EDSBS RADIO: A STUDY GUIDE.
ANOTHER IMPORTANT AS HELL ANNOUNCEMENT!!! GIMME A FUCKIN’ SIREN!!!
Dorking out to unacceptable degrees on the fact that tonight we’ll be launching our career as a 456-pound sports talk host tonight. (We’ve got the show thing down–now time to start pounding the cheesecake to build ourselves a proper gunt.)
The particulars:
How to listen:: EDSBS Radio. Like you’ve got anything better to do, so click on this link to listen.
When: 8:00 EST–9:00 EST.
How to participate in a thrillingly interactive online community: To call in, you mean? But of course. Live calling is a feature on BlogTalkRadio, and you should call in. In fact, we’ll be having a contest to see who can make the most cliched sports talk radio call-in tomorrow night.
The number: (718) 664-6532
We’ll hopefully have a few surprise guests along the way. Click the banner below to go to our channel.
Ripping off our favorite radio show of all time, we’re taking The Bottom Line’s “Five Questions segment and making it…well, quality stolen property. Our five questions for the geeks who like time to prepare:
1. Make one prediction about next season pulled straight from the deepest recesses of your ass.
2. Who’s your shameshag? Someone keeps telling us that, for example, Christiane Amanpour is not hot. They are wrong, of course, but this would for a normal person constitute a “shameshag,” the celebrity only you find irresistable.
There’s something about a woman in a safari jacket who speaks Arabic.
3. Tweak one thing about college football. Prohibiting the wearing of pants on Erin Andrews does not count. Okay, it might.
4. Hire one coach, fire one coach. Simple enough.
5. Sweaters with ties: yes or no? It was our new year’s resolution to wear more sweaters with ties. What are your feelings here?
We’ll hear from all fifteen of you tonight. ‘Till then, we’re off the grid.
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1
George says:
I’ve been pro-Amanpour for at least five years! Five yearsI say!
And in fact, using that logic and my current age, she may have been my very first sexual attraction. A scary, mannish though, that.
February 27th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
2
George says:
Wow, I’m sorry for the grammar. I was excited about the thought of Amanpour cheesecake.
That should read “years I say” and “mannish thought, that”
Apologies all around.
February 27th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
3
Signal to Noise says:
Count me in as pro-Amanpour.
I chalk it up to two things:
1) British accent.
2) Christiane routinely visits and reports from very questionable and hazardous parts of the world. Danger sex: hot.
Of course, you can get the same things in a slightly younger and much blonder package — there’s Lara Logan.
February 27th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
4
PeterPumpkinhead says:
“Ripping off our favorite radio show of all time, we’re taking The Bottom Line’s “Five Questions segment and making it…well, quality stolen property. ”
Remember Orson, Pablo Picasso said that good artists immitate, but great artists steal.
My Five (since I’m not likely to be able to call in during the show)…
1. Iowa State wins 10 games and takes the Big 12 North (talkin upper intestinal there)
2. Allison Janney
3. TV timeouts only during qtr breaks and halftime
4. Chan Gailey – fired, Bill Curry – hired (by some small school in the northwest, so I don’t ever have to see him on TV again)
5. Sweaters, ok… sweater vests, NO NO NO
February 27th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
5
Ted Ginn did Everythin' says:
Orson–I always knew you were a Tressel disciple. Welcome aboard, sir.
February 27th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
6
Stranko Montana says:
I have also heard stories of Amanpour’s journalistic prowess during the Iraq war which should add to her mystique from people who came across her in dangerous places at late hours (and the NYT was apparently bitching about why they were being scooped by Amanpour and blaming preferential treatment).
February 27th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
7
jon says:
Sorry to do this as a meme, but the tumors of real life intervene with the listening or calling this evening:
1) The three finalists for the Heisman Trophy will be Steve Slaton, Brian Brohm, and Darren McFadden, but it will be to no avail, as Orgeron will storm the building and forcibly mate with the trophy as a drunken Paul Hornung giggles feverishly and insisting that this is the kind of athlete Notre Dame needs to recruit.
2) Jane Kaczmarek (sp?) from Malcolm in the Middle
3) Aside from a pantsless Ms. Andrews…. um, what was the question? And aside from obvous playoff considerations and the retarded clock rules, I would like some sort of levelling/standardizing of conference size. 8 team Big East vs. 12 team ACC or SEC makes it awfully hard to judge apples to apples in the BCS.
