After a sluggish start, the Fulmer Cup gains steam nationwide. Our West Coast entry comes courtesy of the University of Washington Huskies’ running back Michael Houston, who found the act of driving an automobile so stressful, he was forced to consume some relaxing alcohol prior to travel. He also neglected to ask permission to take the vehicle, which is somehow not stealing at all. (Lawyers! explain, please.)


Scotch: driving’s best friend.

Stick around for the kicker tag at the end of this graf:

Huskies running back Michael Houston has been formally charged with “taking a motor vehicle without permission in the second degree” and driving while intoxicated. He will be arraigned Monday in King County Superior Court where he will likely enter a plea of not guilty. If convicted, he could face up to two months in jail.

Last October, Houston was suspended from the team after being arrested for allegedly stealing a taxi cab after a night at a strip club.

If we had a puppy for every time we’d stolen a cab after a long night at the strip club, we’d be completely puppy-less. We know that strange predilections surface when people get trashed. In fact, we’ve known people who like to steal hats, other people’s pants, and fight with shrubbery when drunk.

Taxi cabs, though, represent a new low in unbrained drunken behavior. First, they’re bright yellow, and impossible to hide. Second, they have ID numbers written all over them. Third, they smell odd under the best of circumstances. And fourth, they usually come with a driver attempting to pay his/her rent using it, a person who will probably be very reluctant to give the cab up without a fight.

Total points: Two for the moment. We reserve the right to upgrade if tales of shennanigans surface.

Ty Willingham has suspended Houston pending the “outcome of the legal process.” He would also like you to know that he just birdied number 5 at Washington National, and that his short game has really tightened up over the winter.


Molder of men! Tamer of tenacious roughs!