles elsewhere, thankyou.
February 28th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
25
BarefeetBob says:
#7. She comes off as far from intelligent. Articulate, yes; intelligent, no freaking way.
I just hope she passes that correspondence sourse this Summer, so I can tour the value of a degree from FreeShoeU
February 28th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
26
CH says:
Articulate?!!! Arrrr-fucking-ticulate? Count the number of times she says “like” during her “speech”.
She reminds me of the “drunk girl at the party” from Family Guy. “This song is about MEEEE”, she cries, moments before vomitting all over herself and passing out in a violent, horrific heap atop her tears and the stereo. Poor dove.
February 28th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
27
AllWhoYonder says:
Okay, I think we’ve made some *great* progress today, but our time is up now, Jenn, so just make sure you leave your check with the receptionist. Don’t forget to take your pills; I know we’ve had some issues with that lately. Same time next week? Great…
February 28th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
28
Bill says:
so, if she’s got $11k on her chest……….i’m thinking there’s got to be a ‘money shot’ joke there somewhere…..
February 28th, 2007 at 7:48 pm
29
One More Dying Quail says:
Wait, I’m confused…
Was that really supposed to be a motivational speech?
Because the only motivation I got from it was to go Google “Jenn Sterger” and “Playboy”.
Again.
February 28th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
30
danh says:
This is why ball gags were invented.
February 28th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
31
Matt says:
Can Jen’s Dad pay for a PR person? What a Maroon!
February 28th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
32
Matt says:
“I dig my tits. Best investment I ever made! And f*ck all you tools trying to use me for empowering my tits. “
February 28th, 2007 at 8:58 pm
33
Kecalf Bailey says:
I, too, feel the pain of having too many people want to be my friend….
heavy is the crown, jenn, heavy is the crown.
February 28th, 2007 at 9:20 pm
34
Hook'em Tide says:
How can she say she didn’t get them for self-esteem issues when she had just said “If they give me more confidence, then that’s fine!”
HYPO…..CRIT……E
March 1st, 2007 at 1:07 am
35
the walrus says:
Upon further review (with sound):
I was waiting for the part where she yanks out a picture of the pope from her clevage and says “This is the real enemy.”
Either that or yanking out a picture of her old boyfriend and asking where he is, so she can find closure on the relationship, with stabbing knifes.
March 1st, 2007 at 8:29 am
36
GamecockTony says:
I can’t hear the video at work so can somebody explain to me what Soleil Moon Frye is speaking about?
March 1st, 2007 at 11:37 am
37
the walrus says:
The jist of the video dialogue:
You and your friend are at a bar, and see a blonde and a burnette sitting alone. Your buddy calls dibs on the blonde, but both are acceptably railable. The blonde is the fun happy outgoing girl of the two, the burnette is the one with major self-esteem and indenity issues. She talks about her past boyfriend with enough hurt scorn to make that plastic knife looks dangerous, then mentions her bewbies are enhanced with the money she set aside for a car.
Your friend is having a blast, you however are watching a living train wreck, hoping you can bang her tonight, and grow a full beard and mustache tomarrow morning as you sneak out of her place.
That’s the jist of the dialogue.
March 1st, 2007 at 12:06 pm
38
tOSUBuckeyes says:
One question. If dating is not an option, what is an option? 11K on a pair, there has to be options.
YouTube ruins yet another fantasy – I loved looking at the “Cowgirl” pictures, but this chick who seems to have an answer for everything is just annoying.
Oh yeah, exactly how did she pony up that 11K? Or were they financed and then paid off after the Playboy or Maxim spread?
If that’s the case, would it be more accurate to say, these boobs paid for themselves?
It’s kind of like my college education, I didn’t pay cash up front, I took out a loan, worked my ass off for 5 years, landed a sweet gig and it paid for my education, hence my education paid for itself. I figured an FSU grad would grasp that concept.
March 1st, 2007 at 7:42 pm
39
jason says:
You don’t know many FSU grads, do ya?
March 2nd, 2007 at 7:46 pm
40
MCab says:
How did she pay for them? Did she get a loan? Loved to see how she explained that to the loan officer. Wait, no I don’t . . .
March 3rd, 2007 at 12:36 am
41
Hawkeye Dan says:
“How about going to FSU instead of immediately running off to Hollywood?”
I don’t think she’s really Hollywood material.
San Fernando Valley is more like it..
March 3rd, 2007 at 9:34 pm