4) Replace Bobby Bowden with Mike Leach. Let captain Arrrgh have a crack at killing with Florida Speed-bots.
5) Sweaters and ties are only for Church, tOSU coaches and eastern prep school kids with name like Thibault Smedley IV.
Good luck with the show
February 27th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
8
jon says:
#4 +1 for Alison Janney. She makes me tingle
February 27th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
9
Newspaper Hack says:
1. Tennessee’s “new look” offense flames out worse than that shoulder-fired missile from a couple posts back. The Vols only win seven games, but thanks to ESPN, still go to a bowl (Nashville, or Memphis, probs).
2. Holly Rowe, lawya.
3. Cut the number of bowl games by half. No team that receives less than seven wins should go to a bowl, and most seven-win teams don’t deserve a postseason.
4. Fire Karl Dorrell, hire Frank Solich. Seriously — Frank Solich in L.A. Think about the fun.
5. No. A proper gent wears his tie with a quality shirt (preferably Brooks Brothers) and a well-made sport/suit coat.
February 27th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
10
Will says:
1. Arkansas leads the SEC in passing, and wins the SEC Title.
2. That British crumpet you had a few weeks ago. No one should be bagging a woman over 40, except a man over 80.
3. Mandate that television timeouts must happen half as frequently in the final 5 minutes of each half.
4. Hire Tom Osborne’s zombie corpse to resurrect Nebraska football; fire The Orgeron, before he kills someone, eats their liver, and dumps the body in the bayou…oh hell. Too late already. By the way, has anyone seen Brent Schaeffer lately?
5. Sweaters with ties: yes or no? It was our new year’s resolution to wear more sweaters with ties. What are your feelings here?
February 27th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
11
Will says:
1. Arkansas leads the SEC in passing, and wins the SEC Title.
2. That British crumpet you had a few weeks ago. No one should be bagging a woman over 40, except a man over 80.
3. Mandate that television timeouts must happen half as frequently in the final 5 minutes of each half.
4. Hire Tom Osborne’s zombie corpse to resurrect Nebraska football; fire The Orgeron, before he kills someone, eats their liver, and dumps the body in the bayou…oh hell. Too late already. By the way, has anyone seen Brent Schaeffer lately?
5. Sweaters with ties: No.
February 27th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
12
Signal to Noise says:
Forgot to answer the questions:
1. Illinois and [NAME REDACTED] are actually competitive.
2. I second the Jane Kaczmarek in #7.
3. All conferences are required to have championship games.
4. Can Dan Hawkins for the return of Rick Neuheisel (material for eons).
5. Sweaters with ties are OK. Sweater vests with ties = HELL NO.
February 27th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
13
Annonymous says:
1. Notre Dame gets ranked based on the skills of their players, and does not get rewarded or discriminated against based on what happened 64 years ago.
2. Drew Barrymore – I don’t understand why so few of my friends want to play with her naughty parts
3. End zone celebrations – if they are good, the team should not get punished. If they suck, or are derivative of something someone in the NFL did, 25 yard penalty.
4. Fire – Charlie Weis – seriously, dude had gastric by-pass and still weighs that much. He’s going to croak with all the pressure that comes with an ND job, and he’s got two young kids to take care of. Hire – John L. Smith – I think college football’s entertainment factor dipped a little when he was fired.
5. Only if you are the devil…or in league with the devil.
February 27th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
14
Big Jon says:
1.) Nebraska QB Sam Keller gets invited to the Downtown Athletic Club in early December. Doesn’t necessarily win, but gets invited.
2.) Charli Turner-Thorne, Arizona State’s women’s basketball coach.
3.) Either mandate or outlaw conference championship games. I don’t care which one, just come to a concensus.
4.) Fire Al Groh, hire the chap from Wake Forest to replace him. He seems wholesome.
5.) Yes, but only with a blazer over top of the whole ensemble.
February 27th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
15
DevilGrad says:
1. My Miami RedHawks pull themselves up off the canvas after 2-10 (ouch, it hurts just typing it!) to qualify for some minimum payout bowl game. That or BCS programs actually lose schollies to this year’s batch of APR findings.
2. Nina Persson (not that I’m particularly ashamed). Some year, I’ll have to go to the Betty Ford Clinic for my inexplicable Cardigans addiction — but not yet.
3. If the NCAA is going to mandate five home games to remain in Division I-A, then it should require teams to play at least five road games in order to be bowl eligible.
4. Somehow, some way, Gary Barnett needs to end up at Marshall. The ensuing trainwreck would be alternately repulsive, compelling, and hilarious.
