Blogtoberfest: Much like the movie Babel, though sadly without deaf naked Japanese ladies. Random tourist killings? Being a Florida blog, you’re damn right we’ve got those.

Bound for Tallahassee from birth. No program has put the announcers of this earth through more hell than the Florida State Seminoles, fielding the Craphonsos and De’Cody Faggs of the universe without even offering the saving grace of a quality nickname.

Another recruit who, despite the possible ebbs and flows of recruiting over the next year, is destined to wear garnet and gold:

Yourhighness Morgan. Outside linebacker, Bushnell (FL) South Sumter


Yourhighness? The only queen we worship never put on pads. Well, maybe kneepads.

Steven Dubner of Freakonomics fame unearthed it back in August, of course. But we’ll take this opportunity to say that if Yourhighness does not play for the Florida State Seminoles, then nail your furniture to the wall, because gravity’s going sideways most fastly.

BONUS! He has a brother named Handsome, but does not in fact have siblings named Frito, President Camacho, or Beef Supreme.

Wanted: short, scatter-armed qb with bad tats. Georgia Tech’s Jonathan Garner has announced his intention to transfer, clearing the way for Taylor Bennett to claim the number one slot on the qb depth chart for the Yellow Jackets. Gailey, when reached for comment, said that he was:

“…sad to see him go, but it’ll work out. We’re still looking for a scatter-armed, converted third-string running back no taller than 5′ 9″ to really make this offense work, though. Then we’ll dump Taylor and let this pony run like it should.”

His pancakes are immaculate, too. Calvin Johnson, in addition to being a legendarily nice guy, water sanitation engineer for impoverished Peruvian villages, and the most underserved wide receiver in the nation, added another line to his resume this week: 4.35 in the 40 at the combine. Johnson ran the 40 against the advice of his agent, Jeremy Sanshuevos.

The quote from the AJC on Sunday: “He’s been working out like he’s going to be Mr. Irrelevant.”


Calvin Johnson: Like Randy Moss, but faster and undumb.

Bathrooms are a privilege no more in Texas. The Cotton Bowl will follow the Cowboys to their new home in Arlington, according to ESPN.com. This means that both the reasonable complaints (like, three bathrooms in the whole stadium) and the unreasonable (the “too-narrow” seating at the Cotton Bowl–lay off the Funyuns, supersize) will all be made irrelevant as the last remaining attraction vacates the Legion Field of the Lone Star State. When reached for comment, the Cotton Bowl said “Creak, drip, crumble.”

Michigan’s wide receivers just bought you an ice cream cake. WHAT! Ice Cream cake, y’all. Though he’s busy preparing for his second professional fight, Tom Zbikowski–and yes, we just realized this–is indeed returning next year to play out his string with Notre Dame in the defensive secondary.


Zbikowski, seen here against LSU, Ohio State, USC, or Michigan.

Alley Broussard, in his seventeenth year of eligibility. Alley Broussard, despite playing more seasons of college football than Hayden Fox ever coached, is still devouring goodwill at LSU. He’s in Les Miles doghouse for “team rules violations,” which means one of three things:

1. Skipped class.
2. Smoked weed and tested positive.
3. Tackled, upended, and then devoured a Geo Metro whole after a raucous off-campus party.

Money’s on #3 here.

Pete Carroll is scarily focused, chapter 346. Conquest Chronicles has further evidence that Pete Carroll is the Genghis Khan of recruiting, minus the horsestink and thousands-large harem.

Reggie Nelson Mancrush Update. Our favorite safety ever to play at Florida is keeping busy with preparations for the combine. Mohammed Massaquoi just dove to the ground after reading Nelson’s name. We’re sorry if it caused him any trauma.