5. Only if you’re getting ready to put on your sneakers and tell a story about King Friday and the Land of Make Believe.
February 27th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
16
John says:
1) Hawaii goes undeated in the regular season and makes a BCS bowl.
2) Pat Summit
3) Teams are prohibited from wearing jerseys and pants of the same color except white.
4) Fired – Sylvester Croom, Hired – Paul Johnson
5) Only if you’re a Big 10 coach
February 27th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
17
NDTom says:
OK, “Annonymous”, if you’re going to be making a “Charlie Weis is fat” joke you could at least try to be funny and/or original.
lets try a little bit harder here:
Fire Charlie Weis, the real reason the Notre Dame class dropped from 20 to 18 was because he ate the missing recruits.
your post scores 0 points
February 27th, 2007 at 5:54 pm
18
Orson Swindle says:
+1, NDTom.
February 27th, 2007 at 5:57 pm
19
Ted Ginn did Everythin' says:
1. The Rainbow Warriors go BCS bowling.
2. Marilu Henner
3. Games against 1-AA schools don’t count as wins. All BCS schools must schedule at least 2 non-conference matchups against other BCS schools per year.
4. Randy Edsall fired. Jack Cochrane hired.
5. Absofuckinglutely.
February 27th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
20
the r.o.b. says:
1. Tebow runs to the right
2. Brittney Spears- post shaved head, rehab and two kids.
3. Transfer with no sitting out year in scenario of new incoming head coach for players.
4. Hired- Charlie Strong
Fired- Chan Gailey
5. Sweaters w/ ties are o.k.
Sweatervests w/ ties, only if you are also wearing short sleeves and live with your parents.
February 27th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
21
Stacy Keibler Loves Me says:
1. Prediction: Urban Meyer will cry at least ONCE after a tough loss on the road next year.
2. Who’s your shameshag? Mo’nique…Just kidding! – > Kelly Ripa
3. Fire all male cheerleaders and mascots. Replace with “hot babe dance group”. Or, add a Two Minute Timeout, like the NFLers.
4. Fire Charlie Weis and bring back Tyrone Willingham.
5. Sweaters with ties: No way. Either go the classic suit and tie route, or stick with the casual Friday’s look.
February 27th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
22
Firedog says:
1. Ole Miss wins the SEC West. Any failure to do so on the field will be made up for by Coach O going into a fugue and demolishing every team slotted ahead of them.
2. Rebecca De Mornay
3. I don’t know that I want to live in a world where a pantsless Erin Andrews doesn’t count as a valid rule change, but if I did I’d like to see a rule requiring conference championship games be held, the losers of which should never ever be brought up in any discussion about national championships, mythical or otherwise.
4. Fired: Sylvester Croom, Hired: Charlie Strong, by some lucky school needing a HC.
5. Not in this lifetime.
February 27th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
23
Sam says:
I’ve been getting all tingly at the thought of Joan Cusack ever since Say Anything. I still have the occasional nocturnal emission related to her wearing the tape-on paper dress and lacquered wig in Toys.
Now if you will pardon me, I’m going to go put on an OSU sweater and hang out at the library.
February 27th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
24
Southern Papa says:
OK my five
1. He Who Must not Be Named ( new Bama coach) shaves head to fire team up.
2. Christina Oh – can’t tell if the “O” face is real or faked
3. rules change – instead of coin toss, mascots must battle at midfield for the right to receive or defer to the second half. Could get ugly between Bevo and Ralphie. Or Colonel Rebel and Mike the Tiger.
4. Fired: Dennis Franchione Hired: Charlie Strong
5. Sweaters with ties – no. Sweater vests with ties – no. I agree with Newspaper Hack – wear a tie with a dress shirt and blazer/suit. For shirts, Brooks Brothers is ok, my preference is either Gieves & Hawkes or Elegance Tailors (Taipei); the Master Man Shop in KL is passable for blazers/suits when there isn’t a Brooks Brothers or Polo Shop around.
February 27th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
25
Stacy Keibler Loves Me says:
Brittnitwit Dept:
Southern Man (#24)
I bet that “He Who Must not Be Named ( new Bama coach)” shaves the head of everyone else on the Bama team, and University President and Provost included, and leaves his hair alone, just to show them who is the boss.
And, the Black guys who look better bald, he makes them grow an Afro with a fu-manchu mustache.
February 27th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
26
MCab says:
1. The Pac 10 now comes with delicious parity!
2. Kathy Mattea
3. 2 point conversions mandatory THROUGHOUT OT.
4. Fired: Al Groh. Hired: A small marsupial.
5. Sweaters w/ ties: As long as they are FUBU, ECKO, or Sean Paul. As for the sweaters . . .
February 27th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
27
John says:
GIMME A FUCKIN’ SIREN!!!!
February 27th, 2007 at 8:10 pm
28
Dan says:
O/U on Illinois should be 4, not sure what the Vegas line is right now, but I’ll be surprised if they reach 5.
February 27th, 2007 at 8:38 pm
29
Stacy Keibler Loves Me says:
1st Critique of the Night on EDSBS Train Wreck of a Radio Show:
Heard the first 40 or so minutes of the show and here are my two cents of the show:
1) Callers sound worse than they write. (Did not think that was possible.)
2) Commercial for foot powder sponsor was funny
3) Most interesting idea: Getting rid of the 2 point idea
4) Brian from the Michigan Blog: He brought some life to the show. Amazed he used restraint when the ND fiasco of a game was brought up.
5) Orson was too polite with the callers. Where was TCOAN to add some bite to the show?
6) The show could use some sound effects, such as playing the school fight song prior to the guest or caller if the show gets fancy. (I am using “fancy” in the non-gay way.)
Conclusion: The initial show was a total TRAIN WRECK, and when will it be on again so I do not miss it???????
February 27th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
30
RaginCajunRebel says:
That was fun. Thanks guys, good times all around.
February 27th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
31
Harris says:
1) ND stomps USC, finishes in the top 5, Jimmy Clausen is a Heisman finalist
2) Monica Lewinsky and I ain’t ’shamed
3) Replace coin toss with the XFL’s race for the ball
4) Fire Nick Saban just for shits and giggles, hire Mike Price because no man should lose his job for doing something stupid involving a woman
5) Sweaters with ties are perfectly acceptable assuming you’re wearing a shirt. Heck, I wore a sweater with a tie (and shirt) today and I looked damn good.
February 27th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
32
Andy says:
Looks like you guys got cut off at the end. Maybe start your last caller at 10 minutes to go and finish at around 5. I think you got jobbed by 1 minute though. But even then, probably thank sponsors and listeners at 5 minutes, get through messages about the next show. Then play the Lee Corso song to wrap it up. Make it your ending song. Kind of like Kevin and Bean on KROQ in los angeles sing the song, Don’t Boggart that joint my friend. A good radio program ends with a little tune, might as well make it your original tune.
February 27th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
33
SeaTrojan says:
RajinCajunRebel,
You need your own 5 minute “RCR Report” at the end of each show ala Andy Rooney. Nice one.
Johnny Sockers? Foot Powder commercial maker,
Please send some new cochlea for the inner ears that you just destroyed. Thanks.
February 27th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
34
Peter Pumpkinhead says:
#20 – question 1… dude that’s not the deepest recesses of your ass, that’s just dropping a dingleberry
as for question 5, teh new hottness is wearing a blue shirt with tie under a russell athletic oxford hoody
February 27th, 2007 at 9:18 pm
35
aerobab says:
Great job on the show, to all those who participated. Particularly OS and PB!
1. Les Miles loses to “Fuckin’ Alabama”.
2. Mariah Carey.
3. D-I members should exclusively play D-I opponents. There are enough cupcakes in D-I to go around with no need to dip into lower divisions…and the needed prohibition of Erin Andrew’s pants.
4. Hire Lee “The Baby Arm” Corso. Fire Pete “The Humanitarian” Carroll.
5. Sweaters with ties are cool…if it’s 1985! Not only a no, but a HELL EFFIN’ NO!
February 27th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
36
DC Trojan says:
1. Stanford wins 2 games.
2. Li’l Kim
3. Failed challenges result in Jumbotron replay of Pete Carroll’s message of hope to Mike Bellotti.
4. Fired: Charlie Weiss. Hired: Gary Barnett. Result: smouldering ruin of football stadium, weeping touchdown Jesus draws hundreds of thousands.
5. Sweaters with ties remind me of my grandfather — that and a tweed jacket was his daily uniform. Old-school smart, cheaper than central heating, but not strictly cool.
February 27th, 2007 at 10:41 pm
37
Zook Line and Sinker says:
1. PJ Hill wins Heisman
2. Rachel Ray
3. No place with a suitable tailgate starts their game before 3 local time. It can be difficult to get properly lubed for a noon game.
4. Fire: Chan Gailey Hire: Jackie Sherrill
5. Michael Jackson used to wear lots of sweaters and ties, so no.
February 27th, 2007 at 10:52 pm
38
Matt says:
1. South Florida will win 11 games this year, beating Auburn and only losing to WVU.
2. Diana Taurasi
3. Create a 64 team playoff where the final 4 is played during the NCAA basketball tournament just to remind basketball who their daddy is.
4. Fire: Greg Robinson Hire: Jimbo Fisher
5. Yes, only if it is a sweater vest and the shirt underneath is sleeveless…git ‘r dun
February 27th, 2007 at 11:41 pm
39
Mark says:
Aiiiiiiiyy, can’t get the podcast to load correctly in iTunes. Anyone else have any success with that?
February 27th, 2007 at 11:50 pm
40
Jay says:
Sorry I missed the show — I was at the theatre for some Pinter.
Is it archived? How do I listen?
February 28th, 2007 at 12:44 am
41
Sam says:
1) At least one member of the Duke football squad will get bare-ass naked on the field. Probably in protest of something or other, but possibly because the lacrosse team lost one of their Rohypnol-laced water bottles. (What, too soon?)
2) Joan Cusack, see above
3) NFL catch rules. 2 feet in, but the DB can’t push you out of bounds.
4) Fire Bobby Bowden, give his job to Steve Mariucci
5) Nay, I say. Never shall it be!
February 28th, 2007 at 12:47 am
42
JLTZ says:
Orson has a wuss voice.
February 28th, 2007 at 3:03 am
43
Dave says:
1. Nick Saban will go undefeated for his entire career at alabama
2. Tommy Tuberville for his support of the now defunkt gameclock rule
3. CBS having its own version of Gameday in the SEC
4. Fire Charlie Weiss, Hire Mike Price
5. Nay
February 28th, 2007 at 3:59 am
44
RaginCajunRebel says:
SeaTrojan–thanks.
Also– THREADJACK–Jen Sterger starts working at Sports Illustrated, which suddenly has a Hep C threat. Coincidence? You decide. (And yes, I know I said I’d hit it, and I still would. The shit I got would eat Hep C for lunch.)
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/more/02/27/puck.hepatitis/index.html
February 28th, 2007 at 9:21 am
45
Aerobab says:
I feel dirty reporting this, but it’s definately Duke’s entry into the Fulmer Cup.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/football/ncaa/02/27/bc.fbc.duke.playercharg.ap/index.html
Pray that this young man can deal with the lasting effects of horrible judgement and taking another man’s life.
February 28th, 2007 at 10:07 am
46
Johnny says:
Nice job last night O and PB. Very entertaining! I’m inclined to agree with Kyle on the tie/sweater combo. Just not a good look in my opinion. Give yourself another siren!
February 28th, 2007 at 10:25 am
47
Because They Can says:
Late to the party, but:
1. Tubberville’s ears shrink, and nobody notices.
2. Mary Steenbergen.
3. All conferences go to 10 teams with a PAC style round robin.
4. Fire: Dave Wannstadt, Hire: Al Borges
5. No, unless you are studly enough to pull off a cardigan with a bow tie and still make women sigh…which I rather doubt.
P.S. There’s absolutely no shame in bagging Kelly Rippa.
February 28th, 2007 at 10:48 am
48
Stacy Keibler Loves Me says:
Bagging Kelly:
No. 47, I guess you never saw her TV Sitcom show. Pretty, but, man is she annoying. She seems like the type of woman that would make fun of your junk in mid-stream, if you know what I mean.
February 28th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
49
DirkDawggler says:
1. Tim Tebow wins the Nobel Peace Prize in Science for synthesizing petroleum from human waste, thus making the Middle East irrelevant and ending the global energy crisis forever…All during halftime of the Georgia-Florida game.
2. Samantha Brown from the Travel Channel. Sassy.
3. A 5th down for good behavior.
4. Fire: George O’Leary Hire: 50 Cent
5. Sweaters? Depends. Really…If you wear Depends, then you can wear that combination, you old fart.
February 28th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
50
Because They Can says:
O.K., #49 is the appropriate ender for the sweater question. No topping that one.
As for Kelly being annoying, I’ll have to take your word for it, as I’ve never seen that show. But I think that’s why they came out with the I-Pod, isn’t it?
February 28th, 2007 at 5:38 pm